Different Tales, Different Lessons
by nievelion
Summary: Exactly What It Says On The Tin—short stories about the characters and world of "A Different Lesson". Limited series to fill in some blanks and extend and deepen other arcs.
1. Marriage, That Blessed Arrangement

Sunlight streamed in in lazy beams from the eastern windows, which had been thrown open wide to allow as much light and air as possible into the homey, high-beamed kitchen of the Jade Palace. They brought with them the scent of cherry blossoms and lemons on the breeze, the sounds of chirping birds and rippling water, and a very welcome warmth after the long winter which had shrouded the mountain for so long—all the indications of the same spring which had heralded the departure of Crane, Mei Ling, and Wu Jia from the valley a month ago.

They washed across the ancient, scarred wooden table which held so many memories. Chortles and giggles from a fat-cheeked, big-eyed, fluffy-tailed, eager-to-please kitten who quite happily and heedlessly flailed about, accidentally sending his bowl flying to land spinning, unerringly, upside-down atop a bemused Oogway's head. Many an evening enduring the terrible, appalling, vile insults and raunchy language of a certain canine cook in order to obtain access to the best meals he had ever tasted in his life, though it had been like having teeth pulled to admit that.

Discovering Po in the act of what had to be, in retrospect, the funniest and most scarily accurate imitation of Shifu he'd ever seen, to the delight of (most of) the Furious Five—who had never been encouraged to relax, laugh, or enjoy themselves at any point in their training…a mistake the severity of which he was only now beginning to understand. Feasts and festivals, ghost stories swapped on shadowy nights, old students long gone whose faces would never fade from his mind.

And more recently, the scandalous discovery of Tai Lung and Tigress, ah, "swapping spit and playing tonsil hockey" as his daughter herself and Mantis put it, respectively, right on top of that table. (He'd made them _both _scrub it down with lye and soapstone from morning till night after that, just to ensure any possible contamination—of the eating surface _or_ his mind—was well removed, before he let them make good their escape.)

As well as the much less disturbing but equally unexpected time he'd awoken in the middle of the night to a horrendous clatter, only to discover when he ran pell-mell to the kitchen the Dragon Warrior and his adopted son sitting on the floor—the panda wearing a cooking pot like a new type of Imperial hat, the noodles that had been inside adorning his shoulders and ears like a wig to complete the look, the ghostly-looking snow leopard covered from ears to waist in flour spilling from a broken bag. Both of them laughing until they cried. (He'd decided getting caught in the act was punishment enough for Tai Lung, judging by his mortified flush.)

Now the sunlight was also spilling across the red panda's own bewhiskered face as he sat, stiff and rigid as a tree trunk, on one stool, hands tucked into his sleeves while he fixed his unwavering gaze on the eyes of the snow leopard seated across from him. Neither set of orbs shifted; both remained unblinking, intense, filled with the same fiery passion and determination. An ear twitched; a throat cleared; a disdainful sniff disturbed the silence. Then at last, the feline facing him spoke: low, soft, and sibilant.

"I never thought this day would come. It took so long, and I came so very far, to get here."

Shifu kept his face an implacable mask; now, more than ever, he could not falter, he could not display emotion, for that way lay failure and ruin. "Indeed."

The snow leopard snorted disdainfully, arms crossed. "At last, after all this time, I will finally get what I want, what I have always dreamed of."

"So it would seem." The Grand Master lifted an eyebrow. "But I trust you are well aware you don't get something for nothing. There is always a price."

"That's what we're here to decide, isn't it?" A menacing, dark edge came to the silky voice. "Much is at stake here. It will be difficult to…strike the right balance."

Shifu's smile was wintry. "Yes, well, that rather goes with the territory for me." A bit ostentatiously, he lifted his Yin-Yang pendant to jostle it at the snow leopard.

"Funny. This isn't just a spiritual matter, you know. This is about the future, about doing what's right—getting justice, and making sure there are no mistakes this time." Vindication and self-confidence were equally in evidence in that lofty tone…soon turning to a certain sly smugness. "So…where is she? Did I…scare her off?"

Now, at last, he allowed resentment and determination to show as those familiar words were thrown back at him. Leaning forward and planting his hands on the table top, the red panda glared at the spotted feline. "This is between _you_ and _me_."

Blazing eyes met blue, the former narrowed and contemptuous, the latter adamantine and proud. Hackles rose and rippled along that curved neck, making the spots seem to dance in the silvery-gray fur. "So, this is how it's going to be…?"

Oversized ears pricked, flared, and stood at attention. "This is how it _must _be," Shifu said firmly.

Both their breaths, harsh and stentorian, filled the silence. For a few moments more, their eyes and wills were locked on one another as the incongruous sound of children's laughter floated up from the village miles below. Then, without warning, a hardened, callused paw slammed down an inch shy of Shifu's own hand. "Six hundred _yuan_. That is my first, last, and final offer."

"_What?_" the panda exploded, rising to his feet so as to stand on his stool (which though he cringed to admit it really didn't add much to his height). "Are you _mad_?"

Now that paw was lifted to meticulously examine each unsheathed claw in perfect counterpoint to its owner's sharp tone. "What's the matter, Master Shifu? I thought, after all you did for him for forty years, not to mention what happened after the Dragon Warrior defeated him, you'd leap at the chance to do anything for Tai Lung."

Shifu let out a growl of his own as he spoke through gritted teeth. "For your information, Mrs. Qiao, I would indeed pay _any_ price for my…your…son. Including that of my own blood, which I very nearly did shed for him. But this is not about him, it is about my daughter! You will of course be suitably compensated, nor would I expect a woman of your means to supply a sumptuous gift—this is a formality only, for I certainly do not need the money and we are both well aware our children love each other and will be happy together." His eyes flashed beneath his brows. "But that does _not_ mean you can make such a ludicrous demand for a dowry!"

The old farmwife, Qiao Jian, blinked with exaggerated care and gave him an openly innocent look that would not have fooled even Po. "Oh really? And here I thought Master Tigress was the apple of your eye. I suppose the stories I've heard about your paternal neglect were true, hmm? Or could it be she really _isn't_ good enough for my Gang after all?" A soft _tsk_ beneath her breath accompanied drumming fingers on her arm. "That price of mine may just have to go up a few hundred…or a few thousand."

Slowly, very slowly, the implications of that statement—to his relationship with Tigress should she find out how 'little' she mattered to him and to his position in these negotiations—sank in. And then Shifu's jaw fell open…and his eye began to twitch violently.

In retrospect, it really should have been no surprise that it would come to this. One of the first things Tai Lung's mother had asked him, once the overwhelming nature of his revealing himself had sunk in, was how soon he would be married so as to provide her (more) grandchildren—and even if it hadn't been, the thought that the snow leopard would not immediately and proudly launch into a detailed description of the amazing, intense woman he had grown to love was beyond belief.

And once _that_ tidbit had been passed on, Qiao Jian had at once demanded that he delay the ceremony until such time as she could make it to the Valley of Peace to attend it…and meet Tigress for herself to determine how suitable a match she truly was.

Needless to say, Tai Lung would not have heard of his mother not being there to give her blessing to the union. And just about everyone in the Jade Palace had been eager to make the snow leopardess's acquaintance, especially Po and Tigress herself. But Shifu had been understandably wary. Even aside from the fact he privately worried he would now lose his son to the cat's real family, and was at least mildly terrified at how Jian would likely react to the full tale of her boy's fall into darkness (and the red panda's undeniably large part in it…), there was the simple fact he expected the woman to be as stubborn, determined, and focused on perfection as her son had been. Add to this her parental knowledge of the guilt trip and her feminine proclivity for using emotional appeals to get what she wanted, and…

He wasn't disappointed. While Jian had of course traveled to Hubei with her three other children in tow—two brawny sons who were the spitting image of Tai Lung and a plump, matronly daughter who looked to have been a svelte beauty in her youth—no sooner had she been greeted at the Jade Palace doors than she had immediately left them behind so as to sweep the ex-convict into her embrace. In the process, she'd also seemingly been unaware of almost trampling Shifu in her haste, nearly knocking him off the porch so that Viper'd had to catch him with a swift coil of her tattooed body.

What was worse to the red panda's mind was that she spent an inordinate amount of time greeting Po, Tigress, Viper, and even Mantis and Monkey before she finally got around to noticing he was there. Not that he begrudged the Furious Five their status, or wasn't as grateful for the Dragon Warrior's critical role in helping Tai Lung redeem himself, or agree that Jian had a right to meet her future daughter-in-law. But he _was_ the Grand Master of the Jade Palace here, not to mention the one who would be giving away his precious daughter to the snow leopard. Didn't he rate at least a bow?

Eventually the farmwife had given him precisely that (and, he had to admit grudgingly, with exactly the depth and angle he merited), as well as the proper honorific, but to his annoyance and reluctant respect he also realized she still regarded herself as his equal…and on some level, whether through her devotion to her livelihood or the sacrifice she had made for her son, he knew she was right to. That didn't make it any easier to swallow, however, especially once the details of the marriage proposal were addressed in earnest.

Because it was a foregone conclusion that Tai Lung and Tigress would wed (in fact both felines had threatened more than once to elope to Tibet and get a 'quickie' ceremony from some beatific Laughing Buddha monk if the traditional formalities were complicated or delayed any more than necessary), Shifu and Jian had swiftly come to an agreement that there would be no need for a go-between: they would negotiate the proposal themselves. Similarly, the fact that Oogway's ghost had given his seal of approval of the union seemed like unequivocal evidence that there were no omens in the heavens against this. (And since no one knew the hour and day of Tigress's birth, the marriage document couldn't be placed on the ancestral altar anyway.)

The only detail which could not be overlooked was consulting an astrologer to choose an auspicious date for the wedding—after the undeniable reality of the supernatural they'd all recently experienced, the last thing either the snow leopard or tiger wanted was to have their future (or that of their children) ruined by getting married on a day of ill fortune.

But once that had all been decided, matters had not been as simple as Shifu had hoped. For while he had quickly reassured Jian that, considering the state of her family's finances, he would waive the need for any gift to Tigress's family, the snow leopardess would not hear of it. And so had passed an almost painfully awkward hour or so during which the farmwife had presented him with one gift, token, and foodstuff after another that she had brought with her from Qinghai.

If it wasn't dumplings in cashew sauce, sweetmeats and sugar, or a wide variety of the local mushrooms, it was strong wool gloves and sturdy trousers, honey culled from her own bees, and plenty of pouches and packages of _rang pi _and _san zi_. Of course the Dragon and Phoenix bridal cakes were prominently present, and Jian had also brought a number of different teas ranging from green and apple to the highly appropriate peach blossom.

Promising to distribute the cakes to Po and the rest of the Five, Mr. Ping, and anyone else in the village who could be considered friends of the family (and privately glad he didn't have to endure the ridiculousness of being given congratulatory gifts by his own students—whatever gag gift Mantis or Monkey would have come up with made him cringe inwardly), Shifu at last breathed a sigh of relief.

But then, after Po had cooked on Shifu's behalf to make the reciprocative meal, had come their current dispute over the dowry.

"Yes, yes, of course," the red panda snapped irritably as he looked up from the scroll on which Jian had made her itemized list. "Food and other comestibles are an expected and traditional portion of the package. But a hundred bags of millet and corn each? _Five_ hundred bags of rice? I am well aware of Tai Lung's incomparable appetite but just whom do you think will be fed here, a whole army?"

Jian shrugged noncommittally. "It's just not just him, it's also for me. As his only living parent—and one of advanced age, I might add—I am entitled to a significant portion of this dowry, particularly since he won't even be leaving the Valley or this very mountain, so half of this won't even be useful to him. But it is tradition…and for my farm, it is practical." She eyed him significantly. "In Qinghai, we can only grow wheat and certain hardy fruit trees. We will need plenty of stores if we are to survive the harsh winters there, and I'd rather not have to purchase them from my son-in-law when the yield is scarce."

"You've done just fine by yourself out there for decades," he retorted. "I hardly think you've lost the ability to get by just because you're about to gain another daughter and have back a son who won't even be living with you. Fifty bags of each should be sufficient."

The farmwife narrowed her eyes. "Are you implying, after all my years of hard labor, that I'm going to start being lazy this late in life? Besides, after slaving away for so long to make ends meet, I rather think it's only fair I get the chance to rest, relax, and enjoy my twilight years without fearing where the next meal will come from. Isn't that supposed to be the gods' reward to us? I've _more_ than earned this chance, and do you really think Gang will wish me to suffer destitute? Four hundred bags of rice."

Shifu glared, not appreciating the 'tired old mother' guilt trip at all. "Kindly do not put words in my mouth, madam. I was, in fact, complimenting your tenacity and determination, something you and my son share in common. Seventy-five bags of corn and millet, a hundred and fifty rice."

"Why not, it's big enough for them," Jian muttered. Before he could do more than bristle fiercely, the snow leopardess sighed. "Thank you…but I am only asking my fair share and due. And in all honesty, my boys and I really do need this food. I know you will understand. One hundred, and three hundred."

It was the imploring look that did it—that and his memories of his long-ago days as a rice farmer's son. He knew what it felt like to go hungry when there was a poor crop. He knew what it was like to starve when your growing body needed nutrition…the elderly needed it just as much. And the Valley had so much to spare…

Closing his eyes and clasping his paws on the table, he finally nodded. "All right. One hundred and three hundred it is."

Glancing back to the list so as to avoid seeing her bright, moist eyes, Shifu continued scanning and ticking off items. "Chopsticks for a fast son, of course…dragon eyes and lotus seeds, good, good…warming bricks and a chamber pot, naturally…" He paused and shot her a skeptical look. "A _gold_ chamber pot? Clay and stone aren't good enough for you, hmm?"

Jian smirked. "You'd put something that fragile in a house with two kung fu warriors and plenty of rambunctious future grandchildren?"

"Point." He marked a few notations on the parchment. "Shrimp and carp, eggs…plums, mangoes, and apricots…" Shifu raised an eyebrow. "A silk painting kit? That is a very elegant gift, Mrs. Qiao, but I didn't realize your talents ran in that direction."

The snow leopardess chuckled softly. "Not for me…for Master Tigress. Someone will have to see to the decorating of their new home, and I certainly can't see my Gang doing that, can you?" She shrugged. "Besides, I hear it is quite relaxing."

Shifu quirked the corner of his mouth. He couldn't deny his daughter had much need of soothing, genteel pastimes; the question was how to broach the subject to her, let alone persuade her to apply herself to them, without getting his head bitten off. Tigress had changed much since Po was chosen as the Dragon Warrior and she admitted her love for Tai Lung, but not _that _much. _And she'll need instruction if she's to pull off that sort of artistry. I shall have to tap Crane, or Mei Ling, when they return to the Valley… _

Once more he consulted the list. "Broccoli, chives, bamboo shoots, leeks, mung beans…all quite fair and essential. Salt—for preservation I presume, not as a luxury…yes, out there in the hinterlands it would be much harder to keep food from spoiling while you stretched it out over the winter months…" Choosing not to observe just how dear salt was, other than to wince briefly at the expense, he continued on. "Ginseng and rhinoceros horn for medicine…" _Well at least she didn't ask for turtle plastron, that would have been far too disrespectful. _"Iron, farming tools, Dragon and Phoenix bedding, Li Shi strings, a tea set…"

He paused yet again, then set the scroll down and posted both fists on his hips. "Gold, silver, turquoise, and jade. _Jade_. Tigress wears very little jewelry, so I presume this is for you?"

Jian crossed her arms and eyed him pointedly. "It's not like you don't have plenty to spare around these parts. At this point I think the Emperor would give you anything you wanted as a reward. Jade enhances beauty…and after a life of hard work, I happen to believe I deserve a few perks to make things lovelier."

Shifu grunted. "Which would explain the silk too, I imagine." He stabbed a finger down at the scroll. "But _ten_ yards of it? Why in the name of the Jade Emperor would you need so much?"

The snow leopardess looked innocent, but he wasn't buying that for a second. "My daughter and I need dresses, of course."

"For what?" The Grand Master was genuinely mystified.

"Festivals, naturally," Jian said coolly, as if it were the most sensible thing in the world. "We have a very large number of them in Qinghai, you know. So many more than here in the Valley. We have to be prepared."

He slammed his fists down on the table and lurched to his feet atop his chair—which again, sadly, didn't really elevate him as much as he might wish. "Oh, for the love of—festivals? With as much silk as _you're_ requesting, you could fit an entire Russian circus in there!"

The farmwife gave him a cold glare, and Shifu felt his heart sink into his feet. "It is _not_ polite to discuss a lady's weight." He stared at her for a few moments…and then groaned, burying his face in his hands and flopping forward onto the table.

After a few moments, he finally forced himself to sit up again and gaze at her sullenly. "And just how do you expect to cover the expenses for this—and everything else you've asked for?"

Jian clasped her paws atop the table and regarded him candidly. "I believe fifteen thousand _yuan_ should be enough."

"Fifteen _thousand_? Are you trying to bankrupt me?"

She blinked briefly. "I thought the Jade Palace's coffers were quite extensive. Was I mistaken?"

"No, they are quite ample. But…"

"Then what is the problem?" she inquired solicitously.

Shifu felt his eye begin to twitch yet again, more violently and wildly than it ever had in his life. "That…that is the most expensive, extravagant, and downright gouging offer I have ever heard! It would be the largest dowry ever asked for in this dynasty—perhaps any dynasty."

The snow leopardess's grin became smug. "Sounds perfect to me, then."

"You can't _possibly_ expect me to pay that," he snapped harshly.

"Why not? As you pointed out, our children will be living here. It's not as if all these items, or the money, will even be leaving the palace at all. Most of it, anyway."

He glowered. "That is _not_ the point! It…it is the principle of the thing…" His voice trailed off weakly as Jian met him, glare for glare, and even he realized how ridiculous and parsimonious his objections sounded.

For a very long moment he stared at her, their wills meeting and struggling, and his giving ground slowly but surely, while his eye continued to twitch and his paws clenched and unclenched on the scroll. At last he was the one to sigh, turn away, and lower his gaze. "Fine," he said, softly but still through gritted teeth. "Have it your way. Fifteen thousand it is, and you can have all the things on your list."

Jian smiled beatifically. "I knew you'd see things my way, Shifu." Magnanimously, she extended her aged paw across the table for him to shake.

As he accepted it to seal the deal, privately amazed at the strength it still possessed, the red panda smiled ruefully at knowing he'd been outwitted by a very astute and clever opponent, like none he'd ever faced before even in a kung fu arena. "You drive a _very_ hard bargain, madam."

A twinkle of merriment and cockiness entered her blue eyes, but then her gaze softened along with her voice. "Of course. Nothing but the best for my son."

Shifu lifted his head again, locking his blue eyes on her from beneath his bushy brows. "That is something we can _both_ agree on."

"Don't you mean something we _all_ can agree on?" The sudden voice from the kitchen doorway made Shifu whirl about, clapping a paw to his chest—and there, as he'd expected, stood Tai Lung, leaning casually against the doorframe, one arm crossed casually over his broad chest while the other encircled Tigress's shoulders, nestling her comfortably and protectively against his body. He wondered how long they'd been standing there, listening in…but from the very amused, mocking grins both cats wore, he suspected it was for far longer than he would have wished.

Finally finding his voice, the Grand Master retorted tartly, "I thought you'd finally seen the light when it came to your own importance in the scheme of things, my son. Are you telling me you _still_ have not learned that lesson?"

The snow leopard tsked and flicked one ear, examining his claws as if for some invisible speck of dirt caught among them. "What did Oogway always say—'All of life is a lesson, and we are always both students and teachers'? Just add it to my account, I know I'll be studying that lesson for the rest of my life."

He paused, then grinned, winking. "But no, that's not what I meant. This dowry isn't just a tradition…it shows just how important both Tigress and I are to you, Father. Are you going to sit there and tell me, after all that's happened, that you're not going to give us everything we want, with interest?"

Shifu narrowed his eyes—despite the very astute point that after spoiling Tai Lung and pumping up his pride and sense of entitlement to ridiculous proportions, and neglecting and rejecting Tigress as a means of overcompensating, he owed his children far more than he could ever repay, somehow he didn't think lavishing gifts upon them was exactly the way to make amends. But by the same token…they _were_ the most important things in his life now, as they always should have been, and it was about time he showed it.

"No," he grumbled at last. "You're quite right…the two of you are both worth more to me than all the riches in the palace."

"Good answer," Tigress purred archly as she grinned up at her fiance. "You may live."

Shifu groaned. "You're enjoying this far too much, you know."

"Immensely."

"No matter what happened in the past, I did _not_ do anything to deserve _this_," the red panda snapped.

Tai Lung yawned, then snickered. "Matter of opinion there, old man. I happen to see this as some _very_ long-delayed karma catching up with you at last."

The Grand Master slumped lower in his chair in defeat. "I know where you sleep."

"So? Doesn't mean you can sneak up on me any better than you could when I was growing up."

Jian chuckled. "Very good, Gang. That's telling him."

Shifu glared at her, then buried his face in his paws again. "I wish I were dead. I should be dead. You should have _let_ me die." He looked up accusingly at Tigress and Tai Lung. "This is why you really wouldn't allow it, isn't it? So you could have your last chance to get a nice, twisted bit of revenge on me?"

Tigress only smiled evilly at him, an expression which perfectly matched the one on Tai Lung…and, disturbingly, on Qiao Jian's face as well. Once more, Shifu fell forward on the table as feline laughter echoed and filled the kitchen. _It's true what I have always heard: cats are mean. _

* * *

Elbows propped on the windowsill beside the vase of orchids…which naturally enough reminded her of one given to her almost a year ago, by the very man who was making all this ceremony and preparation necessary…Tigress let out a huge sigh of frustration, impatience, and annoyance and turned away to stare about the room.

It wasn't that the view out the window was uninteresting, depressing, or dull; far from it! From where she sat, in fact, the striped feline could see from the edge of the village, over the moon bridges and the winding, silvery surface of the river, all the way across the Valley to the mountains which rose in sharp crags to the east. Laid out before her she could see farm fields, verdant forests, the vast garden-like park which rose onto the peaks' slopes, and above it all, the churning cascade which poured down in endless majesty, always shining day or night as it sent its misty spray high above the landscape. It was a breathtaking sight, to say the least.

But even the most wondrous of natural beauty could seem old and stale if it was all you had to look at, and had been doing so for the last several hours. And while she had learned to become more easygoing, forgiving, and open-minded since Po's coming to the Jade Palace, and having such a great and amazing love in her life also did much to mellow her, Tigress was not and would never be a very patient woman.

It didn't help that she felt the particular reason for her being sequestered away here was patently ridiculous, not to mention pointless and misogynistic. 'Here' being one of the most well-appointed chambers in the priciest inn in town, paid for naturally enough by Master Shifu. Despite his protests at the enormous dent made in the palace coffers by her dowry, the red panda had been most insistent on this point.

In the two months since he and Qiao Jian had reached their agreement, a whirlwind of activity had flown about the Jade Mountain and the village at its base—the erection of the wedding pavilion, the procuring and fashioning of gifts, the gathering of guests and food alike for the feast, and the obtaining of all the auspicious and symbolic items which would be needed for the ceremony. Word had been sent to Crane, Mei Ling, and Wu Jia so that the traveling masters could return in time for the wedding, while Monkey and Tai Lung had set at once to building the bridal bed. Po began planning the feast with a fanatic gleam in his eyes, an eager chortle, and briskly rubbed paws which, even as it endeared him to her all the more, made her wonder just how extravagant he intended to get.

And with surprisingly little coaxing from Tai Lung, Shen Xiulan had been persuaded to sew the wedding gown for Tigress as well as her entourage—at a discount price, of course. Despite the fact she knew this had to be meant as some small measure of apology for the way the cow woman had treated her in the past, the leader of the Furious Five was actually rather grateful that the seamstress had not attempted to waive the fee entirely, something which would have embarrassed them both.

However, that left only one final tradition to uphold on her end, the one which had resulted in her enforced stay here: that of the cockloft.

Since the felines, as yet, did not have a house of their own, and there was no such chamber even in the upper floors of the Jade Palace (it had, after all, been intended more for veneration, training, and the deposition of knowledge than for living in), the only choice was for Tigress to be housed somewhere in the village.

Even if that were not the case, Shifu would have demanded it for the simple reason he wished as much distance between her and the snow leopard as possible; while he wanted grandchildren, there would be plenty of time for that on the nuptial night, and he did not wish the auspices disturbed by his son's impatience to have yet another evening romp with his beloved. Besides, surely he could restrain himself for one night?

It wasn't that she had become a sex maniac, Tigress thought defensively as she stared gloomily around the admittedly sumptuous room with its braziers of incense, brightly-woven tapestries, ivory and teak silkscreen partitions for privacy, and lusciously soft bed complete with comforter and silk sheets. She simply hated being away from Tai Lung longer than necessary…and, she had to admit, even more galling was her inability to engage in any of her usual activities, especially training in the kwoon.

As if that wasn't bad enough, she'd now be forced to spend the night indulging in gossip, cooking, weaving, and other feminine pursuits! Even the presence of her dear friend Viper wouldn't mitigate it that much, since she'd be certain to try coercing her feline friend into indulging in makeup, flowers, and ribbons. Besides, she hadn't even arrived yet with their dinner, another reason for Tigress's annoyance and boredom…and if she was delayed because she was bringing along whom the feline thought…

With impeccable timing, there suddenly came a soft but brisk knock at the inn room door. Practically leaping out of her pelt, so on edge was she and eager to find a means to relieve her anxiety and boredom, Tigress rushed at once to unlock and open the door. She was already talking as she did so. "_There_ you are! It's about time, what kept you—?"

Viper slithered at once inside, with a rather odd, furtive look behind her as if she were expecting to be followed. She was carrying a small, white, trapezoidal hamper by a wooden handle, dangling from her mouth and wafting off the most delectable aromas the feline had ever smelled—though she allowed her ravenous appetite and empty stomach might be affecting her judgment. "You wouldn't _believe_ the line at Ping's, you'd think everyone would be saving up for the wedding feast tomorrow, but no!"

But Tigress had tuned her out, as well as the steaming food, because of what she had caught sight of behind her in the hallway—smiling (albeit a bit uncertainly), bearing her own dinner hampers as well as a basket containing, she supposed, whatever supplies and items Viper had deemed necessary for this 'sleepover', and looking a little travel-worn but otherwise as energetic and pleasant as ever, was Mei Ling.

Swiftly Tigress wiped the suspicion, distrust, and resentment from her face, immediately concealing it behind a mask of calm gentility. It wasn't that she disliked the mountain cat; any lingering animosity dating from when she had proven Tai Lung innocent of the attack on Po was by now long gone in favor of admiration and appreciation of Mei Ling's skills and knowledge. And everything the Li Dai graduate had done to help defend the Valley, stop the Wu Sisters, and protect Tai Lung had more than marked her as a heroine, ally, and fantastic warrior in the striped feline's book.

No, the real problem was that even now, almost a year after Mei Ling's flirtatious and inappropriate interactions with the snow leopard, Tigress was not altogether certain she could trust the mountain cat around her husband-to-be. She knew what Tai Lung had told her on the ledge below the palace, which Mei had later confirmed with some rightfully ashamed embarrassment, and what Crane had also attested to after a great deal of hemming, hawing, and flushing.

And she knew ever since Tai Lung's trial that the mountain cat had had her eyes set on the waterfowl, that their departure from the Valley was not only an exciting and enthusiastic way to add to their legends as brave kung fu warriors…but also a rather obvious and brazen disguise for a clandestine honeymoon.

Yet somehow she couldn't shake the feeling that Mei Ling might still have designs on her fellow master of the thousand scrolls. Loyal and honorable she might be, but the fair-weather way she'd flitted about China had to make Tigress wonder about her faithfulness. Not to mention the mischievous bent she shared with her half-sister Jia. She knew, objectively, that the mountain cat wanted to be with Crane and would never truly try to come between her and Tai Lung…but her heart was anything but objective. And now here she was, back in the Valley.

After several long, awkward moments of staring at each other in the silent room, Mei Ling quickly broke the tableau by turning to close and re-bolt the door behind her. Then, with a brightly cheerful smile, the mountain cat crossed over, unreservedly gave Tigress a hug despite her stiff posture, and sat down at the room's small table to begin unpacking the food. "It's good to see you again, Master Tigress. And as you can see, I've got a nice peace offering for you." She opened one of the white hampers, closing her eyes and smiling appreciatively at the fragrant steam wafting from within. "Mmm, and it's just as warm as when Ping first cooked it!"

Tigress shot Mei Ling a somewhat guilty and bemused look—she would make some comment about her feelings being that obvious, if she didn't know they really were and that Mei was hardly unintelligent or lacking in insight—and came to the table as well. "Since you must have picked that up several hours ago, that's rather impressive. Whose idea was that?"

"Ping's," Viper supplied as she slithered up to the last seat and began assisting Mei in removing dishware and cutlery from one of the other baskets they'd brought, then laying out the food. "I don't know how he came up with it, but these little boxes retain all the heat and keep the food ready for hours. So if his customers can't wait or the restaurant is too full, they can take their dinner home without losing any of the quality." The serpent smiled as she dexterously unwrapped the chopsticks. "Ping says it'll keep and keep. He's calling it 'take-out'."

The striped feline smirked and snorted. "It'll never catch on." Nevertheless, she was the first to dig in to the delicious meal.

For the next twenty minutes or so, no one said a word while they consumed their dinner—though Tigress supposed at least part of the others' silence was because they were so stunned by how fiercely and voraciously she was eating. Cheeks bulging with fist-sized dumplings, she chewed and swallowed as fast as she possibly could without choking, not only to fill her belly but to make room for more! Only when she had consumed over half her shrimp and won ton soup, and had moved on to her rice and noodles, did she slow down…and even then she still might have kept going if not for Viper's diffident cough and an incredulous squeak from Mei Ling's direction.

Looking up with a very defensive glare, she snapped, "What're you looking at? I'm hungry!"

"We can see that," the serpent noted, clearly trying very hard not to smirk.

The mountain cat didn't even bother hiding it, instead openly giggling. "Er…you've got something on your chin…"

Tigress crossed her eyes and peered downward; to her exasperation and resentment, she spied several noodles dangling from her lips and dripping soy sauce. Hurriedly she sliced them off with her claws, letting them fall back onto her plate. _Gah! I am __**never**__ going to live that one down, am I? At least I didn't look like Shifu that time though… _

Swallowing the last mouthful, the striped feline continued eating at a much slower, more controlled pace. "So…how is everything? What's been going on while I've been held a prisoner here?" She quirked the corner of her mouth, even though she was only half-joking.

Viper blinked. "Oh come _on_, Tigress. I know what a workaholic you are, but it's only been _one day_."

She set down her chopsticks and folded her arms, regarding her old friend with a critical eye. "You've known me how many years now, and you can actually say that with a straight face?"

The serpent paused, then lidded her eyes. "Damn. You got me on that one."

Mei Ling looked a little confused. "I don't get it. You were cooped up _much_ longer than this, that month and a half when you were recovering from what Xiu did to you."

Tigress couldn't help inwardly bristling at the memory, and her whiskers twitched as well. "That was different. I may not have liked it, but I knew I had to stay still and rest if I wanted to heal, and that was a very good reason to do so. This time it's just because of some ridiculous old tradition."

Turning to appeal to Viper, she added, a bit desperately, "I mean, surely I could sneak into the back gardens of the inn, go through the forms, get a little sparring in…"

But the serpent was already shaking her head, even if her expression was sympathetic. "Afraid not, even that's prohibited."

Tigress couldn't hold back her soft growl as her claws flexed on the table edge. "Screw the rules."

Viper smiled slightly. "Now why doesn't that surprise me…but, Tigress, this is for Tai Lung too. Don't you want to do everything right, for his sake?"

It was on the tip of her tongue to declare that the snow leopard cared no more for musty old traditions than she did, and would be quite happy to flout them if it meant making things more comfortable for the woman he loved. And for that matter, that he'd hardly approve of Tigress being unable to work on her kung fu training, nor would he want her to suffer something he wouldn't be able to stand himself.

But then she sighed, forced her claws to retract, and lowered her gaze to the table. For despite all this, she knew she couldn't deny that she shouldn't be setting examples to inspire Tai Lung to be more dismissive of authority—she should be encouraging him to fit into society better, and to respect traditions and elders (albeit, only when they earned it).

And she did want everything to be perfect…aside from all the heartache and trouble she'd caused him when he was courting her, like any woman she wanted her wedding day to be beautiful and a memory to treasure all her life. Many women in China didn't even get to enjoy their big day, because their marriages had been arranged for them and all they had to look forward to was a life of servitude and abuse while they existed solely to produce babies for their husbands and the empire.

Now, when she had what every woman wanted, a man she'd chosen for herself, a man who would not abuse her (and how amazing that she could say that, in what was utter honesty, about _Tai Lung _of all people!), a man who only worshiped the ground she walked on and wanted to give her a happy, blessed, normal life…now she was willing to possibly jeopardize that by displeasing the gods, all for the sake of a silly tradition?

Looking up at last, she threw her paws in the air. "Fine, have it your way, I stay." The leader of the Five grunted, then glared petulantly at Viper. "I _hate_ it when you use Tai Lung against me."

A soft chuckle made her look at Mei Ling, who was now eyeing her with an artfully curled eyebrow. "I know why you just can't stand to be away from him for even a day, hon. But look at it this way: when you _do_ see him again, he'll be quite…pent-up."

For that, Tigress had no answer except a furious blush. She rather thought that was none of Mei's business, and tracked a little too close for comfort to why she still wasn't sure she could trust her fellow feline…but she also had to admit Mei had a very good point.

When the laughter had died down, the mountain cat continued, "Seriously though, Master Tigress, why are you so bent out of shape? Okay, with Master Shifu as an example I can see why you never learned much patience." She stuck her tongue out. "But I think you're the only person in the Jade Palace who wouldn't take advantage of one day off! Even Tai Lung knows to take it easy once in a blue moon." She paused, then let a chiding tone enter her voice. "And doing so doesn't make you lazy, you know."

The bride-to-be held up both paws in surrender. "You're right, you're right. I really should learn to take it easy. But old habits die very hard." She sighed, unable to keep the yearning from her voice. "And I really do feel left out of the loop in here. What's been going on? What's everyone been doing? Is everything going to be ready on time?" _I can't believe it, I sound like a gossiping courtesan! _

Viper smiled. "Tigress…breathe. Most of the work was done months ago, you know that. Monkey and Tai Lung already finished the bed, they'll have Yi and the other children bless it tonight. So all the boys took the night off and came down here to the village to hang out and have some fun for a change." At the worried look Tigress shot her, the serpent chuckled. "Don't worry, Monkey learned his lesson—he's staying well away from any alcohol from now on."

"Good," the striped feline snorted. She wanted to ask whether Tai Lung had gone along to chaperone, but she didn't want to sound so desperate for news of her fiance…even though she was. So instead she said, "But that wasn't all I was worried about. Mantis has never been, shall we say, well-behaved…and somehow his time with Master Ning has made him even worse."

Mei Ling giggled. "I'll say!" When Tigress threw her an odd look, the mountain cat shrugged. "Well, while I was waiting for Viper to get back from Ping's, I, er, happened to sneak a peek on the boys' little get-together. They were at the Disarming Smile."

Tigress nodded. "I know the place. The best tavern in town, catering mostly to travelers, merchants, and their caravan guards. Very family-friendly too."

"Yeah. Well anyway…Monkey may have sworn off the hard liquor, but that didn't stop Mantis!" The mistress of the thousand scrolls covered her mouth with a paw to stifle her snickers. "At least I _hope_ he was drunk, because if he was doing that all on his own, well…"

"_What_ was he doing?" In spite of herself, Tigress couldn't restrain her burning curiosity; aside from providing her all the entertainment she could ask for, whatever Mei Ling was about to tell her would provide excellent fodder with which to mock and tease Mantis for years to come.

The mountain cat winked. "Singing," she supplied readily. "And dancing. With the caravan guards."

"He was _not_!"

Mei Ling held up one paw to swear an oath. "Feline's honor—I don't need to make things like this up, not when they're happening right in front of my muzzle! Besides, Monkey and Crane were there and saw the whole thing, too. Though I bet my _bao bao_ wishes he hadn't."

Tigress shook her head in disbelief, even as she too began to laugh. "Oh no…I always thought alcohol was a curse from the gods…now I'm beginning to wonder if it wasn't a blessing instead."

Viper smirked knowingly. "Well, let me see…when I finally left Ping's with the food, and found Mei, what all did I see and hear now? You haven't truly heard a Beijing opera until it's been performed by a bass-voiced insect. And I had no idea he could kick that high! Of course he had some pretty good dancing partners too…picture, if you will, seven burly rhinos and bulls all mincing, twirling, and gyrating about in a lotus pattern while Mantis was in the middle, pirouetting and choreographing them all."

The striped feline almost choked on her tea—and then began to laugh harder than she ever remembered doing in her life. "Oh _gods_! I wish I hadn't missed this…and the others, what were they…?"

The Li Dai graduate chimed in again brightly. "Oh, Monkey was pretending he didn't see a thing, he was very engrossed in sitting on the floor, showing a bunch of the village children how to work a finger-puzzle. He was so distracted by Mantis, I'm surprised he didn't get his fingers stuck in there for good, though. And Crane…" Mei chuckled endearingly. "He was sitting all by himself in a corner booth, hiding under his hat. I think he somehow believed he could convince everyone he had no idea who Mantis was, had never met him, and wouldn't be caught dead with him anywhere."

It took a long time after that for the laughter to die down. When it finally did, and Tigress could breathe well enough to keep her dumplings going down the right pipe, she found her mood had improved considerably. _Maybe this won't be so bad at all. If I can just keep them talking like this instead of subjecting me to 'feminine' pastimes… _

Leaning forward on one elbow, the leader of the Furious Five smirked almost cruelly. "So what about Master Shifu? Has he recovered yet from that heart attack Jian almost gave him?"

Mei Ling snorted, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned back in her chair. "I'll say he has. Not only is he busting his hinny getting everything for the wedding absolutely perfect, he's still insisting on cutting nobody any slack. Up at the crack of dawn, demanding every training exercise be done yesterday and flawlessly—he's even been bossing me around! I just got back, and I'm not even his student, and he's still got me toeing the line." She shook her head.

Tigress didn't know whether to be angry at the way her father was treating her friends, or strangely grateful to see him acting what was, for him, quite normal. She settled for wry bemusement, with a touch of faint glee at hearing Mei Ling was being subjected to this treatment too. The mountain cat, she thought, was just a little too big for her britches, having mastered the thousand scrolls; this might perhaps help shrink her head a tad. And be a bit of payback for those feigned assignations with Tai Lung.

"And is he still complaining about his empty cash strings?" she quipped at last, sardonically.

"Like you wouldn't believe," Viper replied fervently. "Everywhere he goes, now, he's become the stingiest skinflint in the empire! Always looking for the lowest prices and the best deals at the marketplace—"

"Well, he _has_ always been rather frugal," Tigress tried to defend him, dubiously.

The serpent lidded her gaze. "Would you believe I caught him checking every single stall in town to find the cheapest price on eggrolls and leeks, and then when he found them he _still_ tried to haggle for a lower one?"

The leader of the Five growled under her breath. "Now that's taking things too far. Jian didn't gouge him that badly, and for some people in the Valley they're living at subsistence level as it is! Take even one too many _jiao_ from them, and…"

"That's nothing," Viper replied dismissively. "He doesn't even go out to eat anymore."

"Why?" Tigress narrowed her eyes. "Don't tell me he's gotten so bad he'd rather mooch off of Po to get free dinners."

"No," Mei Ling mumbled around the mouthful of shrimp she held between her chopsticks. She swallowed. "Though I bet he would if he thought he could get away with it. If Tai Lung didn't threaten to stuff him down the Field of Fiery Death if he even thought about taking advantage of the Dragon Warrior's generosity like that."

Even as the striped feline felt her face glow and tingle with pleasure (not at the threat of bodily harm to Shifu—all right, maybe a little—but at hearing her fiancé being such an ardent defender of his former enemy), the mountain cat continued. "It's because Viper here has forbidden him."

Puzzlement replaced righteous indignation. If Shifu was being so miserly, why would the serpent be preventing him from spending more? "Um…"

Her tattooed friend chuckled at the look on her face. "Let me explain why he's not allowed out till he learns how to behave himself. The one and only time he agreed to dine with me since Jian and her family came to the Valley was when we ate at Ping's last week. He got there ahead of me, of course—probably left two hours early, and I swear sometimes he never sleeps—so when I got to the table, there he was, presiding like a guardian dragon statue, tapping his foot and glowering like I'd been making him wait. I was right on time, I'll have you know." She sniffed. "Anyway, I get there, and there's this sack of tofu bamboo on the table. I had to ask him why it was there, and he pounced on it like he was just bursting to tell someone."

Sitting up stiff and straight on her stool, Viper adopted a pompous-looking, serious expression that was vintage Shifu. Even her voice, when she started imitating their master, was scarily accurate. "Thank you for asking, Viper. The price difference here between a bowl of lamb stew with tofu and one without is three _yuan_. Now, if you divide twelve into five _yuan_, the cost of a sack of tofu in mild bamboo cubes, each cube costs four _jiao_ and 1.7 _fen_. Five cubes per serving are more than sufficient. Therefore, if you bring your own tofu, that's a savings of two_ yuan_, nine _fen_ per bowl. If you require tofu, you may pay me so accordingly. Go ahead and round it up."

There was a long pause. Then, in a strangled voice she barely recognized as her own, Tigress exclaimed, "What the hell?"

That seemed to about sum it up, since neither Mei Ling nor Viper was able to find any response, only dissolving once more into peals of laughter. Finally, after their mirth had died down, Tigress sighed, shook her head, and placed her chopsticks on the napkin as if they were made of fragile glass. "That's it. As soon as the wedding is over, and Tai Lung and I are…ready to be in public again, Shifu and I will be having a very long, very stern talk."

Chuckling under her breath, the mountain cat murmured, "I'd pay to see that…"

"What was that?" the striped feline asked, a bit too sweetly.

"Nothing," Mei Ling answered quickly. "Just wondering, speaking of Tai Lung, how you and his family have been getting along."

_Nice save_. Still, she had to admit the subject of her fiance's family was one worth discussing, if for no other reason than the fact with her own biological family dead, this would be the first real chance she had for love, affection, and acceptance. And already, it had been bearing fruit… Swallowing against a lump in her throat, she shrugged noncommittally as she returned to idly chasing dumplings and lumps of tofu around her plate.

"What can I say? We've been getting along very well. His sister Zhin is…very sweet, much like you, Viper…though like you, I get the impression there's a core of iron in there somewhere. I suspect her husband isn't the only one haggling out some very lucrative deals in Naij Tal."

The serpent smirked over her cup of jasmine and peach blossom tea. "Sounds to me like it must run in the family."

Tigress chuckled. "As for his brothers…they're much tougher men than any I've known here in the Valley. Just simple farmers, and they both have very good hearts, but there's a…strength to them. Like Tai Lung's, yet different somehow." She made a face at contradicting herself. "I guess what I'm saying is, they're brave too, but not because of the number of battles they've fought in or how many scars they bear from defeating brigands and Huns.

"It's because they struggle with the land, every day, and by sheer force of will make it yield crops for them. Or that's how it seems, anyway. Enlai, the elder, is very philosophical too—I guess it comes from living so near Tibet. From what his wife tells me, when he isn't farming he often spends hours poring over Buddhist scriptures, and hours more debating them with her over a full pipe."

"And De?" Mei Ling's mouth curled into a suggestive smile, as if she already knew the answer. Which she did of course, how could anyone at the Palace, or in the Valley, not know?

"He's old enough to be my grandfather," she retorted—then closed her eyes and shaded her brow with one paw. "And…he's an incurable flirt. Since he's a widower and has been for almost fifteen years now, he seems to believe that puts him on the open market. And he's not above flaunting himself wherever and whenever he thinks he can get away with it."

Viper winked. "Don't pretend you weren't looking, or noticing, when he was working shirtless around the palace, helping Monkey with that new house you'll be living in. He may be over fifty, but gods can you tell he's Tai Lung's brother." Her gaze became distracted and distant, a dreamy sigh escaping her lips.

Tigress glared at her. "We really need to find you a man. As in, yesterday. Just because De wasn't wasting any time pursuing Mei Ling here, _and _me, and even Jia—"

The serpent grinned even more suggestively. "Oh, you mean like his nephews have been doing down in the village?"

She chose to ignore that. "You're just jealous they weren't noticing _you_." Viper pouted, grumbling, as Mei Ling laughed merrily in the background.

But then her disgruntled expression faded into one of compassion, tenderness, and gentleness. "And…Qiao Jian?"

The leader of the Furious Five hesitated, but then she smiled softly and gazed down at her folded paws on the table. "She is…quite something. Everything I could ever hope for in a mother. You wouldn't think it to look at her, but she is so strong…a very formidable woman. Determined, brave, won't take guff from anyone—especially not men who think they know better." Tigress chuckled and leaned back in her chair.

"But when she got me alone, she was so kind, so sweet…apparently once the shock of Tai Lung finding her had faded, she was determined to start matchmaking for him immediately. When she found out he already had a fiancée, she was pretty embarrassed and had to completely change her thinking. She's making up for lost time now, though. With both of us…"

Trailing off, she stayed silent for several minutes, remembering the look in Jian's eyes when Tigress had told her about the earthquake in Jiangxi, about Bao Gu and the sort of upbringing Shifu had given her. How the aged snow leopardess had taken her paws in a surprisingly strong grasp, gazed at her with tears in her luminous blue eyes, and then quietly told her all of that was a thing of the past.

That as far as she was concerned, Cai Yun was as much her daughter as Qiao Zhin, and that whenever she could, however often it could be accomplished, she would travel to the Valley of Peace or invite Tigress to Qinghai so they could spend precious time together. No more would she be without a mother's love. Never again would she have to feel unwanted, unnoticed, or rejected. She might not be a mistress of kung fu, Jian had noted, but that didn't stop her from admiring her daughter-in-law, or being extremely grateful to have her join the family. Her son, she said, had chosen well, and she was proud of him for it.

Looking up from her reverie, which unsurprisingly had left her rather misty-eyed, Tigress found her companions had given her her time and privacy to handle the emotional moment. And while a strong part of her bristled at being caught so vulnerable and longed to deny what they'd seen via the ready excuse of steam wafting up from her dinner, the rest of her simply accepted it for what it was. She had love, kindness, and family, and these were no bad things. They did not mean she had lost her edge and become soft…there was no reason she could not be a supernal, unmatched warrior, and still indulge in the tenderness of the heart which up until now had been so lacking in her life.

That it should be Tai Lung of all people who would open her up to this, and then indirectly enable her to experience it so much deeper, from such an unexpected source, was startling…but in the end, somehow fitting. He too had locked himself away from emotion and human affection for so long. It was only right they be re-introduced to it together—and would continue sharing in it in more vivid and wonderful ways in the days and years to come.

Coughing and sniffling, Tigress rubbed the back of her paw over her watery eyes, then smiled rather eagerly. Now that she had heard of everyone, and had in turn been queried and interrogated as she'd girded herself for, she could at last ask about the one person in the Valley besides Jian (and Viper) who was happiest and most excited for her and Tai Lung. "So…how is Po?"

Viper smiled winsomely, affection quite clear in both her eyes and voice. "How do you think he is? He's been working on your wedding feast since dawn this morning, from planning to preparation to cooking, and he hasn't even stopped to rest or anything. I had to actually remind him to go to the kwoon for his daily training regimen, and even then he wouldn't go until I made sure Ping was there to take over for him."

Tigress blinked, rather stunned and deeply touched. "What? He…he did all that, for me? I…I didn't think anything could make Po forget about kung fu…"

Mei Ling smirked over her carton of egg rolls as she leaned on one elbow, gesturing with a chop stick out the window, in the direction of the Jade Palace. "Normally I'd agree with you. But it sure seems to me like there's something else that can make the Dragon Warrior forget kung fu. Or should I say, some_one_."

She paused, wondering just what the mountain cat was referring to—and then, as she recalled a certain kiss on the palace steps before the three Li Dai graduates had departed the Valley, as well as a great deal of training, interaction, and conversing in the kwoon which had, in her opinion, become far too intimate, Tigress narrowed her eyes and growled softly. "You don't mean Jia, do you?"

Instantly the room went quiet and still, and a palpable blanket of cold disapproval seemed to settle over the table—her own toward this incipient pairing, and that of the others…especially Mei…toward her. After a few more moments of awkward silence, the mountain cat spoke, by the sound of it forcing her voice to be deliberately light but fooling no one. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. She got pretty close to Po before we left the Valley, and now that we're back she decided to renew acquaintances. Are you telling me you didn't even notice?" One eyebrow rose archly.

"Not helping," Viper muttered, glaring at her, before turning a firm gaze to Tigress. "Before you go off half-cocked, Tigress, perhaps I need to remind you of a few things."

"Such as?" the striped feline replied coolly, rather proud that she was succeeding in maintaining her temper as well as she was.

"Well for starters, Jia isn't an assassin anymore, or a villainess," the serpent retorted.

"In fact she never was," Mei Ling chimed in. "Xiu manipulated her, remember?"

Tigress frowned darkly. She knew what the mountain cat had told her, what Jia herself had corroborated, and what Po himself had also insisted was the truth—which he believed out of a combination of several heartfelt talks with the former Wu Sister, his own experiences with Xiu's wicked depravity, and what he felt was genuine regret, admiration, and affection on Jia's part for Bao and Li-Na. She did not deny such a thing had the ring of truth, it was exactly what the eldest Wu Sister would do and it was why she had argued for clemency in her letter to the emperor.

But acquiring a pardon for the snow leopardess was one thing; granting her a complete out from all her past misdeeds was something else. As Mei Ling herself had once said, Jia still had a mind and will of her own, she could still make choices. Even if Xiu was extremely coercive and was using blackmail and scare tactics, Jia still allowed herself to do unspeakable things. It seemed wrong to pretend they never happened, or that because Xiu made her do them that this made them forgivable. _You can sweep the dirt out of sight and pretend it's gone, but it's still there under the rug. _

None of this, of course, justified Jia sinking her clutches into poor, innocent Po. She supposed she should be grateful the spotted feline wasn't still fighting tooth and claw for Tai Lung…but the very fact she had moved on so relatively quickly made her suspicious—of Jia's motives, her intentions, and the depth and realism of her feelings. Po deserved better than someone who was using him for mere entertainment in the bedroom, someone who was rebounding with him. Po simply deserved better than a felon and former killer, and the fact Mei Ling, who had once dallied with Tai Lung while stringing Crane along at the same time, was vouching for her was not the best testimonial in her half-sister's favor.

Thrusting aside the traitorous but highly persuasive thought that she herself was about to marry an ex-murderer and rampaging beast, and that if she could believe he had truly changed and turned his life around then surely it would be even easier for someone like Jia to do so, Tigress growled and slapped her paws down flat on the table. "Look. I'm sure she means well—" A lie. "—and that her heart is in the right place, but just because Jia isn't darkness incarnate doesn't mean she's trustworthy. Not when it comes to romance."

Cutting off the exasperated protest from Mei Ling's direction, she skewered the mountain cat with a pointed look. "Tell me truthfully, Mei: exactly what kind of lover has Jia been in the past? Is she really that loyal…or more likely to be fickle and move on to the next muscular fellow who strikes her fancy?" The mistress of the thousand scrolls looked stricken, but remained silent, obviously unable to answer—either because she didn't know, or because she could not gainsay Tigress. Turning then to Viper, she continued.

"And I know what you'll say, that Jia isn't like her sisters, that after all she's been through she deserves to have a normal life and a chance to be happy. You're right—but what guarantee do we have that this is the right path to it, for her or for Po? How do you know she'll be good for him, that she won't hurt him?"

She trembled with the force of her passionate emotions; once, she would have been shocked to hear herself say such things, let alone coming to the defense of a fat, foolish panda whom she'd believed had no respect or honor for the ways of kung fu. But that seemed like another lifetime now, she had learned so much, about the Dragon Warrior and about herself.

And she knew above all else that a good-hearted, true hero like the panda needed someone who would love him, treasure him, and honor him. However much Jia might have changed, whatever reluctance and anguish there had been within her at having to perform such vile deeds under her sisters' directions, she could not believe the snow leopardess could be such a woman for Po. Not without more proof.

Meanwhile, though, Viper seemed unwilling to back down—which would surprise no one who knew her and looked beyond her sweet façade. "You may be right, Tigress. But can you think of any better way for us to find out, or for her to become the kind of person you want for Po, than this? How do you expect Jia to prove herself if you won't give her a chance? It's Tai Lung all over again, you know…and he did much worse things than she ever did. I know you care for Po, we all do. But the time comes when you have to let him go, let him grow up, and take risks on his own. And if you give Jia a chance, then I bet she'll surprise, and please, you."

"Maybe," Tigress replied dubiously. Viper had a point, it would be very unfair of her not to give Jia the benefit of the doubt so she could prove her wrong. But that didn't stop her from wanting to watch the snow leopardess like a hawk the whole time she was in the Valley. Except thanks to this ridiculous cockloft tradition, she couldn't—and after the wedding, she'd be quite happily secluded in the nuptial chamber…

As if the mountain cat had read her mind, Mei suddenly reached over and placed a paw on hers. "Don't worry. If it means that much to you, I'll keep an eye on her while we're here, make sure there's no funny business, and see that she's doing right by Po."

The leader of the Furious Five gazed down pointedly at the beige paw until she removed it. "Uh-huh. Like there was no funny business between you and Tai Lung. I'm sure I can trust you with something this important."

Viper gasped while Mei Ling looked deeply hurt—but also resentful. Yet Tigress didn't let her gaze waver. "Is _that_ what this is all about? Gods, do you _ever_ let a grudge go? Besides, I already said I was sorry, didn't I?"

"Actually, you didn't. But that isn't the point." Tigress crossed her arms and waited.

After a long moment, the mountain cat sighed. "Well, I am. You know I didn't mean anything by it, I was just trying to help."

"Your idea of help almost cost you Crane," she pointed out quietly.

Mei Ling winced. "Touché. But you've got to admit, you never would have taken the next step, spent time with Tai, and gotten to know him, if I hadn't made you jealous enough. I'm not saying I didn't make a mistake, or that I don't need better methods…but the important thing is, look at what a wonderful life you two are about to have because of all this. Master Oogway may have loved to go on about how the journey is what matters, but the destination is pretty crucial too." Tigress did have to admit she had her there.

Clasping her paws formally before her chest, the Li Dai graduate half-bowed in her chair, her expression and tone both contrite and apologetic. "I truly am sorry, Master Tigress—for hurting you, and also for making you view Jia in the same bad light as me. Please forgive me…and Jia. I promise nothing like it will ever happen again, and I'll make sure Jia doesn't make the same mistake. Po means a lot to me too. But maybe, if you think about it, you can find it in your heart to realize she won't ever hurt him. Not after what happened with his parents, and her part in it."

The striped feline sighed, stared down at the whorls and patterns in the wooden table, and then nodded slowly as she looked up again. "Apology accepted. And…I'm sorry too." Forgiveness might be no easier for her than it had been for Xiulan (or for that matter, Tai Lung), but she could tell that whatever else might be true, whatever the future held, Mei certainly wasn't after her groom-to-be.

Knowing that, however, meant she finally felt it was safe to ask the mountain cat about him, and with everyone else at the palace accounted for, she could also inquire without sounding desperate and pitifully besotted—she hoped. So after a few minutes, as Mei Ling unobtrusively wiped at her suddenly moist eyes and Viper began to stow away the dishes and utensils, Tigress sat up straight and looked from one woman to the other with mingled anticipation and amusement.

"So, when he isn't showing he's still my biggest fan by outdoing himself on the wedding feast, Po is keeping busy with Jia. But what about _my_ spotted sweetheart? How's he handling the separation?"

Viper and Mei Ling paused, exchanging a long look that was at once fond, devilishly naughty, and oddly knowing, as if there was a secret they were both in on which she wasn't even aware of—and she wouldn't put it past either one of them to have that be exactly the case. But before she could pry the truth out of either of them, there suddenly came a very strange sound from outside the room.

It took Tigress several moments to place it, since she hardly had much experience with larceny, espionage, or even the disobedience of youth—such was her determination to win Shifu's praise and respect that breaking curfew by even one minute had been unconscionable to her, let alone sneaking out a window at night to visit the village without permission. Nevertheless, her hearing was excellent and the sound's direction as well as its nature—wood scraping, glass rattling, and curtains swishing—let her eventually deduce what it was. Someone was climbing in through the hall window. And as soon as that someone was inside and had begun to slip down the passage, she recognized his heavy tread. It was soon accompanied by a very familiar voice, hoarse and raspy with its soft pitch in the quiet evening shadows.

"Tigress? Where _are_ you? Oh, come _on_…I know I'm not supposed to be here, love, but could you please give a man a clue? A hint? Anything? I've been going mad—again—without you…"

Instantly whirling about in shock, she skewered her companions with a disbelieving glare. "_What_? You told him where I was? After all that talk of doing things right, and following all the traditions…?"

Mei Ling looked innocent, shrugging easily. "What can we say? We like him a lot, and we care about you, too. We know how much this means to both of you, and Tai Lung is someone you just can't say no to—especially when he's like this…"

As the striped feline was still staring at them in dismay and growing resentment at their hypocrisy—but also couldn't help her heart beating faster at the thought of seeing her fiance again—something even more odd happened that startled her completely out of her anger and excitement. In the hallway, the snow leopard's footsteps grew closer and closer, as well as his anxious voice…but then, inexplicably, they bypassed the room, receding farther down the corridor. Frowning, Tigress listened to Tai Lung apparently exploring the inn rather than coming right to her chamber—no, his stride remained as purposeful as ever, he simply seemed to have a completely different destination.

She turned back to the others, opened her mouth—only to have it covered by Viper's coils. "Now, now, Tigress. We can't have you spoiling the surprise."

"What do you mean?" she hissed in a whisper when the serpent finally allowed her to speak.

Mei Ling answered for her again. "Well, how shall I put this…we like Tai Lung, and we know how much this means to you…_but_, we're still honor-bound to make sure he doesn't violate tradition. And Master Shifu knew he'd try to sneak down here, no matter what we did to try to stop him. So…"

"_How_ did he know where I was?" the leader of the Five queried accusingly.

The serpent winked and smiled sidelong at her. "Well, we _did_ 'accidentally' let slip we were bringing you dinner when we 'happened' to bump into him at Ping's…and I think Mei might have mentioned the name of the inn you were staying in just a bit too loudly, why she must have thought that old goose was hard-of-hearing…"

"You _didn't_!" Tigress clenched her fists, then paused again. Something still wasn't adding up. "Then how come he's not barging in…?"

Her answer came when Tai Lung's hoarse voice again came from the hallway, this time accompanied by a soft, diffident tap on the door—not the door of her room, but of one much farther down the passage, nowhere near her chamber in fact. "Love? Sorry it took me so long…had to wait till your dinner was through, Viper and Mei said they'd be going back out to drop off the leftovers. And you wouldn't _believe _how stringent Shifu was about keeping us apart—I swear, he gave more details to all the inn staff of what I look and sound like, so as to keep me out, than were ever drawn up on the Imperial writs for my arrest…"

From the other chamber, the sound of rustling clothing could be heard, soft footsteps, a murmuring mumble that definitely sounded feminine. In seconds, Tigress realized what was about to happen…it was night, the moon was on that side of the inn, so as soon as whoever was staying in that room opened the door, the light would be flooding her from behind, leaving her a featureless silhouette. All Tai Lung would see was shapely female curves…

A lock clicked, the door opened, along with a yawn that sounded feline in nature. "Yes? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. Did you say—?"

The floor creaked under the snow leopard's weight, and Tigress could clearly hear as he let out an explosive breath and a soft, pleasurable moan. Paws rubbing over cloth…warm wet flesh sliding together…a rumbling purr…_he was kissing her!_

She shot another fierce look at Viper, demanding answers…and this time she gave her one, tossed off with a nonchalance and absentness so clearly feigned it was laughable. "Oh dear, I'm _so_ sorry. Did we give Tai Lung the wrong room number by mistake? It must have slipped our minds…"

Very slowly, even maliciously, Tigress began to grin.

Before she could say one word, there came another noise from the next room—the distinct sound of furred flesh meeting as someone was given a healthy slap, and then a woman's scream. "Cad! Rake!"

"Oh my—I am _so _terribly sorry, I thought you were—"

Something was thrown violently against the wall by the door, shattering into pieces that spilled across the hallway. "Why, you wicked, uncouth beast!"

Tai Lung sounded very panicked. "Now, I-I-I can explain…"

"Who do you think you _are_, barging in here as if you own the place and violating me so? How dare you—_I …am a…married…woman!_" Each of these last words was punctuated by more slaps, a few kicks, and what sounded like a solid punch as well.

The tirade went on for several minutes, with the snow leopard futilely trying to apologize but at best only able to get a few words in edgewise—when he wasn't simply crying "Ow!" after every blow, which now sounded as if they were being delivered by a tightly gripped shoe.

By the time Tai Lung had limped away from the other room and back to the hallway window, covering his head to judge by his muffled voice and surely nursing whatever shreds of his dignity he had remaining, all three women were fit to be tied and having to restrain themselves valiantly to stay quiet. Only when they heard the male's heavy form land with a thud on the cobbled street below and scramble away in the direction of the Jade Palace—with one last vituperation hurled after him along with that shoe—did they allow themselves to collapse in helpless waves of tearful laughter.

Finally, after she had recovered her breath, Tigress wiped her eyes and regarded Viper with awe at her audacity, and more than a little admiration. "Gods…I can _not_ believe…that was the most evil thing I have ever seen! Absolutely _terrible_!"

"Coming from a feline, I take that as the highest compliment," the serpent replied smugly.

"Though he _was_ kind of being sweet about it," Mei Ling pointed out wistfully.

"Oh, hush," Tigress said. "The way he was sneaking around, breaking traditions, and disobeying our master, he deserved it."

Viper smirked. "Oh, so when it's Tai Lung we're talking about, traditions apply, but not for you?" Tigress chose to ignore that.

"Well now that he's gone, and won't be coming back at least till he gets some ice put on that black eye of his—though if he knows what's good for him, he'll stay away till tomorrow," the mountain cat observed once their laughter had died again, "there's something I absolutely have to know."

Tigress eyed her askance, as that sounded like an invitation to far too much naughty implication for her liking. But then she caught herself—she was almost one hundred percent positive now that Mei cared only for Crane, no longer had designs on Tai Lung and never had. And if her first instincts were right after all…well, what better way to disarm the mountain cat and also show her the striped feline didn't even register her as a threat, or have anything to feel threatened about, than by indulging in this coy teasing?

Besides, it was _still_ a damned sight better than Viper's slumber party notions.

"What's that?" she asked at last.

Leaning forward on her elbows, Mei eyed her winsomely. "How is tomorrow night going to work? You going to jump his bones first, or let him do the 'traditional' thing and take you in a manly fashion?"

Viper choked on the last dumpling, while the leader of the Five turned beet red…but then, slowly, she began to smile.

* * *

(A/N: First off...I am so, so, _so_ sorry for how long this has taken. I really have no excuse since my life has hardly been that busy. I guess it's just been a combination of all the research I had to do, this being a character rather than plot-driven piece, not really having detailed plans in place as I did for "Different Lesson", and lack of inspiration/ideas. But I finally managed to get this written! On the downside, since it took me so long, I decided to go ahead and post it before having finished all the vignettes. So that means that once again you'll have to wait for the next segments; from now on, I'll update whenever, as I finish each vignette or set of vignettes. Not sure yet how many there will be...I know how many 'stories' I want to tell, but not how many chapters/vignettes they will be divided into. This one was going to be one and instead became three, big surprise there. :P

Lastly, for those paying close attention, that "insulting, raunchy canine cook" was of course a shout out to Lin from Marie Goos's "Blue Plate Special". I wish I could have included her more...who knows, maybe I can fit her in in more detail later. ;) And yes, I very much enjoyed the fakeout at the start, yanking your chain about just whom Shifu was confronting. I wouldn't be me if I didn't pull such things. ^_^ R/R!)


	2. That Dream Within a Dream

"Sooooo, you _really_ expect us to believe you got that shiner from running into the palace door, when Zeng flew out to deliver the invitations?" Mantis sneered skeptically. "Buddy, that's the oldest excuse in the book, and it sure doesn't hold any more water coming from _you _of all people. What really happened? Give, give…"

Tai Lung snarled and swiped at the insect—though only to grab what the healer was dangling in his pincers just out of reach, not to actually try and claw the kung fu master; of course not. "Fine, I will, just as soon as you hand over the sodding ice pack!" Hearing that, Mantis finally handed the item over, and the snow leopard practically lunged to snag the linen pouch and then press it to his bruised eye and cheek with a sigh of relief.

They were, of course, in the room he normally shared with Tigress, though at present there were only men about save for little Yi. Monkey, who had overseen the craftsmanship of the new bed—a surprisingly ornamented, graceful, and elegant design that showed a great deal of love and determination for perfection in every panel, stud, and raised lotus-and-vine motif—was with them, perched upon his stiffened tail as if meditating but otherwise constantly wearing the cheekiest of grins.

And atop the mattress, rolling and bouncing and leaping about with enough forceful glee to make any furniture less sturdily built collapse, the cow girl had been joined by several of her friends from the village, as well as Zhin's youngest sons, his nephews. There had to be at least three or four of them—they'd never stayed still long enough for him to get a proper head count—and each was as adorable, apple-cheeked, and fluffy as the last…as he himself had been, once upon a time.

If matters were otherwise, Tai Lung might have used their very familiar appearance to ponder the symbolic ramifications of this, of how this startling family resemblance suggested the purity, goodness, and gentle love he had once possessed were not after all lost forever, instead living on in the family he never knew he still had.

Or he might even have reflected on the minor unsolved mystery of his own cub self visiting him the night before the Ghost Festival—an occurrence he wouldn't put it past Oogway to have arranged to help remind him of who he had been once and could be again, but the old turtle had of course refused to confirm anything—how this might have been a foreshadowing of him encountering his own flesh and blood.

But no, all the snow leopard could think, as he held the lumpy package of ice and medicinal herbs to his throbbing swelling to make it go down, was how his family only gave certain wits far too much fodder with which to tease him…and that if it weren't such a precious memory now of his past with Oogway, he would burn that old cubhood portrait as soon as he could lay paws on it again.

When he finally felt the pain receding and the pounding heat in his eye socket subsiding, Tai Lung turned away from the roly-poly young ones blessing the bridal bed with their innocence and youth—or so the tradition went—and lowered his voice as he manfully admitted what had happened down at the inn. Viper and Mei Ling were both dear friends to him now…but he knew just how they had so cleverly played him. _And somehow, some way, they __**will**__ be paying for this one. I __**will**__ have my revenge! _

This resolution became even stronger in his heart when, naturally enough, both Mantis and Monkey burst out laughing at his sheepishly grumbled story. "Jade Emperor in Heaven!" the simian groaned, slapping a long-fingered hand to his forehead. "You mean, they sent you to the wrong—and you thought she—and you actually—" His voice dissolved into more snickers and guffaws.

Meanwhile, the insect was smirking very cockily. "Gods, and you got laid low by a—"

Tai Lung squeezed the ice pack until he could both feel and hear the chunks within cracking and crushing within his iron grip. "You _don't_ want to finish that sentence," he said ominously. "And just what exactly are you implying? That I'm a pushover, eh? That there's no possible way a woman could…"

Mantis chuckled. "Uh, maybe you forgot who you're talking to. I don't have to look any farther than my own species to know women can be, ah, formidable. Not to mention Tigress, Viper, Mei Ling…" He pressed his pincers together and raised his gaze innocently to the ceiling. "I was just saying, that's the second woman to sucker punch you in the last week…"

The master of the Jade Palace paused—and then cursed under his breath. _Bugger, he's right! _

It had happened one morning when the other denizens of the palace had been occupied with setting up the wedding pavilion, spending time with Yi, and in Po's case, purchasing the food for the feast well in advance. With even Tigress down in the village, claiming she had a pressing need to pray at the temple (when he actually had it on good authority from Viper that she was, of all things, going to visit Xiulan and check on her wedding dress), Tai Lung had had the training hall all to himself…until his sister Zhin stopped in to watch.

When the Qiao clan had come to the Valley of Peace for the wedding, as well as to meet Shifu, the Dragon Warrior, and all the kung fu masters who had begun, strangely enough, to feel like family to him, Tai Lung had not known what to expect. His mother, of course, he'd already shared intimate talks and memories with, had gotten to know as a woman who was both kind and determined, gentle and harsh all at once.

And while they did not have quite the temper he did, nor had they become so aggressive through kung fu training, his brothers were in general cut from the same cloth—dry and sardonic in their humor, stubborn and proud, but also deeply loyal, brave, and enduring. Not to mention they were wonderfully gregarious fellows to wind down with at the end of a long hard day of work.

His sister, however…when he first laid eyes on Zhin, he couldn't believe they were related, she was so petite, plump, yet still somehow graceful, especially for a woman only a few years younger than De; apparently she took very good care of herself. Her face had none of the elfin-ness of the Wu Sisters, instead being fairly broad and rounded, and her warm green eyes twinkled all the more whenever she smiled, which was often.

Soft-spoken, genial, as interested in frilly garments and decorative makeup as Viper but with a firm, no-nonsense tone she'd inherited from Jian…and which at times reminded him uncomfortably of Tigress…the snow leopardess had seemed a contradiction and a quandary. He had no idea how to react to her or treat her, other than with the deference and respect due an honored sibling.

So when she had shown up at the kwoon, he'd been a bit flustered and nervous, but in the end he had decided to act as if nothing whatsoever had changed. Even as Zhin stood not far from the Adversary, and he could feel her eyes on the back of his head, Tai Lung had coolly continued his routine—which at that point consisted of sparring with the Wooden Crocodiles, sending one device after the next twirling and spinning about in blurs of motion, dodging and weaving and twisting about to avoid each and every spiked arm as it breezed past him, so that not even a single hair was shifted out of position.

Having memorized the pattern in which they bounced and ricocheted off each other, and how hard he had to strike a particular Warrior to open a path for him without smashing the equipment to smithereens—at least until Shifu had them replaced with brand-new ones he'd have to learn all over again—the snow leopard had reached the far side, sweaty with his exertions but not at all from stress or weariness.

And then, as he had wiped himself down with a towel and started to turn back, Zhin had approached from the side walkway, applauding…and after praising his talent and skill to the skies had shyly asked if he might be able to teach her a move or two…

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Tai Lung fought off a throbbing at his temples that was not due to the punch he'd received at the inn. _What an idiot I was_.

It had all seemed so simple, so clear. His sweet, shy, seemingly harmless sister, hero-worshiping him as Po had (albeit far less ridiculously), begging him to teach her how to fight like him, "just a little." He still didn't know if she'd been playing him for a fool the whole time with a disingenuous innocence, or if he had simply discounted the family strength to his detriment.

All he knew was, after puffing out his chest in pride, buffing his paw on his creamy white pectorals, and smiling warmly, he had graciously acquiesced—guiding her in the proper way to stand, to position her arm and wrist, and to arrange her fingers so she could strike without breaking any, before offering her the brick wall of his fur-covered abdominals to punch.

She had hemmed and hawed, very uncertain this was a good idea, while he kept insisting it was fine, she was a beginner, he had extremely tough muscles, and he had been trained to accept any and all physical punishment during his training—much more grueling than anything she could dish out.

He thought he'd said this last kindly, reassuringly, not with his usual cocky bravado. He was sure he had.

It had happened so fast that neither of them could believe it. A streak of spotted gray as Zhin's fist lashed out, a loud thwack echoing off the timbered roof beams as she struck him squarely in the solar plexus, and then the snow leopard had paused…stared up at his sister as she stood with her fist held out, frozen in the same position as when she'd punched him, looking just as shocked as he felt…and then let out an animalistic, ragged cry that was half-snarl, half-whine of agony as he doubled over, almost collapsing on the floor of the kwoon…

Looking up from his reverie, Tai Lung discovered that unsurprisingly Mantis and Monkey were both still staring at him with incredibly satisfied, amused expressions. Flattening his ears to his skull, he hissed and glared right back. "Oh no you don't—don't you even _think_—"

"Yup, yup," the insect said, stretching his pincers up and back behind his head. "Looks like those years are catching up with ya, buddy. Losing your edge."

Keeping his voice down to a harsh whisper that wouldn't disturb the cavorting children, he snapped, "For your information, I am _just_ as capable of wiping the floor with your bloody arses as I ever—"

"Really?" Mantis teased. "Then I guess your sister must be even stronger than you. Or are you just getting weak?"

"_I AM NOT WEAK!_"

"Hey, look at it this way," Monkey interjected amiably, holding out both long-fingered hands. "At least your sister, she can punch like a mean drunk! You don't ever gotta worry 'bout her being defenseless or anything. You gotta be happy about that!"

"Riveted," Tai Lung snarled, even as his head still ached beneath the ice pack. "Utterly ecstatic."

"And as for the lady at the inn," the insect noted sagely, "you kinda had that one coming, considering the way you barged in like that and—"

The snow leopard gritted his teeth and pressed the cold lumps harder to his bruised face. "D'you know what she yelled at me as I was running down the street? That if she were my mother, she'd make me cut my own switch!" He shook his head in denial, as well as annoyance at himself; he still couldn't believe the tongue on that Tonkinese cat!

Monkey grinned slyly. "That's funny, from what I heard, Tigress had you doing the same thing the other—" He was cut off by Tai Lung scooping him up and covering his mouth with a large spotted paw, while the snow leopard growled and flicked his eyes warningly toward the bed, where the children had stopped playing to stare at them in puzzlement. Forcing a cheery smile, Tai Lung waved his free paw, and only when Yi and the other children had gone back to bouncing and rolling did he feel safe enough to uncover the simian's mouth and set him down.

Taking a deep breath, then blowing it out his cheeks, the snow leopard muttered. "That was a bit too close…all right, new topic."

"Well, speaking of your family," Mantis said with forced casualness as he rubbed his chin, "I _really _like your brother De. And those nephews of yours, too—Meng and Bo? They sure are something…"

Tai Lung groaned and hid his face behind the ice pack.

It wasn't that he didn't care for his nephews—far from it, they were both fine, upstanding youths whom he was quite determined to ensure had good futures ahead of them; one planned to carry on the family business, while the other hoped to travel to the Imperial City and become a royal scholar.

But the two were, of course, spitting images of himself at that age, though tending more towards the slender rather than the beefy side…and both were as insatiably smitten with the opposite sex as De. Which was ironic, since they were Enlai's youngest sons (the eldest already having jobs, spouses, and livelihoods of their own elsewhere in China), and their uncle had had only girls before his wife passed on.

So to know, and even witness, that two virile young snow leopards had been set loose on the town, and that everyone in the Valley of Peace was aware of both their heritage and their lechery, made Tai Lung want to crawl under a rock and not come out again for decades—and considering his time in Chorh-Gom, that was saying something. It certainly gave Monkey and Mantis far too much to tease their new master about, what with his virginity having been lost only recently…

"At least now we know what would have happened if you'd gone to the village when you were sixteen," Mantis mused.

"You are _far_ too fascinated with my love life. You know that, right?"

"What? Not like there's anything else to do around here in the winter. And when you've been around the empire as long as I have, nothing fazes you anymore. Heck, it _all_ starts looking appealing after a while…"

"Stop. In the name of all that is holy and decent, just…_stop_."

Monkey clasped his paws behind his head and gazed at the ceiling. "So, how many do ya think they've gone through in the last week? Five, six? Each?"

Quickly Tai Lung hushed him. "Keep your voice down! And they'd better _not_ be that out-of-control, or so help me…"

"Aww, that's so cute! Lookit you, being the overprotective uncle and everything!" When the snow leopard glared daggers at Mantis, the insect cleared his throat and rushed on. "Oh, don't worry, Spottybutt, they're being real careful and all. I mean come on, do you _really_ think they wouldn't be, with a dad like theirs?"

He had a point; among his many other admirable traits, Enlai was quite conscientious, proper, and responsible. While he understood that boys would be boys and needed their chance to have the freedom to experiment and indulge themselves, the eldest Qiao would never allow this at the expense of girls being despoiled, their families' honor left in shambles, cubs left without someone to feed and raise them, or the possibility of other things being spread about along with their lineage. Still…

"I _told_ you to stop calling me that," Tai Lung growled irritably. "And that's not really the point, you know. Even _if_ they're being careful, they're still making me look bad—they practically wear my face as it is!—not to mention the family reputation…"

Monkey smirked. "You really think, after everything else that can be laid at your door, anyone's gonna care how much you and your family get 'round? Besides, just think of it as practice."

"Practice?" the snow leopard asked warily, rather suspecting he wouldn't like where this was going.

And he was right. "Well, yeah. I mean think about it…what d'you think's gonna happen, when you an' Tigress have kids? Gotta be prepared for your own son an' all." The langur grinned at him smugly.

For several agonized moments Tai Lung stared at Monkey. Then he groaned aloud and buried his face in his palm. _Oh gods. Not that, anything but that. Shang Ti give me strength. __**Why**__ did I want children again?_

While he was thus occupied, he suddenly felt something small tugging rather insistently at his pant leg. Removing his paw from his face, but keeping the other holding the ice pack in place, he looked down…and groaned.

There stood little Yi, as inquisitive and intrusive as ever, and beside her was one of Zhin's youngest sons—Li, he thought his name was. Both of them looked quite solemn and concerned. "Kitty? Were you talking about Meng and Bo? Li thought you were…he got real worried. Why do they gotta be careful? What were they going through? Why so many?"

Aghast, Tai Lung stood flabbergasted for several eternal-seeming moments, utterly tongue-tied as to what to say; he'd warned the others to be quiet, and now these impressionable little minds were wanting answers he couldn't give… Finally, as his rapidly darting eyes landed on a silkscreen on the wall, he burst out in a fit of desperation.

"Ah…calligraphy! They were doing calligraphy, _qianjin_…" Rubbing the back of his neck and hoping he didn't sound or look as unconvincing as he felt, he started inventing wildly. "Yes, Bo wants to be a scholar, you know, and with the Emperor coming for the wedding, he wanted to practice 'til he was the best, so he could get a job there! But he's been going through far too much paper and ink, which is really, really expensive. None of us want Li's uncle to run out of money…so they need to be very careful. That's all it was, all right?" Praying that Li didn't know his cousins had no interest in calligraphy whatsoever, he waited.

Luckily, it seemed he didn't. For after a moment both little faces cleared of confusion, with Li looking relieved and Yi beaming happily. "Oh. Okay, kitty!" And taking the little snow leopard's paw, she skipped merrily back to the bed, there to resume scrambling about for the red dates, lotus seeds, oranges, peanuts, and pomegranates scattered about on the sheets.

After she was out of earshot, Tai Lung leaned against the door jamb and wiped his suddenly clammy brow—only to have Mantis hop up on his shoulder with a very knowing look. "_Calligraphy_?" he asked incredulously. "Now _that's_ one I've never heard before."

"Oh, sod off! I didn't hear _you_ coming up with any clever suggestions to put her off the scent."

"No, that was pretty good thinking on your part," the insect agreed. But he still couldn't seem to keep the raunchy grin off his face. "Still…_calligraphy_?"

"Shut up."

Mantis winked. "Ah, I get it. 'It's not the size of the brush, it's how you use it?'"

Tai Lung groaned.

"Or…you want to make sure you've got a really stiff…handle?"

"I _hate_ you."

Chuckling, Monkey came up on his other side. "But you gotta be careful. Wouldn't want you runnin' out of…ink, now would we?"

_What did I ever do to deserve this? _

Yet even that wasn't the end of the torture, as Mantis had hopped onto Monkey's paw to be out of retaliatory reach, when the primate in turn had danced away from Tai Lung's lunge. And from the relative safety of this perch, he continued haranguing. "Now, what inquiring minds really wanna know is…just how much 'calligraphy' are you and Tigress gonna do tomorrow night? I mean, you already left so many…ah, lovely images for everyone all over the palace. What's left for you to do?"

Tai Lung paused…and then he smiled slowly as the perfect revenge came to mind. "Oh, you'd be surprised," he purred suggestively, casually crossing his arms while meticulously examining his claws. "There's _plenty_ more we can do…"

Suddenly Mantis wasn't laughing any more, as he seemed to have sensed the trap he'd walked right into. "Oh? Such as…?"

He glanced again toward the bed of giggling children, then pursed his lips. "Well, how can I put this…I may not be the most experienced, ah, writer, but as you know I'm a fast learner. And Tigress has praised the quality and frequency of my work, I assure you. I could do calligraphy all day, every day, if I had my way. I would use _every_ color ink in my calligraphy set."

"We get it, you like calligraphy," Monkey interjected, rolling his eyes. "But, uh, there's only so many ways to draw a picture before it all starts to look the same, you know?"

"Which just shows how little you actually know," Tai Lung drawled, starting to warm up to the subject. "Calligraphy can be…swift and vigorous, or gentle and passionate. You can take your time to…form the characters, and you can…draw them repeatedly to practice and get it _just_ right. You don't want to rush it, or you could end up…spilling the ink. Not to mention you've got to be very careful not to tear the…paper.

"And every…picture you draw can be different and better than the one before, all thanks to the angle you hold your…brush. I can tell you, Tigress and I will be up late into the night doing our 'calligraphy', and all the slow and steady strokes I've learned will make for much smoother…writing."

By the time he had finished his recitation, lingering lovingly on more syllables and phrases than was likely good for him, and had crossed his arms in supreme satisfaction, both of the other masters were groaning with faces buried in paw or pincer—not only at the awful nature of this very long series of double entendres, but at having been outwitted and outdone at their own game.

"That's it, rub it in," Mantis grumbled, hunkering down as if longing to scuttle into some dark hole. _That's what she said_, the snow leopard thought snidely, even as he privately wondered if perhaps the insect were not quite as experienced as he implied.

But aloud, all he said was, "Well, you _did_ ask." To which Monkey only shook his head, gave his friend a mournful look, and scooped him up to cradle him consolingly on his shoulder.

However, before Tai Lung could further brag about his brilliant one-up-manship or lavish still more naughty details in the guise of something seemingly innocuous, someone else suddenly appeared in the doorway, startling them all. With the flapping of wings and a rustle of feathers, Crane stepped into the room, looking a bit haggard and harried, yet also relieved.

Wiping his brow with one wing, he began unfastening and removing his _dou li_ even as he was talking wearily to them. "Ah, here you all are. Sorry I'm so late, guys. Master Shifu just wouldn't let me go until he got an absolutely thorough, incredibly detailed report on what me, Mei, and Jia were up to on our travels."

Shaking his head at their master's anal stubbornness, the waterfowl sighed, removed his dust- and mud-splattered cloak to be hung on a peg, and stretched until his wingbones popped. "Ahh…well, I know the wedding is tomorrow and all, but I am exhausted. So if you don't mind, I'll just do a little calligraphy and then go to bed."

For a split second the other three masters all stared at each other. Then as one they burst out laughing.

"What? What's so funny about that?" Crane asked, rather suspiciously.

None of them could answer him, as they were laughing so hard they could barely breathe.

Getting rather huffy, the avian kung fu master drew himself up to his full height and crossed his wings severely. "I'll have you know calligraphy is _very _relaxing! I do it every night before I go to bed—sometimes when I get up in the morning, too."

Monkey howled, slapping a paw to his forehead and leaning against the wall to hold himself upright.

Crane glared at him. "Look, I know you guys think it's some silly, girly pastime, but calligraphy has a long and glorious tradition dating back to the start of the empire."

Mantis collapsed on the floor, kicking his legs in the air.

The waterfowl threw his hat at him. "You're making utter idiots of yourselves, you know that? And I bet I know what this is. This is jealousy, pure and simple. I don't blame you either." He smirked and lifted his bill smugly. "I've learned everything I know about calligraphy from Mei Ling."

Now it was finally Tai Lung's turn to topple over, clutching at his belly and laughing like a madman.

In the midst of all this frivolity, while Crane was staring at them in rising fury (and the sneaking sensation there had been a particularly awful joke made at his expense), little Yi came toddling over from the bed, where the other children had paused in the middle of their pillow fight to stare at the giggling, chortling masters. "What are they laughing at, Master Crane?" the bovine girl asked, sounding very puzzled and completely innocent.

"I don't know, little one," the Li Dai master said, shaking his head in disbelief. "I really have no idea…"

* * *

Dawn came with birdsong, the tolling of the morning bell upon the mountainside, and thick, pervasive mist swirling and churning all throughout the Valley, leaving the forest cloaked and mysterious, the river and lake an expanse of shimmering silver-blue, and the Jade Mountain a solitary peak thrusting up out of the foggy sea.

It also brought Tigress to a portion of the elaborate wedding ceremony she liked even less than being sequestered in the cockloft—all the primping, styling, dressing, and other feminine pursuits involved in making her a beautiful flower for her waiting groom.

She did have to admit, the bath which Viper drew for her in the inn bathhouse (in very _warm_ water, thankfully) was rather invigorating, soothing, and something of a wicked indulgence. The pumelo water the serpent prepared for her to cleanse her of evil influences was also quite fragrant and very good for her fur, leaving it shinier, softer, and brighter than it had been in a long time. And after being dried, fussed over, and wrapped in warm towels, the dragon and phoenix candles she was set before not only added a sweet scent of incense to the air, they filled her with surprising serenity, balance, and peace.

But everything which followed that was practically a nightmare for her. If it wasn't the obsessive attention to trimming her claws, brushing and weaving and arranging her fur, or applying all manner of makeup, rouge, and other beauty aids to her features, it was just who was waiting on her besides Viper.

There was Tai Lung's sister, Qiao Fei Zhin. On the one paw, she had heard from Mantis the story of the snow leopardess laying her long-lost brother low in the kwoon, and the merchant's wife had confirmed it for her with an interesting mix of shy blushing and a small, amused smile. That was enough to make her good in Tigress's book—since even after falling in love with Tai Lung, and seeing him change for the better, she couldn't help thinking that the snow leopard needed constant reminders to keep him humble.

But aside from this one awesome moment, the striped feline had to find her future sister-in-law rather annoying…because she had all of Viper's sweetness, gentleness, and love of femininity without any of the redeeming naughtiness, deceptive cleverness, or badassery. So to sit there calmly and quietly on a stool like a good prospective bride, having her fur combed, perfumes and powders applied to her neck and cheeks, flowers placed above her ears, and red ribbons wound about her wrists and forearms, all while listening to Zhin natter on about clothes, poetry, shoes, painting, dancing, and more clothes…well, it was rather like torture.

Almost as bad was being waited on by Enlai's wife, Yan. True, being a farmwife made her much more tomboyish, strong-willed, and independent, and her age made her far more motherly, understanding, and practical. But by the same token, the combination of her harsh life and her advancing years rendered the snow leopardess…less than wholesome. Apart from her tendency to curse and utter fairly vile imprecations at the drop of a hat (something which, surprisingly, Zhin didn't even bat an eye at), Yan seemed to have taken it upon herself to educate her new sister-in-law…in _everything_ which a bride needed to know.

Tigress allowed that learning how to sew, cook, and clean might be useful skills. She had every intention of passing off the sewing to Viper whenever she got the chance, and Tai Lung _would_ become at least passing familiar with the kitchen if not knowing his way around it as well as the training hall—he certainly should be capable of a little light housework, after all the years of slaving away at sweeping, cleaning, and polishing under Shifu's critical eye!

But somehow she suspected getting the snow leopard to agree to chef training under Po would be much more difficult than him teaching the "big fat panda" kung fu. And there might be times when he would be away on missions that she would have to look after the house herself.

What had her alternately blushing and gritting her teeth in offense was the very…explicit advice Yan had with regards to the bedroom. The farmwife seemed quite capable of describing male anatomy and how to pleasure it in excruciating detail, and giving directives on how to please her husband in general, all in the same breath. The latter had Tigress ready to explode—how could any woman, especially one as open-minded and proud as this one, put up with that sort of life, let alone advise adhering to it?—while the former simply made her sink down on her stool and bite her lip.

_Do men really enjoy __**that**__? Does Tai Lung actually expect me to—well, now that doesn't sound so bad. But does she have to be so blatant about it?_

Even that, however, might have been bearable, at least by itself. But the final straw was just who her "good-luck woman" was…

Somehow managing to keep a straight face—perfectly genteel, placid, and solemn—Mei Ling clasped her paws almost piously before her chest (when she wasn't helping clothe Tigress) as she recited auspicious sayings and advice. But the mischievous twinkle in her brown eyes never faded, matching some of the lines she dropped which were most certainly _not_ part of the script.

"Fulfill your duties calmly and respectfully…well, you're dutiful all right, but that last part? Never gonna happen… Reflect before you snack—act! Oh wait, sorry, that's advice for _Po_… This shall bring you honor and glory." A pause, and then she smiled sincerely. "Wait…you've already got that, too, in spades."

"Good girl," Tigress purred with an edge in her voice, drumming her fingers on her red silk sleeves. The mountain cat only smiled in sunny fashion.

"…so there we were, in the Imperial City, in the busiest marketplace in all of China, where if you can't find it—and at the perfect price—it doesn't exist. And who should stroll down the street?" Zhin paused dramatically, her outflung paw almost jabbing Tigress with a needle. "The Emperor himself, _and_ his entourage! Oh…my…word. I love my husband, but the Son of Heaven is to _die_ for. And don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about, dear, I've seen the way you look at him!" The leader of the Five sank lower still on her fitting stool even as she growled pointedly.

"Anyway, we knew _he _didn't set any store on ceremony, but his advisors did. And we didn't have any parasols with us to bow beneath. So I grabbed the nearest thing I could think of—a wicker basket, wrapped it in a length of silk from another stall, and stuck that on my head as a hat. I thought my husband and the courtiers were going to keel over right then and there…but Chen took one look at me, laughed, and declared he loved it. Then he asked me to design ones just like it for all the ladies at court." She snickered. "They all looked ridiculous, served them right, too…"

Yan grinned openly, even as she droned on in her own stream of advice. "Now, men want sons of course, t' carry on the family name but also 'cause they have some notion in their noggins, bless their souls, that the more they have, the more manly they are." She snorted.

The striped feline protested, even if she knew it was in vain. "Tai Lung isn't like that…he won't care whether we have boys or girls, he'll love them just as much."

One eyebrow shot up skeptically, to match the farmwife's quirked mouth. "Oh, honey, he may _say _that, he may even believe it. But when it gets right down to it, all men want the same thing—t' see that damned tackle swingin' between their son's legs. Don't know why, if you ask me that's a stupid place t' put something so tender 'n' vital. What were the gods thinkin'? Just one healthy crack, and…" Yan scooped up a pawful of peanuts from a nearby bowl and squeezed them hard, cracking all the shells in a visual aid.

Then she chuckled. "Then again, maybe that's why…had t' give us womenfolk _some _way t' even the odds, huh? Anyway, you can't really control how many boys you have, or when, but you sure can up your chances by doin' it whenever ya have the opportunity." The snow leopardess eyed Tigress until she blushed, then winked.

"From what I've heard, that ain't gonna be a problem for you. But just in case, there's an herb I've relied upon for years, one that'll guarantee you're always ready for him. Why, I reckon your Master Mantis knows just the one I mean…"

Tigress went so pale she thought she might pass out from the sudden rush of blood.

Blithely ignoring Yan as she lingered almost lovingly on the details of what the aphrodisiac would do to its victim, Mei Ling tapped one finger against her lip. "Well, I don't have to worry about wishing you lived in interesting times—you already have! And after Chao, I don't see how you could suffer anything worse. But, just in case…" She cleared her throat. "'May you respect each other like honored guests. May you always see heart to heart. May fragrant flowers bloom and full moon shine over your life together. May your joy and happiness be forevermore.'"

Another pause, and then she added wryly, "For everyone's sakes, or we'll never hear the end of it, and they might just have to start calling this place the Valley of Catfights."

Zhin's musical laughter tinkled merrily in the room as she almost doubled over, but somehow she resumed her breathless recitation as soon as her giggles had passed. "And what a valley this is! Why, I've never seen so many stores, and so many different kinds, outside the capital…tailors and seamstresses, jewelers and florists, seafood and tofu stalls, pottery and bookstalls, shoemakers and herbalists…no wonder this place is so prosperous!"

Mei Ling smirked at her and crossed her arms, idly flapping her scroll at Tigress to cool her off—between the growing heat of the day, the hard work in perfecting her beauty, and her nervousness, the striped feline was beginning to sweat. "Was, maybe, you practically bought out everyone's stock! I hope your husband's as strong as the men in your family, Zhin. He'll need all the muscles he can get to carry everything you've bought here."

The snow leopardess pouted. "Can you blame me when I hardly ever get a chance to go shopping? I'm a _merchant's_ wife, he usually does all the buying for me. All right, it's sweet and even a bit romantic when he comes home from a long caravan journey and brings me gifts he got along the way…but he's so hopeless at knowing what I, or any girl, really wants."

Viper, who up until now had simply been watching the proceedings from the side while elegantly sipping jasmine tea, smiled at Zhin. "Ah, so that's why you had so much money saved up. And here I thought it was just because you knew you were coming to the valley."

"Well, that too," Tai Lung's sister demurred.

The serpent slithered over and curled her tail tip in a familiar, intimate gesture around Zhin's paw. "Either way, I'm glad you did! It was a lot of fun getting to go with you. Tigress is such a wet blanket when we go shopping—" She made a face, then winked good-naturedly at the leader of the Five, who couldn't help but glower back.

"—and there's really no one else here to go with. Po means well, and he's great for carrying things without complaint and giving his opinion without it somehow impugning his manhood, unlike some…"

Tigress knew exactly who she meant—neither Shifu nor Monkey was well-versed in feminine pursuits and actively resisted any attempts to educate them, while even Crane seemed far too insecure to admit to any knowledge that might incriminate him. "…but there's nothing like a like-minded woman!"

"Happy to be of service," Zhin replied brightly. "With Gang—er, I'm sorry, Tai Lung—living here in the Valley, I've got plenty of excuses to come visit. We should go out together more often, Master Viper." She patted the serpent's coiled tail, and both of them beamed excitedly at each other. Tigress somehow felt unnerved and a bit ill. _One of them was bad enough…now they're going to be teaming up against the Valley? Ti'en help us…_

From the look on Yan's face, she didn't seem any more sanguine with this possibility—but then again, she had her own farm and most likely only saw Zhin a few times a year, what did _she_ have to worry about? And her own resumed monologue wasn't any better for Tigress's constitution.

"Now don't forget, though, that just because you have t' please your man doesn't mean you don't get plenty of attention, too. It's not necessary t' give him what he wants, or t' bear his cubs, but it sure does make it a whole lot more enjoyable for you, eh? And if he loves you, he shouldn't have any problem makin' you feel like the queen you are."

Tigress smirked. "He already does that—and knows it, too, if he knows what's good for him."

Planting her fists on her broad hips, the snow leopardess snorted. "No man _ever_ does it right, not without bein' taught how first. And from what I've heard, he's got even less experience than my Enlai. He's gotta learn, and the only way he can is from you. You know your own body the best, dear, so don't be afraid t' teach him exactly where and how t' touch you t' make your fur stand straight on end."

Blushing deeply at this, the leader of the Five tried to deny it. "Yes, but that's just it. If I'm so knowledgeable, what do I need you—?"

Yan eyed her knowingly, then began rattling off a list of places, secret and private places, in the female body and precisely how to give them the most pleasure. Several times Tigress gasped, at other moments she grinned smugly at hearing things she did, indeed, already know. At the last, she was forced to cut the woman off at hearing something she simply couldn't believe. "Wait—what? That _can't_ be, there's no possible way that could feel—?"

"There is if you stroke it right," the older feline drawled. Tigress bit her lip and fought the urge to bury her flushed face in her long silk sleeves.

Finally, after what seemed all day but was in truth only a few hours, the styling and dressing was at last completed. Because she was Tigress's most senior sister-in-law (and because she was simply quite sturdy and strong despite her age), Yan was the one to promptly, and without ceremony or hesitation, scoop the striped feline up and carry her on her back, down the stairs to the inn's parlor. There she donned a jacket and skirt, all in shades of crimson and scarlet trimmed with gold, then slipped her paws into the pair of red shoes which waited for her inside of a sieve. Lastly the red silk veil was hung, diaphanous and exotic, from the Phoenix crown atop her head.

"Oh, you look _gorgeous_!" Zhin sighed romantically, clasping her paws over her heart.

"You're a knockout," Mei Ling agreed without a hint of jealousy.

"Tai Lung won't know what hit him, all right," Viper added with a sly touch of mockery. Knowing what both she and the mountain cat were referring to, Tigress wasn't at all surprised when the two started laughing, although she could only blush in genuine pleasure at the praise. Just because she was a warrior and normally didn't care much for her appearance, particularly in its femininity, didn't mean she never indulged in such things or wished to be admired for her beauty.

When the hilarity had died down, the Li Dai master gave her a quick embrace, straightened her sash and ribboned sleeves, then said, "Go get him, Tigress. Wishing you one hundred years of good companionship—or else you might end up killing each other, or us! Oh, and Yan's right: give birth to a son soon!"

"Why, so a doting aunt can spoil him rotten?" she asked archly. Mei Ling could only laugh, but Tigress noted she didn't deny the charge or even answer the admittedly rhetorical question.

As the mountain cat knelt down so she in turn could hoist the striped feline up to carry her out to the sedan chair for the wedding procession, Yan squeezed the bride's shoulder and offered her one last bit of advice. "Tonight, make sure you find each and every one of his weak spots. And if he's anything like my Enlai, nibbling on his ears'll turn him into a shivering, curled up ball of mewls, purrs and whimpers. And then there's the very tip of his tail...that'll make him melt in your paws."

At Tigress's startled look, the snow leopardess smirked smugly. "What? You didn't _really_ think I believed all that obedient, dutiful tripe I was layin' on you, did you? That's what every man wants his wife t' be, so he can be large and in charge, and that's how a good marriage looks t' everyone else, on the surface…but when you get right down to it, in private it's a whole other ball of wax. That's where the real power lies, and where you'll prove t' him you two are equals. And if he don't like it…that's when you wrap him 'round your finger and have your way with him." Yan winked openly.

For several moments Tigress could only flush deeply at the farmwife's rather naughty suggestions, as well as their origin—the sex lives of older people, however active and healthy they might be, was not something she ever wished to hear about. But then, as the true significance of her comments sank in, the leader of the Five once more began to slowly smile. _I love Tai Lung…but this may just be more fun than I could have imagined_.

* * *

"Damn it!" Tai Lung growled nastily as he struggled to free himself from the tangle of sleeves and collar belonging to the scarlet silk gown he had to wear for the wedding. "What is this, a groom's robe or a prison uniform?"

From where he was sitting at the snow leopard's old desk, calmly sipping peach blossom tea, Emperor Chen raised an eyebrow. "Now Master Tai Lung, I am well aware that the institution of marriage, particularly the ceremony itself, is something dear only to the feminine heart, but I'd hardly call wedding Tigress a jail sentence. It's not _that_ onerous, is it?" A small, knowing smile curled the corners of the aged tiger's lips, one Tai Lung didn't like at all.

"Or is there something you're not telling us, honored brother?" This came from De, who was sitting in the windowsill of the dormitory room, legs stretched lazily across and up at an angle, arms crossed casually over his broad chest. One green eye glinted from beneath the brim of the hat he wore tugged down over his face, soon exposed to view as he pushed the hat upward and sat up to grin suggestively himself.

"I know you've gone and outdone your elders when it comes to indulging in the exotic—a South China tiger? Mm-_mmm_, your tastes are both unusual and divine, Gang!—but I had no idea Master Tigress was so…kinky. Ow!"

This last had been prompted by a roll of measuring tape which had suddenly come flying through the air to smack the farmer, hard, right in the middle of his spotted forehead. Even as he was rubbing his aching brow, Master Shifu was glaring at him as if seeking out another missile to hurl.

"That is my _daughter_ you are disrespecting, Master Qiao. And if I can still paddle my son, I can certainly do the same, and worse, to you." With those ominous words, he turned back with a vindicated air to resume fitting Tai Lung for his robes.

While the preparation and dressing of the groom was hardly as convoluted, difficult, or afforded as much dedication and care as that of the bride, tradition still demanded that the affair be handled with respect, nobility, and courtesy. Naturally, between that and his determination to be personally involved in every aspect of the ceremony, right down to supervising the bunting, musical instruments, and fireworks which would factor into various parts of the day, there was only one person who fit all the requirements. So Shifu had taken it upon himself to properly garb his son…and as usual, he was accepting no guff from the snow leopard at all.

Po, at last having finished all the obsessive roasting, marinating, and spicing of the vast wedding banquet he'd planned, was now on call for moral support—which mostly consisted of striving, as ever, to help restrain the master of the Jade Palace's temper, with some actual physical effort in holding the feline upright whenever his struggles with the rich, unwieldy garb became too violent…or, though he hated to admit it, whenever his knees started getting too weak to support him.

Ostensibly, his brothers were also here for such things, as well as to wish him well in the time-honored ceremony and years of wedded bliss which lay ahead of him—but while Enlai offered any number of wise sayings and philosophical musings which wouldn't have sounded out of place at all coming from Oogway, as well as some genuinely useful, practical advice, De had either ignored the proceedings completely so as to lazily enjoy the summer sun streaming in through the window…or cheekily and smugly teased Tai Lung as mercilessly as Mantis and Monkey had the night before.

And Emperor Chen had arrived in the Valley of Peace in the early hours of the morning, with a surprisingly small and discreet retinue—from the courtiers' constant shell-shocked looks and aggrieved mutterings, as well as the tiger's equally prevalent air of self-satisfaction, it was clear the ruler of all China had taken an inordinate amount of pleasure in enforcing his will and demanding only the barest of formalities. Tai Lung would have given a great deal to have been a fly on the wall during _those _conversations.

Since ensconcing his toadies in the palace guest rooms, Chen had spent the rest of the day in idle chitchat, inspecting the premises, engaging in games of mahjong with Shifu, Enlai, and Ping, and even taking a few turns in the kwoon "just to stay in practice". (Many of the courtiers, despite surely knowing of their monarch's predilections, had been scandalized to catch him half-unclad and lathering up quite the sweat in the training hall; for some obscure reason, the maids and other female attendants he'd brought with him seemed to have quite a different reaction…)

He'd claimed a need to oversee as auspicious and monumental an occasion as the union of the leader of the Furious Five with the master of the Jade Palace…but somehow Tai Lung got the feeling, from how often he hung around the dormitory, that there was some other reason for his presence he had yet to reveal…

His train of thought was broken as Shifu finally succeeded in untwisting and rearranging the robes before Tai Lung tore his way out of them, then proceeded to tie them properly in place with a red silk sash. Once all was neat and orderly, with even his fur being washed, groomed, and brushed to an attractive sheen (he always _had_ been rather vain about his appearance), the red panda at last bade him kneel at the altar while he stood upon a footstool, so as to finish the ritual by placing a cap decorated with cypress leaves on his head. "There," he said, brushing his small hands with a fastidious air as he stepped back to admire his handiwork. "How does he look?"

The Dragon Warrior looked fit to be tied, as if he were very mightily struggling not to embrace himself; instead, he simply clenched his fists at his sides and swung his arms back and forth excitedly. "Well, he looks _awesome_ of course! What'd ya expect?" Tai Lung would have found the praise at least marginally more pleasing if it weren't the same sort of thing Po used to describe himself far too often.

Enlai was much more acceptable and appropriate, even as he was also generous. "Brother…you make me, and our whole family, so very proud." He stepped close, clasped both of Tai Lung's paws in his equally massive, callused and scarred grip, and then actually invaded his personal space (and without any sign of it bothering his masculine image) by embracing his kin. Even more surprisingly, Tai Lung let him.

"I only wish my eldest sons could see you. Unfortunately their professions don't exactly allow for much time off for traveling or leisure. A blacksmith and a cobbler's work is never done! At least I can send that messenger of yours, Zeng, to apprise them of the wedding and how it goes."

Tai Lung managed a warm, forgiving smile as he placed a paw on his brother's shoulder. "That's quite all right, Enlai. I look forward to meeting them whenever they can visit." Sighing heavily, he made sure that the silken ball attached to his sash was secured on his shoulder, then turned and leaned wearily on the back of a chair, gazing into the mirror which was positioned not far from his desk. There was another stool nearby, and it looked very, very inviting.

"Tai? You okay, bud?" A black-furred paw rested on his shoulder, and he turned to see that of course Po was peering at him worriedly, his green eyes as warm and sympathetic as ever.

For a moment he was tempted to brush it off, to ignore his friend, even to push him away gruffly and make a sarcastic comment about the panda being far too touchy-feely. After all…even now, after all they had been through, he still did not feel he deserved a friend as true, selfless, and kind as Po. But at last he drew himself up, straightened out his robes yet again, and nodded. There were many ways he could answer the question, but only one that was truthful. Even if it would sound rather worrisome.

"I'm…I'm fine, panda. Or rather, I will be. There's just…so much to take in, y'know? This is such a big step…not like anything I've ever done before. And…I'm just not sure I'm ready…" His claws unsheathed and dug into the back of the chair, his fingers flexing hard enough to crack the wood.

Behind him, a snort of disbelief was followed by a derisive laugh. "I don't believe this. After all the work you went through to woo and win her, changing yourself and turning your life around all for her, _now_ you're getting cold feet, Gang?" De looked like he didn't know whether to burst out laughing or bury his face in his paws in despair.

For a moment a nettled look crossed the Dragon Warrior's broad face; then, almost against his own will, the corner of his mouth turned up and he started to chuckle. "What're you talkin' about? He's a _snow leopard_, they can't _get_ cold—"

Tai Lung snatched a pillow off the bed and with lightning speed smacked it into Po's belly. Gasping as the wind was briefly knocked out of him, the panda doubled over, then stumbled back to sit down hard on his rump.

Dusting his paws off with an air of satisfaction, he then turned to shoot a resentful glare at his brother. "For your information, De," he snapped, "no I do _not _have cold feet, not about Tigress, my love for her, or our sharing our lives together." Letting out a huge breath as the anger left him in favor of nervousness and concern, he shook his blocky head.

"What I'm wary of is the ceremony itself. I don't want anything to go wrong…this is so important, to her, to Mother, to everyone…and after so long of doing everything wrong, I want to do something right for a change. Is that so much to ask?"

The room was silent for several long moments, save for the sound of birds chirping in the branches outside and, far distant, the hum and buzz of many voices drifting up from the village. Then Enlai crossed his arms over his broad chest and nodded decisively. "Don't worry, brother. None of us will let anything inauspicious happen. It will all come together, and your lives will be blessed, I guarantee it."

Even De nodded at that one, smiling warmly. "Of course, we've been through it before, we know just what to do to make it all right with the gods. Maybe you're not used to having brothers, but you'd better _get_ used to it. We've got your back." He paused, then pursed his lips as he pointed a somewhat accusing finger at Tai Lung.

"So you'd better not be thinking of canceling the ceremony. I've got quite a lovely little minx lined up to accompany me, and I'm not going to have an empty bed tonight just because you're terrified of accidentally earning some bad luck."

For several long moments the room was silent again, this time with a very palpable shock and disapproval. Then, crossing his arms across his own massively burly chest, Emperor Chen eyed De knowingly, through narrow, slitted lids. "That wouldn't happen to be one of my chambermaids, would it?"

The farmer actually had the gall and audacity to feign innocence at first; then, even more stunningly, he shrugged and nodded casually, as if admitting to this fault in front of the Lord of Ten Thousand Years were no worse than accidentally tearing his best pair of trousers. "Why, yes, as a matter of fact, it would," he stated blandly.

The aged tiger bristled visibly—in fact his fur practically floofed for a few moments—and then he whirled about to direct an incensed glare at Tai Lung. "This is utterly ridiculous. Simply intolerable! Do you have _any_ idea how many times this one has been reported in the rooms of my retinue? It seems to be his sole aim in life to work his way through as many of my maids as possible, in record time. If I hadn't known you were joined at the hip to Master Tigress, and elsewhere at the time, I'd have thought it was you, since the two of you are practically identical."

Stunned for a few moments by this development, Tai Lung flicked his eyes to De, a reproachful look on his muzzle. His brother still seemed as unconcerned as ever, even suavely buffing his knuckles on his chest and grinning smugly to himself. Po, he saw, had risen from the floor and was now slowly sidling out of the line of fire, looking as if he longed to make himself small enough to slip out of the chamber unnoticed, and Shifu's eye was twitching so madly that he couldn't even speak, jaw working soundlessly and his whole expression one of abject horror.

_Well…at least I finally know where I get it from. Thank the gods this isn't just limited to me, I was starting to think I was some sort of sex maniac…_

Meanwhile, the emperor was still spouting off. "Would you _believe_, I caught him myself with a maid on each arm, when they were supposed to be doing their jobs? Now, I can cook and iron quite well on my own if I have to, thank you very much, but really! That is _not_ what I'm paying them for. Could you please tell this rapscallion to put an end to his ceaseless seducing of the members of my household? At this rate I expect him to make a special trip to Beijing and start sleeping his way through the Imperial court next."

As a very speculative look which Tai Lung didn't like at all crossed De's face, the master of the Jade Palace drew himself up to his full height and forced a blasé, even grave, expression onto his own features. _So this is why Chen's been hanging around all day. Must have been waiting for just the right moment to drop the heavy end of the hammer on him. _

He was rather appalled himself at his brother's behavior, but if anyone was to chastise De, it was him, not Chen. Blood ran thicker than water, and all that. Besides…this allowed him just a small measure of revenge…

"Well, Your Majesty, maybe this will be a lesson for you in the future, that it's not a good idear to go around ogling my future wife in front of me," he said in a soft, smooth voice, even as a slow, wicked smile grew upon his lips.

Chen blinked and stepped back a pace, and for a moment a hurt, even guilty, look appeared on his striped face as his eyes shifted warily about. Then he began to splutter. "That…that was an entirely different matter! And you very well know it! Besides, you didn't see me inviting you to join in on a threesome with your betrothed."

Whipping his head about, Tai Lung caught his brother clasping his paws behind his head and whistling nonchalantly, eyes elevated to the ceiling. "You _didn't_."

"He did indeed." The ruler of all China was actually blushing as he now avoided meeting De's gaze. "Said there were plenty of girls to go around. By the Jade Emperor in Heaven, I am a married man!"

Tai Lung paused. "But, Your Majesty—you have a harem."

"It's the principle of the thing!"

He chose his words carefully. "Ah…well, while I _do_ sympathize, I can't exactly, er, control my brother. But he'll be going back to Qinghai after the wedding…"

Meanwhile, behind him, Enlai was actually bristling as he glowered in disgust at De. "I cannot believe you. I simply _cannot_ believe you! Just because you're unattached does not give you the right…what do you think you're playing at, honored brother?" This last came out rather stilted. "You certainly won't find another wife this way. Hoping to get some sons at last? Why, if your daughters could see you now…"

The snow leopard had actually looked ashamed, even distraught, at this browbeating, suggesting their elder brother might have been right on the mark on more than one point. But then, as Enlai brought up children, De clenched his jaw and snorted, chuckling a bit nastily. "You're one to talk," he retorted. "How many kids have you got now, or did you lose track? And at your age too…and people say _I'm_ the one who's too active in the bedroom." Now it was Enlai's turn to flush and look shifty-eyed.

Finally, just when Tai Lung was about ready to lose his temper and declare Chen should banish his brother from the empire and be done with it—since that was the only way to curtail his womanizing ways—and De was describing in rather graphic detail just how men's libidos did not die with advancing age and it would be a travesty not to take advantage of this (something which had poor Po beet red and alternately hiding his face behind his paws and uttering strangled cries), Shifu intervened.

"We are wasting time, and the day is wearing on. I am certain Master De meant nothing by his…adventures, so you have no need to worry, your Majesty." As Chen began to grumble, the red panda held up a tiny paw. "And I am also certain that Master De will do his level best to make it up to you for this inconvenience…if not by refraining from further encounters, then by paying you a modest sum in return." As the snow leopard in turn began to protest, the Grand Master glared at him. "_Especially_ if he ever wishes to return to the Valley of Peace, or be welcome at the Jade Palace."

Hearing that, the farmer winced, shot Tai Lung an apologetic look, then sighed and bowed contritely to the tiger. "All right, fine. I suppose even I need a rest sometime." He winked impudently at Enlai. "And the harvest was good this year, I can spare a little something."

"The treasury thanks you," Chen deadpanned in an urbane drawl.

"_If_ that is settled then," Shifu concluded, "we can finish the ritual and move on."

Tai Lung nodded and took his place before the altar, bowing to the tablets of Heaven and Earth, then those of his ancestors (brought carefully wrapped and protected all the way from the family farm, of course). After he had also bowed to Shifu, then Enlai and De, the red panda clasped his paws inside his sleeves. "Very good, son. So, where is…Mrs. Qiao?" One eye twitched again.

"Right here," the familiar strong, feminine voice came from the doorway. Turning, Tai Ling saw Jian standing garbed in red as well, looking so revitalized and pleasured by the honor and glory of the occasion that she seemed much younger than her years. Smiling, she crossed to his side and embraced him tightly, then kissed each cheek before stepping back and grasping his shoulders so she could look up into his golden eyes.

"You look wonderful, my son. I never dreamed this day would come…and now it is even more blessed than I could ever have expected. Everything is ready. Shall we get moving, then?" A winsome smile graced her lips. "We don't have all day you know, and after the wedding's over I'd still like a chance for some dinner."

The spotted feline grumbled a bit as she fussed over him, but didn't really protest—while it was a bit humiliating, it also felt rather good to have someone who loved and cherished him so unconditionally, even after all these years apart. Then he raised an eyebrow. "Really? Even after the great feast Po here has prepared? I don't know if I should be impressed or offended."

"Hush, you. So I've worked up a healthy appetite." Jian slapped him lightly on the belly. "I'd say you have one too, though it certainly doesn't show."

He grinned, then nodded, spreading his paws expansively. "Very well then, what would you like for dinner, Mother?" Feeling much better than he had only a few minutes ago, he scooped up what had been Shifu's teacup—while he did normally prefer black oolong, a bit of ginseng and jasmine should hit the spot, and steady his nerves.

"Thank you, dear, but I won't be having dinner here. I'll be dining in the village."

Tai Lung blinked. "Oh? I thought you had already sampled Mr. Ping's soup." He inhaled the steam, then took a long, generous drink.

"Indeed, I did, but I was asked out to dinner by this charming goat I met in the apothecary..."

Immediately the snow leopard sprayed his tea across the room, splattering both Chen and Shifu. Then he began to cough and choke violently.

De was there a few moments later to pound his back and hold him up by the shoulders, while Enlai apologized profusely on his behalf and helped the emperor mop up the spill on his royal robes. Po, on the other paw, was grinning openly and even began to laugh. Mantis, unfortunately, had filled the panda in on just what had happened between the snow leopard and Ning Guo one of the times Tai Lung had sent him in his stead for herbs…and after an initial bout of embarrassment and empathy, had begun to find the whole matter as amusing as everyone else in the temple. And now…now he and the others had even more fodder to use against him, all thanks to his family being in the valley.

_Oh gods. Nothing can be worth this. There's still a chance to run away to Tibet…right, Tigress? Please say there's still a chance…_

* * *

(A/N: It should be fairly obvious, of course, from both this chapter and the previous one how much research I put into the wedding details. But what might not be obvious is that aside from the moment where Mei Ling is quoting the honorable virtues Mulan said to the matchmaker, most of the other sayings and wise words she gives are legitimate, ancient, well-known wedding blessings. As for shout-outs...this time around, I was definitely setting up a parallel between Tai's sister Zhin and Mei Xing from Luna's "Present", complete with the same kind of first-time punch [albeit in the stomach instead of the jaw] and some of the same dialogue afterward. And the Tonkinese cat whom Tai accidentally kissed, and wanted him to cut his own switch, is of course a reference to Yeying from "Memoirs"; it's not supposed to really be her, just an echo. Thanks, Luna, for your wonderful stories I can't resist referencing. R/R!)_  
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	3. So Treasure Your Love

Nevertheless, as the noonday sun shone down upon the Valley of Peace, Tai Lung and the rest of his entourage were ready and waiting at the arena gates—and when the first gongs and firecrackers sounded to herald their departure, they began as one the descent of the long staircase toward the village and the road they would take to the inn.

Since the happy couple did not, as yet, have their own house, the Jade Palace was the only place which truly stood in as a home to the snow leopard. However, there was no way either he or Shifu would force the poor porters to carry Tigress's sedan chair all the way up the endless steps—she weighed significantly less than Po, of course, but it would still be a strenuous, taxing journey which would also, in the end, be quite pointless.

So instead the wedding pavilion had been erected at the foot of the mountain, where the moon bridge met the lowest set of statues from the former Vault of Heroes, and the groom's wedding party would only fetch Tigress and bring her to that point.

This still allowed for all the grandeur and traditional ceremony any family could want: while the master of the Jade Palace was accompanied by little Yi as an omen of his future sons (a duty the adorable bovine took very seriously, to judge by how she elevated her muzzle and strode along self-importantly in her long-sleeved _qipao_), his brothers as well as Enlai's sons, Meng and Bo, carried the bridal chair, covered in red satin and fresh garlands of flowers—the silk ball from his shoulder now riding atop it, having been placed there by Shifu.

Shifu himself descended alongside the chair, while Emperor Chen and Po brought up the rear. And of course the entire procession was preceded by a gigantic dancing lion puppet (bulls and horses were those concealed within the brightly colored paper), while any number of excited geese, pigs, and sheep acted as attendants—banging the drums and gongs, bearing lanterns and banners, setting off fireworks, and playing a joyful tune on their instruments. It was so much noise, color, and fanfare, such a shocking din compared to the twenty years of nearly-unbroken silence he'd experienced in Chorh-Gom, that the snow leopard was at once taken aback, overwhelmed, and even mildly terrified.

It was also still so unbelievable to him, that those who had once hated, feared, and distrusted him, who had once run screaming from his appearance in the village following his defeat, who had been so easily swayed, possessed, and manipulated by Heian Chao, could now be celebrating his impending marriage to Tigress with such unfettered and genuine enthusiasm. Granted, he had proved himself time and again, with his aid in ending the threat of Vachir, his destruction of Chao and bringing the Wu Sisters (save Jia) to justice, and the many good, heroic deeds he had performed in the first months of his mastery of the Jade Palace.

And yes, they had been exorcised by Oogway's staff, released from the hold of darkness and shown the plain, unvarnished truth of what they had almost done, what evil they themselves had been willing to commit in the name of ending his reign of terror. And Tigress's endorsement, as well as that of the Dragon Warrior and every one of the Five, had convinced them they were in the wrong, that he truly had changed and had placed his life on the line for them all. But that didn't stop Tai Lung from marveling all the same…or thinking privately that he still didn't feel he deserved it.

Some might consider this him being maudlin, unwilling to move on, let go of the past, and believe in himself. But he knew that he could never grow complacent, that he must always maintain his resolve, guard his emotions, and guide his choices with the principles and beliefs Oogway and his father had taught him, lest he slip once more into the pride, arrogance, and violent rage that had so nearly been his undoing.

And he knew that he could never truly make up for what he had done, that even if he never made another mistake in his life, he would actually be spending the rest of his life doing good and proving (to himself as much as everyone else) that he was a hero after all. That being the case, he might never deserve forgiveness and redemption.

But…as he was also, finally, beginning to understand, just because he didn't deserve them didn't mean he wouldn't get them anyway. In all honesty, no one might ever truly deserve such mercy and divine forbearance, in this life or any incarnation. Yet he could not second-guess the gods, not anymore, not after what he had witnessed, learned, and done. If they chose to forgive him, who was he to gainsay it?

He could not choose his rewards, any more than he could his punishments—or his duties and tasks, the latter chosen by his conscience and sense of honor, not anyone else's dictates. He simply had to accept and enjoy them while they lasted…and consider that maybe, just perhaps, his acceptance and happiness were merited after all.

He was shaken out of his thoughts, and let out a contented sigh (albeit accompanied by a wry, self-mocking smile) when he discovered they had wended their way through the village streets and were now arriving at the front courtyard of the inn. There, although he could see Tigress just inside the shadows of the timbered doorway, clad in a stunningly gorgeous gown he could never have imagined her wearing and made up (surely by Viper) into a model of feminine beauty, an array of figures stood before him and his party, blocking their path to what stood in for the bride's house.

Not just Mei Ling, Viper, Zhin, and Yan, but also Monkey, Crane, and Mantis as well. And from the looks on their faces, he knew he was in for quite the spirited and determined haranguing before these, her closest friends, would 'surrender' her to him…

The waterfowl, of course, wasn't so bad, his concerns couched in sincere, serious words. "Now, Tai Lung, you know I wish you nothing but the best with Tigress, and I want both of you to be happy. But I want to make sure this isn't going to adversely affect the Five. You know, what with her being our leader, and you being the Master of the Jade Palace…could be a conflict of interest there, a lack of objectivity…"

"No need to worry," Tai Lung reassured him; at least this was a point he could readily refute. "No conflict, I have no intention of ever telling Tigress what to do." He chuckled, more uneasily than he would have liked. _I might have had notions of doing that, once…but there's no way I'm that bloody idiotic, or suicidal, now. _

"Just…some timely advice now and then, offering my knowledge and expertise to make the Five's battles that much easier, and that much more badass. And I certainly won't let any…disagreements we may have spill out to affect the doings at the Jade Palace. The safety of the Valley, and eliminating dangers to the empire, is more important than that."

_Just how I'll keep that to ourselves, I haven't the foggiest…just rein in my temper and hope Tigress will see the wisdom in keeping our two lives separate, I suppose. If not…seems I'll be paying for what I say in the kwoon in the bedroom… _

For the maintaining of peace in the temple, and for the sake of his love for the fiery kung fu warrior who had claimed his heart, he would swallow his pride and accept it.

He'd remember that thought, much later as well as repeatedly over the years, with chagrin.

Crane interlaced his wing feathers and coughed discreetly. "And, Tigress is like a sister to me, which means you will be like family to me as well. But with that privilege comes, ah, certain expectations…"

Tai Lung smiled at him. "You already know you're a good friend to me, Jien. And you already know I'll take good care of her—on the rare occasion she ever actually needs any help! She means the world to me…and so does your friendship." He passed over the first red packet of money he'd brought for the occasion (obtained first through wheedling, then demands and outright threats, from Shifu's miserly fist), and the avian kung fu master dipped his bill and stepped aside.

However, the others, even if they were not openly hostile, were much less easy to handle in their determination to milk this for all it was worth.

Viper slithered close, peering up at him with a very smug and knowing look. "We'd better reinforce the doors and windows, so they don't keep us up tonight. In fact, we should stay in the inn instead, there's no way we'll get any sleep surrounded by rice-paper."

On her other side, Mei Ling looked just as mischievous and suggestive. "No worries making sure they consummate, either. How fast do you think she'll jump his bones?"

"Before we even get the door closed?" the serpent surmised playfully.

Tai Lung growled peremptorily to cut them off before anything more revealing—or mortifying—could pass through their lips. As if he didn't have enough reason to be furious with them, after the stunt they'd pulled on him the night before! Just because he'd been willing to break traditional rules so as to see his bride did not justify such a callous, twisted, underhanded trick!

"_Yes_, ladies, very funny. We _all_ know how eager you are to get all the titillating details, but I'm afraid that for once we're going to insist on our privacy. So you'll just have to go somewhere else to get your perverse little jollies."

"I don't know," Viper mused. "I've always been very good at getting all sorts of stories out of Tigress…"

"Be my guest, but it's your funeral," the snow leopard purred darkly.

"Speaking of funerals," Monkey interjected as the serpent glowered with a slightly worried expression, "it's gonna be yours if you ever hurt Tigress. You know that, right?" The langur crossed his arms over his chest and hooded his gaze. "You do, and I'm gonna make Genghis look like a bunny making daisy chains. No offense," he added to one of the nearby rabbit vendors in the crowded street.

"Yeah, we'd go to prison for her," Mantis chimed in. "Just keep that in mind…"

Tai Lung regarded him coolly. "I've already been to prison, twiggy. You don't frighten me."

From alongside the sedan chair, Po chuckled. "He's right—he's out-hardcore-d all of us by a longshot." Monkey glared at him sullenly, unable to refute that point.

Continuing his line of thought, the ex-convict added, "Tigress, on the other hand, does. So don't worry—I won't ever hurt her." He would have added, a bit petulantly he had to admit, that it seemed woefully unfair that everyone expected him to hurt his future wife…except his past and his track record didn't exactly speak well for his ability to control his temper.

Of course, the solemnity of the moment had to be ruined by De, who glibly and cheekily added, "Unless it's in ways she likes."

"Oh, _snap_!" Mantis cried, rather gleefully. Tigress, standing behind him in the courtyard, glared at him, then snapped one of the trailing ribbons from her sleeves to send the insect scuttling across the paving stones to get out of reach.

While the striped feline was regarding his brother with much the same smoldering fury, Tai Lung pressed his _ang pau _packets upon each of the others. When he got to the mountain cat, she smiled winsomely and kissed him, chastely, on the cheek…but as she pulled back, she spoke, quite loudly and clearly, in an innocent tone that didn't fool him for a minute. "Good luck, Tai Lung. Now, just make sure to get the right door this time, okay?"

Even as he was grumbling in annoyance, Monkey chuckled in satisfaction. "Yeah, pay attention, cat. Don't want you getting married with both eyes black and swollen shut now, do you?"

The already nervous snow leopard was about to clench his fist in the simian's direction, and was in fact growling under his breath at this reminder of his humiliation, when all of them were interrupted by a cool, though rather tart, voice from the inn courtyard. "Hmm. From what I was given to understand, if he did, it would be the fault of some of you as much as him, now wouldn't it?" Mei Ling and Viper jumped guiltily, and everyone turned.

Standing there with a decidedly disapproving air, clad in a very lovely pale blue dress, arms crossed and one ink-like eyebrow raised, was a woman he had rather hoped never to meet again in this lifetime—not unless he had a headstart and a clear space for making a mad break for freedom. A Tonkinese cat. _The universe must hate me right about now. Or did my…friends bring bad omens upon me?_

Even as he was wincing in anticipation of another beating, or at least a shrewish tongue-lashing, Tai Lung somehow couldn't look away as the slender feline strolled out through the inn archway to stand beside Tigress, the Five, and the rest of the wedding party. It was like watching a shipwreck, or Po's first attempts at weathering the obstacles in the training hall.

Yet somehow the snow leopard found a smidgeon of hope beginning to kindle in his heart…for while the cat didn't exactly give him a friendly look, the glare she turned on the others, especially Mei Ling and Viper, was far worse…

"Master Tai Lung," she purred somewhat ominously. He cringed. "I'm sure you'll be pleased to know I didn't inform my husband about your little…case of mistaken identity last night."

Tai Lung simultaneously felt relief wash over him even as his throat constricted; a reprieve did not mean he was completely out of hot water. "Ah…that's good to know. Will he be…joining us?"

She smiled, rather frostily. "Not yet. I sent him on a little errand, to fetch a brooch for my dress. I do want to look my best for the wedding, after all."

It took a few moments for that to register. "What? You mean, you're not—?"

The cat showed a bit of fang. "I didn't say that. What I will say is, Master Tigress explained everything to me after you left. She seemed to think it was the right thing to do. And while I still don't approve of what you did, I have to admit that the passion, devotion, and affection you show toward your future wife is…very admirable. The same sort of thing my husband and I have for each other." She paused, and her expression softened marginally as she allowed herself a more genuine smile. "That being the case, I wish you both the best."

Even as everyone was staring at her in stunned silence, the woman turned and again glared at Viper and Mei Ling. "And I would also advise certain parties to refrain from including me in their pranks in the future. I don't care how important it is to teach someone a lesson—you don't shame and humiliate a lady like that." Her eyes skewered Monkey and Mantis. "Or laugh at another's misfortune."

Turning away with an elevated nose, she tucked her paws in her sleeves and stepped into the street. "Now, if you don't mind, I need to go meet my husband." And with that, she disappeared into the crowd.

Tai Lung watched her go, and as the fear and self-recrimination began to fade, he found himself filled instead with respect and wonder—and more than a little determination. Suddenly, somehow, he found his heart surging with all the courage in the world. No more nerves, no more babbling incoherently as the moment got closer, no more complaining about the big crowd and uncomfortable clothing, or worrying about his acceptance in the Valley. Somehow, learning this unknown woman, even through her rightfully offended dignity, could be glad to see him and Tigress wed and would be wishing them well from the audience made him feel more brave, proud, and accomplished than he had since receiving his own kung fu style.

He knew he was going to have his beloved Tigress. He would be going to that ceremony, they would get married, and he would do his damnedest to ensure this was the best day of both their lives... at least until they had children, of course.

Turning to the others with a spring in his step and an outthrust chest to rival the one he'd sported the day he believed he'd receive the Dragon Scroll, the snow leopard was pleased to see all those who had been arrayed against him were now unable to meet his gaze, or each other's. Sheepishly, Monkey accepted his packet of money; Mantis barely seemed to notice his as he stared stunned after the Tonkinese; and Viper offered him the most heartfelt look of contrition he'd ever seen.

To her, he returned a gentle smile to show he forgave her—the serpent meant well, really, and he had to allow that if someone else had been on the other end of her little joke, he'd likely have found it hilarious. To Monkey and Mantis, however, he gave his most smug, bright, beatific grin; he didn't say a word to lord it over them, and he didn't have to, for their realization that they had been thoroughly outmaneuvered was written all over their faces.

And Tigress? From what he could see behind her veil, she was smiling at him, slow and warm and wryly amused. Still, although he bowed to her, he knew that the only reason she was on his side was because what had occurred had all been an accident on his part. _If I ever kiss another woman again, I'll be losing my lips…and then something else I'm very attached to. _

After another few moments, Mei Ling flushed, coughed discreetly, and tried for a half-hearted smile as she moved over to kneel before Tigress. "Well, time to get this show on the road. C'mon, Tigress…as your _dajin_, I have to carry you to the sedan."

With a grace and delicacy that belied her usual violent, powerful moves in combat, the striped feline stepped into the mountain cat's cupped paws, then up her arm and shoulder until she was seated sedately on her back. As Mei Ling rose to her feet and bore the bride to her waiting chair, she pretended to stumble—or perhaps she really did, he couldn't tell—and then somehow, even after that dressing-down by the Tonkinese, the irrepressible feline managed to make another sly joke. "Oooff. And here I thought…you weren't supposed to gain this much weight…'til _after_ the nuptial chamber."

Tigress's posture didn't change, remaining as poised and stately as ever, and the smile she directed to the thronging villagers didn't even flicker, but he clearly heard the soft growl in her response. "One more crack about my weight, Mei, and I'll be taking pounds off of _you_."

Chuckling, then beaming in an even more naughty grin, Tai Lung turned back to join his place in the procession. _That's my girl_.

By the time the wedding troupe had reached the moon bridge, the sun had already reached high noon, and the brightly-lit Valley and village were even more thronged with wildly cheering, dancing, celebrating people everywhere he looked. As firecrackers continued to explode and burst in great displays of multicolored radiance and concussive sound, the bridal sedan—heavily curtained to keep Tigress from inadvertently glimpsing an unlucky sight—was carried over the wooden arch over the river, cast in shadow as the immense statues of the ancient kung fu masters stood reflected in the waters below.

On one side, Zhin shielded the chair with a parasol, while on the other Yan tossed rice; a sieve, _shai-tse_, which would strain out evil, and a metallic mirror, _king_, to reflect light were suspended at the rear of the sedan to keep out dark influences. Mei Ling, as well as the rest of the Five, Jia, and Tai Lung's little nieces and nephews, scattered grain and beans, symbols of fertility, on the planks before the procession.

Finally, they arrived before the brightly-colored, gaily decorated pavilion. As the four snow leopards lowered the sedan into place at the foot of the steps, the silk ball atop it was jostled loose and rolled off the side, falling into the startled paws of Wu Jia. For a moment the ex-assassin stared at this in bewilderment and wonder, for surely such a thing, on a day with this much portent and symbolism, must be a sending from the gods. Then, with a sly, sidelong glance at Po, who waited nearby with his paws knitted nervously, she pocketed the silk…

Tai Lung didn't have time to contemplate this, however, since Yan and Zhin were already placing the red mat before the sedan chair, lest Tigress's feet touch the bare earth as she dismounted…the lit stove was positioned before the entrance of the pavilion for her to step over, its fire again casting out evil influences…and suddenly, everyone was in position.

The Dragon Warrior and Crane stood nearby, both smiling encouragingly (the former actually pumping both fists in the air and cheering him on); Zhin's dimpled cheeks and Yan's matronly figure looked on in equal approval; Shifu and Jian were standing side by side, amazingly not killing each other for his sake. The rest of the Five, even Mantis and Monkey, looked excited and supportive; the Emperor was gazing out across the Valley with a magnanimous air, presiding over and blessing the event; Enlai and De were models of solidarity, determination, and honor; and…

Slowly the snow leopard turned his stricken face away from the other bearers of the sedan and buried it in his palm. Meng and Bo were actually posing, grinning charmingly, and even flexing for the ladies in the crowd. And even worse…quite a number of the girls were responding, and even some of the older women.

No. He wasn't going to let them ruin this moment for him. Let them have whatever fun they wished.

Turning once more, he finally stepped close to his bride and raised her veil so he could view her face and those bold, enchanting eyes. Tigress looked glorious, ravishing, a perfect vision, to the point he almost didn't recognize her. But then she spoke with one corner of her mouth twitching. "Took you long enough to get around to me." _There_ she was.

Eyes never leaving hers, paws clasped together in devotion and wonder, Tai Lung barely paid attention as Shifu and Jian conducted them to the family altar that had been erected inside the pavilion—but though he seemed oblivious, he still knew what to do, this part had been memorized well in advance. First came the homage paid to Heaven and Earth, then the Kitchen God, Tsao-Chün—fruit and flowers laid at each altar, while Po had prepared a plethora of candied walnuts, cinnamon dates, steaming rice, shumai, and bok choy for the Kitchen God.

He offered tea with two lotus seeds to Jian, while Tigress did the same to Shifu, and then he lit the incense sticks and placed them in the bowls. At last the two of them were led by Yan in kowtowing—to his ancestor tablets and those for Tigress's unknown family; to Jian and the rest of the Qiao clan; and of course to Shifu.

And just like that, after all the preparation and frustration, the stress and confusion, the complex arrangement and the long, long, _very_ long build-up…the ceremony was over. The marriage had been spiritually validated; Tigress had been welcomed into his family; all the rituals were performed, their union made valid in the eyes of society—and they were wed. All that was left was one final thing.

Smiling at the leader of the Furious Five, Tai Lung felt the last of his nervous sweat trickle beneath his robes as he picked up the wine goblet and offered it to his wife for her to drink. This was not part of the ceremony, in fact it wasn't traditional at all—but then they weren't exactly a traditional couple, now were they?

Swallowing, Tigress smiled back at him with joy, hope, and a humility he'd never seen in her before. "Thank you, Tai Lung. You showed me there is no failure or shame in being wrong…to look beyond the surface and find what is truly in another's heart…and to believe that anyone can change, anyone can learn from their mistakes, and anyone can become a hero. Thank you for being the man I need, that I didn't even know I was looking for."

The snow leopard took his own drink from the goblet, and not only because the ritual required it; his throat was dry and his heart pounding a mile a minute in his chest. Then he set it aside. "No, thank you, Tigress. You know that for all of Shifu's lessons, and despite how much Po believed in me, it was you who helped me change for the better. They showed me the way, they taught me what to do, but it was because I wanted to earn your love that I did it. I still do…and every day, I think to myself, 'What would Tigress do? What would she want me to do?' Because when I look at you, I see the kind of person I want to be."

Unsurprisingly, tears stood in both their eyes; more surprisingly, neither of them attempted to hide it from all the witnesses or from each other, nor did they brush it off.

"When two people are at one in their inmost hearts," Tigress said slowly, sincerely, "they shatter even the strength of iron or of bronze."

"And when two people understand each other in their inmost hearts," Tai Lung finished the verse, "their words are sweet and strong like the fragrance of orchids." He smiled a little lopsidedly; it was only fitting they use this poem to speak their vows to each other, for they had found it in one of Oogway's books.

"_Bái tóu xié lăo_," his wife murmured—but then she grinned naughtily and added coyly, "But if we're going to be together till we have white hairs on our faces, I'm afraid _you're_ going to get them first, darling."

A pause. "Shut up," he said, fondly, and then kissed her.

By the time that kiss ended, and they had left each other's arms, the cheering and exploding fireworks and applause could never drown out the surging roar of his excited, pounding heart. Turning about, one arm wrapped around each other's waists, they stood facing out across the Valley—Tigress smiling in cocky vindication, and (he was afraid) a rather goofy, bemused grin plastered on his own muzzle—waving to the celebrating citizens and basking, at last, in their new status.

They weren't given much time in the limelight, of course. For almost immediately a grinning Viper was at Tigress's side. "Okay, you two, now get in that bedchamber!"

Mantis almost seemed to materialize out of thin air on Tai Lung's shoulder. "Yeah, I got some pretty steep bets riding on this!"

"You _what_?" The snow leopard balled a fist instinctively.

"Don't _make_ us come in there and watch!" Mei Ling wagged a finger at them. "To make sure you're doing it right, that is. Or just to see the merchandise."

"What're you talkin' about?" Monkey snickered. "We don't even need to barge in, we've already seen it all."

"Well, _I _haven't!" Jia whined petulantly.

"Yeah, everyone _else_ got to see it," the mountain cat smirked. "I'm the only one who didn't walk in on them—don't I get to find out if Tigress really is a lucky bi—?" She was cut off by Crane clapping a wing over her mouth and dragging her out of the pavilion.

Po was blushing furiously and covering his ears to block this raunchy exchange out. "La la la, I'm not listenin'!"

"Actually," Shifu cut in with a smirk of his own, "I'm more interested in seeing how long Tigress can stay still while everyone peeps in at her."

Now it was the striped feline's turn to growl. "I can make sure you stay still a _lot_ longer than that, Father…"

A small smile appeared on Enlai's goateed muzzle as he stroked it. "I do wonder what sort of stunts she can be made to pull."

"I'm more interested in the intimate gestures." De waggled his eyebrows.

"I've got an intimate gesture for you…!" Tai Lung snapped at his brother.

Before either half of the 'happy couple' (which was now decidedly smoldering) could launch any salvos of their own, or resort to some very therapeutic kung fu to get their point across, Chen thankfully intervened. "That's quite enough," he intoned darkly, interposing his robed figure between them and the rest of the wedding party. "I do believe they've earned more than enough peace, quiet, and respect. Let them have their private time together. And you can consider that an Imperial command." Over his shoulder, the aged tiger shot them a wink.

"Thank you, Your Majesty!" Tai Lung burst out, relieved. "How can we ever repay you?"

"I'll think of something," the Son of Heaven smiled knowingly.

The snow leopard exchanged a long, worried look with Tigress. Then, with those vague and troublesome words, Tai Lung grabbed his beloved's paw, hurried out of the pavilion, and fled with her up the steps to the Jade Palace as quickly as they both could manage.

* * *

Night had fallen over the Jade Mountain, and silvery rays of moonlight spilled in shimmering waves across the ancient counters, well-worn stone floor, and battered wooden table of the kitchen as Po puttered about in silence, save for his occasional happy humming to himself. After the long, _very_ long, day (which had almost seemed longer than its usual twenty-four hours), and all the days of preparation which had led up to it, the panda was far too keyed up to sleep.

So, after tossing and turning in bed until he could stand it no more, his stomach had decided the issue for him, growling in no uncertain terms that he would be feeding it its midnight snack, _now_. Which was why he was here, checking to make sure the last of the dishes and leftovers from the feast were cleaned and stored away, respectively, and washing the pans he'd used to make his food, while said dish was cooking merrily away in the oven.

He sighed contentedly to himself, licking the mixing spoon clean and then washing it thoroughly under the sink's pump as he reflected on the day's events. There had been some hairy moments, times when everything that could go wrong had, more than a few hiccups and false starts, times when Viper, Xiulan, or Jian had hurriedly intervened to prevent a terrible omen from being viewed or an unlucky act from coming to pass.

And of course poor Tai Lung had been at the center of it all, so bewildered, bothered, and beleaguered by all the spectacle and tradition. But all in all, in the end, it had worked out and come together beautifully. Now he and Tigress were wed. And Po could not have been happier if he'd married the striped feline himself.

The Dragon Warrior snorted derisively, snickering under his breath. _As if** that**__ would've ever happened!_ After all, he only saw the leader of the Five as a hero and idol, and a very dear sister, nothing more nor less, and even after she'd gotten over her contempt and resentment toward him, she in turn saw him as a student, a master already on his way to becoming a legend, and a brother.

Why some gossips in the Valley—_including my own dad, darn it!_—insisted on pairing him and Tigress up, he had no idea. Some people would just see romance prospects and naughty innuendo anywhere, he supposed, even between people where it was manifestly impossible. _But the next time one of 'em comes up t' me an' asks me why I didn't get crackin' before Tai got to her, an' "tame that fiery warrior into a nice, well-behaved lady who'd give honor t' any family", so help me, I might just forget I'm Mr. Nice Panda. _

Sighing and blowing out his cheeks to release the tension and annoyance, Po shook his head in bemusement, then set the kettle on to boil for tea. And right as he did so, and had stoked the oven's fire to the proper temperature, a pair of slim, slender arms wrapped around his body from behind as a soft, breathy voice whispered in his ear. "Now, now, big guy, I can think of a much better fire you should be building."

The bear slammed the oven door closed as he almost leaped a foot off the floor. "Ahhh! _Jia!_ Don't _do_ that!" Whirling around with surprising speed for one of his size—fear and adrenaline could do wonders, it seemed—he clapped a paw to his chest as he glared at the snow leopardess. "Do ya _want_ me t' burn myself?"

"Oh, I bet you could heal it with those nifty Dragon Warrior powers of yours," the ex-Wu Sister brushed it off nonchalantly, smiling as she ran her spotted tail along his leg. "Or even your water _chi_."

Po furrowed his brows. "What do you think I am, a Shaolin monk? I can do a lotta stuff, but that ain't one of 'em." _Not yet, anyway. What's healin' wounds next to purifying a holy pool? _

He rubbed at his chest, trying to soothe his heart back into a steady rhythm again; Shifu had said if he didn't lose some weight, or at least get in better health overall, he could endanger his heart, and he didn't need scares like this to make his chances worse. The fact Ping kept telling him, in a wonderful bit of contradictory advice, that there was nothing wrong with enjoying good food and a little fat could always offer him extra protection in combat, didn't help either.

By the time he was calmer again, Jia had sat down on one of the benches at the kitchen table and was still smiling winsomely at him. "So, couldn't sleep?"

"Yeah," he admitted, then couldn't help but chuckle as he remembered something he'd forgotten, first amid all the excitement of the day and then while making his snack. "An' I guess I'd better be stayin' up late anyway. I kinda promised Tai I'd be here when his mom got home from her, um, date."

The snow leopardess laughed out loud, quickly stifling it behind her paw so as not to wake the other residents of the palace. "What? Okay, I guess it's kinda sweet he's looking out for her and all, but just how old does he think she is? And doesn't he kind of have the roles reversed, there?"

"Well…" Po began reluctantly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, he does want to make sure she's not taken advantage of, and Mr. Ning is a bit, er, outspoken an' stuff…" _Oh just come out an' say it, he's a raunchy, randy old goat!_ He'd have to wonder himself if the apothecary would do right by Tai Lung's mother, if he hadn't asked Jian how they'd met and found it had been through a perfectly innocuous visit to his shop so she could purchase herbs, medicines, and other remedies she wasn't able to get at her isolated farmstead.

But thinking of the store reminded him of the real reason Tai Lung was so nervous at the prospect of Jian and Ning Guo dating even once. And while he knew the snow leopard would likely kill him if he found out his best friend had tattled on him, he couldn't resist telling Jia the rest of it. _He teases me often enough_, he thought defensively. _'Bout time I get t' turn th' tables. _

So…he told her everything, since of course Jia had no idea who the goat even was let alone why he disturbed Tai Lung; at the time the two had met, Jia had been…a little occupied elsewhere.

And by the time he had finished describing in somewhat tongue-tied manner the jaunt to fetch birth control, which Mantis had relayed to the panda with a significant amount of gleeful relish after Ning had informed him, Jia was barely able to restrain her laughter and tears of mirth were pouring down her cheeks. "Oh my…oh no…he _didn't_! Poor Tai Tai…"

Somehow she didn't sound particularly sympathetic, however. In fact she was falling forward onto the table, burying her face in her arms to muffle her giggles and shrieks of hilarity. At least, so Po could tell the few times he could look at her, since the rest of the time he was in the same position, trying very hard not to roll off the bench onto the floor with his paroxysms.

When they had both finally gotten it out of their systems and were leaning weakly against the table, wiping away tears, Po shook his head sadly and propped his chin up on one paw. "Yeah, poor Tai. He really wasn't havin' a good day. Did ya see th' way he almost freaked when Chen was insinuatin' he wanted some kinda favor? I thought all his fur was gonna puff out."

Jia gave him an amused, wry look. "Well you can tell the spotted stud from me, he has nothing to worry about. I, ah, happened to overhear when our emperor was talking about it later with Master Shifu. He just wants Tai Tai to come to the capital and teach him and his soldiers some kung fu, that's all. After the honeymoon, of course." She winked. "I think it's the Leopard Claw Chen wants to know first."

"Really? His nerve strike? That's…that's pretty awesome!" The panda tried to inject as much sincerity and excitement into his voice as he could, for it actually was amazing news…and he very much wanted to hide how he was truly feeling.

On the one hand, Jia's eavesdropping rather reminded him of how he'd caught Tigress and Tai Lung conversing all those times on the way to Yunxian—she even used the same euphemism he had!—and while that suggested a commonality between them…at the same time, that made him more like Jia the Wu Sister. It was another way in which he seemingly took after his parents…

And the fact Jia so casually referred to Tai Lung with such a lustily appreciative term had to make him wonder, all over again, how she truly felt about _him_.

He still had no idea, really, beyond the fact she clearly considered him a friend and liked spending time with him. Almost as soon as she'd returned to the Valley they had begun swapping kung fu stories, particularly about what she, Mei, and Crane had been doing for the last three months, and how any new styles or weaponry she had learned could be complemented by everything Po had been learning in the kwoon, especially from Tai Lung.

But this was hardly a basis for a romantic relationship. And while one of the first things she'd asked him, in a very teasing and mischievous way that would have had him flustered no matter what her words were, was whether he'd been dating, when he had finally managed to stop blushing and turn the question back on her, her answer had been decidedly vague.

Po knew he wanted her, as much as he had anything in his life apart from being a great kung fu warrior. He'd fallen for her gradually, over those three months after Heian Chao's defeat, but as hard as Tai Lung had for Tigress. Her playfulness, her joy for living, how well they got along—it all made his heart beat faster, made him blush, but it was also something he wanted to see and enjoy every day for the rest of his life. It was enough to make him want to leave his dad, leave the Jade Palace and his training, and go along with her, Crane, and Mei Ling when they journeyed again, just so he could be with her, near her.

Except…he knew it was all just a fantasy. The most charitable interpretation he could give to her gestures, touches, and suggestive commentary was that it was simply Jia being her usual playful self, nothing more. Even if she had truly gotten over her desire for Tai Lung, had given Tigress her blessing with him, and been willing to celebrate their marriage today, he knew with the prescience of truth, as a sinking feeling of something cold, wet, and solid rolling about distressingly in the pit of his stomach, that she could never be romantically interested in a younger, fat panda.

"_Fen_ for your thoughts," Jia suddenly drawled, casually and with that cutely charming smile that had first caught his attention at the shore of that lily-covered lake near Henan.

"Huh? Oh!" Floundering about sheepishly, he quickly tried to cover and hoped he hadn't given himself away by visibly mooning over her. "Uh…I was just, uh, wonderin' why _you_ were up so late."

The snow leopardess shrugged. "Not really sure. I've always loved the night, though. It's a cat thing, just ask Tai Tai. You could say it's my element, even though I'm not an assassin anymore." She paused and grinned. "And you should know all about elements, big guy, you control one."

While he was still trying to figure out how to respond to that, Jia went on. "Speaking of elements, you sure seemed to be in yours today, with all the work you were putting into the wedding feast. I know you're a lot more of a natural at kung fu than everyone thought, but are you sure you didn't miss your calling?" She reached over and placed her small paw on his larger, black-furred one. He flinched involuntarily, even as he felt a rush of heat and knew he was starting to blush.

"I've been watching you, Po. And the energy and passion you've been putting into your cooking is the same as I've seen you put in kung fu. You just have this gleam in your eye, and a big smile on your face, when you do both. I know you're the cook here at the palace now…but did you ever think maybe you should go back to your father's restaurant? I bet you're perfectly capable of handling that and being the Dragon Warrior at the same time."

The panda blinked, not expecting that at all, and for a few moments he actually forgot about her paw resting on his as he sat back and considered it. It was true he'd always felt cramped, literally, at his dad's noodle shop, and that even if there'd been plenty of room for a giant panda, his dreams would have always led him to look outside those walls, up to the Jade Palace where he wistfully hoped he could one day learn kung fu, be a great warrior who would bring peace, harmony, and good will throughout the empire.

But did that mean he had to completely forego his former life? He would never want to leave Ping in the lurch…and he had to admit that when there was no pressure, when instead of being on demand every single day by irate customers and his father's fevered litany of incoming orders, he could set his own pace, cook what he wanted to and when he wanted to…it was relaxing, and it made him proud.

"Well…I don't know," he said at last, lamely. "Maybe? I…I gotta think about it more, y'know? Gotta be sure I can balance it all, an' I don't want anybody thinkin' I won't be there t' protect th' Valley 'cause I'm too busy with my wok. But sure…if I can, maybe. Yeah." He smiled at her, then turned the expression a bit lopsided. "Don't have t' decide right away though, Jia. Ever since I started livin' at th' Palace, an' especially after we fought Chao, Dad's been lookin' for another chef.

"An' he finally found one, I met him at the wedding festival. Biggest tiger I've ever seen! But that's how they grow 'em in Siberia. Real nice though, kind, courteous, friendly. Even says he has some new recipes he wants my dad t' try out, I guess he's quite the guy t' have in the kitchen. He's got these _awesome_ desserts he invented—what'd he call 'em, Tiger's Eye dumplings?—you just gotta try one before ya leave."

He was proud of himself for not allowing a catch to enter his voice at that last word—and for how he didn't allow a trace of insinuation or bitterness to bleed through as he added, "Oh, and apparently, he's hot. Or at least, Viper sure was drooling over him."

"Oh, _really_?" Jia lidded her violet eyes with a smoldering gaze, resting her chin on her own paw in turn. "Tell me more…"

"Hush, you." He swatted her playfully, even as inside his heart he was burning with jealousy, and rather wishing he could suggest Ping and this new tiger chef should go off and set up shop somewhere far from the Valley of Peace.

Burning? He sniffed the air, then hurriedly jumped up and ran to the oven. Just in time, he rescued the dish from within and set it out on the counter to cool. As he flapped his apron over it to send the steam billowing out the window, he said, "Speaking of dessert, mine's ready. Though it's not really mine. This is an old family recipe of Viper's." He was about to say more when the kettle began whistling.

As Jia crossed over and took it off the heat, then added the tea leaves to let it steep, Po got down the bowls and spoons the two of them would need, just as he had the night Tai Lung first began training him—for indeed, he had made the same rice custard they'd cooked then. Familiarity bred comfort, after all, and it _had_ been good.

Soon enough both of them were seated at the table again—this time side by side, an arrangement that made him nervous and puzzled him all over again. But Jia merely seemed to be settling in a comradely way as she began sampling the sweet dish, and he had to wonder if once again his own expectations and yearnings weren't misleading him. Maybe that touch of paws had just been a friendly gesture after all, a supportive one to stress her point. Not…something more. No matter how she'd held it there longer than he felt was normal.

Unsure of himself, the panda watched as Jia closed her eyes and made soft murmurs of pleasure and delight while she sucked the custard from her spoon. "Mmm…delicious. Best I've ever had. You really do have a gift, big guy."

"Uh…thanks. But…it's just custard. Nothing special about it or anything." He wriggled uneasily on the bench.

The snow leopardess smiled at him, then winked. "Really? Well remind me sometime to give you one of Mother's recipes. The things that come out of Kunlun Shan can really be…decadent."

For a moment Po could only blink and stare at her, as special desserts was the last thing he'd have expected the terrifying Wu Qing to have specialized in. But then, just as he realized she must have been referring to Xu Mei, Jia did something that only prolonged his stunned silence—reaching up with her spoon, once more filled with custard, to feed it to him. Involuntarily, he swallowed…swallowed again, this time with an awkward gulp, as Jia brought her other paw up to gently stroke his cheek…and then he realized something and hurriedly looked down.

The feline's slender thigh was right next to his, pressing against it.

"Uh…"

"Yes?" She set the spoon down in the bowl, smiled at him suggestively, and leaned in very close. Could she…could she actually want him to…?

He was just leaning in and down, bringing his muzzle tentatively toward hers, when suddenly someone came into the kitchen.

Hurriedly he scrambled back away from Jia to the other end of the bench, though he needn't have worried since the figure who strolled in as if he owned the place didn't even seem to be paying attention to them at all. For a moment he thought it was Tai Lung (and therefore someone who _did_ own the place, sort of), but then he realized it was his brother De.

And a few seconds after that, he realized the older snow leopard was as naked as the day he was born…and Po's brain shut down.

Whistling jauntily to himself, his fur looking rather disheveled but a spring in his step and quite the blissful smile on his face, the farmer finally seemed to notice they were there—not that it made a difference, since he not only made no effort to cover himself but didn't seem bothered by his nudity at all. Or consider that others might be. "Oh, didn't see you there. Sorry about that, only take a moment…"

Crossing over to the pantry, the moonlight running over his bare spotted shoulders—and presumably much lower, but Po _refused_ to look—De searched for a few moments on one of the interior shelves, then let out an exclamation of satisfaction. Turning back around again, though the panda wished he hadn't, he displayed a pawful of plums and winked. "There we are. Just where little brother said they'd be."

As it sank in just what De was referring to, and why Tai Lung would have been telling him of this, Po went pale and started spluttering. He did not consider himself a prude, but there were _some_ things you didn't do in public if you wanted to be considered polite and mannerly! Not to mention, well, the panda knew he was a little too naïve and innocent for his own good…

Beside him, Jia giggled, though whether at his surely disgusted expression, spread paws, and hanging jaw or at De's flagrant shamelessness he didn't know. "Well, somebody's happy to see us. What, ah, _else_ is up?"

"Oh, just spending some…quality time with those lovely maids I met today." The snow leopard grinned and crossed his arms over his chest as he chewed on a plum reflectively.

Finally Po found his voice, even if he did stammer. "What? But I thought Chen told you to—and you promised—"

"I didn't promise anything," De scoffed. "If you recall, the only thing I said I _might_ do was give our esteemed emperor a little reparation for my adventures. And that I'd rest a bit." He smirked. "Well, I'm rested…and I still have plenty of money to make up for this if I have to. Besides, this is what Chen gets for depriving all of us of some fun with the happy newlyweds."

"And the reason you're in the fur?" From the sound of Jia's voice, she didn't seem too offended by his state of undress. Po bristled inwardly.

De shrugged. "This late? I didn't think anybody'd be up. And I've got my dates over in my guest room in the dormitory, so I thought I could slip over here real quick and—" He turned to gesture toward the bunkhouse.

"Gah, watch it!" Po cried, scooting back yet again on the bench until he almost fell on the floor. "Jeez, you could put someone's eye out with that thing!"

The snow leopard peered down at him, raised an eyebrow as ink-black as…other portions of his anatomy, and then smiled confidently in a way that reminded him far too much of Tai Lung. "No need to be envious. Just to show I'm a good sport, I'll even let you join in. What do you say, Dragon Warrior? Come on, let's make a man out of you."

Po turned so red he felt as if he'd faint from the rush of blood. As he wished he could be as small as Mantis so he could crawl away somewhere and hide, De laughed and turned away. "Fine, I'll respect your wishes, son. You two lovebirds have a good night, then." And he strolled back out of the kitchen again, tail lashing slowly behind him.

_Lovebirds? Nah, it can't be! He's just seein' things 'cause he's such a letch. No way Jia could want me after seein'…that._

For several long moments the room was utterly silent. Then, with another soft chuckle, Jia reached over and placed a paw over his once more. He whipped his head around and stared at her with something akin to what he imagined a target would feel like as an archer aimed at it.

As if she'd read his mind, the snow leopardess said, "Calm down, big guy. You're as tense as a bowstring! Don't mind him, he's just what they call in Shanghai an exhibitionist. Here, let me fix you some of that tea, you look like you could use it." And with another squeeze of his paw, she rose to fetch the kettle and a cup and saucer.

When she returned to pour him the tea, there was something very odd about the way she looked at him—a very suggestive, contemplative smile. But for the life of him he couldn't put his finger on what it was, or what it could mean…

* * *

(A/N: Right off the bat I will admit Tai telling Tigress 'Because when I look at you, I see the kind of person I want to be' is a line Peter the Muggle used in his Taigress shuffles, which he got from "Scrubs", and is used with permission. It was just too beautiful and says precisely what I think Tai feels about Tigress. And considering Peter says the way he was writing the couple is based on how I wrote them, and that he wouldn't even have written them if not for me, it only seems fitting this line also appears in my work.

More research: the poem Tai and Tigress quote at each other is another well-known wedding blessing; the line "_Bái tóu xié lăo_" literally refers to the "white hairs of old age" and is the Chinese equivalent of saying "till death do us part"; and the part where Shifu was talking about seeing Tigress stay perfectly still while Enlai and De talked about stunts and intimate gestures is all a reference to the nuptial chamber, where after the wedding the bride had to stay still unless given permission to move by her husband [obviously Tai was not going to try and enforce that, but you can see why Shifu would be amused at the thought of seeing it], and both bride and groom would be teased by family and friends coming into their room and making them perform stunts and gestures. Since there is no actual equivalent to catching the bouquet in a Chinese wedding, AtarahDerek, I used the silk ball from the sedan chair to stand in for a hint at Jia and Po.

Sorry for another tweaking of you shippers' noses out there, this time the Pogress shippers. But you may notice that the lines Po thought to himself, if taken out of context, could apply to _any_ pairing, including Taigress, of course. Isn't self-parody fun? ^_^ And obviously, that new tiger chef working for Ping is good ol' Dalang from Luna's "Present". God I love that tiger. :) And of course that last bit, with the pouring of tea? That's something a new bride traditionally does for her husband...so you can see why Jia is being so thoughtful. Poor Po doesn't have a clue though. Yet.

So, no idea yet when the next vignette(s) will be posted, but I can tell you the next story arc takes up after the epilogue of my fic, with Po and Jia's romance. Oh, and a visit to Shandong, so you get to see Chun again and finally meet Bao and Li-Na in the flesh. Hope this was worth the long wait. R/R!)


	4. Too Many Cooks Spoil the Date

From her vantage point where she stood in the noodle shop courtyard, leaning idly against one wall with her arms loosely crossed, Wu Jia couldn't help but smile fondly and shake her head as she watched Po conversing with his adopted father—more like gesticulating wildly, his eyes wide and alight with giddy excitement, his words spilling out so fast his tongue was tripping over itself trying to keep up, and his cheeks still the same flaming red they'd been when she kiss-tackled him into the river.

He was so endearing, so wonderfully sweet and refreshingly innocent. It was what she loved about him.

Unable to help herself, the snow leopardess flicked her mind back to that night nine months ago, after Tai Lung and Tigress's wedding, when they had shared that intimate moment in the Jade Palace kitchen. She'd done all in her power, short of either coming right out and telling him how much she'd come to care for him or simply pinning him to the table and taking him right then and there, to let the panda know she wanted him. But he was still so young, so clueless, and so naïve…it had taken far longer than she'd expected, and her double-entendres had practically bounced right off him, so that she'd had to make the first move.

And then, just when they'd been about to kiss for the first time, De had interrupted them.

Jia sighed. She couldn't deny, secretly, that she'd been pleased on some level; after all, the farmer was practically his youngest brother's twin, so his arrival in the altogether had finally shown her just how perfect a male specimen Tai Lung was. And despite her apparently nonchalant response, part of her had had the urge to take that unbelievably hot snow leopard and make wild, passionate love right on the table with him too, if not back in his dormitory room. But…she hadn't, because astonishingly, her mind had gone almost immediately right back to Po.

She knew why, too. It wasn't because she had lost her love of muscular hunks, although she had gotten over Tai Lung during her travels. And she hadn't gained a love for pudgy butterballs either…or rather, if she had, it was just for one in particular. It was because the Dragon Warrior was like no other man she'd ever known. She allowed that how she knew his parents, and the promise Chun had made on her behalf to look out for Bao's son, might have something to do with the closeness and protectiveness she felt. But it had gone beyond that now.

The men she had known in the past had all been after one thing, and one thing only. And she could not conceal the fact that she had given it to them, on numerous occasions. Sometimes it was the only coin she had, the only way to obtain information, travel papers, special drugs and poisons, or the leniency to look the other way while she and her sisters passed through and did their foul deeds. Other times it was to satisfy her not inconsiderable sexual desires, with no consequences (she'd always been careful about birth control herbs and certain other medicines which would keep her in good health) and no strings attached.

And still other times it had only been to stave off depression and despair, when she was at her lowest of lows, convinced that no one cared about her except as a tool to obtain what they coveted; that if her own sister could manipulate, deceive, and blackmail her, then no one else would treat her any better…but by the same token, that maybe if she searched long enough and hard enough, she could find someone who would love her as Xiu did not. Someone who, if all else failed, could allow her to forget even for a moment that she was a Wu Sister.

She had never found such a one, instead only encountering one smutty, perverted, lust-crazed man after another. Even the ones who were less disgusting and more chivalrous about it had to admit, when pressed, that while she was a delightful armful and wonderful in bed, and that they liked her well enough, they could never see themselves spending the rest of their lives with her. Or that she would ever settle down to do so, writ of treason notwithstanding. And of course some had turned out to already be married, the lying bastards…

But Po was different. Not only was he totally inept when it came to sex, relationships, or social interaction in general (something she knew she'd have to work on religiously now that they were dating), but he treated her like no other had before. Not that he was immune to her beauty or didn't think of her as a woman. It was that he saw the other side of her, who she was within her heart. He was a good, kind man, one who regarded her as a lady and a friend.

He was brave without being arrogant, funny without being annoying, and generous to a fault. He liked her for who she was, not what she could do for him or how quickly she put out, and the very things that she had always used to make her way in the world were utterly meaningless to him, a source of embarrassment and confusion. She knew she need never fear he would use her, abuse her, or take advantage of her as other men had.

Besides, he did have some nice muscle now under all that pudge. And she couldn't deny his physique actually made him more appealing somehow…it definitely added to his cuteness and charm. What they had was something deeper, something more than physical, and he was attractive precisely because he was so innocent, because he wouldn't paw her indiscriminately, because she would have to teach him everything he needed to know.

She'd thought she wanted a man of the world, one who was buff, strong, and powerful so he could both protect her and be an amazing lover. What she'd needed, though, was one who was gentle and forgiving, self-effacing and open-minded, but who was also solid in every sense of the word. And who, by the way, was still handsome, strong, and a great fighter…just not in the way she'd thought he'd be.

Unobtrusively she wiped tears from her violet eyes.

Still, if they were to make a real relationship of this, they needed to get to know each other better. That night in the kitchen she had helped Po calm down and spent several more hours with him until the custard was done, all the dishes had been put away, and Qiao Jian had been welcomed back from her date, but following that she had only accompanied him back to his room before bidding him good night. She'd known then, after how slow on the uptake he was and how he'd reacted to De that it was too soon to pursue anything with him, let alone sex, and so she had let the matter rest and, however reluctantly and sadly, gone back on the road with Mei and Crane several days later. Now she was back, the truth was out and clear between them at last—but thanks to the festival they'd barely had a chance to talk, let alone have some much-needed privacy.

But with Chap Goh Meh behind them, and a great deal of fun celebration under their belts to hopefully loosen some of Po's uptight, insecure prudishness, they could finally share more stories of what each had been up to, get caught up on the doings in the Valley as well as the empire…and then proceed from there.

With this determined goal set in her sights, Jia pushed off from the wall, squared her shoulders, and strode casually toward the still-babbling panda and goose. As she approached, she had to smile at their exchanges…

"…and Dad, I didn't even have t' give her th' orange! It was like she already knew, y'know? But I did write her name an' everything so maybe it worked after all? Or th' gods were already watchin'?" Po blushed, in that adorable fashion that melted her heart, a huge grin on his amiable face.

"Now you see, what did I tell you?" Ping crossed his wings over his belly with a satisfied air. "Give it time, and when you're least expecting it, and not looking for it, there you are! Love, or destiny, or whatever, it finds you. 'A watched pot never boils.'" The goose paused, then furrowed his brow. "Except when it does. Never mind. I am just so happy for you, my boy!"

"I'm glad to hear that," Jia interjected. "And here I was thinking I'd have to beg your favor to get your blessing." Despite the teasing, jocular tone, she had to admit to a certain trepidation. She had been one of the Wu Sisters after all, and this town was not exactly known for letting bygones be bygones. Rightfully so, perhaps, but still…

She needn't have worried. After one incredulous look the old goose threw back his head and laughed. "Well, that's very kind of you, very traditional and all…but my goodness! After what you did to stop your sisters, to help save my life, how you could ever think I'd have a harsh word against you is quite beyond me." Ping beamed.

"No, no, my dear Miss Wu, this is a happy day, and as far as I am concerned you make a perfect match for my Po." He chuckled. "But I do hope you won't be tying me to a tree again anytime soon…"

The snow leopardess flinched briefly, at this reminder of the goose's poor treatment on Wu Dan, but then forced a hearty laugh of her own. "Of course not! No knots are good knots. The only ones getting tied up around here will be the bad guys." And, she had to admit sourly, Tigress, if the striped feline wouldn't leave off her vendetta.

"Very well. Then why don't you two get over to your table?" Ping flapped his apron at them. "It's all set up, and you have the place all to yourselves, just as we agreed. I'll whip you up a batch of your favorites, and then leave you to it, eh? And make sure to have fun!" And chortling madly, he disappeared into the restaurant kitchen.

Shyly at first, then a bit more securely, she felt a thickly-furred paw slip its fingers between her own. Glancing aside at Po, whose green eyes were shining and brimming over with wonder and awe even as his face seemed perpetually crimson, she smiled back and allowed him to lead her to a secluded corner of the courtyard.

There, she found that a table had indeed been prepared: arranged with chopsticks, napkins, crockery and other eating utensils; an already steaming kettle of hot water kept sitting atop a small oil-burning lamp, with several varieties of fragrant teas in their own sealed packets for steeping; a few auspicious characters shaped from bronze and suspended beneficently from the courtyard wall alongside the booth; and even a rather romantic basket of flowers with a sweet-scented candle lit.

It was all so heartwarming, most of all because she knew that while Ping had gathered most of it, the important personal touches were Po's doing. At the same time, she couldn't help feeling a twinge of guilt—for she had later learned it had been just such an intimate dinner which the Wu Sisters had interrupted the night Xiu had killed Shen Zhuang…

_Stop it. You can't change the past, and you did all you could for him. This is about you and Po now. _And just because she was still pinching herself, barely able to believe she had finally found, or deserved, such happiness didn't mean she should allow it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, ruining any chance she had of building a future with the panda before it could begin.

Jia sat down across from Po, although she didn't let go of his paw, instead keeping them clasped on the tabletop. She could hear the goose clattering about and humming contentedly to himself, but it didn't stop her from grinning naughtily and leaning forward to whisper conspiratorially. "Ah, alone at last."

"Uh…yeah. Yeah, we sure are." Almost instantly, that bright, scarlet blush she had come to both anticipate and treasure so fondly was darkening his white-furred cheeks, and he was fidgeting in his chair like an overgrown cub. Which in so many ways he was.

"Hey, no need to get so worked up, big guy," she said gently, soothingly. "You'd think I was a _yaoguai_. You know I'm not going to try anything with Ping in the next room, Po, and I certainly don't bite." She winked. "Unless you want me to, that is."

The Dragon Warrior shot her a warning look as he turned an even more flaming hue…although she thought she detected more than a hint of naughty interest in the way he swallowed hard and tugged at his shirt collar. "D'you, like, ever turn it _off_, Jia?" he hissed in a strangled whisper, and she had to giggle merrily.

When she had offered a look of feigned contrition (which she didn't think he bought for one minute—he wasn't _that _naive) and folded her paws before her on the table, he continued in a more normal tone, though he still looked rather flustered and shell-shocked. "I…I still don't believe it. You an' me, together? Seems like somethin' out of one of Viper's romance novels. I mean, I've been hopin', dreamin' about this for quite a while now, but I never thought…" Gulping as his voice cracked a bit, Po stared at her in earnest honesty. "What could someone like you ever see in a guy like me?"

Now it was her turn to blush. He'd really been thinking about her, wishing for this day, perhaps even fantasizing about her? No one had ever done that before…not with the purity and guilelessness he was. "Oh, Po, what's not to see, and love?" For a moment he crossed his arms rather huffily over his chest, and as she realized her words could have been construed as a comment about his weight, she chuckled.

"You're an amazing person, really. You're the Dragon Warrior, a hero and a legend no one in the Valley or the empire ever thought they'd see come again. You've saved so many people already. You're an incredible fighter and only getting better every day. You took on the Wu Sisters, the most notorious assassins in any dynasty, and won, and you helped bring down that madman Chao." She squeezed his paw. "But more than that, you're kind, you're funny, you're an amazing chef, and you've got the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met."

By the time she'd finished, those green eyes were brimming over with tears, his lower lip and chin were quivering, and if he could have she was sure he would have melted through the paving stones. "Oh, Jia…that's just…but I'm such a newbie still, and, and I still need t' lose some weight, an'…"

"That's Tai Lung and Tigress talking," the snow leopardess observed a bit reproachfully. "I happen to think you're just right." And she leaned forward to kiss him—much more sedately and appropriately than she had at the river, but with just as much devotion and passion.

They were still lip-locked, and the panda's flailing paws had settled down on the table top and he was at last getting more into it, when a scatterbrained laugh and the flutter of feathers interrupted them. "My word! Couldn't even wait 'til after the main course to get started, eh? Tsk, tsk, tsk…I always knew my boy would get it right the first time, once he found the right girl…"

Po jerked backwards with a cry, babbling incoherently in a futile attempt to cover up what they'd been doing like it was something obscene, and she could tell at a glance that he was very much contemplating hiding under the table. Slowly she turned and fixed her coldest, Wu Sister gaze on Ping. After a few moments the bird, who had been looking quite pompously and savvily pleased with himself, actually faltered, interlaced his wing feathers, and sidled out of reach.

"Oh…that didn't quite come out right, did it? _So_ terribly sorry, my father always did say I had chow mein for brains…" Tittering nervously, he backed another few feet away. "Just came to let you know, the won tons for the soup are almost done, and your salmon is on the way…but I believe I just did! Talk amongst yourselves!" And he vanished back into the kitchen so fast it was as if he'd evaporated, actually leaving a small cloud of feathers behind.

_Maybe I shouldn't let go of all those old habits just yet_. She was about to buff her knuckles on her vest when she saw Po staring at her wide-eyed and hastened to explain herself. "Oh, don't worry, big guy, you know I'd never really hurt him…"

"No, I know, it wasn't that," he said immediately, surprising her with how reasonable he sounded, though his voice was a bit faint. "I just…I can't believe…" He broke off and gave her a sappy grin. "I _love_ you."

Jia blinked; that had come out of nowhere. "Well thanks, I love you too, but what brought that on?"

Po leaned forward with both paws planted on the table in front of him. "D'you have _any_ idea what ya just did? That was my dad's patented, honest-to-gods, no-holds-barred, 'I-want-grandkids-an'-when-are-you-gonna-start-bein'-a-real-man-an'-give-me-some' speech! He's been naggin' me with that thing for _years_, I could never get him t' shut up…" The panda grabbed her paws, looking as if he didn't know whether to kiss them, pat them, or shake them violently. "_Thank you!_ Thank th' gods for you!"

Hearing that, Jia began to laugh hysterically, and it wasn't long before Po joined her, though the awe and gratitude never left his round, moon-like face.

Only when they had both settled down and she felt composed enough did she venture to speak again. "Okay, now that _that _awful hurdle's behind us…c'mon, give. What've you been learning while I was gone, hmm? How many of those 'totally bodacious' legends I've been hearing about are the real deal and not just gossip evolution?" She winked. "I'll show mine if you show yours."

Amazingly, Po only blushed a little this time—either he'd missed most of the implications of that double-entendre, he was finally becoming used to her and her ways, or he was that excited at the prospect of regaling her with his exploits. Whatever it was, he was soon instantly in fanboy mode, waxing eloquent on his favorite and most enraptured of topics…kung fu.

After several breathless minutes in which he had recited every move, blow, _chi_ technique, and weapon he'd been taught by Tigress, Shifu, and Tai Lung, ranging from the snow leopard's low-slung stance to balancing atop bamboo to double-sabered fighting, Jia laughed again and leaned forward, planting both paws on the table and peering winsomely into his eyes.

"Po…big guy…breathe. Now, that's all pretty awesome and all, but what have you been _doing_ with what you've learned? I know you've been traveling the empire some too, doing Dragon Warrior deeds. And I heard you went with Tai Tai to the capital."

The panda blinked, looking both stunned and embarrassed, and was soon unsurprisingly rubbing at the back of his neck with one paw. But even as he ducked his chin toward his chest and shifted in his seat, he answered her. "Well, yeah, I kinda did. Tai wanted me t' keep learnin' his style, an' some more cool ways t' use th' Leopard Claw, an' he was already teachin' th' Emperor an' his men, so…" He shrugged and ran his paw idly along the tabletop. "Of course, I also got t' help save Chen's life while I was there…"

"What?" She blinked, sitting up straight.

Now Po was blushing even more openly, and he refused to look her in the eye, instead finding something very interesting about the potted plants which lined the courtyard. "Hey now, don't make such a big deal out of it. Anybody else would've done th' same, I was just in th' right place at th' right time, an' if ya wanna know th' truth I just happened t' be on th' palace balcony when th' assassin was climbin' th' wall, an' I fell on him."

Jia gave him a long, sardonic look.

"Okay, okay, maybe it was a bit more than that," the panda finally admitted reluctantly. "Still don't know who he was, th' Imperial Guard's investigatin', but when ya see a guy all in black climbin' up a wall instead of comin' in th' door like normal people do, an' he's got a knife clenched in his teeth—well, that says 'obviously evil' t' me." Po knitted his fingers together and finally dared to look at her.

"So I kinda threw myself off th' balcony on purpose, knocked him off th' wall…an' when we landed, I fought him off with th' Sword of Heroes. Th' knife half took care of his dagger, knocked it clean over th' courtyard wall, an' then…well, I stabbed him with th' shortsword."

Unsurprisingly, his face looked rather gray under the white fur, for this would be the first person he had directly killed by his own paw. Even if he was an evil man, a contract killer, it would have to be upsetting and overwhelming for Po. _Your first kill is never easy. I know that from experience, all right_. And for one so innocent like Po…

Reaching out, she took and squeezed his paw firmly, even as she fixed a proud and determined gaze on him and injected her voice with approval and admiration. "That's amazing, Po. You did a really good deed, all of China owes you for that one…but I know how hard that must have been for you. And you know what? I hope it will always be that hard…because the day killing starts being easy for you, is the day you, and everyone else, should start worrying."

He swallowed hard, then gave her a knowing look. "Ya mean, 'cause then I'd be too much like my dad."

For a moment the snow leopardess bristled—she had been certain, after Viper's pep talk of over a year ago, and her own long, detailed, fond memories of traveling with the panda highwaymen, that Po had gotten over Chao's taunts and his own resentment and despair over his parents' identity. But then she forced herself to relax, even as she regarded him solemnly.

"No, not at all. I meant, because when someone is able to kill without it affecting them, they've become as cold and heartless as Xiu. That's what it takes to be an assassin, in fact. And if someone who could do that, also had the powers of the Dragon Warrior…" She trailed off, not wanting to put into words what that would mean, though she saw from the stark fear and sickened look in Po's eyes that he'd already reached the proper conclusion unassisted.

"But I know that would never happen with you, Po. So why don't you tell me about the other things you've done, the things that didn't involve killing, where you were a hero just by being out there, helping and protecting people?" And she smiled brightly.

For a few moments he only stared at her, still rather stunned and worried. But then he swallowed again, shrugged, and started habitually rubbing at his elbow as he gave a blushing reply. "What's there t' tell, really? Uh…I helped Tai with teachin' th' Emperor's soldiers, I've been huntin' down bandits an' lost children, I helped some villagers bring in their harvest, there was that Mongol tribe that just wanted t' settle down an' get some good food an' a nice place t' live—had t' convince a town that they were peaceful an' meant 'em no harm—an' there was th' time I had t' stop th' Huang He from floodin', an' then there was that mission t'—"

Jia, who had been smiling warmly and nodding along in time to the almost soothing flow of the panda's words, suddenly sat up with a shocked gasp, planting her paws on the table as she let her jaw drop. "What? _You held back the Yellow River?_"

Po was now the color of a bell pepper, and he was spluttering and stammering in that adorably charming, incredibly cute way that she had missed so very much. "N-now, c'mon, you're makin' it out t' be so much cooler than it really was! I…I just…well, it was just usin' my water _chi_, y'know? It…it wasn't like I was blockin' a whole huge wall of water or something', heh heh!" Chuckling nervously, he rushed on.

"Nah, I just happened t' be there, I saw th' floodwaters risin', so I just…pushed 'em back, diverted it downstream away from th' town an' the crops. An' I made sure some of th' water did get through, so th' land got all that rich soil it needs. Just not so much it ruined everything. Wasn't anything to it." The Dragon Warrior grinned at her encouragingly. "I bet you did a lot more awesome stuff with Mei and Crane."

"You're joking, right?" The ex-Wu Sister shook her head in disbelief. "There's no way _any_ of us could have done something as amazing as that, big guy. What's defending a monastery or helping travelers stranded by a broken bridge next to that? You're in a class by yourself, hon."

Of course, there'd been a bit more to those adventures than she was letting on, but if Po wanted to downplay his abilities and accomplishments, two could play at that game. Besides, what he had done _still_ outweighed the trio's adventures by far…and his humility was as admirable and endearing as everything else about him.

Before she could say anything more, however, or Po could do more than blink away happy tears and suddenly become very interested in the cobblestones beneath his feet, Ping suddenly reappeared bearing an enormous tray of steaming dishes, bowls, and pots that it seemed impossible one of his size and strength should be able to support, and it was time at last to dig into their delicious dinner.

It seemed that either Ping had been aware of what she'd wanted to order, back when she and her sisters had eaten at the restaurant to obtain information, or Po had later informed him of it, because many of the items sampled on the tray were the very things she "hadn't eaten in ages" and which constituted some of her favorites: eggplant in garlic sauce, kung pao tofu, sautéed spinach, as well as various types of seafood and shellfish.

Along with this were a huge bowl of dumplings to share, the goose's special soup she'd never gotten to taste, and of course steaming piles of noodles. It all smelled so delicious her stomach was soon rumbling like a mountain waterfall, and she rather suspected she'd soon be stuffing her face as much as Po was wont to do.

When Ping had finally set out the last plate and bowl, then wiped his sweaty brow with one wing, Jia reached over and laid a paw on his sloping, aged shoulder. "This is incredible, sir. Thank you so much! I can already tell, paws down, this is going to be the finest meal I've ever had. We can just tell those Imperial chefs in Beijing to move over and make room for you, 'cause you've got 'em all beat."

As he had when Emperor Chen had praised the goose's cooking at the celebration of Chao's defeat and Tai Lung's ascension to Master of the Jade Palace, Ping looked a little unsteady on his feet, ready to topple over in a faint at any moment—or maybe he was simply that weary from his heavy load. But then he smiled, patted and caressed her paw fondly, then nodded his bill once.

"Oh my dear little Miss Jia, I will have you know that flattery will get you absolutely…everything." He glanced knowingly at the panda. "My boy, you have made an excellent choice in her, and all I can say is, it is _about time_!"

Chuckling, the noodle-maker turned about and began to trundle back into the kitchen, but he paused once to look back over his shoulder with a rather relieved and forced smile. "Now, enjoy your dinner…and do try to keep things under control this time…"

When he had left the courtyard, the two of them looked at each other for a long moment. Then, even as they reached for their chopsticks to begin eating, both of them burst out laughing.

"Oh jeez…ow, my side!…y'know, we really shouldn't be laughing." Po shook his head, wiping tears from his green eyes. "Poor Dad. He really got put through the wringer, last time we were here, didn't he?"

"You kidding?" Jia snickered, rather unladylike, even as she started to fish a wonton out of her soup. "Of course we should! That was the funniest thing I've seen in years!" Forcing herself to regain control so she wouldn't choke, she shoved the first noodle-wrap in her mouth and chewed reflectively, but she couldn't help still giggling a little as her mind drifted back to another dinner, nine months ago…

* * *

It was two days after the wedding. Tai Lung would never have interrupted his deliriously happy private time with his new wife if it hadn't been so important—for Mei Ling had told him, after her time spent in the cockloft, that Tigress still had many issues and doubts about her half-sister becoming involved with Po romantically.

And just as importantly, he knew that in only a few days' time, Jia would be leaving the Valley with Mei and Crane again, which meant there was only a short window of opportunity in which to hook the two of them up, _and_ allow Tigress to witness it so she could see how good they were for each other.

He had to admit, when he had first learned about the panda and snow leopard possibly becoming a couple, he had been rather skeptical too. Not that he didn't believe Po deserved such happiness, or could even find it with a woman…but _Jia_? Sure, she was a good woman, they did have that bond through his biological family, and he'd seen how close they were growing as friends and fellow kung fu warriors during those cooped-up winter months.

But even without Chao's influence, she had always found Tai Lung himself to be the true 'stud', as well as many other males built like him. To go from that, to wanting a roly-poly butterball, was a bit of a let-down. He loved Po like a brother, but to lose out to him…

The snow leopard had immediately, of course, seen the inherent danger in such thinking. Even setting aside the fact he was now married and shouldn't be wanting Jia to pursue him, the sort of narcissistic, self-absorbed mentality that could justify such resentment was beneath him now. Po deserved this, so did Jia…and considering everything, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense.

He needed a more worldly woman to help him get over his shyness and uncertainty, she needed a man who wasn't after her just for the sex or who wanted to live dangerously. His innocence complemented her knowledge, both of them were great fighters, and thanks to Bao and Li-Na, she had a vested interest in helping him grow and be strong while he could reconnect to his past through her.

Of course that didn't mean he would stop teasing Po, whether about his size or about his apparent new status as a sex symbol; that was, after all, what brothers did to one another. But he would be careful not to overdo it and bring the panda's self-esteem crashing down. And he would do his utmost best to help Po achieve this dream he'd never even contemplated—because helping him be successful and find love was also something a good brother did.

However, the whole issue would be moot, and the point of Tigress accepting Po with Jia invalidated, if a) Po never made a move and b) Jia left the Valley before anything could happen. So the Master of the Jade Palace had decided to sacrifice a few hours in his bedroom (it wasn't as if he and Tigress hadn't spent enough time there already, or that they couldn't make up for lost time rather quickly…), urging the Dragon Warrior to take Jia on a dinner date to his dad's restaurant before it was too late, and then suggesting to Tigress that they go as well so as to, ah, "keep an eye on them".

The only problem with that set-up was that Po and Jia wouldn't be their natural selves if they knew anyone, let alone Tigress, was watching them. Hence the need for secrecy, for the feline couple to sneak down to the noodle-shop…and for them to make quite sure the other couple didn't see them.

Once Ping had been let in on the plan, it had been relatively simple to arrange things so the two pairs would be ensconced in separate but adjoining booths, divided by a very large potted plant they could hide behind. Tigress was 'disguised' courtesy of a gorgeous silk _da-ao_ which was highly reminiscent of the one her old doll wore, as no one would ever expect or believe she would wear such feminine finery—though she certainly scowled enough to give away both her identity and her displeasure—while he had donned an old set of robes and a black cloak rather like the one he'd worn to conceal himself the night of his rampage. No one would ever be the wiser…he hoped.

Smiling as dashingly as he could manage under the circumstances, Tai Lung set down his menu, then glanced from the goose to his wife. "We'll have two specials. Is that all right, love?"

For a moment Tigress gave him a flat, hard stare, but then for the sake of anyone who might be listening in, she forced herself to reply as sweetly and genteelly as possible. "Oh, whatever you say, _dear_, you know what I like." And she fluttered a jade fan in front of her muzzle. _Oh, I am __**so**__ going to pay for this later…_

Doing his level best not to meet that skewering gaze, and hoping his feigned bashfulness would conceal the trepidation he felt, the snow leopard chuckled sheepishly. "We're on our honeymoon." Which, of course, was technically true, though he had hoped to get a little farther from the palace than this…

For a long moment a very suggestive, even saucy, look entered Ping's eyes that made Tai Lung feel like rubbing his. He'd had no idea the bird had such a side to him! But he merely smiled blandly. "Bless you for coming out in public. So, that's two specials!"

"And a tofu log!" Tigress interrupted harshly. Tai Lung shot her a look—it was hard enough hiding her identity when there were so few tigers in the Valley, but everyone and his little brother knew the leader of the Furious Five subsisted on tofu during her harshest training (which was to say, all the time). Quickly she lowered her voice back to a dulcet murmur and smiled coquettishly at her husband, though it looked as if those fangs could grind rocks. "To split."

The goose glanced around furtively to make sure no one else had noticed her outburst, then nodded amiably. As he turned away and headed toward the kitchen, however, he called out: "Dalang, I need two heartburns and a deep-fried doorstop…"

The felines exchanged a long, startled look, then began to laugh. When their hilarity had subsided, Tigress set down her fan and leaned forward on crossed elbows to eye him sardonically. "All right, I admit, this was a pretty good idea."

Tai Lung leaned back in his seat, clasping one paw behind his head and buffing the other on his chest. "When will you learn that _all_ my ideas are good ones?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized his mistake, but it was too late. To his beloved's credit, she didn't scream at him, throw a fit, or rip him apart for lapsing back into such smug arrogance; instead she only raised an eyebrow, snorted, and began counting on her fingers. "Well, that's funny, because I thought that you stealing the Dragon Scroll, going on a rampage in the Valley, and going off to Chorh-Gom to face Vachir all by yourself, were really _bad_ ideas."

There was a pause; he knew she was right, and that he'd deserved every bit of that, but he had to save face somehow. Crossing his arms in what he knew was an extremely petulant fashion, at last he grumbled, "Well, anything sounds bad if you say it with _that_ attitude…"

Tigress shook her head, smirking, then sighed and crossed her arms on the table. "Seriously, I'm glad to know Po means this much to you, that you want him to be happy as much as I do. I just hope this plan works, so I can learn what I need to…I do _not_ want to have been dragged out of bed and all the way down the mountain, let alone shoved into a _dress_, for nothing when I have our cubs to think about protecting…_and_ I'd much rather be celebrating in private with you." The look she gave him was rather smoldering.

He chuckled, even as he tried his hardest not to think about other things that were hard thanks to that expression. "And to think I believed nothing could _ever_ make you forego training in the kwoon or quit overworking yourself, let alone consent to laze about in bed. _Damn_, I'm good."

Unsurprisingly, the striped feline gave him a very cold, silent glare, though he noticed a twitch of one corner of her lips to suggest that she couldn't deny the truth of his words. However, before she could say anything, Ping reappeared with a steaming, covered tray, and she had to quickly snatch her fan out of harm's way (and resume her fluttering disguise for the benefit of the other patrons) so that he could uncover the tray and set their plates before them.

"Ah, there we are, then! Two specials for the happy couple." From a pocket of his apron, he threw a double-handful of confetti in the air. "_Gōngxi gōngxi!_" And with a chuckle, he trundled off into the kitchen again.

As soon as Tigress looked down at what had been prepared for her, she felt her gorge begin to rise…partly because she was only fond of certain kinds of seafood, not all, but mostly thanks to the delicate stomach her newly-discovered pregnancy had bequeathed to her. There, steaming in heaping, dark, shiny coils, was a massive freshwater eel.

What made it worse, however, was that her new husband was gazing at his own offering with bright eyes, briskly rubbed paws, and a mouth-watering grin. "Oh…my…word. Ping has _really_ outdone himself this time! I haven't had eel in years…"

Before her eyes, he sliced into the underbelly of the serpentine delicacy with brandished claws—and then dug deep into the eel's innards with his chopsticks, scooping up clinging hunks of the boiling-hot meat to be shoveled into his gaping maw. He even began ferrying it to his mouth with his bare paws, once he had blown on it enough to cool it, or else his tongue and throat were simply that inured to heat. The longer she watched him, the more her stomach rebelled, until she had to clamp a paw over her mouth.

After several intolerable minutes of this, Tai Lung looked up, noticed her silence and stillness, and completely misinterpreted it. "Oh, I suppose you've never had it before…here, let me help you…" And he reached over to claw the belly of her eel open, too. The smell that wafted up from within, as well as the sight of the animal's internal organs, made her turn even greener.

Yet the snow leopard kept feasting on his repast—in fact he actually leaned over to grasp the looping entrails with his fangs, siphoning them into his mouth with loud, slurping suckling as if they were simply fried noodles. Again her stomach lurched. _That does it. If I don't get out of here now, let alone find something my body can handle, Tai Lung will be wearing my last meal. Which he'd deserve, since he's the one who put me in this condition in the first place. Well…all right, so I stopped taking the herbs near the end of winter, but clearly the major fault lies with him… _Hurriedly she got up from her seat.

"Where are you going?" the master of the Jade Palace mumbled through his mouthful. He actually sounded puzzled and completely clueless.

"I'm just going to slip into the kitchen and have a word with the chef," she replied, as casually and neutrally as she could manage, as she applied her iron will to keep the contents of her stomach where they belonged.

"You're going to get us thrown out," Tai Lung observed warningly.

Tigress scoffed. "Please. Ping? He wouldn't hurt a fly." And with another heave of her guts and a wave of nausea as she watched him nibbling on an organ like it was a candied date, she turned and sauntered toward the restaurant kitchen, still hiding her face behind her fan. The whole way she was muttering to herself, speaking volumes on how she already loathed being pregnant, if it could make something she normally wouldn't blink twice at into a cursed weakness…

Tai Lung watched her go, smiling to himself as he eyed the way her shapely backside shifted and moved beneath the clinging white silk. "No, but his new chef might…" He'd met the tiger himself—Dalang, was it?—and even if he didn't know a single kung fu move, the Amur feline was big enough, strong enough, and intimidating enough to give anyone pause. Not that he didn't think he could take the fellow, or Tigress for that matter despite her current condition. But that would draw attention they didn't want, as well as be far too tacky. And messy.

Unfortunately, as he slurped up the last of his eel and wiped his mouth with a napkin, the snow leopard saw he wasn't the only one to appreciate Tigress's anatomy. A rather drunk-looking pig at a nearby side booth was watching her too, and when he turned back and caught Tai Lung's eye, the patron grinned lecherously, winked, and raised his mug of _shaojiu_ in a silent toast!

In spite of himself, even though he knew it was wrong and would also blow his cover, he couldn't help swelling inside the confines of his robes, snarling deeper and more menacingly than he recalled in over a year. But before he could do something disastrous, like ripping free of his cloak and launching at the porcine in a repeat of how his rampage had begun, something else caught his eye that completely drained the anger from him—replacing it with worry and even a touch of fear. Ping had appeared at the swinging door leading into the restaurant kitchen, emerging from one side just as Tigress disappeared through the other…and he was pointing and gesturing frantically to one side, eyes bugging out in horror.

Tai Lung turned—and swore to himself. There, just entering the courtyard and looking around curiously, were Po and Jia.

At any other time he might have been proud of how good the panda looked, dressed up in his festival finery, or even admired the ex-Wu Sister's violet and powder-blue _cheongsam_ that somehow managed to be slinky and revealing thanks to the curves that filled it out.

But right now he knew he couldn't be seen by them, not if he expected an honest example of their relationship for Tigress's benefit, and not if he wanted to avoid Po's hurt feelings at discovering he'd been manipulated into this date by his two best friends just because one of them didn't trust his choice in prospective mates. And Tigress, meanwhile, didn't know they'd arrived, so could come out of the kitchen fresh from her victory over the chef at any moment, unconcealed, and give the game away.

Thinking quickly, the snow leopard pulled his hood up as far as it would go, then snatched up a menu and hid behind it. Peering with one golden eye around the edge of it, he watched with faint relief as Ping intercepted the new couple and—amid stammering, stuttering, and jittering giggles that surely must have clued Jia in to something not being on the up-and-up, even if Po was too naïve to catch it—led them to the booth on the other side of the potted palm.

_One crisis averted—for now. Now to catch Tigress…_ Dropping the menu and sweeping his cloak up about him, he made a beeline for the kitchen, somehow forcing himself to walk as slowly and nonchalantly as he dared so as not to draw attention—though he feared his manner of dress did that already. But as he pushed through the swinging door, he discovered commandeering his wife and getting her out of sight, or at least properly hidden from Po and Jia, would not be as easy as he'd hoped.

Hand on one hip, fluttering her fan with the other in a manner that was decidedly impatient, condescending, and infuriated rather than coquettish or demure, his wife had fixed her emerald gaze on the man behind the kitchen counter, who was alternately stirring something in the large cookpot over the oven and chopping vegetables on a nearby cutting board.

He didn't know if the other tiger was simply unaware of her identity, and immune to her fierce anger, or if he was just that good at hiding it, but Dalang didn't seem to be that perturbed by her presence or her attitude. In fact if anything he seemed rather bemused, even staring at her unwaveringly while mechanically scraping his spoon around in a mixing bowl.

"…look, all I know is, I'm pregnant," Tigress was saying tartly. "And the food made me nauseous."

Rushing to her side, he grasped her free paw and tried not-so-covertly tugging her toward the door. "Um…sweetheart, leave the nice cook alone, now…"

"Chef," Dalang corrected absently.

"You wouldn't want to miss _our friends_, would you? The ones we were _waiting for_?" He jerked his head meaningfully toward the courtyard, in time to his emphasized words.

But Tigress ignored him, only narrowing her eyes all the more behind her fan—in a rather sinister fashion, he noted despairingly. "I _just_ want to make sure you'll be a little easier on me from now on."

Letting go of her paw as a lost cause, the snow leopard hurried back to the kitchen door to check on the incipient danger. Both Po and Jia were still seated, perusing their menus, but even as he looked, the former assassin pouted and lowered hers. "Awww, your dad took the salmon off the menu! Is there any chance he could make some, just for me?" She smiled winsomely.

The panda, of course, could not possibly resist that adorably cute expression. Blushing, he levered himself to his feet with a grunt of effort. "Hang on, I'll go check."

Panic started to seize Tai Lung. Darting away from the door and the steadily, deliberately approaching black-and-white form, he ran back to Tigress's side. To his annoyance and resentment, not only was his beloved still nattering on about the food, Dalang's look had shifted from one of rapt attention to blatant admiration, his own yellow-green eyes glazed over, a beatific smile on his muzzle as he drank in her flashing eyes, her harsh but fiercely feminine features, and other aspects of her body farther down. _Bollocks. This is __**not**__ what I need! _

He grabbed her paw again, and finally succeeded in dragging her away from the counter. However, with Po lumbering in their direction from the courtyard, there wasn't time to reach the back door, leaving only one place to go. "This way, dear…"

"It's a simple question!" Tigress demanded, as he caught her around the waist and firmly pulled her toward the pantry door. "Is there or is there not anything good for my stomach—"

"Eyes _off_," he growled at Dalang. "She's _mine!_" He was quite satisfied to see the other tiger blanch, swallow hard, then nod hard, once, as his face went pale beneath the fur.

"—on this menu?"

Mercifully, the door slammed shut, cutting his wife off from the hapless chef, and as he shoved Tigress back onto a pile of flour bags, Tai Lung could just see through the crack between the wooden panel and the jamb as the Dragon Warrior strolled into the kitchen and leaned idly on the counter with one paw. "So, Dalang, what's your policy on making special orders?"

Before the tiger could even marshal his thoughts to reply, a yarn-topped hat poked above the serving hatch out into the courtyard, and then Ping's tiny head and large eyes appeared as he breathlessly began reciting orders for the cook. "Ordering! Four shrimp and clam combos with extra black beans, two crab-cheese puff platters, a basket of potstickers, a catch of the day, and a tofu steak cut in the shape of a trout." He paused and eyed his employee worriedly. "You get all that, Dalang?"

The feline blinked several times, then shrugged and replied, utterly deadpan: "Four sea snappers wearing brown pants, two plates of hot air, a basket of grandma's breakfast, an upstream-spawner, and change the fake meat to a gill, got it." He smirked and calmly went to work; Po looked rather impressed, and Tai Lung had to admit he was too. It looked like the restaurant was in good paws after all.

Turning back to the dim interior of the pantry, he felt any sense of pride or happiness shriveling as he spied those golden and ruby-red eyes blazing at him out of the shadows. "Just _what_ exactly was that all about? Don't tell me you've forgotten our cubs already! They can't take that sort of manhandling…and you know I won't stand for it either…"

Hurriedly he tried to placate her with a gentle shushing. "Sorry, love, there wasn't time for anything more gentle. In case you didn't notice, Po is out there right now, giving his replacement the third degree, and there's no way he wouldn't recognize you after how you were, ah, advising Dalang."

For a moment she stared at him blankly; then Tigress grumbled, sighed, and looked away, disgruntled. "Fine. Then what do you suggest we do?"

The snow leopard peered around the room, disregarding the barrels, sacks, crates, and shelves of vegetables, flour, and other dried goods and herbs, until he spied a wooden-flapped window which surely opened onto the street behind the noodle restaurant. He made his way over to it, lifted the flap, and peered out in both directions. "Good, the coast is clear. We'll just have to slip out the back way and circle around to get back to the palace. There's no way we can get back out there without one of them…seeing us…"

He trailed off because, as he turned around to gesture to his wife to let him scoop her safely out onto the cobblestones, he saw she'd turned her back on him and was striding purposefully toward the door back into the kitchen! Over her shoulder, she said rather coolly, "And miss my chance to find out how Jia really treats Po? I don't think so. Besides, I'm still hungry."

Tai Lung buried his face in his palm. This was not the first time he'd had to deal with his beloved's strange food cravings in the last month since they'd learned she was pregnant (something which had made it all the more imperative there be smooth sailing for the wedding). Between that and her need for a great deal of nourishment for the cubs, he was rather surprised she hadn't, um, bloomed.

Except she hadn't stopped training in the kwoon until forced into the cockloft, despite the doctor's admonitions. Now that she'd been forced to stop by the clear danger to the cubs, even her high metabolism couldn't keep ahead of her food intake. Which meant she'd be growing soon enough. Which meant he'd be bearing the brunt of her fury.

_Just remember you love her. Remember it's all worth it in the end. _

Opening his eyes, he lunged toward her to catch her by the arm—except of course she naturally, and adeptly, slipped free and barged back out into the kitchen, leaving him to desperately chase after her. Luckily Po seemed to have gotten what he wanted, since he was nowhere to be seen and Dalang was already sizzling several salmon in a frying pan on the stovetop behind him.

"All right, I'll make this easy for you," Tigress was already saying, blunt and matter-of-fact. "I'll have shrimp dumplings. You got it?

"Can do." The Amur rolled his broad shoulders and, even as he continued shifting the pan to casually flip the fish in its oil and juices, he reached over with his free paw to snag a cutting board where dough was already rolled out for fashioning into dumplings.

Nodding in approval at last, Tigress turned and strode purposefully toward the swinging door. Tai Lung was right behind her—when he saw Jia approaching from the other way. His wife, slender as she was, fit easily through one side of the door, the panel itself shielding view of her from the snow leopardess. There was no feasible way the same could hold true for him. With no time to hide anywhere else, he hurriedly ducked under the counter in front of Dalang and squeezed himself in among the pots and pans. The tiger shot him a very odd, puzzled look at this, to which he only gestured frantically at the door, then shushed the chef. After a moment of understanding, he nodded.

Just in time. Tai Lung heard paws scrape on the kitchen's stone floor, then the counter creak as Jia leaned on it in turn. "What's taking so long?" Peering up past the wooden rail, he could just see the former assassin propped on one elbow, turned away from Dalang to gaze curiously all about the kitchen, as if she'd never been in it before.

Then she turned back—and as soon as her violet eyes met the tiger's green ones, she froze with her mouth hanging open and a growing flush beginning beneath her spotted cheek fur. _Oh, for the love of_—_not her too! What is he, catnip? _

Purring under her breath, quite sultry and suggestive, Jia smiled at the cook. "Well, well, _well_…while you're at it then, handsome, why don't you make me some salmon too? But hold the butter."

Never taking his eyes off her, Dalang reached down with one paw, fumbling about for the extra pan he would need to make her order. "Sure…sure thing, miss. Just gotta…"

"What's wrong?" She leaned forward over the counter, almost in view of the hidden ex-con.

Rolling his eyes, Tai Lung passed the pan out, as well as the lid, a skewer, and chopsticks, trying very hard not to be conscious of the tiger's trouser-clad groin only a few inches from his whiskered muzzle. _Gah! This was __**not**__ how I wanted to spend my honeymoon…and if he gets a little too 'responsive' , so help me…_

Only when the fish was simmering over the fire and Jia was satisfied with the scents of spices and sauces wafting through the kitchen (which the other spotted feline had to admit smelled rather mouth-watering) did she head back out into the courtyard—but not before hovering alongside the counter and peering so avidly at the cooking food that he was certain he'd be discovered at any moment.

After she departed, he scrambled out of hiding, letting out an agonized groan and cracking his neck with his trademark disconcerting series of pops, then glared at the offending counter before shooting a look at the tiger. "Damn. All right, the next time Emperor Chen visits the Valley, remind me to turn him down if he offers me the position of Minister of Crawling Into Very Small Spaces."

Dalang blinked, shooting him a very confused look right back, then slowly started backing away. "Okay…sure…whatever ya say, big guy…"

Tai Lung ignored the overly-familiar mode of address—which the tiger had used almost from the first day they'd met—because after all, it kept Jia or Po from overhearing and finding him. Instead he cracked his knuckles suggestively. "As for what just happened, and where I was, you had better hope that no word of that ever leaves this room, or I will be permanently separating you from your Tiger's Eye Dumplings, if you know what I mean." He purred darkly.

The chef swallowed hard and nodded vigorously. "Mention what? I don't know what you're talking about, nothing happened in the kitchen…"

"Good boy." He chuckled, then sighed in relief—but before he had taken more than another step toward the door, Tigress banged back in again.

Shooting him a quizzical look as to why he was still lingering there, she said, "On second thought, make mine tofu." Tai Lung felt like throwing his paws in the air, or perhaps tearing at his fur. Couldn't her stomach ever make up its mind?

Meanwhile, the cook was the one sighing now, looking morosely at the shrimp-stuffed dumplings he'd already dropped in the boiling water before Jia entered. But he nodded and repeated after her, "Tofu." He went to fetch a package as Tigress departed.

This time the snow leopard almost made it to the door before the ex-Wu Sister reappeared. In desperation he sat on his haunches alongside a guardian dragon statue near the foot of the stairs and imitated its snarling expression, all the while feeling incredibly ridiculous and idiotic.

But somehow it worked, as she didn't even glance his direction. "Can I order the rice as a side dish?" she asked brightly.

Dalang smirked. "Have to charge you full price." Jia pouted, but nodded.

Her spotted tail had just vanished out the swinging door when Tigress was back. "How about a side of rice?"

"You got it," the tiger smiled promptly, albeit in a distracted way as he was working on both her tofu and Jia's salmon, as well as his other orders. Over his shoulder, he asked, "You want soy on that rice?"

But Tigress was already gone, and in her place the snow leopardess stood paused at the door, tapping one finger to her chin; beyond her, Tai Lung could see Tigress approaching yet again and began to panic. There was no way she'd miss her this time! "Oyster sauce will be fine," she said at last, with a naughty little grin.

"Oyster, coming up," Dalang chuckled as he braised the fish, bringing the sauce out from a lower cupboard.

Tai Lung was so distracted by the implications of this, especially for Po, that he didn't even notice when Tigress came back into the kitchen, and without any outcry from her or Jia. When he looked up at last, he saw why—hanging on the train of her dress was Ping, hopping from one foot to the other, the yarn unraveling from his hat, and his wings fluttering about like a demented feather duster. "Now, now, Master Tigress, why would you want to keep coming back _here_, to my humble kitchen, when you could be seeing all the lovely rock gardens and flowers out in the courtyard?"

Ignoring his babbling, but apparently distracted enough she hadn't noticed the other woman going out, the leader of the Furious Five shook her head emphatically, having heard the last thing the tiger said. "Rice yes, oyster no."

Dalang frowned a bit, holding the bottle in one paw. "Hold the oyster." He set it down.

Tigress twisted about, nearly sending Ping flying off of her dress—but that wasn't the only reason the goose squawked, for there was Jia again. This time she just missed seeing her former adversary thanks to Ping lunging and grabbing up a huge stack of dirty plates and pots which cut off her line of sight right as Tigress passed. "No, I want the oyster," she chided him gently.

"Oyster it is." The striped feline sounded even more confused. Gingerly, he reached for it again.

"Oh, Miss Jia!" Ping intervened, hurriedly dumping the dishes under the pump and working the handle. "Wouldn't you rather see Po's room? I'm sure Dalang has everything under control here, and my boy has dedicated himself to the Five for so very long now—why, the action figures and the portraits and the scrolls are simply _wonderful!_"

Jia actually looked quite interested, and for a moment Tai Lung almost forgot himself and asked if he could come along—since he had a feeling the panda might have a shrine to the master of the thousand scrolls, too. Though now that he thought about it, that might actually be more disturbing than a bit of ego-stroking…

But then as Ping shepherded Jia back through the swinging door (so that she had to keep her head ducked to hear him), Tigress was back, again on the tail end of Dalang's last words. "Do _not_ want oyster!"

"Oyster out," the tiger cried, jerking his paw away just in time, before the sauce would have poured out onto the rice. Some of it splashed messily on the floor, and he cursed.

"Oyster _in_!" Jia insisted, starting to sound as annoyed as Tigress now as she appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

And then all was confusion, as for several minutes the two felines went in and out of the opposite sides of the swinging door, each chased by the hapless Ping who threw up his apron, yanked on sleeves, and even grabbed another potted palm to interpose between the women.

"Out!"

"In!"

"Sorry, but I do _not_ need help in the bedroom, that's what got me into this mess." She rubbed her stomach pointedly.

"I _do_ need help, or I'm never going to get that panda past blushing and stammering!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Today would be nice, and _without _the sauce."

"Are you even listening to me? _Smother _it!"

Finally Dalang couldn't take it any more. Slamming down a tray and tossing clams and potstickers in the water, he dug his claws into the counter top as he raised his muzzle heavenward. "Oh, come _on_, make up your mind already!"

Ping stiffened, feathers frizzled and ruffled in every direction. In his corner by the statue, so did Tai Lung.

Then, at the same moment, both sides of the door swung in and two feline heads popped in to speak in chorus: "On second thought, make mine with teriyaki." Frowning, Tigress and Jia wriggled their fingers in opposite ears, then shrugged and vanished.

For several moments all three males looked at each other, as well as watched the door out of the corner of their eyes in case it were to suddenly pop open again. When the moments stretched into minutes and nothing was forthcoming, Dalang fell forward on the counter, gently knocking his head against the cutting board heedless of the flour, while Ping collapsed against a wall and fanned himself with his apron.

But Tai Lung didn't trust either his wife or his erstwhile stalker out there alone…and if Po got caught in the middle… "Come on," he hissed to the goose, and snatching him up in one paw (_not_ by the neck, as he had Zeng), he wrapped his cloak close and rushed back out into the courtyard.

By the time he had snatched up another potted palm to hide behind, Jia and Tigress had both already returned to their seats. Po was there too, looking decidedly none the worse for wear—he was, after all, an incredibly patient bear most of the time—though he seemed a bit anxious for everything to go well, judging by how he kept watching the snow leopardess consult the menu.

And the leader of the Furious Five seemed to be reading hers only as a way to stave off a temper tantrum, judging by how tightly her claws were gripping it—that, and as something to hide behind while she tried to spy on the other couple.

Tai Lung fought the urge to facepalm again. But Po seemed oblivious to it all (could he actually not have noticed all the rushing back and forth from the kitchen?), and Jia never once caught sight of the striped feline peering at her, since she always ducked out of sight or timed the raising and lowering of her menu perfectly to the ex-Wu Sister doing the opposite.

Still, the odds were against this state of affairs lasting forever; he needed to be there to intervene, to add further barriers to observation…and to find out if, after all this deception and melodrama and humiliation, it would all be worth it in what it revealed about the Dragon Warrior and his date. So he hurried back to his table as fast as he dared.

By the time he arrived and had settled into place across from Tigress, the other couple was already speaking—Jia as bright and bubbly as ever, Po stammering, blushing, and generally making a fool of himself. But the snow leopardess only seemed to find this all the more charming, judging by her elfin grin and the way she placed a paw on the panda's, and even Tigress appeared amused by their friend's antics.

"So…uh, it's a really n-nice day, isn't it? I'm so glad Tai and Tigress ended up having the wedding in the summer like this, so the weather'd be swell. Though, that made me work up quite a sweat cookin' that feast. Hope I didn't, uh, fumigate anybody. Master Shifu still says I stink when I work out too hard." For a moment the panda hung his head morosely, but then he brought his chin back up and rushed on.

"Uh, anyway, I'm really glad ya decided t' see me one more time before you guys left again…I…I d-didn't want ya t' go—without sayin' good-bye, I mean! Well, of course I don't want ya t' go, you're too awesome an' you'd be really good for th' Valley, but that's it. W-wasn't 'cause I meant anythin' else by it, heh-heh!" He rubbed his suddenly sweaty brow, somehow looking paler.

Tai Lung had to struggle very hard not to smack his forehead with bruising force, or slam his head repeatedly into the table, and Tigress didn't look much better. But Jia too was staring at Po from beneath hooded lids, clearly neither fooled nor dissuaded by his seemingly innocent, disingenuous words.

"Hey. Big guy. Remember, you're talking to a professional here. I've had the best attempt to fool me, and fail. You aren't getting off lightly. I know exactly why you're going to miss me, and it's not because you admire my kung fu or you think I'll be good for the Valley."

Po swallowed hard. "You do? I-it's not?" From across the table, Tigress shot her husband a significant and disapproving look, as it seemed the snow leopardess was about to justify her ill judgment of her.

But the ex-assassin proved her wrong. For with a twinkle in her eye and a sweet smile, she said, "That's right! Since I loved your custard so much, you want to cook for me, treat me to a meal you made all yourself, not one your dad made or that you had to do for someone else. Am I right?"

The panda stared at her—then chuckled and hung his head sheepishly. "Am I that easy t' read?"

Jia giggled. "In this case, yeah! You like helping others, looking out for them, taking care of them. And I think that's wonderful, Po. We need a lot more people like you in the world."

Out of the corner of his eye, Tai Lung saw Tigress's jaw drop in disbelief, and it took all his newfound self-control not to grin smugly at her and tell her he told her so.

The panda was a brighter red than ever, but he managed to hold his head high and meet the former Wu Sister's encouraging, expectant gaze. "That may be th' nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Thanks, Jia. Just for that, you better believe you're gonna get th' best meal I've ever cooked. It's gonna make Tai's wedding feast look like a Sunday picnic." Once, Tai Lung might have been offended by that; now, he was simply impressed. _He __**does**__ have it bad_.

Jia crossed her arms on the table. "What, you think a picnic isn't good enough for me? That sounds perfect, just the two of us, you cooking for me… We could have it on Wu Dan." She winked. "That _is _where you first asked me to dance, after all."

Po actually laughed at that one. "Sure, why not? That'd be th' perfect place for me t' ask ya for that favor I've been wantin' ever since ya left th' Valley." When she raised an eyebrow at him quizzically, he added, "Well, I was hopin' ya could keep teachin' me how t' use weapons. Like, _your_ weapons."

Silence reigned for a few moments, other than the endless murmur of the other patrons of the noodle shop. Then Jia grinned slyly and perched her chin on one slender paw to regard him suggestively. "And what could a girl like me ever hope to teach the Dragon Warrior? Oh, wait, I could think of a few things I'd love to show you…"

Now Tai Lung did, in fact, smack his forehead with a low groan. This was _exactly_ what he didn't want Tigress to hear from the snow leopardess, that she was only interested in sex and seduction, not seeing anything deeper or more meaningful in Po or their relationship. And indeed, when he dared to lower his paw and look at his wife, the striped feline had her jaw set and her fingers were drumming on her forearms—quite clearly saying 'I told you so.'

But to his intense relief, and the leader of the Five's open shock, before Po could do more than stammer and turn a soft pink shading swiftly toward scarlet, the ex-Wu Sister's smile turned into one far more companionable and caring, and the gleam which entered her violet eyes seemed less man-hungry and more competitive. "I hope you don't mind learning the war fans, big guy. 'Cause I bet once I show you the ropes, you'll be able to do things with them I've never seen before."

The panda choked, and swiftly had to drink from the glass of complimentary water, inspiring open laughter from Jia even as she reached over to make sure he was all right. Once he'd recovered, he eyed her warily. "Just…just what exactly are ya implyin' there, Jia?"

Winking, the former assassin shook her head. "Oh no, I'm not going to give away all my bag of tricks, not yet. But did you really think I was going to teach you anything my sisters knew? Well, maybe Chun…but beyond that, no. I'm going to teach you weapons nobody at the Jade Palace knows—except maybe Master Viper. Definitely not Tai Tai." She snorted, clearly amused at the thought, and the snow leopard bristled in spite of himself.

"I've left that life behind me…if I have to, I'll use certain weapons in combat. But I'd never teach them to you. You don't have any reason to ever use something awful like that…especially not a garrote…" Jia trailed off, a pained look crossing her face while she gripped Po's paw on the table between them.

Tai Lung realized what she was referring to at the same moment the Dragon Warrior did, and as the panda lifted his other paw to rub at his scarred throat, the master of the Jade Palace felt a stab of fear and anguish as he recalled that day—the day he'd first realized, though it took him a while longer to admit it, that he'd begun to care deeply about Po and considered him a friend.

Flicking his eyes to Tigress, he couldn't help nodding slowly, with a vindicated smile, as he caught the troubled but awed look on her face as she too understood. A wave of gratitude washed over him at Jia's unspoken apology—even before she actually did say, softly, "I'm…I'm still so sorry Xiu did that to you. Gods…if it hadn't been for Tai Tai, and Master Mantis, you wouldn't be here now. And I'd never forgive myself…"

Po blinked, then smiled, squirming a bit in his seat—and broke the solemnity of the moment with a sudden belch. "Oh! Er…sorry 'bout that, drank that water too fast there, yeah." As Tigress closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, and Jia chuckled under her breath, the panda coughed and rushed on. "That's really sweet of ya, but you don't need t' worry. I'm fine now, that's all that matters, right? An' as for what you wanna teach me…you're on, Jia. I'd love t' learn th' war fan from ya."

The snow leopardess beamed. "Really? Well…wow…I must say, I didn't expect that. You really _are_ something special, Po. I mean…" She glanced around surreptitiously, then lowered her voice as she spoke from behind her paw. "You wouldn't _believe_ how many men I've met who would've refused. Something about impugning their masculinity." She rolled her eyes.

Po grinned back. "Heck no! Some of the best fighters in th' empire used th' war fan. An' kung fu is really just a dance between warriors. Like ya showed me on Wu Dan." He snickered. "Besides, what kinda masculinity have I got t' lose, anyway? I ain't so insecure I can't learn t' use such a cool weapon, no matter how girly it might make me look. So there!"

Gritting his fangs, Tai Lung frowned and sat back in a huff, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and wrapping his concealing cloak even closer, a brooding figure with only his glowing eyes visible in his hood. _I am __**not**__ afraid! I'm quite confident in my manhood, thank you very much. And Shifu agreed with me when I was adamant about not learning the war fan. I mean really, how embarrassing would it be to fight with a fan? I can't think of anything more effeminate…and I don't think I need to know how to do a pirouette in battle. _He smirked to himself.

But…Master Oogway had seemed quite disappointed at the time that the headstrong, teenage snow leopard had refused what he had deemed the most graceful and deadly of weapons. At the time it had just seemed like the turtle's sanity slipping a few decades early…but now, knowing what he did about the sage…

And if there was one lesson he had learned, finally, bone-deep, it was that just because he was incredibly, naturally gifted at kung fu, and had developed so many awe-inspiring skills, did not mean he was worth more than anyone else. He had great abilities—but those were meant to be employed in humble fashion, protecting and saving the lives of others. There were many things he still didn't know, as the last year had shown him. And in the end, while it had been Shifu's misguided example that had set him on the path, he had still chosen to believe that just because he had learned his masters' lessons so well, he was entitled to more and better than everyone else.

Shuddering, he glanced sidelong again at Tigress, who was staring down at the jade fan she carried as if she'd never truly seen it before in her life, then flicking her ruby-gold gaze to Jia in grudging but firm approval. Groaning, he flopped down on the table and buried his face in his bulky spotted forearms. _Damn it. I'm going to have to do it, aren't I? Swallow my pride, and…start learning the war fan. Otherwise, I'll never hear the end of this from Po and Jia…and Shang Ti preserve us if Tigress masters it too and starts lording it over me… Ugh._

The only good he could see coming of this is that it definitely seemed Tigress's enmity and distrust of Jia were fading.

The snow leopardess, meanwhile, was tickled pink. "What do you know…there's hope for men yet." Before she could launch into a diatribe about how women were treated as worthless porcelain dolls who didn't need to protect themselves when they had husbands and fathers to do it for them—something, Tai Lung admitted with an inward cringe, he realized he would once have agreed with but never again after meeting Tigress and Viper, let alone Jia—the doors of the kitchen suddenly burst open. And as all four pairs of eyes turned in that direction, the couples saw that the trays of steaming, mouth-watering food meant for the adjoining booths were now being carried toward them at the same time—by Ping on the left, and…Dalang on the right.

Under his breath, Tai Lung cursed. If it wasn't the possibility the chef would try and flirt with Tigress again, it was the fact that with all of them being served at once, there was a very strong possibility of their cover being blown. All it took was one dropped dish, Tigress speaking too loudly, someone turning the wrong direction at just the right moment…

At first it seemed he was just being paranoid, as the goose proceeded to professionally and cordially lay out each platter for his son and Jia—salmon with rice and teriyaki for the snow leopardess, a huge bowl of shrimp dumplings and bean buns for Po, all served with steamed vegetables and some sort of powdered sugar dessert that he supposed was the recipe of Dalang's everyone was raving about.

But then, as the tiger laid out Tigress's tofu (also with rice and teriyaki) and a plate of crab-cheese puffs with fried oysters and what looked like excessive amounts of sauce for Tai Lung (very sporting of him to help out, but did he truly think the snow leopard needed _that_ much assistance?), Dalang met the silk-gowned feline's eyes.

Instantly that sappy grin and those bedroom eyes were back, and just as instantly the ex-convict was growling quite audibly, cracking his knuckles and swelling his already bulky shoulders and chest to the point the stitching of his cloak started giving way.

"Here you go, ma'am," the Amur purred, somehow ignoring the warning signs from across the table. "Tofu with rice and teriyaki, just the way you asked." He winked. "And just because I made you wait so long, and there was such trouble with your order…" He took her free paw and kissed the back of it—chastely, but still with much more tenderness and attentiveness than Tai Lung liked. Again he growled.

Before he could take a page from Po's book and stomp on the tiger's nearest foot, Tigress blushed, apparently quite flustered by this unexpected gallantry—and in a rare fit of clumsiness, dropped her fan on the courtyard paving stones.

"Oh! Here, let me get that for you." Dalang showed surprising balance and poise as, still supporting the tray with Tai Lung's food, he bent down on one knee to fetch the fallen jade accessory.

"No, allow me," the other striped feline purred, and she too bent down out of the booth to scoop it up.

Even as Tai Lung was hoping she was about to punch him for his temerity in flirting with a married woman, or that they would accidentally bump heads, another clatter sounded beyond Ping. "Oh, darn it!" Jia cried. "My chopsticks…" And she too bent down out of her booth.

Time seemed to pause, and everyone held their breath, as both women caught sight of each other in the same posture. Tigress froze in place, for once actually so stunned by her discovery that she seemed paralyzed with indecision; Jia, who at first looked confused and inquisitive, gradually widened her violet eyes in shock as she recognized the face no longer hidden from her by fan and potted palm, but above a dress she would never have predicted Tigress wearing.

"Jia? What's wrong? Ya need some help or somethin'?" Sounding puzzled, Po began turning his amiable face in their direction…

Tai Lung, who had also been frozen in horror, stared fixedly at Ping who seemed ready to molt at a moment's notice. "_Do something!_" he hissed.

A brief moment of agonized indecision passed over the goose's face; then he shot the snow leopard a furious glare that definitely said 'You owe me _so _much for this!' With an air of both resignation and indignant resentment, he turned and, rather awkwardly, stepped back into Dalang's personal space while flinging his wings up—knocking the tray off-kilter and spilling Tai Lung's meal all over himself and the tiger with a clatter of wood, metal, and broken china.

"AAAGHHH!" The chef leaped back, howling, as even through his thick Siberian fur the hot oyster sauce scalded him. _Serves him right for using so much_, the snow leopard thought vindictively.

"Oh! Oh, I am so terribly _sorry_, Dalang, so terribly clumsy of me!" Ping interlaced his wing feathers briefly, then began ineffectually dabbing at the tiger's clothing.

"NO…no, it's okay, it's all right, Ping…not the—mm, ahh!—first time this has happened to me…" Dalang looked anguished, as well he might since one of the largest wet patches was spread over the lap of his trousers, but he was already scooping up his towel and mopping at himself, even as his other paw started gathering the shattered pottery and slippery shells together.

"Jeez, Dad, never seen you do that before," Po observed, a bit worriedly, as he handed Jia's chopsticks back to her and also knelt on the goose's other side. "Just been a really busy day or somethin', or are ya sufferin' that much 'cause I ain't here t' help?" The panda slumped his shoulders guiltily.

"Of course not, nothing of the sort, my boy, just a simple accident, that's all…it could happen to anybody…"

From her seat where she'd sat back up, Jia frowned. "Didn't that Master Oogway of yours say 'there are no accidents'?" Tai Lung could have throttled her, but at least she wasn't openly giving away what she'd seen.

Ping shot her a scathing look. "That old turtle may have been many things, but I would wager he never worked in food service before, then!"

Meanwhile, Tigress had taken advantage of the distraction to snatch up her fan (_and_ smack the back of Dalang's paw with it for good measure) and now had it open before her face again, thus preventing Po from catching sight of her when he looked up again. And with everyone busy cleaning up the mess, Tai Lung in turn reached out, snatched her paw, and began dragging her from the booth, and the courtyard. "What?" she protested, trying (and failing) to maintain a demure lady's tone. "I was still hungry!"

_The one time I wish my cubs didn't have healthy appetites!_ "Forget it," he growled under his breath, then tossed a cash string down on the table. "That should cover our bill, just, ah, box our meal up and send it to our, er, house. So terribly sorry about all this!" And then he was shoveling Tigress out the courtyard gate.

But he looked back once as he departed, and somehow wasn't surprised that while Po still seemed oblivious, Ping was in a frenzied tizzy, and Dalang was hurriedly trying to collect everything from the ground while enduring the goose's squawking and battering him over the head with a menu, Jia was staring after the feline couple. And her muzzle bore a very amused, wry smirk…

* * *

Jia was still giggling and chuckling infectiously. "I still can't believe they thought we didn't notice them!" Stuffing her last won ton in her mouth and then moving on to the eggplant, she shook her head ruefully.

"Yeah." Po sucked and slurped up the last of his noodles, then picked up his bowl to drink the remaining broth. "Ahh! I mean, really, I'm clueless, but I ain't _that_ clueless. Nobody else in the Valley has an accent like Tai's, or walks the way Tigress does."

"You don't mean sashaying, do you?" The snow leopardess raised an eyebrow incredulously. She also chose not to mention to the panda that he had a broth-mustache.

He snorted. "Nah, I mean 'I own th' place, I'm a coiled spring waitin' t' pounce, an' if you so much as sneak a peek at my backside, I'm feedin' you your family jewels'."

The ex-Wu Sister almost choked on her tea, and burst out laughing once she managed to swallow properly. "Oh, my mistake. That one. Yes, I know what you mean…" Calming herself, she gave him a fond smile. "It was really sweet of them though, wasn't it? Well, Tai Tai anyway…pushing you to take me out, and also trying to get Tigress to sheathe her claws…"

Po nodded, even as he was still snickering to himself. "An' just _how_ long did ya know what was goin' on, again?"

"Almost from the beginning," she said off-handedly. "You think after twenty years carrying a torch for him, I was going to forget Tai Tai's build? That I couldn't catch even a glimpse of Tigress going in and out the kitchen door alongside me? Or that my ninja instincts wouldn't let me catch sight of that spotted stud doing a really bad imitation of a guardian dragon?"

The Dragon Warrior blinked, then ran his paw back over his head. "So…you knew the whole time…an' just let 'em keep up their act, 'cause…?"

Jia affected an air of gravity. "Well, they obviously went to so much trouble to try and fool us, so we'd give them an unbiased first impression. I just couldn't bear to ruin all their hard work." She paused, then grinned wickedly. "And it was just too funny to pass up."

"Oh, you're evil," the panda said fervently, even as he lifted his teacup to clink against hers in congratulations for that excellent play.

"Aww, big guy, you say the sweetest things! Thank you."

For several minutes the table was quiet, save for the sound of cicadas in the shadowy boughs of the trees outside the courtyard walls and the waters of the river rippling in its banks. Then at last, after they had both nearly finished their food and their mirth had settled into companionable silence, Jia looked up again. Nibbling on a cookie, she asked, "So…do you remember what we talked about that day, after they went back to the palace?"

Po briefly looked blank; then he flushed and looked a bit crestfallen. "Oh…yeah. We talked about my parents, an' ya said maybe, when ya got back from your trip, we could go visit them in prison." He paused, then gasped, suddenly looking up with a wildly excited expression. "Wait a minute, ya don't mean—?"

Jia nodded, taking another drink of tea. "That's right. Now that we're back here to stay, there's no time like the present. Chen said you could visit whenever you wanted, Dragon Warrior's prerogative. And it'd be nice to look in on my sister, too." Squeezing his black-furred paw, she smiled gently. "Besides…it's been too long already, you deserve to meet them. So, what do you say, big guy?"

For answer he leaned forward across the table, grabbed her cheeks with both paws, and kissed her soundly. And that kiss didn't end for quite some time.

_I knew I'd made the right choice. _

* * *

(A/N: First off...forgive the long absence yet again. For reasons beyond me, this has still been harder to write than I thought. In fact it's taken long enough that I still don't have all the Po/Jia vignettes done. Hopefully I can still finish the last one before the end of the year, but regardless, for now I am posting this, and will post the second a little later and the third when it is done.

Second, references. A large majority of the scene at Ping's is based off of Mudka's Meat Hut from _Emperor's New Groove_, a movie and scene I adore, and it was hilarious to fit Tai, Tigress, Jia, and Dalang (with some assistance from Po) into the roles of Pacha, Kuzco, Yzma, and Kronk respectively. Many lines of course had to be adapted and tweaked, but others worked surprisingly well with no changes at all. Yes it's a direct swipe instead of just a shout-out, but Luna copied wholesale the Dead Parrot Sketch from Monty Python, so I think I'm entitled. :P And I'm sure you recognized Po's line about kung fu being "a dance between warriors", Jia's opinion of men not wanting to learn fan-fighting, Tai disparaging the need to use pirouettes in battle, and Dalang correcting the term cook to chef as all being from Luna's "Present". Lastly, the appearance of Dalang in this scene may seem rather disconcerting compared to what's currently happening with him in "Soaring Dragon". (This is what happens when you use someone else's character, especially one they aren't finished with yet.) All I can say is, it seems like Dalang is in need of the zaniness, humor, and fun to be found in my vignette...and in any event, since my 'verse is alternate to Luna's, you can safely say there was never an Asmodei Koshchei to corrupt and twist Dalang. Not the only change, as you'll learn in upcoming vignettes...

So, next up will be the trip to Shandong. R/R!)


	5. What Happens In Prison Stays In Prison

As had been the case a year ago when she had departed on her journey with Mei Ling and Crane, Jia and Po had to wait for the weather to become warm enough to make leaving the Valley over the treacherous Thread of Hope as safe as possible. Even then, Ping was so worried about his boy catching his death of cold (nevermind the panda was extremely well-insulated and, while not on a par with Tai Lung, he still had the constitution of a horse) that he insisted they stay another week longer, as well as take the proper garments and cold-weather gear when they did leave.

So it was that three weeks passed before they could leave the Valley—during which time everyone felt they had to weigh in on the advisability of this visit, and Po himself changed his mind at least three times. Most of the Five were all for the panda meeting his biological family at last, particularly Viper and Crane, and even Tai Lung pointed out that even knowing what Po's family had become, spending time with them and gaining some closure would surely be as healthy and beneficial to him as it had been for the snow leopard to travel to Qinghai.

Mantis, on the other hand, was a bit wary (though that may have been more due to his bad experiences with a particular gender of relatives). Tigress, for all her now unconditional support for the panda and his sweetheart (which dated to that near-disastrous date at the restaurant), was worried that Po would be making himself a target, that the sorts of criminals to be found in Shandong would take the opportunity to eliminate a figure as famous and public as the Dragon Warrior despite the prison's security—and that he would be terribly disappointed by the truth of what he'd find after building up his hopes for so long. (That she didn't seem to trust the panda's ability to take care of himself, or the protection Jia would offer, was annoying, but the snow leopardess couldn't deny the danger to Po's heart.)

And Shifu seemed only to peevishly complain that all the time spent traveling to and from Shandong was time which could be better spent mastering the thousand scrolls and performing virtuous and heroic deeds as was Po's destiny—though Jia suspected that he simply was annoyed he'd be missing out on the panda's cooking all that time. And being a curmudgeon.

In the end, though, it was Monkey of all people who finally convinced Po this was indeed the right course. Staring morosely into his mug of oolong as he slowly stirred it back and forth, the primate had quietly observed that 'you never know who you gonna lose, what's gonna happen, or when ya might get a second chance given to ya…or taken away.' He'd learned as much when he'd been granted the honor of training at the Jade Palace and put his drunkard days behind him for good…and when he'd later lost his brother Lei, whom he'd always been sure he would eventually get the chance to stand before again, show him he'd turned his life around, prove to him he'd been right to believe in Kong. If Po had the chance now to meet his real parents, and he rejected it out of fear, contempt, or even pride, he would regret it the rest of his life.

Hearing such genuine and affecting wisdom from the simian served to silence the others' objections, and after giving Monkey a firm hug and a glass of his special cinnamon and peach sweet tea, Po had stepped up his preparations for the journey without any further delays—and, if not with eagerness, than at least with resolution.

Of course, all this time spent preparing allowed for some other rather important points—sending Zeng on ahead to apprise the Emperor of their coming, naturally, making all the arrangements at Shandong for their arrival, and receiving permission…particularly for her visit to Chun, one which for all her off-handedness in mentioning it to Po was actually far more critical (and meaningful) than she had let on…

Finally, the day of their departure came—without fanfare, as the Valley was by now used to Po's coming and goings on various kung fu journeys and quests for Shifu or the Emperor, but with a great deal of emotional partings and encouraging words exchanged between the residents of the palace. Crane gave the panda a scarf embroidered with calligraphy, the characters spelling out various traditional blessings, while Viper gifted Jia with a number of colorful ribbons to brighten her otherwise dull traveling dress.

Monkey handed over an extra jar of his almond cookies (wryly commenting that this was the only way he'd get to keep any for himself while Po was gone), while Mantis only offered a few tips on how to handle himself while he was 'in the big house'; whatever the insect whispered in his ear, it made the Dragon Warrior alternately go pale and slightly green. Jia didn't know whether to chide him for overwhelming the poor bear, or ask him just what naughty things he'd said.

As for Tai Lung and Tigress, both of them had plenty of suggestions of their own on how to stay safe and in charge—the striped feline's were even more grisly and graphic than the snow leopard's, since instead of broken ribs, stopped hearts, and dislocated shoulders she focused on evisceration, limb severing, and the crushing or ripping off of male anatomy. But most of their words went in one ear and out the other, for most of their time was spent trying to detach Po from their adorable twins, who for their part were just as fascinated and delighted by their huge black-and-white 'uncle' as their father's mustache or Shifu's ears.

Eventually, however, with a final flurry of good-byes, and one kiss on Po's cheek from Mei Ling (though she also gave her half-sister a penetrating look that made her wonder if the mountain cat knew what she was planning), they were able to descend the steps back down to the village. It wasn't until they had left the Valley, however, and were over halfway across the Thread of Hope, that Jia at last let out an explosive breath and glanced back over her shoulder a bit resentfully. "Thank the gods! I thought they'd never let us leave!"

Despite the fact this was not his first trip away from home, Po still looked nervous and uncertain—though that was easily explained by what waited for him at the end of the journey, or even having to spend so much time alone with her. But he smiled at her, then followed her gaze with fondness. "Aww, don't be too hard on 'em, Jia. Most of 'em don't have any family anymore, or none they wanna stay in touch with. So I'm kinda like their son, kid brother, an' friend all rolled into one. Stands t' reason they'd have a hard time lettin' go." He made a face. "It'd be sweet, if it wasn't so embarrassin'."

And once again she was reminded of how perceptive he was. "I guess you're right. Still, the sooner we get away from the Valley, the better. Besides—" And here she smiled brightly. "—we've got a long trip ahead of us, and I'd much rather be spending it getting to know you better than having kung fu masters underfoot all day."

"You…would?" Po jerked to a halt, and then had to spend a few moments windmilling his arms and grabbing onto the guide ropes as his sudden stop made the bridge swing and sway dangerously beneath his great weight. When he'd recovered, and wiped his suddenly clammy brow, the panda eyed her in a way that was still a little too worried for her liking, though she couldn't help being a bit pleased at still being so respected. "W-whaddya mean by that?"

Jia elbowed him in the side. "Well, for starters, those new duds of yours. Whose idea was that?"

The panda looked as if he couldn't decide whether to be embarrassed or proud, but he waited to answer her until they were on relatively solid ground again atop one of the jutting mountain peaks. "Uh, it was Xiulan who made 'em." He reached down to pluck at the dragon-embroidered _pao_ he wore, then spread the golden cape around himself a bit self-consciously as he tried to adopt a somewhat formal tone. "But if you must know, Master Shifu looked it up, an' found the right look for 'em in old scrolls about the Dragon Warrior. Honest-to-gods, authentic Hero clothes an' everything."

She held up both paws. "Hey, don't confuse me with Tai Tai here, I wasn't putting them down or anything. In fact I think they're really neat. And sexy."

He swallowed whatever he was going to say in a fit of coughing. "Wh-_what?_" he wheezed, tears leaking from his eyes.

"Oh, you bet." Jia paused, then smirked broadly as her mind flitted back to the day she and the others had first departed the Valley, specifically what Tigress had said to her husband-to-be. "In fact someday I'd _love_ to see you in only that cape."

And once again the panda turned bright red. She wondered if he'd ever lose enough of his innocence to stop (she sincerely hoped he wouldn't), and if she'd ever stop being so charmed by it (she hoped against that happening, too).

"Don't worry, big guy, I was only kidding." _For now_. "Really, I think it's a great look for you, and I can't wait to see you in action in it."

Po blinked, recovering if only because he'd gone from bashfulness to confused disbelief in the space of a few seconds. "What? But, Tai said—"

"I don't care what he said," she replied tartly. "Unlike him, I don't have an inflated opinion of warrior-hood, nor is my ego bound up in my masculinity." _Even if it is damned hard to deny that manliness. _"See, the way I see it, a real warrior can battle well even when he's wearing something others would consider a hindrance. And you've been learning so much, so quickly…"

The panda ducked his chin, then shook his head, even as a small smile started forming on his muzzle. "Well, uh, yeah, I guess ya could say that. I mean, I've been learnin' a few things…an' Viper's been teachin' me how t' get my cape out of th' way, or even use it in battle, kinda like how she used t' use ribbons…"

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!" Jia grinned at him, her tone cajoling. "Come on, you know you're getting to be badass, it's okay to admit it…don't give me that humble crap the old rodent's been teaching you…" _Humility is great and all, but that's not what someone like Po needs. _

Po finally grinned back, even puffing out his broad chest a bit as he turned and started sauntering toward the next section of the bridge. "Yeah. Yeah, I _am_ getting pretty darned good. An' once everyone's taught me all they know, I'm gonna be so totally awesome, th' bad guys won't know what hit 'em. Ain't no way I'll ever let anythin' bad happen t' th' Valley, or th' Empire."

As Jia hurried to catch up, she watched him proudly. "Now that's more like it. So tell me, what else did you do with Tai Tai, hmm? And what'd you think of the capital?"

He chuckled and rubbed at the back of his neck uncertainly. "Oh, it was pretty cool an' all, Chen couldn't have been nicer, an' the palace was as beautiful as the Jade Palace. But man, they sure aren't kiddin' when they call that place a 'City of Walls and Secrets.'" The snow leopardess chuckled too; she knew _exactly_ what he was talking about. "As for me an' Tai, well…"

And so the journey went, with Jia continuing to quiz Po as they crossed the Thread of Hope, descended from the mountains into the forests of Hubei, and headed northeast into the farm fields and river-dotted plains of Henan. As they turned east, avoiding the road to Yunxian and instead following the winding course of the Huang He in its loess-built banks, the former Wu Sister poked and prodded, learning all manner of amazing and inspiring things from her beau…

How he'd accompanied Tai Lung to the capital and there aided the Jade Palace master in teaching and training Chen's army and bodyguards in the use of the Leopard Claw (though Tai Lung had insisted on carrying out the tiger's personal training himself); how he'd performed any number of mercy missions delivering food, medicines, and other supplies to those in desperate need of it, whether poor starving villagers who'd suffered a terrible growing season or refugees and merchants who'd been cut off from civilization by avalanches or earthquakes.

How he'd picked up any number of new and exciting recipes to take to his dad, and had in turn shared Ping's delicious creations with the rest of the empire; how he'd hunted down bandits and fought off mercenaries and rogue warlords; and how he'd even helped defend the Great Wall itself from a Hun invasion, standing atop the battlements and swinging the Sword of Heroes with practiced ease, its arc of super-sharpened air slicing through the ropes of every grappling hook in the line so that the warriors fell screaming from the heights.

In between these stirring and exciting tales, the panda in turn got her to admit to some of her own exploits—how she, her half-sister, and Crane had together fought almost the entire slew of cutthroats, murderers, and robbers to be found on a particular night at the Bandit Inn; how they'd killed the daring and dastardly leader of a band of pirates who'd tried to sack Macau, and prevented the looting of a particularly sacred Tibetan monastery; how they'd brought down one of the biggest and most notorious thieves' guilds of Shanghai. But also how, on their downtime, after browbeating some bullying rogues who'd been hassling local merchants, they'd all thoroughly enjoyed a soothing, relaxing dip in the hot spring.

So it was that the many miles of their journey passed by swiftly, so that by two weeks later, as they were entering the mountain ranges of Shandong, Jia had barely registered the landscape, whether untouched wilderness, forests with churning waterfalls cascading down in endless majesty thanks to the spring thaw, or mile upon mile of rich and fertile land given over to low-lying fields or terraced rice paddies, each worked by the many prosperous villages in the area.

All she had thought for, as the country became alive and verdant around them and as they spent the night at one warm, rustic, openly friendly and hospitable inn after another, was how with each passing mile, her respect and fondness for Po grew along with her knowledge and understanding of him. She only hoped the same was true for how he viewed her—he certainly seemed to be whistling, applauding, and beaming at her words with his typical unbridled enthusiasm, and she also caught him gazing at her yearningly or daring to reach out and take her paw much more often.

It was almost with regret that the ex-assassin found herself nearing the end of their trip—but she knew meeting his family was an incredibly important and life-changing milestone for the Dragon Warrior, that Bao and Li-Na in turn (especially the former) would be just as altered by the experience, and that however else the visit turned out, she had missed Chun and would be happy to see her again.

So although her heart was somewhat heavy, and the roads were no longer lined by industrious farmers and peasants—instead only frequented now by Imperial soldiers for the most part—she led Po past the last village of Jinan, away from the Yellow River, and up into the eastern mountains where the prison perched on the heights of Tai Shan.

There at last, as they scaled the winding ledges, crossed broad and sturdy bridges that somehow looked more precarious than they actually were, and climbed into the snow-laden peaks, they rounded a bend in the pathway and hove into view of a broad, treeless shelf of rock, utterly fallow and devoid of life, which jutted out from the lonely side of the barren, towering mountain.

Rising from the center of this desolate ledge loomed the place they were seeking. Grim and foreboding, the structure appeared truly impregnable with its thick, battlement-topped stone walls, while the outer barbican and palisade fairly bristled with a rather disturbing proliferation of iron spikes and blades discouraging scaling and sieges—and, naturally, any escape attempts from within.

Several pennants flew atop standards, proudly displaying the colors and crest of the Imperial family, but somehow these flashes of brightness and concessions to propriety and regality only served to contrast with how cold, cheerless, and unsettling the rest of the place was. Sentries stood on watch atop the walls, what she could tell even from this distance were large and burly men, surely hard-bitten warriors well-trained in combat and self-defense, perhaps even kung fu, and clad in fairly fearsome armor and helms.

Despite it still being just past noon, torches burned from stanchions and other fixtures upon the walls—for the light faded quickly in these parts, once the sun sank beyond the range, and the prison surely needed as much illumination and warmth…whether physically or emotionally…as it could get. As they approached over the final bridge, the sound of the wind moaning over the parapets was the only sound, leaving the rest in utter, unnerving stillness, and she shivered for a reason that had nothing to do with the cold.

While Shandong was no Chorh-Gom, the prison clearly still served as a deterrent to crime by appearing so impossible to escape; perhaps knowing this kept dangerous criminals out of the cities' streets and invaders away from the borders reassured the common people. But gazing at the bleak place, Jia could only swallow hard and fight back the cold lump of despair and anguish in the pit of her stomach. _This_ was where her sister had been locked away? And someone as kind, loving, and generous as Li-Na?

Something of this registered with Po as well. Coming to a stop beside her, staring up at the gloomy, rough-hewn walls of the Imperial prison, he pushed back his _dou li_ atop his head and ran his paw over his brow, the other posted on one hip. "Heh! Cheerful kinda place, isn't it? Wonder what kinda vacation plan they got here…" He chuckled weakly with a rather sickly smile.

The joke was lame and fell flat, though she appreciated the gesture. After giving him a pointed and slightly disapproving look, she managed a small smile in return and put her arm briefly around his broad shoulders. "Yeah, it _is_ pretty ominous. But I bet it's a lot nicer on the inside!" Now it was the panda's turn to give her a skeptical glance. "Okay, maybe not, but…your parents have been here for almost twenty years, and they're still doing fine, so it can't be that bad. And Chen makes sure to treat his people right, even ones who break the law—especially ones who in all honesty shouldn't really be here."

Po swallowed hard, rubbed the back of his neck, and finally nodded. "Sure. I bet you're right. Still…can we get on inside and get this over with, then? I mean, I wanna see my parents an' all, but standin' out here doesn't get 'em any closer, an' it's just givin' me th' willies, too."

"You bet, big guy." Jia squeezed his paw gently, then turned and led the way forward, up to and then along the earthen and stone ramp which angled toward the prison entrance.

Eyeing the ramparts apprehensively, they paused again for a few moments more, warily peering from the dark, bulky walls that loomed above them, to the massive pair of yawning wooden gates which currently were left standing open but, she knew, were closed and barricaded securely every sunset, to the sentries who stood mutely on guard on either side—one a gigantic, broad, age-grizzled lion who nevertheless was even taller and more massive than Tai Lung, the other an Amur leopard who was only slightly smaller. Then, after one last, long moment of staring at this dark and lonely maw, which both seemed to beckon them and ward them away, Jia put her arm around Po's shoulders and guided him across the threshold.

* * *

The interior of the prison was not much better than its façade, albeit less weathered and barren-looking and with more civilized amenities and proper care taken. All was kept surprisingly scoured and swept, torches and oil lamps illuminated the warden's and guards' chamber as well as the lengths of every hallway, and even the walls and floors had tapestries, carpets, and silkscreens for decoration here and there. But all the brightness of color and cleanliness of stonework could not conceal the overall grim nature of the place.

And while the soldiers garrisoned here seemed much more well-tempered and trusting than those which Tai Lung had described from his years in Chorh-Gom—certainly less likely to treat all who entered here with suspicion and contempt, and never allowed to indulge in such horrors as the torture the snow leopard had suffered—the way they stood silent and still stationed at each cross-corridor, looming with veiled menace and the promise of combat should any prisoner threaten escape, was very sobering indeed.

Despite the fact he knew many of the criminals here deserved this amount of caution and punishment, and that at least some of his father's crimes also merited such treatment, Po couldn't help but swallow hard as he gazed around, feeling extremely nervous and upset as they followed the almost ghost-like tread of the snow leopard soldier who led them to the warden's study. Just being in this place, seeing what sort of conditions the inmates had to deal with every day for years on end, was disturbing enough. Thinking about the fact his parents had had to face it too, however much they might have deserved it, was even worse.

By the time they'd reached their destination and stood aligned before the massive desk of teak and mahogany, covered with various sheets of hanzi-scrawled paper, smoothly polished stone weights, an inkwell and pen set adorned with a peacock's tailfeather, and a pair of gleaming swords so long and obviously heavy that Po was sure he'd tip over if he tried to lift even one of them, the panda was openly sweating. He knew he had to be pale even beneath his white fur, that there was a stutter in his voice as he gave his name and title, and that his paw shook as he handed over the letter he'd received in the Valley before departing, stamped with the Imperial seal.

All was in order, of course, and the warden—a tall, impressively muscled, dark-scaled crocodile with numerous medals of commendation and valor pinned to his uniform that shone as much as his mouthful of gleaming fangs—didn't even bat an eye. In fact, other than a brief, narrow-eyed glance at Jia, the reptile couldn't have been more courteous and respectful, a warm and surprisingly sincere smile on his face as he greeted the Dragon Warrior and said he could have the run of the prison and as many hours with his parents as he required—so long as he left before sundown, since he couldn't change the rules even for a hero of the empire and descending from the mountains during the night was far too dangerous and deadly a prospect.

And so long as he kept away from the maximum security wing. "You defeated Tai Lung, and the gods only know how many more threats to the peace, but there are criminals in there I wouldn't trust if I had you, him, and every weapon in the armory at my side." The crocodile sighed, then strode around the desk and placed a heavy hand on his shoulder. Po tried not to wince. "Just…be careful, son. We can't afford to lose you—and the Emperor would have my hide for his luggage if I let anything happen to you." He chuckled at his own joke, though the sound was weak enough Po had to wonder if he was being serious.

With that, the warden led them back out into the hallway, accompanied by a brindle-furred wolf who was as silent as the snow leopard had been—though when the panda glanced at him, he saw the canine had a surprisingly relaxed gait for a military man…not a swagger, but a confident stroll that spoke of justified confidence and more than a little skill. The fellow even winked at him, before lapsing back into a stern and determined expression.

When they reached the intersection that split the prison in two, with the maximum security where one such as a Wu Sister would be held in one direction and the lighter (though no less secure or well-guarded) wing which held his parents in the other, the crocodile gestured to Jia to follow him, then nodded the wolf down the other hall with Po. At this the snow leopardess crossed over, took his paws in hers, and squeezed them tightly.

"Don't worry, big guy. I know you've been waiting all your life for this moment, but they aren't going to let you down. You just keep your chin up, your chest out, and remember all the awesome things you've done, and you'll be fine. And your mom and dad? They'll be everything I told you they were." With that, she smiled easily and darted off down the corridor, coming near to a very incongruous skip at the crocodile's side.

Why did that not exactly reassure him?

"C'mon, junior," the wolf rumbled after a few awkwardly silent moments, an odd accent in his voice that it took Po a while to place as Manchurian. "Sooner you get to see your old man, the sooner you can get out while you still can."

Po blinked, then found himself clenching his fists unobtrusively at his sides as he peered out from beneath his _dou li_. "An' what's that supposed t' mean?"

The sentry blinked too, though whether what startled him was the tone of his voice or the way his green eyes shone almost ominously beneath that shadowed brim wasn't clear. Then he shrugged and led the way with that same unconcerned stride. "Just what it sounds like. I know you can handle yourself in a fight a lot better than anyone would think to look at ya. But if I were you, I'd hightail it outta here before it's too late. 'Cause you aren't gonna like what you find in that cell."

Frowning darkly, Po didn't lose his edge even as he moved along after the wolf (and hoped he didn't waddle too obviously). When he caught up with the soldier, and the two of them were alone in the hall, he tried to keep the sharp tone out of his voice; this visit was hard enough for him, he didn't need to stir up trouble with the authorities that even Chen might not be able to get him out of, but by the same token he wasn't going to put up with this badmouthing. If anyone was going to disapprove of his parents, it was him, not some random guard.

"Why d'you say that? They've done their time, haven't they? They've had good behavior. I know they'd be in maximum security if they'd tried to escape, or killed some guards or other prisoners. And my dad was a war hero, in case ya didn't know."

Several more moments of silence passed, stretching into minutes, though whether his companion had dismissed him as worth answering or was uncertain if he should speak his mind couldn't be determined. Then at last he sighed and stopped, turning to look at the panda while setting the butt of his halberd on the stone floor.

"Look. I've heard the stories. I know you believe in second chances, and that you see the good in everybody. You may even be right, kid. I never would have believed Tai Lung, of all people, could redeem himself, but he did, and it's mostly because of you. I even know what you're talking about. My eldest brother, he served in Manchuria with Bao, he was second-in-command in your dad's division. Saw what kind of maneuvers he could pull, how brave and even recklessly bold he could be. Had his life saved more times than he could count, watched Bao hold off whole regiments of raiders, change the tide of battle when it looked like there was no way we could win."

Po stared, unable to keep his jaw closed, and not just from the amazing feats being described and how they made his heart thud faster and a lump of pride form in his throat. "Really? Well then, why'd ya say—"

The wolf growled peremptorily to cut him off, then sighed again, mournfully, though his gaze was as hard and flinty as the walls of the prison or the mountains surrounding it. "Because, kid, I also know, from what my brother said, how easily that kinda bloodlust and love of battle can be turned to bad ends. Slaughter, rape, torture, vengeance, berserker rage…" He shook his head.

"Bao loved it too much, Shang Ti knows why. All good soldiers have some bit of that in them when they fight, but he had too much. Let it go to his head. When he first came here, he'd rattle off a list of all those he'd murdered when he was a highwayman, and he was proud of it, relished it. Loved every bit of it. Okay, he hasn't done that in years. But still…"

Licking his lips, the sentry started moving again, leading Po down the hallway toward a door at the far end, one flanked by torches that crackled and guttered in the wind whining at the arrow slit, but otherwise left alone and silent. When he spoke again his voice was very soft, and oddly imploring.

"Maybe he's changed in twenty years, maybe he hasn't. But your sweet something-something back there? She was more right than she knew. Bao is the same man he always was. The good and the bad. So…be careful in there, and I'm not talking about your life or anything. What you find…may not be what you're hoping for. And it just might hurt you more than any battle ever could."

Just before they reached the door, after letting all this advice and the very sincere warning wash over him and considering it from every angle, Po finally found his voice, and it was soft and subdued for more reasons than just to keep his words from being heard in the cell beyond. "I read ya, I get what you're sayin'. An' I really appreciate it. But right now…I don't even know what I'm expectin', if I'm expectin' anything at all. I…I just gotta know, one way or the other."

The wolf eyed him, and a gleam of respect and understanding entered his weary gaze. "Fair enough. That's all anybody can ask, really. Okay then. Here you go." He removed a key ring from his belt, then inserted the right key in the lock. As he turned it and began drawing back the heavy iron bolt and the wooden beam barring the door, he called out, "Look alive in there. You've got visitors."

He slid the last barrier aside and opened the door with a faint whine of unoiled hinges and a groan of timbers. Then, before he lost his nerve entirely, Po took a deep breath and stepped forward into the darkened room beyond.

It took several moments for his eyes to adjust to the deep shadows which cloaked this side of the prison, against the mountain's northern face, several more for his heart to adjust to the shocking sound of the door slamming shut behind him and return to its normal steady beat. By the time both had done so, he was a little surprised he hadn't been accosted, either verbally or physically. Maybe the occupant of the cell was too busy recovering too…or sizing him up, psyching up for a battle, or just readying himself for what was sure to come.

He still hadn't decided which it was, but he did know the other occupant of the cell was staring at him with an intensity to mirror Po's. Having risen off his cot and scrambled to his feet, the prisoner stood facing him, looming a head or more taller…legs spread wide, feet planted hard and secure on the stone floor, fists upraised with one at shoulder level, the other at his waist.

It only took him moments to recognize the stance as a Dragon pose, and those clenched black paws as Tiger Fists. And despite the layer of pudgy fat that made all pandas look deceptively like adorable, harmless butterballs, he could easily see this man possessed bands of thick, hard-earned, rippling muscle beneath it…although twenty years older, he was huskier, bulkier, and more well-built than Po could ever hope to be.

And the face…the muzzle was grizzled, one cheek was slightly sunken in as if he'd lost teeth there, the other was marred by a fairly vicious scar which ran from just below his eye, down past his jawline, to end along the side of his neck just shy of the jugular—what looked like a souvenir of a _dao_ saber. And his eyes were blue rather than green, pale and watery now rather than bright and bold like in his sole memory. But it was clearly Bao, the man who had sired him…and aside from all this, in the face he was the spitting image of Po himself.

This was the man who had left him, abandoned him for the sake of a life of crime and bloody murder…or who had tried to spare him such a life, who had loved him enough to let him go. He had killed for money, for valuables…but also fought honorably in battle and defended China from the ravening hordes. He was a deserter, but also a man who placed his family above everything else, even the Emperor. He was an out-of-control berserker, but also a kind, generous, loving soul. He was both brave and craven, a warrior and a scourge, a wise man and a fool. Not since Tai Lung had Po met someone so full of contradictions…so imbalanced in his Yin and Yang.

How did he feel about Bao? How _could_ he feel?

"Oh, gods," a voice breathed, breaking the silence at last, one that was deep, authoritative, and hard, a voice with a dark edge, yet somehow it still retained a faint sense of boyish charm. The paws lowered…he let his shoulders drop and slouch somewhat…and then he came out of his kung fu stance, stepping forward—tentatively at first, then more assured. "It _is_ you. Po…son…?"

So it was true, what Ping had told him after the Wu Sisters' relation of his true heritage on the way back from Wu Dan. His name had already been given him at birth, his parents had insisted it be retained unchanged when they passed him on to the goose...not only as a link to them, but because, just as they had hoped giving him to the noodlemaker would bring peace to his life, so too would he always be as precious to them as the day he was born. He didn't know whether to growl in disgust at a tenderness so belied by his father's actions...or begin to cry.

For several moments more they stared at each other, the Dragon Warrior working his mouth and throat soundlessly while Bao's eyes lit up with an excitement and happiness they likely hadn't held in years, the father admiring how his son had grown (and the resplendent regalia he wore) while Po tried not to be conscious of the simple, slate-gray hanfu in which the other panda was clad.

Then, as Bao came within a few steps of him and offered his open arms uncertainly for an embrace, Po responded at last—with a powerful, teeth-clenching, jaw-rattling punch right in the side of his father's muzzle.

Head rocking back, a tooth knocked loose and sent flying, almost biting down on his tongue as he cried out in explosive agony, the former highwayman hurtled backwards, stumbling over his own feet in his aggrieved surprise until he toppled over, landing first on his rump and then tipping back entirely to lie sprawled spread-eagled on the floor, as if he were trying to swim across the stone.

There he lay, gasping and groaning, lolling his head about as if he were a drunk staggering around the room, while Po gazed down at him, jaw set but betraying no emotion except a certain detached coldness…which was quite an achievement since normally he'd be screaming bloody murder right now and cradling his paw as if it were pieces of the Urn of Whispering Warriors. _Ow. __**Owwww!**__ Jeez, what's his jaw made of, iron? _

"Well…" Bao managed at last, pushing himself partly upright with one very shaky arm. "Damn. Now that's what I call a punch. You really are a chip off the old block, huh? Good for you, son…"

For a sick moment Po thought he was admiring the violence itself, and how quickly the younger panda had taken to it, a conclusion very much echoed by his father's pained grin, marred by blood trickling crimson from one corner. But then the old ex-soldier's look turned to a grimace, and not just one of pain, as he hung his head. "I know. I get it. I deserved that."

"Darn right you did," Po retorted. He was actually tempted to use more colorful language—something he was afraid was as much due to Tai Lung's influence as the situation—but held back. There had to be something separating him from Bao, after all. Unobtrusively rubbing his bruised paw and shaking it behind his back, he walked over until he stood beside the fallen panda, glaring down in a way he knew to be ominous beneath the brim of his _dou li_.

"That was for abandoning me, for killin' all those people, for decidin' the life of a criminal was better than facin' the music an' doin' your time, more important than bein' there for me."

He paused significantly, was both gratified and a bit chagrined to see Bao shrink back, looking less like a murderer and more like what he was—a condemned man facing the truth of what he was just before judgment was rendered. _By the Jade Emperor, what am I doin'? Okay, sometimes the Dragon Warrior's gotta decide a bad guy's fate…but I can't be his judge. He's already been put away, he's paid for it, an' I'm not gonna sweep in an' decide what's gonna happen to him instead. I'm not gonna be him. _

Slowly, he let out the breath he'd been holding, forced himself to relax…and then smiled, albeit a trifle weakly, as he held out his unbruised paw, open and inviting, to help Bao up. "An' this is for lovin' me enough t'do th' right thing in th' first place…for givin' me th' best home a guy could ask for, love an' friendship, a chance t' fulfill my dream by bein' in th' Valley of Peace, an' a whole lotta noodles. Thanks…Dad." And as the other panda stumbled back up again with his help, he took him in his arm and gave him a strong, back-pounding hug.

"Uh…" Bao sounded extremely reluctant to speak, but went on gamely because he knew he must. "Kinda gettin'…mixed signals there, son…"

"Yeah." Po snorted softly. "That's 'cause it's a real mixed-up…thing, here."

He was about to say more, though still stumbling and stuttering in his clumsy attempt to explain what he meant, when another voice suddenly cut in from nearby—feminine, with a gentle lilt, but a firmness and underlying sternness to it that brooked no argument. "No, it isn't. It's all quite clear, as you've just made it by smashing through all the civil niceties with your excellent right hook. Good to see there's still some common sense in this family yet." She sniffed audibly.

Gasping, he turned in the direction the voice had come from. There he discovered that one wall of the cell was not a wall at all, but an open space into the next cell over with a rank of narrowly fitted and crisscrossed bars keeping those in the two rooms from interacting save for brief touches of fur yet still able to see one another clearly. And there, on the other side, sitting quite calmly in a large wooden chair with hinged sections made for rocking, somehow making her own prison _pao_ look somewhat fetching and appealing, was a female panda the same age as Bao.

As portly and given to good eating it seemed as Po himself was—the Emperor must take good care of his prisoners, even down to their cuisine—pleasingly plump and with a number of careworn lines surrounding her eyes and mouth; some of them indicated very severe, even imperious, expressions, but most were clearly derived from smiles and laughter. Incredibly, she was also knitting, needles working with a wooden clicking and clacking that Po couldn't believe he'd missed.

Mortified, he looked down at the paw he'd punched his father with, then thrust it behind him again as he stepped back, face flushed in shame. Whether or not his reaction to Bao had been warranted, he couldn't believe he'd done such a thing in front of his own mother! "Uh…er…yeah, I can kinda explain, sorta…"

"Oh, for goodness' sake!" Li-Na exclaimed with a touch of aspersion—for him, Po thought, but when he looked again he saw she was only frowning thunderously at a stitch that had slipped. He was further confused by her next words, until he realized Bao stood next to him and looked just as sheepish and out-of-sorts. "You know very well it was deserved, dear." From the way Bao flinched, he got the impression this was a tired argument the two of them had had many times over the years, even if there was a core of iron reproach in her tone as well. "But like what prompted it, that is all in the past now. The gods don't wish us to dwell on wrongs, but to learn from them, then move on. I only wish I had been brave enough, and strong enough, to stand up to your father when I knew what he was doing was wrong...to risk his temper and bloodlust so as to spare any more victims, and to save him from himself. But that is why I too deserved this sentence...and will do all in my power now to speak out against such atrocities and make certain they never happen again."

She sighed, scooped up her knitting, and levered herself to her feet with a groan. Rubbing at the small of her back, she looked at Po directly for the first time—and smiled, a warm, sweet, wondrous smile he felt was privately reserved just for him. Despite how tough she seemed on the surface...despite the guilt he felt for having dismissed her part in his father's crimes until this moment, for assuming she had merely been an innocent bystander when at the very least she'd been an accessory and enabler...he felt his heart melt. "Anyway, why don't you see about getting the warden to give us some air out in the courtyard, hmm? I'm sure with your pull you can get us a proper reunion—and I for one won't be satisfied until I get to hug my boy."

In about fifteen minutes, the three pandas were indeed seated on a bench in the late afternoon sunlight—after several long minutes of intense embracing with eyes brimming over with tears, particularly on Po and his mother's parts. While there were certain privileges which were denied to prisoners no matter how exemplary their behavior (no conjugal visits for example, which was why Bao and Li-Na had adjoining cells instead of sharing one), Chen's favorable ruling after investigating the case had guaranteed the former thieves a few more freedoms than most inmates. And the Dragon Warrior in turn could call upon the warden to invoke other special exceptions for his parents—he could not procure their release, not without another hearing from the emperor, but he at least was able to obtain their temporary release, as well as ensure privacy in the courtyard.

Which was why they now sat together in peace and quiet, without any nearby but the helpful wolven sentry who, though skeptical, stood guard at the courtyard gate well out of earshot, near a small plot of land planted with bamboo, flowers, and underbrush to try, however futilely, to stave off the gloom and grimness of the prison. And while Bao sat with an oddly nervous and habitual wringing of his paws between his knees, his wife still had her knitting at which she worked complacently.

"Um…Mom?" Po ventured, uncertain since he had already discovered how blunt and direct Li-Na was. "Why are you doin' that? Prison arts 'n' crafts?" He snickered, then peered at the pink yarn. "Or somethin' ya sell for th' money?"

"Not at all," she replied. "It merely keeps my hands busy, and so frees up my mind for thought and my lips for speaking. On that note, the day is wearing on, so before the sun sets and you have to leave Shandong, shouldn't you get to whatever it is you wanted to talk to us about?" Her tone was kind and encouraging, not as abrupt as her words sounded.

She also had a point, and there was no reason to hold back—especially now, when time was of the essence, before he had to leave and go without seeing them again for months at a time, perhaps never. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to do it and so instead found himself breathlessly reciting the great deeds he'd done as the Dragon Warrior, starting from his training with Shifu and defeat of Tai Lung.

To his pleasure and pride, both pandas asked all the right questions, made the appropriate exclamations and gave satisfying gasps when certain revelations were made. Even in prison they'd heard of Tai Lung's rampage several years after the fact, and had been horrified to know the goose they'd given their son to had gone to live where it had taken place, so to hear Po had defeated him was both a shock and a mark of honor.

After hearing of what all the snow leopard had done, Bao seemed to swell under his pelt, eyes turning as cold as the snows of the Himalayas as he became filled with an icy, vicious rage; killing merchants and imperial officials was one thing, all those in the Valley of Peace had been utterly innocent!

But then Po explained how he had spared the snow leopard's life, saving and purifying him rather than obliterating him so he could have a second chance—something which had Li-Na nodding firmly in approval—how Tai Lung had turned his life around, redeemed himself and become a hero and model citizen (well, mostly…he'd always have that sarcasm, temper, and foul mouth), and how he had helped Po and the Five defeat an ancient and terrifying evil.

It was very hard for him to describe what Heian Chao was like, what he had done, but Po forced himself to—his parents had to know the truth, if they were going to have no reservations about who their son's new best friend and brother was. And the story of what Chao had tried to do, but also how he had been destroyed, was one that deserved to be spread across the empire. It was, well, legendary. And both his parents were impressed, stunned, and awed by what they heard, since apparently they'd only heard before this that he had saved the Valley but not the details.

He had expected them to be at least a little skeptical, but either their superstitions and spiritual nature were stronger than might appear on the surface, or they could simply tell he wasn't lying and had no reason to. Li-Na accepted it with grace and equanimity, even as she matter-of-factly noted that the wicked man had gotten exactly what he deserved, but if she'd been in charge of his punishment it would have been worse. _What could be worse?_ Po thought, feeling rather disturbed, then decided he didn't want to know.

And Bao? He seemed…deeply troubled. Po hoped it was because he realized the man he'd just denounced as a depraved and demented killer was not completely responsible for his own actions, and had helped slay the one who was truly behind it all, and far worse than he could ever be.

At last, when Po had fallen silent and tried not to wriggle on the bench, even as he nervously twiddled his thumbs, there was only the sound of the wind in the courtyard, the clicking knitting needles, and Bao coughing discreetly. Then Li-Na spoke up. "Well. That was quite the tale, son. You've become all we could ever hope you would, a brave and powerful hero who will bring peace to China. And it is good you are making friends, following your heart, and choosing mercy and forgiveness—especially when it is not the easiest path. But surely you didn't come all the way here just to tell us something we could have learned on our own from the gossip chain or a missive from the Emperor. So why don't you get to the real point?"

"Ouch!" Bao winced openly. "I know you don't believe in beatin' 'round the bush, dear, but this is our son we're talking to. Maybe you should watch your tongue?"

Li-Na set down her knitting and eyed her husband pointedly. "I can't, dear, it's quite difficult and it would make me look ridiculous." A small smile appeared on her muzzle. "Besides, he's a grown man, he can handle it. And I get the feeling he wouldn't have come here if it wasn't important. Not that I don't enjoy the visit…but am I right, Po?" She gazed at him searchingly.

He sighed; had he been that obvious? Slowly he nodded, then tried to keep his eyes focused only on his mother's as he replied. "Yeah…yeah, I'm afraid ya are. Okay, look. When Chen gave me permission t' come an' visit ya, he also agreed t' look into your case again, see if anything can be done. It's been twenty years, ya did your time, there were extenuating circumstances, yadda yadda. An' I'd love t' have you back in my life, safe in the Valley of Peace, y'know?"

He paused. "But…I can't in good conscience ask Chen for that, or let him pardon ya, until I know this: have ya really changed? Are ya gonna stay on th' straight an' narrow once you're let out of th' slammer? An' why did ya do it in the first place?" _Now_ he looked at Bao, hard, fierce, and direct.

Unsurprisingly, a dead silence followed this series of rapid-fire questions. What did surprise and shock him, as well as give him hope, was that while Li-Na merely sat there placid and expectant, even going back to her knitting, it was his father who not only had the grace to flush…but looked horribly stricken by the accusation.

Again the wind whipped around them, billowing clothes and stirring dirt and leaves on the paving of the courtyard, but Po did not relent—keeping his green gaze fixed on the man who had become the terror of the southern provinces, the one who had denied his honorable past and everything good and decent Po believed in to pursue a life of crime, thievery, and death.

He knew he likely resembled his father far too much in this moment, considering how stern, unforgiving, and harsh he must look, but for once he didn't care. Not only was this too important to back down and allow the other panda any wiggle room to maneuver out of it if he expected to fulfill his promise to the emperor and his duty as the peace-keeping Dragon Warrior (the alternative, to have to fight and kill his own father if Bao went back to his old ways, was one he refused to contemplate), but he simply had to know, to hear what explanation the panda could possibly give.

Soon enough it seemed Bao was the one who couldn't look him in the eye. Turning away to stare sullenly at the nearest stone wall, the former highwayman shook his head—in denial of the truth, in disbelief at what he had become, in simple sorrow at what it had all come to.

"That's the same question His Majesty asked me, before he passed sentence. And it's one I've been asking myself for years. I've always had a temper. I've always been a fierce fighter—when I was training back in my village, trying to get as strong and skilled as possible, I shocked and stunned most of my masters who thought I'd just be a tub of lard that would pass out in a sweaty heap before getting to the real work. And when I joined the army, I thought all of my hard work had paid off, I got to put it to use in real combat.

"My men looked up to me, my superiors thought I had a great career in service to the throne ahead of me, I thought I had it made. It felt good, son. Like nothing I'd ever felt before in my life. I could outperform those snooty lords from the capital, outthink the wiliest invader warlords, and be the best warrior of my generation. Even the Emperor's own bodyguards were considering inducting me, once the war ended."

The panda looked back at him, partly challenging, partly begging for understanding, but then he sighed and looked down at his paws. "All that got taken away from me when General Hao denied me my leave of absence. I…I loved my life in the army. I'd have loved protecting the Emperor. I'd have come right back and trounced those Manchurians. And I know your mother would have been okay with being a soldier's wife, as long as she got to come to the capital and teach all the chefs a thing or two about real cooking." From the side, Li-Na snorted good-naturedly, but when he glanced at her Po wasn't surprised to see her sniffing and nodding in acknowledgment.

"But he wouldn't allow that, so I had to desert. And once I was on my own, on the run, and there was no other way to make ends meet…" Bao clenched his paws, then his jaw. "I still don't know why I did it. Why I let it go on so long, let myself go too far. At first I just liked getting back at people like that tiger Hao, people who oppressed us and thought they were better'n us just because of where and to who they were born. I told myself I did it because they deserved it, that they were only rich because they'd made it at our expense, and that when Li-Na and I had enough money, we'd settle down somewhere the Emperor would never find us, maybe even leave China. But there always seemed to be one more heist, one more rich merchant train, one more family that had to be paid back."

Po looked at his father with the first stirrings of pity and sadness, even as he felt the resentment inside him. No matter how much Bao felt he was punishing the decadent empire, or getting revenge for what was done to him, nothing could justify the killing he'd done…or excuse the fact he'd refused to end it even for the sake of his newborn son.

Something of this must have shown on his face, or else it was the natural path for his own thoughts to lead, because almost immediately the older panda bit his lip and his voice became oddly small and plaintive. "I…I don't know what happened. I guess…there was a darkness in me, like there was in Tai Lung. I just got this…thrill, when I was fighting and killing, like I never did before. I didn't like the sight of blood itself…usually…but I did think of all kinds of cruel ways to kill people, just because I liked knowing I could, that they were in my power. I guess it's true what they say, the last person you ever want to give power to is someone who used to be weak and powerless, bullied around…" He swallowed against a lump in his throat.

When he looked up again, after another long silence, Po was stunned to see tears standing in those blue eyes, tears which welled up larger and larger until they overflowed and began running in two glinting streams down his white-furred cheeks. "Doesn't matter. So I had a bloodlust. Nothing excuses it, nothing justifies it. I became a monster, son. I know that now. I loved it at the time, but looking back…I scare myself. It's been twenty years since I killed someone, and now…now I don't want to anymore. If I never kill another person in my life, even if they deserve it, I'll be happy. No more doing wrong for me."

Po's breath fled. "Y-you mean…you regret it?"

Without a bit of hesitation, Bao nodded firmly. "Every single day. The only thing I regret more is abandoning you because of it. If I could go back, I'd undo it, never kill anybody. It's too late now…but I swear to the gods, and to you, I've changed. If you don't believe me, I understand…hell, I wouldn't blame you. But I hope someday you can forgive me…and that I can be let out, so I can spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Making it up to everyone…"

By the time he ended this speech, Po could barely understand him, between the tears pouring down, the sobs choking his throat, and how quiet and tiny his voice had become. He'd never seen anyone look more wretched, or more painfully desperate for absolution. Whatever else Bao said, whoever he had once been, Po couldn't doubt the genuineness of this contrition.

He needed one thing more, though.

Taking a deep breath, the Dragon Warrior looked from one panda to the other, then around the deserted courtyard until he could see for certain that the wolven guard was still out of earshot. "Well then, if that's all true, there's really one thing I gotta say to that." He paused, then blurted out, "Prove it."

Bao blinked.

"Prove ya regret it, prove you've changed, prove ya ain't ever gonna let anythin' like this happen ever again."

His father seemed to sway back a bit on the bench—surely not in confusion or shock, since he must have known this was coming, must have foreseen it as the only possible way he could ever make amends, but in stunned understanding of how important this was to Po…and how much more unyielding and determined his son was than anyone could ever have expected who knew him before that day he'd crash-landed in front of Oogway's pointing finger.

Yet after several stunned moments of silence, he swallowed hard, nodded, and asked a question which both surprised and puzzled Po. "All right then, if that's the way you want it, son…whatever happened to everything we stole? All the gold and jewels, the priceless statuary and heirlooms, the money and their possessions?"

Now it was Po's turn to blink at the seeming non sequitur—then narrow his eyes flatly. "I'm pretty sure the Emperor confiscated 'em all, and he's been holdin' 'em in trust. Why?" _Don't tell me he wants it all back!_

He should have had more faith. Because after nodding again in approval, Bao reached over and laid a paw on his shoulder. "Good. Then what I'm going to do, if His Majesty will let me, is go over it all, identify it and who I stole it from…and then I'll return it to each and every family I robbed. And where I can't, make reparations of some sort. It's…it's the least I can do, after all I've done."

The Dragon Warrior's breath caught in his throat for a few moments. It was such a small gesture, really, one that could never bring back the dead to their loved ones, one that to many would seem useless, a pathetic attempt to garner sympathy and feign generosity and morality. But it was still a good sign, a very good sign indeed. As he'd once thought about his father's letter, at least it was a place to start. And it told him he could indeed start to believe, trust...and forgive. That it was right to offer a first step of his own in return.

"You're right, it _is_ the least ya can do…but it's also the only thing ya really can do, now. It'll let ya start with a clean slate, get people more ready t' trust ya, give ya the benefit of the doubt, an' that's all ya can ask." He paused significantly, then spoke with deliberate firmness. "I'll make sure t' tell Chen, get the ball rolling. On that..._and_ your new hearing. Thanks, Dad." He fought down the lump in his throat.

Several more moments of silence passed as he and Bao looked at each other emotionally, his father dared to slide a little closer on the bench and open his arms to him in a mute offer, and at last Po accepted, embracing the convict with a tightness and intensity that, despite their earlier hug in the cell, surprised both of them. Then, when they finally broke apart, Bao managed a warm smile, even a slightly naughty and irreverent gleam in his eyes, as he poked his son in the ribs. "Well, now that that's settled, why don't you tell us about the rest of your life, huh? Like, are you seeing someone?"

Po coughed and looked away, feeling awkward and uncertain for a whole new reason this time. He rubbed at the back of his neck. "Uh…well yeah, I actually am. Kinda, sorta."

At once his mother had her eyes fixed on him, needles clicking to a standstill. "You'll have to do better than that, son. Now, who is she?"

He nerved himself and spat it out in a rush. "Wu Jia."

Slowly Li-Na set aside her knitting entirely and gazed at him sidelong—in bemusement and open disbelief. "Well, now that's something I didn't expect."

Before she could say more, the sound of furred flesh striking stone was accompanied by hoots and gales of laughter—and what sounded like more than a few proud crows—as Bao grinned from ear to ear, slapped the bench beside him, and even pumped his fist a little in the air. "Hah! Now _that's_ what I wanna hear! Always knew you'd take after your old man, son…out there playing the market and picking the dangerous ladies already, eh?"

"…what?" Po couldn't have heard that right. He flicked his eyes back to Li-Na.

"Oh, you don't think she was always just a housewife, do you? Or that she was all sweetness and light just because she was a woman?" His mother looked demure and smiled mysteriously, while her husband went on. "No sir, not my Li-Na! You don't _ever_ wanna cross her. If you do, at the very least you're gonna be eating boiled hay for the next week…and then she'll start getting creative. Good to see ya got the same excellent taste as yours truly."

Bao rubbed his chin thoughtfully, still marveling. "Jia, huh? Well she always was the nicest one out of that bunch. You could do a lot worse. Especially in the bedroom." The panda waggled his eyebrows.

"Dad!" Po gasped, hurriedly looking around to make sure Jia hadn't appeared with impeccable timing to overhear. "Would ya cut it out? I mean…I'm still real new at this, and…and we just got started, only had a couple dates…"

"Well, what are you waiting for?" The ex-soldier looked and sounded incredulous. "She's not getting any younger, you know. Or are you just too shy and—gods, you don't know how to do _anything_, do you?" While Po spluttered, his father grinned and leaned in to speak behind a conspiratorial paw. "Well don't you worry now, your dad's here and he'll teach you everything he knows about women."

Li-Na, recovered from her surprise, resumed her knitting. "Well, that shouldn't take too long," she said clinically, though a slight smirk betrayed that she might not have been completely honest in her statement.

Bao put a paw over his heart. "Ouch. You wound me, dear. Just for that, I'm going to have to romance you all over again, prove I know what I'm talking about."

She sniffed. "Is that what you call it? After twenty years I think I need a little bit more than a slurred 'Thanks, love' and you rolling off of me in bed."

"_Mom!_" Po couldn't begin to describe how traumatized he felt. "Could ya maybe scale back the parental TMI here?"

"Why? It's a perfectly natural part of life, there's no shame in it. And it seems you do need to learn a thing or two." She smiled in satisfaction. "Whatever your father misses, I'll be sure to cover. It is, after all, a duty of a parent to instruct the next generation." The sententiousness of the saying was marred somewhat by the look she gave Bao, which was distressingly knowing, even seductive. _Gah!_

His father nodded firmly and crossed his arms over his chest. "I really would have thought Jia would have taught you all she knew by now. She certainly didn't hold back when we knew her…must've mellowed with age. Next time I see her, that's first on my list to bring up." Interlacing his paws and cracking all his knuckles, he then leaned on the back of the bench with one arm, a cocky and suave look on his broad white-furred face.

"Now then, if you're going to get a girl, the first thing you've gotta do is charm her, sweep her off her feet. Show her what all you can offer her…including a couple things I _know_ Jia's gonna want to get her paws on."

Po blushed beet red, wishing more fervently than ever he could sink through the bench, the courtyard, even the entire mountain of Tai Shan.

* * *

At the other end of the prison, deep in the maximum security wing, Jia stood poised, slim and upright and ever alert, before the door to her sister's cell, tail lashing somewhat excitedly. Glancing over her shoulder, she watched as the crocodile warden, who had just finished giving her a set of terse but perfectly reasonable instructions, paced back down the hall the way they'd come, leaving her alone with the sentries on duty. She looked back at them—a pair of felines, lion and tiger, both fairly young but already sizable with muscle filling out their uniforms. Nowhere on Tai Lung's level, of course, but… _If I weren't seeing Po…mm-mmm… _

But she was, and that made all the difference. Of course, she could still admire, and did so, even giving a sultry wink. To her surprise and amusement, while the tiger remained stoic and obedient to his rank and task, refusing to shift position, meet her gaze, or even blink, the lion looked sheepishly pleased—smiling, ducking his maned head slightly, and even blushing beneath his cheek fur.

She knew the tiger was interested too, since his posture wasn't the only thing that was stiff about him, but his companion seemed far more impressionable and pliable. _So much for leonine regality. Kinda sweet really, though. And cute. _

Sashaying her hips a bit, she finally approached the door and lashed her spotted tail once more. "Care to let a girl in, handsome? I promise I'll make it worth your while."

Almost immediately the young lion was stumbling over his words, and his large paws, even coming close to dropping his keys in his haste to get to the door and swing it open for her. Across from him, she could see the tiger visibly rolling his eyes, but she knew from his scent he was still interested, too, and the look he gave the other guard was more indulgent than truly reprimanding. As the door swung inwards with a creaking of timbers and iron, she heard the tiger mutter to the lion, "We _really_ need to get out more often—and get you a cold bath."

Which only made her grin a bit triumphantly to herself. For as the door closed behind her with a solid thud, and she shot one last seductive glance over her shoulder and swished her tail (something which made the lion sigh audibly and even brought a tint of crimson to the tiger's cheeks as viewed through the barred window), she knew her plan had been accomplished. _Girl, you've still got it. And they were so busy admiring the merchandise, they didn't even bother to check what else it might be concealing… _

Turning away—and immediately dropping her femme fatale façade—Jia stepped forward into the pool of afternoon sunlight spilling in through the lone window high on the far wall. "Sis? How…how are you? You holding up well, everyone treating you all right?"

A snort from the shadows, and then Chun stepped calmly into view, one eyebrow raised sardonically. "Hmm? Oh yes, couldn't be peachier. I'm a regular prison princess here, with a skin of stone to boot. You?"

Despite the brittle, harsh tone in her sister's voice, Jia still heard the trace of amusement there as well and spied the tiniest of smiles quirking at the corner of her mouth. And all joking aside, she could see the ex-assassin did look surprisingly good after a little over a year of incarceration. The pale gray of her Hanfu blended in with her own fur color, as if the snow leopardess had become part of Shandong Prison, had formed out of its very rock, and yet those green eyes were more relaxed, gentle, and at peace than they'd been since—cubhood? Xu Mei's turning her back on them? _Ever_?

She stood relaxed, without the tension and intensity she'd had ever since training in earnest with Xiu and their mother in the arts of the assassin. And something Jia had never noticed before, and only discovered now by its absence…a pall of sadness, weariness, and bitterness—even shame. It was gone, and Chun stood straighter, yet looser, because of it. _Who'd have thought…prison was actually good for her? _

She knew her sister would be mortally embarrassed if she brought any of this up, if she even admitted it at all, so instead Jia smiled brightly, shrugged, and launched into her usual rapid-fire, somewhat vapid delivery she had perfected years ago—to lull her listener into a false sense of security, to inspire trust in someone seemingly so limited mentally, to convince them she was a harmless, slightly off-center girl instead of the intelligent, sophisticated woman she was. Well, all right, she actually was rather silly at times, and she also enjoyed the carefree and amusing antics she pulled as much as she did the looks on people's faces as she did it. But there _was_ a method behind it…

"You know me, same old same old! Been traveling with Mei Mei and Crane, righting wrongs, ridding the empire of evil, trying all the latest fashions and foods. Saved that monastery over in Tibet, met a lot of really cute, hunky studs everywhere we went—though really none of them could hold a candle to the Dragon Warrior—helped that poor village of sheep when they had all the wool they were going to sell stolen by bandits—they left such an _obvious_ trail, really, a baby could've followed it! Bits of wool everywhere…um, I can't think of the word, it has an 'uh' sound in it…"

Chun shot her a sardonic, deadpan look. "Clumps?" she suggested, voice flat.

"That's it!" Jia crowed excitedly, clapping her paws together. "They're _clumps!_" She just barely refrained from embracing her sister in her giddy glee.

Shaking her head and muttering under her breath, the other snow leopardess nevertheless was soon smiling again, if a bit wanly. "I see. That does match up with what we've been hearing here on the inside. Although if _all_ the rumors that've been bruited about were really true, you'd be single-handedly responsible for taming the frontier, getting the Khan to sit down for tea with Chen, humiliating every robber from here to Hong Kong, seducing Imperial soldiers right and left, and stopping wolven warlords bent on—"

Chun broke off suddenly, narrowed her eyes, and posted her fists on her hips. "Wait a minute. _What_ was that about the Dragon Warrior?"

Damn. She'd hoped her sister had missed that. "Uh, what about him?" She tried to sound as innocent as possible. "Did I mention—"

"Po? You…you've hooked up with _Po_?" She couldn't tell if Chun were about to burst out laughing, face palm, or check her forehead for a temperature.

"Um…well, kinda sorta…it depends on how you look at it…" For a few moments more she dithered—not because she was ashamed of the panda, but because she was afraid of her sister's reaction. At last she threw caution to the winds, and her paws in the air. "All right, yes, are you happy now?"

"Yes, actually," the ex-assassin replied mildly, even with a tinge of relief and slight exasperation. "Because all I can say is, it's about damn time."

Jia blinked several times in rapid succession. "You…you knew?"

Again the sardonic look. "Jia…a blind man could have seen it."

Wincing, the youngest Wu Sister began to squirm, oddly enough rather similar to how Po was wont to do. "Uh…sis, now I know this may seem pretty weird, compared to the guys I usually date, not to mention a bit disturbing seeing as we knew his parents and all, and promised to look out for him and everything…" _Forget being a cougar. 'Wife husbandry', much? _

Chun raised a paw to cut her off, shaking her head even as she began to smile—not just a rare expression on her in general, but one far more warm, friendly, and filled with pleasure than she'd given in years. "What are you talking about? I'm pleased as punch about this. It's the best thing that could have ever happened for you—or him. Face it, sis, you needed to branch out, find some new hobbies, and this is about as new and out there as they come, for you.

"And he needs someone who can really show him the world, teach him everything he needs to know if he wants to be taken at all seriously." She paused, her voice becoming soft and solemn. "And in a way, this could be seen as the best way to keep that promise of ours, even if it is years after the fact."

Jia didn't know which stunned her more—her sister's insight, perceptiveness, and intensity, or the fact she actually approved of her and Po—but she couldn't help smiling and grasping Chun's paws as she let out a huge sigh of relief. "I never thought about it like that. But…thank you. That means a lot to me." She hugged her sister.

After they broke the brief but warm embrace, they stared at each other…and then Chun once again quirked the corner of her mouth in a smile, this time one almost suggestive enough to belong to Jia herself. "Guess you'll be keeping busy for the next few years, huh?"

"What do you mean?" She narrowed her violet eyes suspiciously.

"Well, because you're going to have to teach Po everything. And I do mean _everything_." And she began to laugh.

Jia crossed her arms. "I'll have you know he's a lot more worldly than he lets on—"

"Please. He's as naïve as they come."

She went on as if she hadn't heard her. "—and he's got urges and needs just like any other guy—"

Chun snorted. "Listen to yourself. He's a _panda_. They know as much about sex as I do about bamboo."

Jia tried to be dismissive, even as Po's constant blushes, squirming, stuttering, and cluelessness hovered in the back of her mind; he'd barely seemed to realize when she wanted a kiss, let alone anything more! "So? It might be nice for a change to have a guy I have to show the ropes, instead of one who's pinning me down and pawing me like a piece of meat."

Her sister nodded, acknowledging the point, but then she smirked again. "I think you're going to have to do a bit more than that—like, show him the slings, cuffs, and collars too. You going to use those erotic scrolls we picked up in Shanghai as a visual aid, or just go straight to the Kama Sutra?"

For a long moment she glared at Chun in fury—if for no other reason than she feared her sister might be absolutely right. But then the other snow leopardess threw back her head, laughed, and even punched her lightly in the shoulder. And as Jia realized she'd just been teasing her mercilessly, something which Chun hadn't done in years, she had to start smiling and giggling herself. "You are _so_ paying for that when you get out of here," she gasped warningly through her laughter. But it was good to have her sister back.

When the laughter had died down, Jia found herself sobering a bit and shooting her sister a worried look. "So…any idea when that might be?"

Chun didn't respond right away. In fact when Jia turned to look at her, she saw the snow leopardess had crossed over to the pool of sunlight on the cell's stone floor, and the golden finger which pointed accusingly down to join it. Incongruously, the ex-assassin stood as if a supplicant to a divine power at the temple, and in spite of herself Jia had to stifle a snicker. After all, while she had never lost her faith in the gods—not completely—Chun had always been deeply and thoroughly dedicated to the idea that in life, you were on your own, with no one to help you except yourself. And possibly your family.

Still, her chuckles died as she watched the snow leopardess stay perfectly still, back to her, face lifted up into the light. "I don't know yet," she said softly. "The Emperor hasn't decided. Like you, I tried to stop Xiu from killing Ping and Shen Zhuang…but I've done so many worse things than you in my time as an assassin. That can't be forgotten or brushed aside.

"And with Xiu out of her mind—or lost in it, however you want to put it—_some_one has to pay for our crimes, someone who's aware of what we did, and of what is now being done to us as punishment. How long it'll be before Chen decides I've served enough, paid for all our victims, I have no idea. Maybe as long as Bao and Li-Na have been here. Maybe longer."

Jia bit her lip to hold back a whimper; she understood why the emperor had done this, and it was a fair sentence, but at the same time it _wasn't _fair. Even if Chun had been more willing, more cold and ruthless, and hadn't had to be blackmailed into it, she still never would have become what she had if not for Xiu, and Wu Qing. It wasn't fair that the ones who were truly responsible were suffering terrible fates which yet left them beyond the reach of the law…so that those who were innocent had to pay the price in their place.

Carefully, she stepped toward Chun, one paw reaching out for her shoulder as she spoke uncertainly, cautiously. "And…you're just going to accept that? You're not even going to try to fight it, appeal his decision? Or let me do it on your behalf?"

"Why not? It's the right thing to do. It's justice." Over her shoulder, from within the shadows formed by her brows as she turned out of the sunlight, her green eyes glinted—with determination, strength, but also self-realization. "This isn't a rigged trial, like the one Tai Lung had to endure. All the witnesses were of sound mind and possessed of their own will. All the documents were in order, nothing was fabricated or concealed. The charges were clear and could not be denied, and the judge was ready to rule in my favor if the evidence suggested he should. But you know it wouldn't. You know what we did, what we were paid to do. That isn't something I could get away with. And with you pardoned, and Xiu insane, someone had to take the fall."

Jia bristled openly, clenching her fists at her sides. "But—but you're not like her! You've changed! Shouldn't you get a chance to prove it, to show it? And what about Bao and your promise to him? Po needs you too."

She snorted derisively. "The panda needs me like he does a knife under the ribs. You're all he needs, Jia. You're so much better for him, in every way that counts…"

Silence reigned in the cell for several long minutes, as Chun returned to contemplating the eye of sun gleaming wanly down at her and Jia in turn stared at her slender back in shock, as if she didn't know who this was. To some degree, she didn't, for she meant what she'd said: this wasn't the Chun she remembered. Whether due to Chao's defeat, or her own at the paws and swords of Tigress, the middle Wu Sister seemed to have become not only resigned to her fate, but to welcome it.

And while that spoke well of her future redemption and what her good behavior would instill in the emperor when next he reviewed her case, it couldn't make Jia entirely happy. Because she still missed her sister, and didn't want to be left alone without her.

Besides…she had to be sure this wasn't an act. Chun was as wily as Xiu in some ways, and without her instability and chaotic nature to hold her back. She wouldn't put it past the former assassin to feign a conversion she didn't truly feel, to spend a year in Shandong as a model prisoner, only to lull them into complacency so she could engineer a brutal and efficient escape later on. She had to know.

Very slowly, she peered over her shoulder at the cell door. The sentries were still visible, but turned to face out into the hallway. Neither feline seemed to care what was happening or being said beyond the door they guarded, content in their belief that there was nothing the two snow leopardesses could do to slip out from under their noses, or to take them on directly and make a run for it. And they were far enough away they would not hear.

Coming up behind Chun once again, Jia softly and gently reached inside her tunic, then down into her trousers, to the sheath hidden below her hip, pressed against her inner thigh—in a place no male who searched her would dare touch, lest he be accused of scandalous harassment. Closing her paw around the hilt of the dagger there, she slowly slid it out, then brought it up behind her sister, letting the blade catch the light. In a whisper she spoke.

"It doesn't have to be this way, you know. You can escape, I can _help_ you escape. Just give the word, and we'll make our move. We kill the guards, then you leave me behind, wounded—just enough to make it look convincing. I pretend you overpowered me and knocked me out. You head for Tibet, or Mongolia, start a new life for yourself. No one will ever know the difference…you won't be killing anymore, that's all that matters. Just say the word."

The silence which followed this pronouncement was utterly still, filled with meaning, and growing with coldness, disbelief, and fierce anger. Then at last, without warning, Chun whirled about. Before Jia could do more than raise her free paw to block, her sister smacked it aside even as she latched on to the paw that held the knife, gripping her wrist painfully and then wrenching her arm around in a complex spin that left the weapon pinned to the small of her back.

Green eyes met hers with a look both slightly demented and blatantly, contemptuously shocked. "Are you out of your _mind_? What were you _thinking_? Even if we set up a ruse like that, no one would believe it. I was searched when I was first brought here, and after every mealtime and exercise in the courtyard. They'd know you gave me the knife. You'd lose your pardon and be right in here with me. And even if we killed the guards, there'd be no way I'd make it out of this fortress alive. But that isn't the point."

Squeezing hard, she made Jia drop the knife with a cry of pain muffled in her hood, then deftly caught it before it could hit the floor. Letting go with a violent motion that almost shoved her away, Chun turned back to the sunlight, pacing toward the wall, dagger held before her to hide the gleaming metal against her body. Despite how readily she'd been disarmed, Jia only stood still, rubbing her wrist, watching and listening very closely. When her sister spoke it was introspectively, almost wonderingly.

"If you'd come to me with this deal a year ago, I might have taken you up on it. No, I know I would have. Xiu was gone, we wouldn't have had to deal with her cruelty or insanity any longer. We could have struck out on our own, been great warriors and assassins who chose our own marks, acted where we wished to right wrongs and make some money off of it. Chao would never haunt us again. We didn't need Tai Lung. And if I was still smarting from Tigress's victory…well, I'd be insane myself to seek revenge against her.

"But something has happened to me, during my time here. I've had time to think, really think, about everything that's happened, everything we've done. That _I've_ done. I thought about Tigress, and how she had every reason to kill me—I was the one who nearly killed her, in the birch forest that night. I tried to help Chao in his mad schemes as much as Xiu did. I fought the Dragon Warrior, I tried to take Tai Lung from her, I nearly killed her again on Wu Dan. And I was set to do so a third time in the Vault of Heroes. Yet she spared my life. She chose mercy over vengeance, and justice over retribution. That meant something. It meant she had honor. Something I thought I had, convinced myself I had, to justify all I did, to keep me from becoming Xiu. But I was wrong."

Turning back, she gazed boldly up from the dagger she held, and Jia was stunned anew to see tears in her eyes. "And then I remembered something. Something Mother said to me, once."

"Mother?" Jia blinked a bit incredulously; what could that depraved assassin possibly have said to change Chun, give her such hope and wisdom?

"Xu Mei," Chun explained, one eyebrow quirked, and Jia had to mentally kick herself…even as she marveled at this. Her sister hadn't called anyone but Wu Qing 'Mother' in years… "She said to me, 'Everyone sets such store by honor, everyone believes it can be granted to you by the emperor or stripped away by him, that it can be lost, broken, tarnished, bartered like tea leaves in the marketplace. But in the end, you can never lose your honor—not unless you deny and forsake it yourself. And then _you_ are the only one who can restore it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.'"

Even as Jia listened in awe, wishing she had heard these words—they would have gone far toward helping her throw off her own despair, instead of having to wait years for Mei Ling to do it for her during their battle—her middle sister went on, at first slightly choked up but her voice growing stronger with each passing moment.

"Well, Mother was right. She was right about everything. Though I convinced myself otherwise, I had lost my honor when I joined with Xiu. And now I have to get it back. Chen won't release me until I have served my sentence, and I won't have my honor back until I have. But I also won't have it back until I deserve it. I won't leave until I have the right to."

Chun slowly handed the knife back to her, squeezed her fingers around the hilt. "Put it away, Jia. Come visit me whenever you like, whenever the emperor lets you, but don't ever show that to me again. I'll leave when the time is right. When I've redeemed myself, and I can face the light outside, instead of just from the window of a cell."

Pride swelled within Jia, more pride for Chun than she had ever felt, or ever thought she would, and her jaw quivered and shook with the emotion. Taking the weapon back and returning it to its hidden sheath, she closed her eyes and nodded slowly, in vindication. It was good to be sure of her sister at last. "Thank you, Chun. Thank you for proving me right, and passing my test."

Her sister blinked a few moments, then gasped softly and licked her lips. "So that's what it was…and here I thought you were just slipping into old habits, that you weren't ready to give up a life of crime after all. Should've known better, really. Good for you, Jia..." She shook her head wonderingly, admiringly. "You're welcome. I'm glad I passed it too. Now, give me another hug, and tell me everything you left out."

She did so, chatting animatedly and gaily once again, but it hid a certain uneasiness inside her. For while it had been a test, it had not only been for Chun. Because if her sister had agreed to try to escape, what would she, Jia, have then done? Withdrawn the offer? Joined in on the escape? Or killed her sister?

She would never know now…and thankfully, she would never have to. But it seemed she still had some ways to go—and all the more reason to stick to Po's side and the future he offered her.

* * *

(A/N: Po calling Beijing a "City of Walls and Secrets", while a reference to Avatar: The Last Airbender, is also just bringing things full circle, since Ba Sing Se was originally based on Beijing to begin with. Li-Na, meanwhile, owes some of her characterization to David Eddings' Polgara the Sorceress. The crocodile warden is not meant to be an early bird cameo of Master Crocodile from KFP2, since I have no idea what he'll be like. I just wanted to include a species as a good guy who normally isn't. Similarly the wolf isn't meant to be anybody special, though his tale of having a brother who served with Bao may be seen as a nod to Luna's shoutout to me from one of Zang's men in "Soaring Dragon, Dancing Phoenix". The peacock feather on the warden's desk IS supposed to be a snarky nod to Lord Shen of KFP2. ;) Jia's reference to wife husbandry is a TV Tropes term, implying the idea of raising your own spouse [husbandry being the term for raising animals], which she feels like she did because she knew his parents and had promised to look out for him. Finally, Chun's references to pandas needing visual aids or the Kama Sutra to breed is a snide hint at how zookeepers have had to use panda porn to produce cubs in captivity. Judging by Bao and Li-Na's commentary, however, it seems Chun may be wrong. ;)

So, next up will be the last vignette about Po and Jia, showing the next stage in their relationship and how it fits into life at the Jade Palace. R/R!)


	6. Eat, Pray, Love

It was a warm summer day—by coincidence or design, only Oogway and the gods knew for sure, but it just so happened to be the second anniversary of Po's defeat of Tai Lung—when the panda took the next major step in his relationship with Wu Jia. Several steps, in fact. And it all started with him keeping a promise…and finally, at long last, taking the initiative.

He wasn't simply just a shy, naïve, clueless guy, Po had thought to himself defensively on many an occasion in the last year, and especially often in the three months since their return from Shandong. It was that his entire life, his background, his upbringing, it all conditioned him to be anything but assertive and in control. He had been an orphan—or so he had thought—abandoned and left for another to raise; as such, the only way he could rise above his origins, could prove himself worthy of honor and praise despite not knowing his ancestors, was if he did everything in his power to obey, exemplify, and honor in turn his adopted father and his family.

He was also a giant panda, the only one in the Valley of Peace, and so to keep from feeling outcast and feared, or at least distrusted, he had to do all he could to fit in: speak when spoken to, learn all the proper honorifics, pray twice as hard to the gods, never say a harsh word against the Emperor (though why would he, when Chen was the best ruler China had had in centuries and Po wasn't the sort to say a harsh word against anyone anyway?), and celebrate all the festivals and holidays with perfection, piety, and enthusiasm.

And lastly, of course, while he had always loved his father, was happy to learn exquisite gourmet dim sum at Ping's side, and especially relished both the wild, raucous, informal revelry of the Winter Festival and the quieter private celebrations with warm food and old, homemade decorations for just him and the goose, Po had also always been strongly encouraged to learn and stay in his place. To be a dutiful son, loyal citizen, and subservient worker.

Most dishearteningly of all, he had been told by everyone, from his father and friends to Master Shifu and most of the Five, to view his dream of being a kung fu warrior as just that, a dream and nothing more. With all this being the case, how could he ever hope to be as determined, self-reliant, and forthright as he'd need to be to act as the Dragon Warrior—let alone get anywhere with a woman? Especially one like Jia?

In the end, however, it was the very fact he'd been given the Dragon Scroll that proved to be the deciding factor in helping him break free of his self-doubts and fears. That, and some much needed advice from his best friend, Tai Lung.

Not that the scroll gave him some super-special power, like being absolutely suave and clever with the ladies, nor that it magically transformed him into a confident and brave warrior overnight. As always, it only gave him the power to succeed, and only when he believed in himself…something which sadly, as yet, didn't extend to his interactions with women. But being the Dragon Warrior meant something, something for future encounters as well as the heroic deeds he'd already performed, which the master of the Jade Palace had only been too quick to point out to him.

It had happened one evening about a month ago, when in the privacy of the Jade Palace's quiet darkness, during a meditation exercise in his dormitory room, Po had been unable to concentrate or even stay silent thanks to the burgeoning love in his heart for the former assassin, a love he felt compelled to speak of with as much excited gushing as he'd usually employ when discussing kung fu.

Yet the minute Tai Lung had ceased growling and glowering at him, uncrossed his spotted arms, and with a surprisingly fond and warm smile suggested that it was Jia he should be saying these things to, Po had immediately backpedaled—blushing like a New Year's lantern, becoming tongue-tied, and saying he could never tell her, not that way, not so boldly and openly. And two seconds after that, the snow leopard had launched into a blistering, albeit hissed and harshly whispered, tirade.

"Panda…Po. You are the best friend I could ever have, you're a brother to me, and a great warrior to top it all off—but _damn it_, man…the hell…up! Is this the fellow who trounced me, or who helped take out that mental blighter Chao? I _know_ you're better than this." With heaving chest and brightly flaring golden eyes, he'd stabbed a finger toward the bear, but despite the seeming rage and fanaticism in his gaze and voice, there'd also been a genuine confusion…and pleading.

"I get it, you're shy. You can find your confidence just as easily as you can your toes, and around Jia you're as much a nervous wreck as a furniture seller with me and Tigress in a room full of rocking chairs. But have you forgotten who, and what, you are?" He'd pointed at the scarlet-and-gold cylinder in the waistband of Po's shorts, where he carried it religiously, save for when he'd fought Chao and instead brought it into battle in Flying Rhino's mail belt pouch.

"You are the Dragon Warrior, you've proved it more than often enough. You've faced countless foes and death-defying experiences…yet you let yourself get this bent out of shape simply over a woman's affections? Even _I _wasn't this bad with Tigress." Po had given him a knowing look, and he'd flattened his ears to his skull. "All right, maybe I was, but I certainly wasn't shy about my feelings. And all those months we were recovering from the Vault of Heroes, you didn't have a single problem talking to her.

"So here's what you're going to do." Tai Lung had actually cracked his knuckles, as well as sat up as straight and true as he could instead of his habitual low-slung crouch. "You're going to stop being so prudish just because you're a panda, and instead get Jia alone, take her where you promised her, and show her how you feel. Got it?" The snow leopard had growled, though more in frustration than anger.

"Because I am going to get you and your lady love together, and happy, if it kills me. You've brought peace to the Valley and the whole empire—not just to Shifu, which I'd have sworn would only happen the day Tigress wore a frilly dress and Oogway gave a straight answer, but also to me. Which me and everyone else thought was impossible. It's about time you get to have some peace and happiness of your own."

The panda had been ready to reprimand his friend—yes, actually dare to raise his voice and demand an apology for that crack about pandas. _Really? Did he have t' fall into that dumb ol' stereotype? _His species and its supposed penchant for being ignorant in sexual matters had nothing to do with it. After all, it wasn't as if a conservative man like Ping was likely to teach him much of anything regarding the ins and outs of romance and lovemaking, especially not anything explicit. _Heck, if he'd ever had a hint I was thinkin' of stuff like that…or the gods forbid, found my, ah, secret stash I picked up from that merchant from Shanghai…_

No, with a doting father like the goose who had raised him far too sheltered, even spoiled him a tad, there would be no education about such matters; Ping wanted him to do the honorable duty and provide him with grandchildren (or at least, he had before Jia came along), but that didn't mean he wanted to see the evidence of it, or even talk about it. Apparently Po had been expected to figure it out on his own, being a man. Besides, there'd always been more pressing matters like learning to cook and manage the noodle restaurant. And with him so concerned over what others thought, because he was an orphan and a giant panda, he certainly hadn't wished to make waves in the community by running around pursuing girls.

But instead of explaining all this to the spotted feline, or insisting he at least knew enough of the basic mechanics to, ah, perform when he had to, Po had closed his mouth and stared at his friend with a quivering lip and chin, his heart in his throat. _He believed in him_. He thought he had a chance. And most important of all, he truly thought of the panda, the one who had defeated and utterly humiliated him, as a best friend and brother, one who deserved fulfillment, good karma, and a special future. If all this was true, how could he deny Tai Lung his will, reject what was being offered him, just because he was too scared, or thought he wasn't good enough for Jia?

Besides…the snow leopard's reference to his courtship of Tigress had made Po realize something else, something which proved the master of the Jade Palace even more right. The deck had been stacked against the two felines from the start—she the leader of a force of kung fu warriors dedicated to maintaining peace and goodwill, he an evil scourge who had destroyed that peace and nearly slain her, her friends, and her master; she a woman far too dedicated to combat and training to her physical peak rather than matters of the heart, he an arrogant warrior who believed his heroic deeds and the praise he garnered for them were all that mattered and women only crossed his mind if the issue of his progeny were brought up. And of course, both of them were so stubborn, with so much pride, anger, hurt and hardened hearts, and bloodlust—many times he'd considered it lucky they hadn't killed each other, let alone that they'd managed to become a couple.

They had, though. Somehow, they'd changed, they'd learned to love, they'd admitted it and come together. Even though no one had believed in them (except Viper of course, who always believed in love, and Mei Ling), had thought what they felt was genuine or that they'd succeed, they had and now had two adorable cubs to show for it. If _they_ could do it, surely he and Jia could too. He could make an extra effort, for their sake as well as hers.

Which was why he had thanked Tai Lung, taken him up on his suggestion (or command), and begun the planning which had led to this summer day.

"Are we there yet?" Jia asked, suddenly interrupting his thoughts, only a slight whine of impatience creeping into her voice; mostly she sounded curious and vaguely amused. He didn't blame her for wondering, however; not only had the trip taken them half a day, but he'd insisted prior to departing the Valley that when they approached their destination she had to close her eyes and allow him to lead her (after waving a paw before her face, just to make sure she wasn't cheating—a rather likely possibility). He had, after all, wanted this to be a surprise. Of course, Jia was surefooted enough to make it on her own, but he was touched by her trust.

Chuckling to himself, he nodded, then squeezed her paw reassuringly since she couldn't see him. "You bet, just a little bit farther…"

At last, after rounding the last bend in the ledge pathway, and feeling his eagerness growing just as much as hers, Po finally came in sight of their destination. Striding up onto the plateau and barely breathing hard this time—though he _still_ waddled—the panda brought her to a halt in the whispering grasses by the water's rippling shore and smiled. "Okay, you can open 'em now."

Jia did so—and his heart skipped a beat in spite of himself as she gasped in genuine pleasure. "Oh, baby bear, it's perfect."

He blushed bright red at her private pet name for him, but he had to admit that, with both Viper and Tai Lung's timely advice, he'd done well. They were, of course, on Wu Dan, alongside the shimmering, scintillating waters of the Pool of Sacred Tears, the surrounding plain and forest as bursting with life, verdant plants, and animals that scampered and flew as it had been ever since his water _chi_ restored it. That wasn't the real reason he was proud though, nor he thought that the snow leopardess was so excited.

Alongside the banks of the pool, several colorful blankets (gifts from Li-Na, knitted by herself naturally) had been spread out. Also by the water sat a small lantern, already lit and twinkling invitingly in the twilight, since Zeng had flown ahead to do the honors just before their arrival; another hung suspended from the branches of the nearest tree, casting a circle of golden warmth onto the grassy soil. Plates, bowls, cups, and chopsticks had already been properly placed. All that was missing was the food itself…which Po had in the collection of small baskets he carried in his knapsack, those amazing new inventions of his dad's that retained heat.

"This…this is amazing! And so sweet…" Jia turned to him, violet eyes shining like precious gems, and he felt his breath rasp in his throat. "You did this all yourself?"

"Well, I had a little help," he admitted, since he could never lie to her and he would never want to take credit for his friends' contributions. "I planned th' menu an' did all the cookin' myself, but Dad closed the shop for the afternoon so I could. Zeng and Crane helped me set it up, Tigress and Mantis volunteered to, ah, keep Master Shifu busy in the kwoon all day so he wouldn't try t' pin me t' Tai's old desk so I can learn the scrolls…" He glanced at her with a sly, artfully innocent grin. "An' I kept _you_ distracted by Mei an' Monkey down in the tournament arena."

They'd been slowly walking the whole time he spoke. Now, as they reached the Pool of Sacred Tears and stopped by the blankets, Jia took his paws in hers and grinned back at him in admiration. "You're good, big guy. Learned it all from the best, I see." She winked coquettishly, then laughed. He couldn't stop from beaming; he loved hearing her laugh, loved _making_ her laugh.

"And you remembered what we talked about at Ping's a year ago. I thought you'd forgotten; I almost had myself." She reached up and placed a small, delicate paw against his cheek. "It's so good seeing you act on your own, instead of doing what everyone else tells you to do."

Suddenly Po felt self-conscious again—and a bit ashamed. "Well, kinda sorta. Yeah, the idea was mine an' I helped get everyone involved, but I needed a little…push first."

Jia quirked a brow. "Oh, really?" She eyed him curiously.

He realized he wasn't going to get out of this, and his honesty compelled him to tell her anyway. So as he knelt down by the blankets and removed his knapsack, and as Jia began helping him unpack it and set out the food, he explained to her just what had happened between him and Tai Lung that had given the panda the extra shove he needed. The snow leopardess listened quietly for the most part, with what he thought was veiled amusement, until he finally related Tai Lung's stirring, albeit tongue-in-cheek, encouragement after Po had agreed to be more proactive:

"That's the spirit! I mean, really, d'you expect her to always take the lead in everything? Either go for lying your head in her lap as she feeds you grapes and you compliment and praise her, or put on a bib so she can feed you spoonfuls of mashed apples. But the bottom line is, man up, panda! You love that woman? Then go and show her!"

At that point, the former Wu Sister began to laugh openly. "Wow…I had no idea he could be such a romantic." Jia giggled. "Or that he was so gung ho about helping us get together. It's really rather sweet. He's a good friend to you."

Po nodded agreeably, a familiar warmth filling his heart, but then he slowly began to smirk. "You aren't the only one t' think so."

"Oh, who else?" Her eyes glinted merrily.

"Viper."

"She _didn't_!" Jia slapped her leg. "Oh, you can't leave it like that, big guy, you've got to give me all the juicy details."

Tai Lung was his best friend—but some things transcended friendship. Like helping the snow leopard remain humble…or having a good, healthy laugh. So, he complied. "Okay, fine. He really tried t' put up that macho act of his, but Viper saw right through it. She caught us during his little pep talk, an' gee, what all did she say…"

Scrunching up his face to think (though it was only for show, as the words she'd uttered were branded into his memory forever), he launched into his best imitation of the serpent…which wasn't much better than what he'd used when playing with his action figures. But it got the point across.

"After all that time, doing everything in your power to prove you were a badass fighter, and insisting you had a reputation to live up to, who'd have thought you would be so good as a matchmaker?"

He then switched voices, doing his equally poor imitation of Tai Lung—at least in depth, he actually did a fairly good approximation of his brother warrior's accent. "Now, now, Mistress Viper, it's not what it looks like. I simply felt Po needed a man's touch in this. Your methods may have worked with me, but what the panda needs is a firm approach."

Po wiggled his fingers like Viper's ribbons as he adopted a stern look. "You can really say my approach with you wasn't firm?"

He rubbed the back of his neck in a classic Tai gesture, looking sheepish and crestfallen. "Er…all right, you have a point there, but still…"

"Oh, don't worry, Tai Lung, it's fine, I was only teasing. I think it's great. You and I would actually make good couples counselors."

Before he could go on, Jia interrupted him with a fit of laughter. "She actually said that? Oh gods, I'd love to have seen Tai Tai's face!"

Po grinned hugely at her. "You almost got to. As soon as she saw th' look he had, she started babbling about gettin' a quick artist to sketch him, 'cause it just needed t' be captured. An' he really started panickin' when she mentioned gettin' Crane t' do it, as payback for that 'calligraphy' prank before Tai's wedding."

The ex-assassin let out a yowl of delight. "Oh, she's rare! That serpent is _wicked_! I knew there was a reason I liked her…so then what happened, tell me, tell me?" She leaned forward eagerly.

Snickering, the bear said off-handedly, "He tried to find out what he had t' do t' keep her from tellin' everyone about this. She wouldn't tell him though, just kept sayin' that even after all that happened between him an' Tigress, he still had t' act all tough an' unsentimental…an' she thought it was adorable."

Jia's jaw dropped. "She dared to say _that_?"

Po nodded slowly, firmly. "An' then he got all flustered tryin' t' deny it, till he was babblin' up a storm. But every time he shouted 'I am _not_ adorable!' Viper kept commentin' about how cute his fluffed-up fur was…"

The former Wu Sister collapsed in the panda's lap, howling with laughter as tears of mirth streamed thickly from her tightly scrunched eyes. "Oh…OH…my sides hurt!…that's the funniest thing I've ever heard…" She tried to wipe her eyes, but more tears leaked out as she clutched at her ribs. "I can't believe…Tai Tai, of all people…"

"Yeah…I know what ya mean…" He knew he shouldn't be laughing, since Tai Lung was his best friend and his pride was very prickly and sensitive…but it was healthy to be able to laugh at yourself, and what the snow leopard didn't know would never hurt him. Besides, it _was_ funny.

_**This**__ was th' guy that had me quakin' an' runnin' for th' hills? Well…I guess it's better than all those nightmares I had those first couple weeks, about what would've happened if I'd used th' finger hold like Master Shifu would've, an' killed him… _

Forcing his thoughts away from that well-worn path—the past was over and done with, and this was a time for happiness and love, not death and suffering—Po smiled. "But this _is_ th' guy who started readin' Viper's romance novels, t' give him ideas on how t' treat Tigress right, an' when I caught him at it acted like I did when he caught me with my action figures." _Or if he'd been, ah, takin' matters in paw. _

He didn't know if the look on his face at that last thought had piqued Jia's curiosity, or if it was the comment about his action figures which he really wished he'd held back in time. Whatever it was, as her laughter died down and she sat up, mouth open to ask a question, he hurriedly rushed into the breach. "So anyway, yeah, it was 'cause of Tai I got up th' courage t' ask you here, Jia, an' he even got humiliated in th' bargain, so let's not let this food go t' waste, huh?"

Pursing her lips, the snow leopardess looked ready to argue, but she couldn't deny the delicious aromas wafting up from the picnic spread, and so she swallowed whatever she'd been going to say and knelt properly beside him so the meal could be served. In less than fifteen minutes, it was all arranged on the cloth—baskets of crab meat cheese puffs and steamed bean buns, a bowl of lemon salad with shrimp, Po's candied walnut apples, and of course dishes and platters of deliciously seasoned and spiced noodles and rice.

It was all so appealing, looked and smelled so appetizing, that Jia was soon heaping her plate and bowl with each of the delectable morsels. But to his shock, surprise, and growing pride, Po found that he didn't feel a need to dig in himself, instead only pouring a cup of peach blossom tea and sipping it sedately while he sat there…watching, staring at the snow leopardess who had been the first person to treat him not only as a friend and companion, but as someone worth loving and sharing a life with.

He sat, and he stayed perfectly silent, content for her to begin any conversation there might be and otherwise enjoying the quiet. He didn't even feel a need to fill the air with inane babble, whether meaningless words about the weather, talk of his favorite recipes, or even, to his own stunned disbelief, kung fu. Nothing seemed to matter anymore…only him, and Jia.

By the time he'd finally collected some food for himself—decidedly smaller portions than he'd usually take, and eaten with decorum and care rather than voracity—the spotted feline seemed to have noticed his unusual attitude. Cocking her head to the side, she frowned a bit. "Hey, big guy, you don't need to change how you eat or who you are for me, you know. I love you just the way you are."

"I know." For once he actually believed it and meant it, and it came through in his soft, noncommittal tone. "It's just, well…" His mind flashed back to another meal on Wu Dan, a revelation he'd uncovered there, a milestone reached and an immense shift in his thinking, and he smiled warmly, wryly. "I'm not hungry."

A quizzical look turned into one of understanding and excitement, and Jia set down her salad bowl safely to the side so as to lean in and bring her muzzle to his. But just as her sweet lips were about to touch his—Po's stomach betrayed him, letting out the loudest, rudest, most embarrassing growl it ever had.

Immediately he pulled back, mortified, his face flaming all over again, and he began to worry his lip as he ducked his chin into his chest, afraid to meet her eyes. But when he finally dared to do so, she wasn't laughing. She did look amused, but the most she gave him was an uplifted eyebrow and the quirk of one corner of her mouth. When she saw him looking, the snow leopardess said dryly, "Really? Could've fooled me."

Po chuckled—weakly, but he did chuckle. "Okay, fine, maybe I am. But you know what, my inner beast is just gonna have t' wait." Thinking back to the first moment he'd begun having these intense feelings for her, ones he had longed to act upon…that moment in the kitchen, just before De had interrupted them, when he had to have been an absolute dunce not to pick up on the signals she was giving him…the panda smiled and reached down to pick up a bowl of cheese puffs and a set of chopsticks. "Or maybe…_you_ can feed it, huh? Like ya did when we had that custard."

She smiled back at him, as sweet and good-naturedly as ever, though he couldn't miss the devilish gleam in her eyes. "Sounds good to me, baby bear. I know I could go for some real…quality time with you." Before he could do more than tug nervously at his collar, she had slid across the blanket and perched almost child-like on his knee, where she began to impishly, yet fondly, deliver one puff after another to his waiting mouth—when she didn't cheat and nab one for herself, every now and then. "Mmmmmm! You really outdid yourself this time, Po…"

He had to agree, the taste in his mouth was explosive, heavenly even…but that wasn't the only thing he found divine. Since not only was he unable to tear his gaze from her own unwavering eyes, but his paw had, completely of its own accord, wrapped around her waist and drawn her closer. And it felt so _right_ resting there, just as she felt so right in his embrace, leaning against his chest and belly. For once, he didn't mind his massive size and pudgy build…since it seemed to make the perfect support for Jia to lean upon, keeping her face in turn at just the right height.

He could smell her own scent—more exotic and unique than any perfume she could wear—overpowering his senses, could hear the very soft hum of contentment she made under her breath as she brought one dumpling, loop of noodle, or shrimp after another to his watering mouth. He could see deep into her eyes, where once there had only been pain, self-hatred, and despair, now replaced by joy and a zest for life…and love, most definitely love. And the more he saw, the more lucky, special, and hopeful he felt.

Finally, when the bowl was empty and Jia was about to go back for seconds, Po knew it was time. He had to make his move, before he lost his nerve. Tossing back the entirety of his cup of tea, he gasped and wiped the back of his paw across his mouth, then set it down on the blanket and placed both paws on her wrists, gently holding them at her sides so she couldn't feed him any more. "Jia, I…"

"Yes?" She looked up at him disingenuously, though he knew she had to be guessing, and hoping for, what was on his mind. He didn't know whether to be grateful or annoyed that her little act left it all in his paws. But he knew he had to say it all the same.

"Look, I wanna be the best man I can be for you, Jia…" He grasped her paws in his.

The former Wu Sister smiled, a bit sadly. "I'm touched, Po, really I am. But that's not necessary, you know—"

He cut her off. "Yeah, yeah it is. You need the best man ya can possibly get, after all the crap you've been through. You deserve the strongest, smartest, bravest, most devoted guy—"

Now it was her turn to cut him off, directly by covering his mouth. "But you already _are_ all those things, baby bear. At least you are to me, no matter what anyone else says. You're definitely the best man for me. It's so amazing though, that you'd still try and be even better, just for me." Her voice caught in her throat, and he saw tears forming in her eyes.

As her paw slid down off his muzzle, he hastened to wipe those tears away, then cupped the side of her face. She leaned into it, as if drawing strength from him, and he swallowed hard. "What're you talkin' about? Just doin' what's right. An' even if you're right—which just for the record, I still don't think ya are—there's still more I gotta do for ya." Once again his mind flashed back to the kitchen, to what they'd been about to do after the custard…and before he could change his mind, he took a deep breath, he cupped her cheeks in his paws and kissed her.

They'd kissed before, quite a number of times in fact, and that night at Ping's when they'd decided to go to Shandong had been a particularly memorable example. But none of them had been like this. It felt like fireworks, or the explosives the Anvil of Heaven had rigged Chorh-Gom with, had gone off inside of him. It felt, incongruously, as if his _chi_ had switched to the opposing element, as if the fire that normally burned inside Tai Lung were now his to possess…and be overwhelmed by.

At the same time it did feel as if a tempestuous sea were building up inside him, ready to unleash a torrent that would flood the entirety of the empire. If he weren't kissing her, he'd have gasped—in fact he did anyway, into her muzzle—for he couldn't believe its intensity and power. He'd never felt anything like this before…but it felt perfect with Jia, he loved it, and he wanted more.

By the time he finally had to let her go so they both could breathe, Jia was as flushed as he was, and the redness of his cheeks had nothing to do with embarrassment, or at least not only that. Chest heaving, he gazed at her longingly. "Th-there. That's…what I've gotta give ya."

For a moment she only stared at him in stunned but pleased disbelief. Then she smirked broadly and murmured to herself. "Hah. Chun was so wrong about you…"

Po had a pretty good feeling what the middle Wu Sister had believed about him—the same thing Tai Lung had. So even though he bristled inwardly, yet also briefly slumped his shoulders in shame, he swiftly recovered and shook his head. "I know it may be hard t' believe, but yeah…I _do_ know how this stuff works. At least, I know the basics." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Just…had t' get a few more lessons first."

He didn't know if she was incredulous at the idea of lessons in lovemaking at all, or of him getting them in particular. But when she closed her hanging jaw, her next words cleared it up. "From whom?"

"Uh…Tai."

Jia's eyebrows both shot up, and she began to laugh. "From the guy who until just over a year ago was a virgin himself?"

Well, when she put it that way it did sound ridiculous. "Jeez, does everybody in th' Valley know about that now?" He paused. "Come t' think of it, how _do_ ya know?"

She smirked. "He was a virgin when I met him, and not long after that he went to prison for twenty years. You do the math." She paused too. "And okay, Mantis confirmed it for me."

_I knew it! _"All right, but he never did it 'cause he never got the chance, an' wasn't interested back then. Not 'cause he didn't know how." He coughed uncomfortably. "He, er, got taught everythin' about how t' please a woman when he was thirteen. Uh, by, um, Master Oogway. At least that's what he told me." _I __**so**__ did not need t' know that! Thanks a lot, big guy, now I'm th' one who wants t' gouge his eyes out. Though I guess that explains those love letters. Glad they never let me read 'em…_

Even as Jia was staring at him in mingled horror and morbid fascination, he rushed on. "Anyway, in case ya forgot, he an' Tigress have been gettin' lots of practice, so by now he does know what he's talkin' about…"

"Yeah," the snow leopardess muttered absently. "He must be getting it, they've been going at it every chance they get. Bet they have a copy of the Kama Sutra stashed under their bed, too…"

"Mantis says they do." And he didn't want to know how the insect had managed to sneak in to find that out. He already wished he hadn't looked over Mantis's shoulder, some of the things he'd seen had shocked him to the core, others actually…turned him on…and still others simply made him a bit queasy. _Seriously, in the mouth? _"Anyway," he rushed on, "so yeah, I know what t' do."

Jia looked up, clearly wrenching herself from her thoughts, and smiled at him…lovingly at first, then with a gradually increasing naughtiness. "I'll say you do. That was some kiss! Only thing left was to pin me down," she said teasingly.

Blushing furiously, he started stammering and mumbling sheepishly, even though he tried not to. "I-it was? I mean, yeah, it _was_, wasn't it! Yeah, well I am th' Dragon Warrior an' all, how'd ya expect me to—er, um, thanks, Jia…I-I-I really wanted t' get it right for ya, you're so pretty an' awesome an'—" He cut himself off, ran a paw over his face as he tried to calm his frazzled nerves, and then shook his head.

"What I meant t' say was, I…I kinda did get that urge. But…I didn't wanna, uh, crush you." He couldn't keep the mortification out of his voice, or stop himself from staring down at his belly, which he hefted in both paws before letting it slosh back into place with a heavy sigh.

For several moments she blinked rapidly, and he couldn't tell if she were about to laugh—which would have crushed _him_, emotionally anyway—or offer some meaningless denial. Instead, she placed both paws on his shoulders and met his gaze unblinkingly before nodding. "You're right, that _is_ a possibility. But I think I know a way around that."

"You do?" He looked up, startled, hope burning inside him in spite of himself.

Her answer wasn't what he expected—in a reversal of their first kiss on Chap Goh Meh, she suddenly yanked on his shoulders and fell backwards, dragging him down on top of her, away from the picnic blankets, as she kissed him with just as much fervency, passion, and hunger as he'd just employed with her.

It happened so quickly and without warning he had no time to prepare, or to worry about endangering her small, slender body with his bulk…he simply lost himself in the kiss, in the wonderful combination of her flowery scent, sweet taste, and supple grace beneath him, in how it felt like they'd been made for each other despite the difference in age and species. By the time part of his mind could wonder at her still being conscious and mobile beneath him, it was a moot point as she was clearly quite fine.

When at last she broke the kiss and pulled her muzzle away, Jia purred throatily and nuzzled him, licking his cheek. "My, you do feel good on top, Po."

Jaw dropping, he glanced down—and discovered that somehow, when she had pulled him back into the grass, he had instinctively braced himself on paws and knees, thus keeping the majority of his weight off of her. All that had come down on top of her was his chest and belly, and this only supplied a firm but not unpleasant pressure which held her in place. In fact it actually felt quite good, and natural.

"H-how…how did you know?"

She smiled. "Easy. I fought you, and I've seen you fight and train. Even before you started mastering the scrolls, you had the instincts of a kung fu warrior—as long as you had a focus, a drive, something to keep you on the right path. Yeah, you've had your clumsy moments, a lot of them. But you've been learning balance and stances, ways to shift your weight or even use it against your enemy. It helps make you faster and cleverer, and unpredictable too…but it also means you can manage your weight in other circumstances. All you have to do is follow your instincts, and not think about it."

She brought her paw to his cheek, rubbing it fondly. "I knew you'd never hurt me, not even when you weren't trying not to. Your body would tell you what to do. All you needed was the proper motivation—and a distraction." She winked.

Po stared at her, stunned, as he realized how true her words were. What had served him so well, once Shifu had changed the manner of his training, what had enabled him to know the right thing to do and the unorthodox means to accomplish it so that he could defeat Tai Lung…all of this, coupled with his Dragon Warrior abilities, meant he did have the instincts he needed all along. _Huh. Who woulda thought…guess a warrior can, um, be a lover, too?_

Shaking his head, he chuckled and grinned down at her, bringing his face close to gently kiss her cheek in return before bumping foreheads. "That may've been th' most devious thing you've done yet, sweetcakes." Before she could do more than give him a dirty look for that food-related term of endearment, he added, "I love it."

Her expression cleared into a contented smile. "Glad to hear it. So…you really are ready then, big guy?" She began to trail a paw down his chest, working at the fastenings of his shirt. His breath quickened.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am, Jia." He licked dry lips.

"Good. Because in case you didn't notice, you're poking me."

"Huh? I'm not—"

At the same time the confused panda realized what she was referring to, and began to blush, stutter, and babble a bit nonsensically, Jia cut him off with another kiss, this third example more passionate, loving, and insistent yet. And suddenly, his nervousness, his uncertainty, the embarrassment at having to be taught by Tai Lung, it all seemed to fall away. Even as he remained propped up on his paws and knees, he began to truly relax. Then he kissed her back, his paws working shakily but determinedly at her own tunic, as he realized something he'd never thought before, but had a feeling he'd be thinking again far more often in the future:

Dinner could wait.

* * *

Jia smiled, suggestively and enticingly, in the slanting rays of the setting sun that washed across the counters and tabletop. "All right then, how about right here in the kitchen?"

"Nope, 'fraid not. They've done it already." Po fought the urge to wipe his clammy brow. _Good thing too. I'd feel really bad doin' it here when I gotta cook later. An' I don't want Master Shifu makin' __**me**__ break out th' lye. _

For a moment a frown creased her brow, marring her elfin features and mischievous expression. "Damn…okay, how about under the bleachers?"

"There too."

"Hmm…bathhouse is out—I _know_ they've been there. Many times." She paused, clearly thinking furiously, then her face suddenly lit up with excited eagerness. "Ohh! The Vault of Heroes."

He hated to ruin her good mood, but… "They did that last week."

"ARGH!" Quickly she clapped her paws over her mouth. Only after several minutes had passed and it was clear her outburst hadn't disturbed the rest of the palace did she uncover it, at which point she eyed him with a sense of weary resignation, as of one accepting an inevitable but slightly distasteful prospect. "Fine. Sacred Peach Tree."

Silence was her only reply. Very slowly, the snow leopardess turned to look at Po, who was glancing out the window that opened onto the moon-washed promontory in question, and stared at him in disbelief and what seemed betrayal. She narrowed her violet eyes to slits, and he winced openly.

"If you tell me they're there right now, I'm going to lose it."

He smiled sheepishly and gave a weak chuckle. "Okay, I won't tell ya." Well, they actually weren't, but they had been earlier…

Jia buried her face in her palm.

It was now two months since their picnic at Wu Dan, since he had finally worked up the courage to act on his desires, allowed himself to take their relationship to the next step. And in that time, while life at the Jade Palace had gone on much as it had for the last year and a half, this new change had made everything seem impossibly different. Better in some ways, scary and exhilarating and shocking all at once, but overall different. Because once he had broken through that barrier in his own conservatism, nothing had been the same anymore.

Not that he and Jia had been going at it like, well, rabbits. _Or Tai an' Tigress_. In fact there had been a number of Dragon Warrior missions during that time (which Jia had been granted leave to join) which had kept him too busy for such activities. But once he'd discovered a) that it wasn't as terrifying, nor he as embarrassingly bad at it, as he'd feared and b) how much he enjoyed showing Jia his love in this new way, it had become much less of a chore and more something he very, _very_ much looked forward to, so that he did take many more opportunities for it now than he ever would have before.

That wasn't why Jia was quizzing him on places to do the deed, however. Unlike Tai Lung and Tigress, they were not so insatiable they couldn't control themselves and needed hundreds of outlets for it. (Even now, the two felines still did it more than seemed appropriate, but on the other paw, he couldn't blame them for wanting to take advantage of the time their cubs were being watched—they couldn't indulge in such recreation when she was pregnant for fear of harming the cubs, and since they were born had been far too distracted and preoccupied most of the time.)

No, instead Jia had simply felt, and he'd agreed, that his horizons needed to be 'broadened' a little, and that while they shouldn't be ridiculously passionate about it the way the master of the Jade Palace and the leader of the Five were, they should at least find their own place to, er, christen.

Unfortunately there was only one place they'd found so far where the two felines were completely unlikely to be caught indulging themselves—Po's own bedroom above the noodle shop. And while that might have seemed boring and passé, especially to someone like the ex-assassin, the panda had actually found it quite the test of his resolve.

After all, if it wasn't the window opening to the house across the alley that worried him (if the poor pig who lived there had been put off by seeing him playing with his action figures, she'd be completely traumatized by _this!_), or all the Furious Five memorabilia which it somehow felt like sacrilege to, ah, perform in front of…it was the simple fact his room didn't have a door. So they could get caught at any moment.

Of course, that was exactly what made it so appeal to Jia. And he had to admit there had been something very…exciting about it. Well, except for that moment when they'd accidentally fallen out of bed and Ping had once again called out, "Po? What is all that noise up there?"

As before, he'd replied, though even more unconvincingly, "Uh…just havin' a…really crazy dream." And while Ping had seemed to accept the excuse (perhaps believing it now to be another euphemism for kung fu training), it was Jia whispering afterward that she'd give her baby bear a crazy dream all right that had made him decide it had actually been a very good idea indeed…

A jab in his ribs (thankfully cushioned by his fur and, um, padding) brought him back to the present, and when he looked at Jia she was eyeing him with amusement as well as feigned offense. "Earth to Dragon Warrior. You looked like you were a million miles off. What were you doing, thinking of me?"

He opened his mouth, then closed it and chuckled. "Actually, yeah." He leaned in and pressed his forehead to hers, running his paws down her sides.

"Aww, that is so sweet! And natural too, we'll make a ladies' man of you yet." Before he could do more than blush and stammer, the spotted feline continued in the same sultry tone. "Anyway, was trying to tell you, I think I do know of a place. Somewhere that really is private, and where no one would _ever_ look for us. Not even Tai Tai and his striped firework."

Po perked up at such a prospect. "Really? Where?"

She leaned in close and whispered in his ear.

For several long moments he remained frozen in place, eyes as wide as saucers, jaw working soundlessly, sheer horror boiling up inside him. When he spoke at last it was in a strangled, gasping whisper. "Do ya have a death wish or somethin'?"

"Well, you have to admit they'd never look there…"

"_In Master Shifu's room?_" he squealed.

Jia shushed him, then chuckled. "Okay, I guess you've got a point…"

He shaded his eyes with one paw, trying very hard to control his breathing so he wouldn't hyperventilate, but when he looked up at her again he was still shuddering. If there was one thing that could still scare him, it was that red panda's punishments. And he knew exactly what would happen if Shifu caught them together at all, let alone in his room.

After one look at him, the former Wu Sister smiled a bit sadly, shook her head, and brushed her paw along the side of his face in that gesture he loved as much as everything else about her. "It's okay, it was just a joke." He didn't know if she were telling the truth, or if she had simply seen that despite how he had loosened up in the last two months, she still shouldn't push him too far, too quickly.

But before he could do more than eye her suspiciously, she wrapped her arms tightly around him as far as she could reach, snuggling into his broad chest, and purred happily. "We'll find somewhere to do it, baby bear. I don't care when or how, as long as I get to be around you."

Po felt his heart melt and something else respond quite firmly. Wrapping his arms around her in turn, he brought his face very close, only inches apart. "You know what my favorite three things are, Jia? In no particular order, they're great food, kung fu, an' spending time with you."

The snow leopardess's eyes were wet with unshed tears, and she reached up to grasp him by both cheeks. "Now I know why Xu Mei and my dad were just like this. Because they must have loved each other as much as we do."

Although the sentiment was beautiful, and to be compared to the father she'd practically worshiped was a humbling honor, he couldn't help but frown a bit. "Uh…yeah, but he was kind of a hunk."

"So are you, Po. So are you." She leaned in close, their muzzles meeting for that tender, soft, long-awaited kiss…

"Hey, hey, _heyyyy_! When I decided to rustle up some food in the kitchen, I didn't know it was gonna be dinner and a show."

The raunchy, coarse voice of Mantis—the absolute last person Po wanted to see this—cut through the romantic moment, and with a startled cry the panda hurriedly pulled away from Jia, again. _We really gotta find a better place than this…_

It was a good thing he had, for it wasn't only the insect who had appeared and was now staring at them expectantly, grinning like an idiot. Behind him were posed Viper, coiled and erect and beaming with happiness for all the world as if she were a mother bird approving of her chicks' first flight; Monkey, struggling very hard to contain his laughter behind his hand; Tai Lung, who was rubbing at the back of his neck looking very embarrassed and glancing anywhere but at them (because, Po hoped, after all the work the snow leopard had gone to to get them together he must regret deeply interrupting the good results); and, with crossed arms and looking rather scandalized, Tigress.

It wasn't that Po was ashamed anymore of what he and Jia did. He simply didn't want to do it in public. Especially not in front of people he idolized, people with strong morals…people who would torment him with endless teasing and perverted humor.

"Gah!" he cried out at last, breaking the very, _very_ awkward silence. "You guys should, like, knock or somethin'…what if I'd been cookin', an' ya scared me an' made me burn myself?"

"Well, _some_thing sure was hot in here," Mantis drawled. _Oh no, here it goes…_

Hurriedly he tried to head the insect off. "I thought you guys were still gonna be at it in the kwoon for hours yet." After all, in that regard Tai Lung was a harder taskmaster than Shifu and Tigress combined. "An' where's Crane and Mei?"

Viper smiled coyly at the snow leopard, who still wasn't looking at Po and Jia, or meeting anyone's eyes at all. "We called a break because everyone was hungry, and Tai Lung decided in his infinite wisdom that it was better to let us go to the kitchen than see if I could swallow a snow leopard whole."

Jia snickered, earning her a sharp look at last from Tai Lung, and Mantis had his mouth open to make what would surely be an extremely naughty remark, but thankfully Monkey spoke first. "And Crane and Mei are off having a 'snugglefest'." He made a face, as if he'd eaten something rancid, then held up both hands in a placating gesture. "Her word, not mine. Making up for lost time, or a late honeymoon, something like that."

Feeling somewhat relieved—being one of the most calm, collected, and intelligent of the Five, Crane's opinion mattered a great deal to Po, so to not have to explain himself or fend off Mantis in front of the avian was all for the good, and in some ways Mei Ling was no better than the insect—Po peered past them all again. "And, uh, Master Shifu ain't comin' too…is he?"

Amazingly, no one teased him about the undeniable fear and distress in his voice, since they all knew how terrifying and unforgiving the red panda could be. In fact it was Tigress of all people who stepped forward and put a soothing paw on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Po. He's been babysitting Hu and Huo all day and hasn't had time for anything else, let alone sticking his whiskery old nose where it isn't wanted."

Hu and Huo, of course, being the names the felines had chosen for their twins…and what adorable, sweet-natured cubs they were, so that just about everyone, from Ping all the way down to the soldiers at the temple and the workers who ran (and repaired) the kwoon couldn't help making excuses to visit Tai Lung and Tigress.

"You…really think he can handle 'em all by himself?" Po couldn't keep the skepticism from his voice. "I mean, he is pretty small, an' your cubs are pretty big…"

Tigress smirked at him. "This _is_ Master Shifu we're talking about. If he can wield the Sword of Heroes, throw you around like a ragdoll, and go toe to toe with Tai Lung at his angriest, I think he can handle two cubs." She chuckled. "I'm sure he's doing just fine. He even has Zeng to help him if he needs it."

Visions of the poor messenger bird being terrified by two predatory infants (something even more likely to happen as they got older) filled Po's mind, but thankfully Tai Lung spoke up next. "No, what I'm more worried about is whether he sent Zeng down to the village, or left him in charge while he went down himself. Because sure as anything, he's going to try feeding our cubs candy again." The snow leopard growled. "You do _not_ give hard food like that to a baby! Plus it just spoils their dinner."

"Aww, that's so sweet!" Viper remarked to no one in particular. "Overprotective, but your heart in the right place. I always thought you'd make a wonderful father." Her tone was fond and approving, not mocking, yet Tai Lung still winced.

Tigress eyed him with amusement. "Don't worry about the hard candy. They chew thoroughly, and are teething just fine. Didn't Huo almost chew your finger right off last week, when you were wiggling it at her and making baby talk?"

Everyone burst out laughing, though whether at the mighty Tai Lung having been reduced to cooing and making funny noises and faces, or him having been somewhat brought low by his own cub, Po didn't know. He was just heaving a sigh of relief at having successfully sidetracked Mantis.

But it seemed he had thought too soon. For the insect in question scuttled up onto the table and folded his pincers, gazing shrewdly from one face to the next before settling on Po. "Well, as much as I _love_ hearing about Tai Lung getting owned by yet another woman—" The snow leopard glared flatly at him, muttered that he had not been 'owned', and then went on to grumble about 'the old coot' never buying _him_ any candy when he was a cub. "—what I'm _really_ interested in is finding out just what we walked in on. How's it going with the Panda Love Machine over there, Jia?"

Now everyone groaned, and it was Po's turn to bury his mortified face in his paws.

To his extreme relief and gratitude, Tai Lung of all people intervened—and although his words were, as usual, those of an overbearing disciplinarian who just had to be in charge, he had to feel a bit guilty for making fun of the snow leopard on Wu Dan. "The Panda Love Machine is going to turn into the Panda Cooking Machine right now, if you don't mind," he grunted at Mantis, to the insect's annoyance. He turned to Po, posting both fists on his hips. "I cannot believe you haven't even started dinner yet, panda. Am I going to have to become more strict about mealtime rules?"

Even if he knew the real reason Tai Lung had spoken up was because he had no wish to hear the intimate details of the Dragon Warrior's love life (and, to be fair, because he was hungry), Po leaped at the chance to obey, at once scrambling for the cookpots and utensils, stoking up the oven fire, and fetching vegetables and spices from the cupboards, even as he made his hurried apologies. "Oh! Sorry guys…like I said, thought you were gonna be at it for a while still, I was just gonna make a few snacks for me an' Jia…" Which was sort of true. He was going to get to that. Eventually.

Mantis was glaring at the spotted feline, however. "Who died and made you Emperor?"

"Shifu did. Well, sort of. Oogway died, and then Shifu took over and—well, you know what I mean." Looking distinctly uncomfortable and even pained at that highly insensitive statement, Tai Lung rubbed at his neck and shuffled about uneasily but nevertheless blundered on manfully. "What I'm trying to say is, I'm the Master of the Jade Palace now, so my word is law." Seeming to believe he was on more solid ground now, he nodded in vindication.

Sliding up to coil on her usual chair, however, Viper smiled suggestively and peered at Tigress. "Does that mean he's always right?"

"Not while he's married," the leader of the Five supplied instantly in a dark purr.

Everyone laughed, while Tai Lung slumped his shoulders and rather looked as if he wanted to slink away and hide for the rest of the night. After a short time, though, Tigress seemed to take pity on him, resting one paw on his shoulder while she eyed Po. "He _is_ right about this, though. We're all starving…so, if you could, Po?" Left unspoken was the fact she too didn't want to hear about the panda's sex life, but he shot her a grateful look all the same.

And, he reflected as he began rolling out noodle dough for the quickest meal he could think of on the spot, his dad's Special Ingredient Soup, it wasn't as if the leader of the Five were any less strict herself when giving orders in the training hall. She really did love Tai Lung; she just didn't want to let him get away with putting on airs. _Or try an' boss her around, heh-heh! _

As he was slicing the dough into noodles, something he knew so well he could do so (no exaggeration) with his eyes closed and one paw tied behind his back, he heard the chairs scraping across the floor behind him as the kung fu warriors all took their seats around the table. Then Tai Lung spoke up again—and even if his good humor had returned, and he could tell the snow leopard was only teasing, he still seemed unable to let the matter go completely. "Very good, panda. I didn't want to have to enforce those rules. Because you know if I had, the snacking between mealtimes would have been the first thing to go."

"Aww, _man_…" Po whined. Okay, he was trying to stay in shape, and he wanted to lose more weight for Jia too, but just the thought of no snacks was…

"Don't worry, baby bear," Jia whispered in his ear as she sidled up close to him, resting one paw on his as he cut the noodles. "I'll give you all the snacks you want later."

His paw slipped, the knife embedding itself in the cutting board.

"Hey, I wouldn't mind if you _did_ do that, cat," Monkey was saying in the meantime. When Po glanced at him, he saw the simian looked rather put out. When he saw the panda watching him, he turned his gaze meaningfully toward a certain ceramic pot high atop the cupboards in the corner. "You know, Po, if you want my almond cookies, all you have to do is _ask_."

He stopped trying to get the knife out of the cutting board, instead staring at the langur in confusion. "What? I mean, okay, yeah I admit I did used t' steal 'em…and ya already knew that…" Monkey nodded in confirmation. "…but this time, it wasn't me. I stopped takin' 'em a long time ago, when I learned how t' bake 'em myself."

Several moments of stunned and puzzled silence ensued, and then a very flabbergasted (and nettled) primate turned and shot an accusing glare around the room. "All right then, if it wasn't Po, who was it?"

No one spoke. Then, completely unexpectedly, Tigress cleared her throat. Everyone looked at her, clearly believing her about to testify to having seen the culprit herself…but instead, in a very matter-of-fact tone, she said, "If you must know, it was me. Now about that dinner, Po?" She then went back to nonchalantly inspecting her claws.

It took a few moments for that to register through his incredulous disbelief. "Oh!" Hurriedly he wrenched the knife free and lifted the board above the pot, then shoved the noodles into the boiling water. But as he started in on chopping the vegetables, he couldn't fight off a sense of growing admiration for the striped feline. And judging by Mantis's low chuckle, he wasn't the only one. Even Monkey joined in.

When everyone was quiet again, Viper finally dared to speak up. "Not that I'm not happy you've become willing to break the rules now and then, Tigress, but why—?"

"Tai Lung isn't the only one with a sweet tooth," the leader of the Five replied. "Besides, I ended up getting quite a liking for those cookies when I was pregnant." And she shot a sly, sidelong glance at the snow leopard—who groaned and buried his face in his paws anew.

Po, remembering the conversation he and Jia had overheard at the noodle restaurant a year ago, had to stay turned away from the table and pretend he was engrossed in his work, so his best friend wouldn't see his huge grin. He would never forget (since his dad wouldn't let him) when he'd come back from a Dragon Warrior mission to be read the riot act by Ping because, while he was away, Tigress had gotten a sudden craving for Secret Ingredient Soup, which in turn had led to Tai Lung having to knock on Ping's door in the early hours of the morning.

His reverie was broken by the master of the Leopard Style grunting and planting his paws on the table in front of him. "Damn. You know, there were far too many times when I would rather have been out breaking up entire thieves' guilds than satisfying those cravings."

Tigress started to retort that she hadn't exactly been thrilled by them either (though Po had it on good authority from Viper that the striped feline did, in fact, enjoy making Tai Lung wait on her hand and foot—after all, keeping the snow leopard's pride at a manageable level was an ongoing project).

But she was interrupted by Mantis, who cleared his throat and gave the spotted feline a pointed look. "Oh really? Funny thing there, 'cause I was kinda noticing that you've been avoiding going on missions altogether. Getting to like the Master of the Jade Palace's chair a bit too much?"

Tai Lung seemed ready to swell and explode as of old, but before he could, suddenly all the others were chiming in their own _fen_ on the subject, and the poor snow leopard was left jerking his head from one to the next, a constant look of bewilderment greeting this barrage.

"That's right!" Tigress crossed her arms. "I've gone on twice as many missions now as you, and _I'm_ the one who actually had cubs here."

"Well, forgive _me_ for having responsibilities to take care of!" He started ticking points off on his fingers. "Training all our new students, dealing with the paperwork which you _know_ I hate…"

Monkey snickered. "Uh-huh. You get to sit in a big comfy chair behind that desk, an' training students gets ya all the fun an' none of the risk."

"Apparently you've never actually seen Shifu's chair then, the man must have an arse of stone," Tai Lung retorted, ostentatiously rubbing his own. "Or trained with the beginner's class, there is a risk there—of losing your sanity! I don't know how Po does it…"

Remembering what his first day was like, and how Shifu being in such a hurry to go off and meditate had felt like being thrown to the wolves, the panda had to privately agree. He loved kids and had still had his patience tested to its limits; for someone like Tai Lung, even if he did have a soft spot for them, it had to be much worse.

Jia, who had been silently (and with great amusement) observing for all this time, clicked her tongue. "Oh come on, Tai Tai, you really expect us to believe eager students are on a par with all the crooks and thieves and mercenaries the Five have been dealing with? And I had no idea a tough guy like you was afraid of paperwork. Ooo, the parchment cuts must be _nasty_…"

It was a measure of how much the former scourge of the Valley had changed that he didn't even react to that last snide implication of cowardice, other than an annoyed look and briefly flattened ears. And while his girlfriend had a point about the dangers the Five had been facing, Po couldn't help eyeing Tai Lung with sympathy—he looked genuinely and deeply injured by the accusations.

Some of that sympathy fled, though, with the snow leopard's next words. "D'you really think I'd send any of you out there if I didn't think you could handle yourselves? If I thought you were truly in danger? And you know, being in charge here also means I have to deal with all the important guests, too."

Chopping up the last of the mushrooms, Po turned around and gave the snow leopard a cagey look. "Riiiight. Just like ya helped me out when I had t' make the feast for Dong Zhi."

Tai Lung suddenly became quite shifty-eyed, and he knew why, too; when for the second year in a row the snow leopard had not been available to help at the Winter Festival (the first year being when he was traveling to Qinghai, a valid excuse), Po had asked Shifu about it and the red panda had wryly revealed that Tai Lung had _not_ been a happy cat when he'd been told, growing up, that one of the Dragon Warrior's duties involved something as un-masculine and un-heroic as cooking a dinner.

"But ya know, I get it, I understand," the panda went on, holding up both paws. "Dealin' with those dignitaries takes finesse an' manners. An' let's face it, Tai, you aren't th' one for that."

"Neither are you!" Tai Lung snapped, though there was a look of relief in his golden eyes at being let off the hook, even for a moment, that said he wasn't really that angry.

Po grinned at him and shook a finger in remonstration. "But I'm th' Dragon Warrior, I can get away with it."

"Don't make me hurt you." The words were almost absent-minded; Po wondered if he'd even realized he'd spoken. Glancing back at the others, the snow leopard sighed, then shook his head.

"Look. I appreciate what you're all trying to do, but d'you really want t' know why I've been holing up in the palace and not going on missions?" Everyone nodded and looked serious, even Mantis. "It's because…because I'm afraid. I thought, if I went on too many missions, if my blood started running hot again from all the kung fu and I got out of control, well…" He looked away.

The panda immediately set aside the onions he'd been preparing and moved over to rest an understanding paw on his spotted shoulder, squeezing it. It was a mark of how disturbed and worried Tai Lung was that he didn't shrug him off or knock his paw away. "Hey. I don't think ya gotta worry about that so much anymore. I mean, Chao's gone, he ain't able to twist ya anymore, an' look at how much you've changed. You're married, you're a dad now, you do carpentry, you're Yi's ___jiàofù_…"

"Yes. Look at how much I have left to lose, then. And so what Chao is gone? All that rage and aggression, and my damned idiotic pride, are still there inside me. They always will be." Tai Lung sighed heavily, slumping his shoulders and somehow looking smaller and more vulnerable than he'd ever looked before.

Po didn't know whether to hug his friend or tear up, possibly both; the look on his face spoke volumes about his intense love for his children, his protective streak toward Yi. The panda recalled, in fact, that he'd never once seen Tai Lung use kung fu in front of the cow girl. _Add that t' his fears of backslidin', an' no wonder he's all mellow._ He knew Tai saw this as 'going soft'…but he couldn't be prouder. Because he was sure, now, that his friend would never again go down a dark path. That he was worried about this possibility at all proved how much he had changed, as well as displaying a true humility seldom seen in the snow leopard.

Some of this seemed to get through to the others as well, since Jia and Viper, Tigress, and even Mantis and Monkey were looking at the snow leopard with a bit of shock, but they also seemed deeply impressed, concerned, and moved. Soon the serpent was at his side, resting her tail tip on his forearm as she gazed up into his solemn face, and her words echoed Po's thoughts. "The very fact you're afraid of this happening tells me it won't, Tai Lung. And you were right, it _is_ good to be able to relax and take it easy."

The snow leopard managed a small smile to her as he laced his fingers together on the tabletop, then nodded. "But I let it go to my head, eh?" He graciously accepted the tea which Po brought over for everyone.

On his other side, Monkey echoed Po's hand-to-the-shoulder gesture. "You got that right. We wanted ya to loosen up, yanno, but not _that_ much. Can't have ya losing your edge."

Tai Lung began to chuckle, then put his paw ruefully to his forehead, elbow supporting him on the table. "What was I saying? Making excuses _not_ to practice kung fu? I really _am_ in a bad way. It's one thing not to get too attached to fighting and bloodlust, but this…fine, I'll strike a better balance from now on. And the very next mission that comes up, I'm taking it on myself." He nodded firmly in vindication.

There was a pause, then Mantis added, "But…you still gotta do the paperwork."

"_Damnit!_" The snow leopard buried his face in his forearms, grumbling and snarling under his breath. Everyone began to laugh again; after that surprisingly emotional and painful moment, they all needed it.

Scuttling over to rest his pincers on the silver-gray fur, the insect chuckled. "Nah, I'm just joking. If it gets that bad, I can help you out, okay, big guy? It's really good seeing you like this, still trying, still doing the best you can. Least we can do is help out, right?"

Viper nodded firmly in agreement. "You bet it is, and we'll all pitch in." Then, without warning, she casually turned to Jia and smiled sweetly, flicking her gaze to Po. "So, what about the bedroom, you two?"

Po stared at her in shock—and a bit of betrayal. He knew she was interested in romance and love, but… "Viper, how _could_ you?"

"What? We just want to make sure things are going well for you and Jia. We care about you." She paused and then grinned. "And I want to know, how was the very first time?"

For several long moments, everyone was silent. Then, the ex-assassin smirked and propped her chin on one paw as she gave the serpent a smoldering gaze. "My baby bear was so cute, all nervous but _so_ curious…"

"Oh, gods." This muffled cry came, of course, from behind Tai Lung's paws. "Tigress and I never went into detail about that. Honestly, you shouldn't either."

Jia lifted her chin imperiously, challengingly. "Is there something wrong with being healthy in the bedroom? I'd call that just a bit hypocritical there, stud." To Po's amazement, his friend actually flushed in shame and looked away.

Before the snow leopardess could say more (to his brief relief), Mantis chimed in again. "That's not so surprising, I mean this _is_ Po we're talking about here. No offense, big guy."

The panda flinched and hurriedly excused himself from the table, returning to finishing the vegetables for the soup; it seemed the others wouldn't rest until they got all the dirty details from Jia, no matter how much it embarrassed Po or Tai Lung protested at having to hear it, so the best he could do was let them get it out of their systems, try to tune it out, and hope they'd eventually forget it and never bring it up again…

Still, he bit his lip when the insect went on, "But that was only for the first time. He's had to have gotten better since then, right? It's been at least a month…"

The former Wu Sister chuckled knowingly; somehow, even as he was still embarrassed, Po felt a surge of pleasure at the fact she was clearly about to praise him. "Oh, he has, all right. Let me put it this way…the Dragon Warrior is a fast learner in more than just kung fu." She paused, then giggled naughtily. "In fact, he's kind of become a fast learner _because_ of kung fu."

Tigress, who had been carefully avoiding looking at any of them while she clasped her hands patiently on the table, now looked up, startled and suspicious. "What does _that_ mean?" There was a slightly dangerous edge to her voice.

Jia regarded her blandly, and Po had to wonder just how much she still liked living in fear of her life; surely she recalled how deadly the leader of the Five was, and just because she'd held her own against Tigress on Wu Dan didn't mean she was safe. And she had just managed to bury the hatchet with her and prove her worthiness for the panda, too…

"Just that you'd be surprised how many of our training sessions and sparring matches end with a different kind of exercise altogether. With the victor getting to choose what we do. And my baby bear is quite the creative panda…" Po blushed beet red, feeling very sheepish.

While Tigress was staring in open shock at Jia (though Po didn't know why, he knew for a fact that she and Tai Lung were fond of doing the same thing in the kwoon), Monkey chuckled. "Well, I guess it's better'n using food…"

Mantis nodded a bit smugly. "Our Dragon Warrior's all grown up and saving China for a _whole_ new reason now." Glancing over at Po, the insect added, "Guess showing you the Kama Sutra really was the right idea, eh?"

The snow leopardess blinked, then smiled slowly in a way that made the panda's cheeks flush, and it wasn't in embarrassment this time. "Oh, so _that's_ where you got that position from, my studious lover?" He'd told her Mantis knew about Tai Lung and Tigress's copy, but not that he'd actually read any of it, for hopefully obvious reasons.

"Um…heh-heh…" Luckily at that moment the soup started boiling over (as much as his own blood was, he suspected), and he was saved by having to take it off the heat and begin ladling it into the bowls.

Behind him, though, Viper made an incredulous giggle. "That's where he got _what_ position…?"

"AUGH, that's _it_!" Tigress thrust herself to her feet with both paws slamming down on the table. Po jumped and almost spilled the soup on himself, but caught it just in time. _Thank the gods for improved reflexes! _"There's no need to go into that, now is there?" Oddly, she sounded more apprehensive than angry.

"_Thank_ you!" Tai Lung burst out right on her heels, also rising. "Any more of this, and I think we're going to have to eat out tonight," he grumbled. "Po can have our portions."

The panda didn't know which hurt him more, the fact his two biggest heroes at the palace were so clearly disgusted (even after all this time) by his slovenly ways, or that the snow leopard was still ribbing his eating habits. But Mantis, of all people, was the one to reprimand Tai Lung. "If you don't want to hear it, Spottybutt, why are you still hanging around then? Morbid curiosity, or are you just a masochist?"

While the master of the Jade Palace spluttered incoherently, Viper in turn wheeled about toward Tigress. "This wouldn't have anything to do with Po's…padding, would it?"

To her credit, the striped feline blinked several times, then looked horrified. "_What_? No, of _course_ not!"

"Good," Jia growled, glaring at her; then her face cleared, becoming amiable and even a bit giddy as she started gushing again. "Because let me tell you, I love that comfy belly of his, it makes such a great cushion!" Monkey choked on his tea.

Meanwhile, Tai Lung was expounding again. "Look, you two make a very cute couple and all, and I'm _very_ happy for you, but whatever you do intimately is _really_ none of my business…"

"You're one to talk," Mantis retorted, "considering all the times we've walked in on you two."

Tigress shook her head and sighed. "It's just that…he's so innocent. We don't think of him that way at all."

"_Exactly_," her husband agreed. "It would be like…imagining my little brother having sex. I just don't want to."

There was a pause; then, starting with Viper and spreading to everyone else, a chorus of "Awwww"s filled the kitchen. Tai Lung ducked his chin and blushed, but he didn't take it back nor avoid Po's eyes.

Although he already knew the snow leopard felt this way, the fact he had admitted it in front of the Five made the panda smile warmly at him. It almost made up for Tigress's inadvertently demeaning belief that just because the Dragon Warrior was still so big-hearted and childlike, it necessarily followed he couldn't do anything adult and mature, let alone…this.

And he also had to admit that even taking into account Tai Lung's brotherly feelings, he was beginning to enjoy this TMI question-and-answer session. Because now that he knew the snow leopard wasn't squicked by his size or weight, freaking his friend out was actually kind of fun. It certainly proved to everyone he was no longer so prudish!

Which was why he only grinned and laughed with everyone else when Jia put a paw on her hip, arched her eyebrow, and broke the heartwarming mood. "That's really sweet, Tai Tai, but are you sure it's not because you walked in on De and his company for that evening?"

The snow leopard's mouth worked soundlessly, a stricken look on his face as once again he clearly had visions dancing before his eyes he could never un-see.

After everyone had quieted again, partly thanks to starting in on their soup, Jia went on, looking directly at Mantis. Her voice was both firm and unguarded. "Okay fine, I understand. But something you've all got to see is that there's more to Po than you think. You already learned to look past the surface when he proved he was the Dragon Warrior. This is no different. For your information, my baby bear is a really good, attentive lover, and he treats me like no sweaty, grubby, panting man could ever raise himself out of the slime to do—caring about _my_ pleasure as much as his, seeing me as more than just someone to use and leave."

Peering at the others out of the corner of his eye, Po was surprised and vindicated when he saw not only Monkey and Viper, but also Tai Lung and Tigress, looking ashamed, regretful, and apologetic. Even Mantis was solemnly silent.

Until, that is, after she'd seen she'd gotten through to everyone, Jia added archly, "And he's _way_ more flexible than he looks." She put her arm around Po and squeezed his side. Immediately he felt wonderfully warm again.

Giving his trademark low, throaty laugh, the insect hopped up on the table and stabbed his pincers for emphasis toward the snow leopardess. "Oh _really_? Then does that mean he..." And he proceeded to run down a blatantly open, bawdy, wildly deviant list of every single sexual position and act Po had ever heard of, and many more he hadn't. Mostly Jia answered, though every once in a while the panda got up the nerve to nod or shake his head, even say a few words…until things got truly explicit, and he began to quietly sidle out of the line of fire.

"Of course he did, that was the _first_ thing we tried!"

"And what about—?"

"You bet."

"_No_!"

"Yes."

"Even—?"

She nodded slowly, smirking, as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Took some thought and work, but that's right."

By the time Mantis had apparently run out of naughty questions, everyone at the table was stunned—looking from him to Jia, and occasionally Po, with a brand new perspective. Not only did it seem to be dawning on them how much he had changed, or what had always been inside him waiting for the right person to draw it out, but there were even several admiring looks—even from Tai Lung!—while Tigress's suggestive smile to her husband definitely implied she would be taking tips.

At last, the insect shook his head in bemusement. "Man, I can't believe it. You really _do_ know your stuff—both of you. Well then, I just got one more question for you…" He paused, then a wistful expression crossed his tiny features. "What's it like?"

Everyone stared blankly. Then, as it sank in that for all his perverted nature and love of double entendres, Mantis was not actually as knowledgeable or experienced in the bedroom as he'd always implied, first Viper, then Monkey, began to laugh uproariously.

And the laughter only grew when they, and everyone else, looked over to see Po's reaction to this revelation. For when they did, they discovered to their startlement that he had vanished from the table sometime during the 'interrogation', even leaving his bowl of noodle soup behind…that is until, very slowly, his black-furred paw reached up over the edge, from the floor under the table, to snag hold of his bowl and carefully lower it out of sight.

* * *

(A/N: The back-and-forth between Po and Jia on where they could find a place to 'christen' was the brainchild of Luna, reworked and embellished by me of course. Similarly, I couldn't resist referencing "Soaring Dragon" in the image of Tai and Tigress's cubs hunting/tormenting poor Zeng, just as baby Shang did. While I'm on the subject, Hu and Huo have some interesting meanings for their names. Hu, depending on accent, can mean either tiger (since Tai's son is the one with the tiger stripes) or "protector/defender, celestial blessing". I'll allow you to think about what it means Tai Lung would name his son something like that, though he'll think about it himself in the next vignette. Huo, meanwhile, means "fire". That should be self-explanatory. ;)

I hope no one felt I was getting too TMI with Po and Jia's next steps in their relationship; I did my best to keep too many details out of it. But I did feel, as Jia stated (forgive me for the Author Tract/Writer On Board!) that far too many people see Po as unsuitable for such relations, either because he is chubby or because he's so sweet, innocent, and childlike. I wanted to show that he could be more adult without losing who he is or what we love about him, as well as that he could be attractive in his own way. I hope I succeeded, and managed to make things funny and heartwarming along the way.

So, that's it for Po and Jia. The next vignette, a one-shot, will be a brief interlude wherein we get to see a new facet to Tai Lung's life, courtesy of a little revenge from Dalang; some father-son banter with Shifu; and see Hu and Huo when they're a little older, spending time with Baba. R/R!)


	7. Tai Can Cook

_(My sincere apologies for how long this has taken. Let's just say that on top of the difficulties involved in researching and writing this particular vignette, being laid off and having my boyfriend get fired within two months of each other has not been fun. But I promise however long it takes, I will finish these vignettes. At least I got to see KFP2 first, which has both informed this vignette and future ones. You can thank RemTar though for his assistance in getting me through this particular arc.)_

* * *

Morning dawned crisp and cool, as it always did come autumn, more than justifying the thick yak fur cloaks and robes being worn by Tigress and Ping, and even Po was bundled up more than it would seem a fellow of his bulk should be. Of course Tai Lung wasn't, he loved the cold and always had—it was invigorating, exciting, and made him feel incredibly alive—and even if he didn't, he would never admit to any discomfort, infirmity, or suffering. No, his pride and masculine imperative demanded he bear it with great intestinal fortitude, without protest.

So that wasn't why he was unobtrusively trembling whenever he thought no one was looking. That was for a very different reason entirely.

"Well, my boy, it is time." The goose unclasped his wing feathers from over his belly and fluttered them at the panda. "If we don't get a move on, we'll never make it across the Thread of Hope. And it is a long way to Gongmen City even without the bad weather on the way."

"D'you really have to go?" the snow leopard suddenly blurted out, extending both paws toward the Dragon Warrior and his father in turn. "I mean, the Council isn't going anywhere, and they'll be here in the Valley next Winter Festival…"

Po grinned at him amiably. "Aww, big guy, it's really sweet t' know ya care. But ya know how long it's been since Dad got a real vacation? Or me? All that travelin' t' Beijing, an' all around th' empire, that just doesn't cut it. Gettin' t' kick back, relax, take in the sights, have others wait on us for a change, _and _cook for th' Council—yeah, it's gonna be awesome." He slapped Tai Lung on the shoulder and chuckled. "We'll be back before ya know it."

"That…that's not what I'm worried about." He flicked his eyes nervously toward the other person standing at the foot of the Jade Palace steps with them. "You're bluffing. You're bluffing! Right? You're not…_really_ going to leave me alone here with…"

The panda winked and turned away, giving a half-wave over his shoulder as he placed his other paw around Ping, drawing the now richly-garbed noodlemaker against his furry bulk. "Bye now, see ya!" _Wouldn't wanna be ya! _the snow leopard could almost hear being mentally added on. And then the Dragon Warrior and his adopted father were moving across the moon bridge, disappearing into the village streets in the direction of the southern mountains and the rope bridge that would start them on the path to their destination.

Very slowly, struggling every bit of the way, Tai Lung turned back to look at his companions, including the only other one present who like him wasn't garbed for the cold—because, like the snow leopard, his thick Amur fur protected him. "Well, now that that's settled, we'd better get started." Tai Lung winced openly.

Smiling sweetly, Tigress came up on his other side and kissed him softly on the cheek, then patted it. "Good luck, husband." This time, he cringed. _Evil woman, how could she! _

"I thought you were supposed to stand by me, through thick and thin, through every adversity," he protested weakly, accusingly.

His wife crossed her arms and smirked at him knowingly. "And miss the chance to see this? Never. Besides…I do have the cubs to look after. And I know you'll do just fine. Eventually." She paused, then grinned wider. "Assuming you survive."

As she turned away with a very satisfied chuckle and a rather swaggering gait to begin scaling the palace steps, Tai Lung bristled, gritted his teeth, and started counting silently to himself. Finally, when his wife had climbed out of earshot and he felt in control enough to speak, he buried his face in his paw and moaned. "How did I ever let myself get talked into this?"

Beside him, Dalang placed a comradely paw on his shoulder as Po had and replied, his voice warm and sympathetic. "Do you want the short list or the long?"

It had all started after Po's trip to the capital with Tai Lung, after Chen and his court had been so enthusiastic about the panda's cooking, puffing up his pride in his culinary skills all the more and making him begin taking seriously Ping's suggestion that between Dragon Warrior missions (or even _during_ them, to both the snow leopard and Shifu's horror), he should be peddling their restaurant's wares around China. Between the many missions he, the Five, and Tai Lung had carried out, and the year of Crane, Mei Ling, and Jia's travels around the empire, it certainly seemed a good time for Po to indulge in such a thing, if he absolutely had to.

When this suggestion had turned into a two-week vacation to Gongmen City, however, and Po insisted that his adopted father had to come along to properly fashion their shop's homemade but gourmet-quality dishes for the Kung Fu Council (and simply get some well earned time off for the first time in at least ten years), things had rapidly degenerated. Because if both the panda and his father left the Valley, that left Dalang alone in charge of the shop. And while Ping trusted the Amur with such responsibility now, one person couldn't handle the huge amount of patronage the shop received even in one day, let alone two weeks. Dalang would need an assistant.

And somehow, this had led to Tai Lung being nominated for cooking training.

He still didn't know who had been behind that _delightful _suggestion—Po, thanks to memories of his 'experimental' meals during the panda's convalescence after Yunxian, Ping himself as a bit of revenge for the spilled meal during his and Tigress's 'honeymoon' spying, or Dalang for being the recipient of said meal as a new fashion statement.

What he did know was, his wife had made the indisputable point that she was even worse in the kitchen than he was (at least he had learned the basics for when he was on his own on long kung fu campaigns!)…which meant if they ever expected to raise their family in peace and privacy, and not spend all their time in the barracks kitchen or down at Ping's, someone in the household had to learn to cook properly, and he was the only viable candidate…albeit only in comparison.

It hadn't surprised him in the least to find all the others completely in support of the plan. Viper thought it was sweet and romantic, and reminded him this was yet another way Tai Lung could continue to romance the striped feline—since romance didn't end the minute one tied the knot or shared a bed, and cooking for Tigress was a very good example of putting her needs before his own, being there for her, a sacrifice on his part that showed by action and deed that he loved her, honored her, and respected her. These reminders of the serpent's romance advice in the bathhouse were ones the snow leopard could not deny, no matter how much he wanted to.

Mantis and Monkey, of course, just thought the whole notion hilarious, and as long as the master of the Jade Palace didn't burn down the restaurant or strangle everyone's new favorite chef in the Valley, they were more than willing to subject him to Dalang's crash course. Crane simply observed, with gentle reassurance, that most of the great chefs in China were men and he did not find it demeaning or emasculating at all. Of course Mei Ling and Jia seemed to take the opposite view, acting for some obscure reason as if Tai Lung very badly needed to be taken down a few pegs in his pride.

And Shifu, the one person he'd been certain would take his side, had noted that after the Winter Festival he had learned that there was no shame in a good home-cooked meal. Even the fact Dalang had said Tai Lung had to pay for half the ingredients out of his own pocket (which essentially meant the palace coffers) had only made the red panda's eye twitch a few moments before he agreed that Ping's restaurant deserved such recompense. "And the gods know you need the lessons," he'd muttered. "At least this way, I won't have to go all the way down to the village to sample Po or Ping's cuisine. And neither will Tigress or your cubs."

Tai Lung had made it known in no uncertain terms that this was entrapment, pure and simple, as well as that they were bloody traitors, every one of them. But most of them had merely laughed at him, with Shifu and Tigress adding that they considered it more an intervention to spare everyone on the mountain any further suffering coming from his kitchen. So, whether he liked it or not, he was cornered.

In more ways than one, it seemed. For even as he'd been racing madly through his infuriated and frustrated thoughts of what had brought him to this place and time, Tai Lung had been following Dalang through the village streets which, this early in the morning, were already becoming crowded by throngs of shoppers and workers. And as the tiger strode along, he still refused to let the matter drop completely. "Look, big guy, I promised your wife I'd teach you how to cook. So if you don't learn, that'll make us _both_ look bad."

Very slowly, the snow leopard turned and looked at him, eyes narrowed and expression flat. "And just why do you need to be looking good to her? She's married."

Dalang shuddered. "Are you kidding me? You've gotta know by now that the last person whose bad side you wanna get on, other than you, is Master Tigress." Tai Lung had to admit the tiger had him there. But then he had to add, "Anyway, I'm also saying that because of my pride as a chef. Are you _that_ insecure about guys talking about your wife?"

_Wouldn't you be, if you were married to a goddess like that? One you had to fight tooth and nail, almost literally, before she'd even look at you without skinning you, let alone consider becoming your wife?_

But he didn't want to admit such things to Dalang, assuming the tiger didn't already know, so instead he snapped, "Yes, when the fellow in question happens to be one who flirted outrageously with a married woman at a certain honeymoon dinner."

"Are you _still_ on about that?" Dalang growled, aghast. "It's been over a year, buddy…and I already told you, repeatedly, that I was sorry and I was just trying to make it up to her for screwing up her order so many times. Plus I didn't even recognize her at first—you'd be surprised how much difference putting her in a dress makes!—and once I did, well, I thought I'd help keep Po and his main squeeze from noticing anything was up. Who'd suspect she was Master Tigress when she was letting a random noodle-chef hit on her and not tear his lungs out?"

It all sounded reasonable on the surface, but Tai Lung didn't _want_ to be reasonable, not where his wife's honor (and, he had to admit, his own territorialism) was concerned. And all the waffling and flimsy excuses even when added together wasn't exactly convincing.

So he growled, low and threatening, under his breath, and gave Dalang the glare he'd perfected years ago whenever someone dared cross his path and deny him his rightful gains and spoils. The glare he'd honed to a razor's edge in the depths of Chorh-Gom and used with great effectiveness on the Anvil of Heaven and even Vachir, though the latter of course had denied it with every blowhard's word and deed.

Dalang wasn't proof against it either. Only a few moments of being confronted by those cold yet paradoxically burning golden eyes, and the Amur winced, turned away, and threw his paws in the air. "Okay, okay, fine. I thought she was hot, the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and I'm still in my twenties. But I know she's off-limits, it won't happen again, and I'm sorry, all right?" Clenching his fists briefly, the tiger said, "New topic. Or, I guess, old topic. How come you never learned to cook?"

The sincerity in the chef's voice was what convinced Tai Lung to back down, that and his honesty. He could tell Dalang meant his promise, and to admit to the snow leopard's face that he found his wife desirable, even if he was never going to act on it, well… _The cat has quite a pair, no question about that_. But even as he smoothed out his fur, retracted his claws, and let the suspicion and fury leave his eyes, the spotted cat had to shoot Dalang a sardonic look.

"You actually have to ask? I'm a warrior, not a domestic. Even if my life had gone the way I planned it, the thought of having a family never even crossed my mind. The Dragon Warrior was to be above that sort of thing…he'd be out there defending the empire, protecting other people's families, not his own."

And, to his chagrin, he'd always believed such a thing to be the woman's province, thanks to Shifu's views. Not to mention the only example he'd ever had of a cook growing up had been a woman…and even if he'd dared risk his father's wrath by asking to learn the trade from her, one with her temperament, attitude, and…language was the last person he'd ever want as his teacher…

Dalang, meanwhile, was the one now giving him a cold, reproachful look, as if he'd read the snow leopard's mind. He supposed his feelings must have been quite visible on his face. "And you're a man, and men don't do women's work. Read you loud and clear, big guy. You sound just like my father."

Tai Lung paused, letting a gaggle of geese and several sheep mill past him at waist-level while he stared in some surprise at his companion; not that he had had many conversations with Dalang—the palace and the kwoon were his life, with very few trips into town, and with Po doing all the cooking on the Jade Mountain there were few reasons to go to Ping's shop—but he never recalled the Amur talking about his family much, or even at all. It had never interested him before, the hired help wasn't exactly high in his frame of reference—_no, be honest, they were beneath your notice_—but now that the subject had come up…

"Er…I'm sorry. Didn't mean to bring up bad memories. This is just an old habit of mine that I really need to learn to break, it seems." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Was he…harsh?"

The tiger paused too, resting his paws on the railing of the moon bridge they'd stopped on so he could gaze upstream, toward the mist-shrouded mountains ringing the Valley. When he spoke his voice was as distant as those peaks, though not exactly angry or resentful…just a bit sad. "No. Not in the way you mean. It's just…there were certain expectations when you were a Jiao." _That sounds very familiar_.

"Every male in my family was a warrior, in one way or another. Okay, my brother Huang's an apothecary, and the twins are merchants and tailors, but everyone else…even Xiang's a military scholar. It's what happens when you're the son of a great general. So when I told Shen I wanted to be a chef, well…"

Tai Lung chuckled mirthlessly. "Rocks fell and everyone died?"

"Something like that." Dalang snorted, then sighed. "He didn't understand why I didn't want to fight when it's in my blood, or why I didn't want to help the empire. He and most of my brothers thought the same way you do, that cooking was just a necessary thing and something women were in charge of anyway. But…he wanted me to be happy, too. So in the end, he let me go to culinary school. Paid for it and everything."

The snow leopard blinked. "Really? That's quite a turnaround."

Looking back to his befuddled face, the Amur smiled. "Well, that's what happens when you're wrapped around a woman's finger and believe she's your Heaven. Dad always used to say he'd never be the man he is today, or even a loyal son of the Empire, if not for Ming Hua. If he'd ever lost her…"

Shaking aside a pall of gloom, Dalang began leading the way off the bridge again, toward Ping's noodle shop. "Anyway, she's the reason I even got into cooking to begin with, took me in the kitchen and taught me everything she knew when I was a cub. I remember her saying later, when Dad was having one of his disagreements with her about me, that it was all well and good for there to be so many warriors in the family, defending it and the empire so that everyone's hearth and home could be safe; somebody had to be actually taking care of that hearth and home, and not just the womenfolk."

Tai Lung was watching Dalang closely as he spoke, and he could hear the catch in his voice, the admiration tinged with awe, even worship, and he smiled to himself as he decided Jiao Shen wasn't the only one in the family wrapped around Ming Hua's finger. And he didn't blame them; just from what he had heard, the snow leopard was finding her to be a strong-willed, no-nonsense, and wise woman. He didn't know if this came from her upbringing, from being surrounded by so many well-meaning but pugnacious men, or if all female tigers were like that.

What he did know was, she was absolutely right. He had learned it from Tigress, from Viper, from Po, and even from Jia's tales of Wu Xuan and Xu Mei: family was everything. Family was why you fought, why you put yourself in danger, why you died if you had to—to keep them safe, to protect those you loved and ensure they had a future.

If he had had more of a family himself, if his early years hadn't been devoted to being spoiled rotten as a kung fu prodigy and if he'd had more than just a doting father and a balmy turtle to care about, he would have learned this lesson then, instead of twenty years later and almost too late.

So, if the family was supposed to be protected, if loved ones justified learning the ways of kung fu, then what was so wrong with being part of that family, working alongside those you loved as you took care of them? Kung fu _was_ supposed to be for defense first, after all…if you weren't supposed to be aggressive, going out to find the enemy and eliminating him before he could cause any harm (Tai Lung had always been a proponent of preemptive strikes, as well as the best defense being a good offense), what did that leave? Spending all his time training obsessively to be ready when he did have to defend his home and love? That was what got him in such trouble in the first place.

He would always do that, of course, it was ingrained into him now, and there was nothing wrong with wanting to be prepared or staying in good health. (Maintaining his physique was still a mark of pride for him, and he couldn't depend on a tortoise shell to do it in his stead any more.) But he needed more, there needed to be something to remind him of his purpose and his place. A way for him to acknowledge, to himself as much as anyone, that he wasn't just a weapon used to preserve the peace…he could also reap the fruits of his labors, enjoy that peace.

That didn't mean, though, that he had to like this particular brand of it, however necessary it was.

Dalang glanced at him, noticed the introspective look on his face, and chuckled. "Sorry about that, didn't mean to go maudlin on you. Anyway, Mom was the one who wanted me to go to culinary school, gave me the idea and everything, and she helped convince Dad to pay for it. I owe it all to her, and every day I thank the gods she took me under her wing like that." He smiled fondly.

"You miss her a great deal, don't you?" Tai Lung couldn't keep the wistfulness out of his voice; despite the emotional upheaval that came with discovering a family he didn't think he'd ever find, and the insanity that had been their attendance of his wedding, he found he missed Jian terribly.

The Amur gave him a pointed look, then smiled. "Of course I do."

"What brought you here then? Couldn't have two great chefs competing under the same roof? Or did Ming Hua 'send you forth to do battle with wok and spoon'?"

Dalang actually laughed, when he'd been afraid the tiger would be offended. "Good one! Well yeah, she did, sort of. I mean, what's the point of learning to make great food if you never share it with anybody outside your family? I had to use what I learned, same as any warrior does, same as you do."

"And the best place to do that was the Valley of Peace?" Tai Lung couldn't keep the skepticism from his voice.

The chef nodded. "Sure. I heard all about what happened here at the last Dong Zhi, just after you all defeated Heian Chao. The food Po made—with a lot of help!—for the Kung Fu Council, and what everyone later had down at Ping's…that told me I could learn things here I never learned at school. And that the people here really understood that perfection is in the heart and the home, not in a recipe book or a musty old set of rules. This was the place to be."

He stopped to push open the door of a building next to them, letting the smell of wood smoke, spices, and grains waft out of the interior, and Tai Lung realized belatedly that they'd reached the back door of the noodle shop. "Speaking of, here's the place we need to be. So, let's get in there and get started, hmm? 'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go, and not a lot of time to do it in."

Tai Lung fought the urge to bury his face in his palm again. He couldn't fight back the low groan.

* * *

He soon discovered that he'd been right to hold such low expectations. For no sooner had they stepped into the quiet stillness of the early morning kitchen then Dalang had turned to a peg beside the doorway, then turned back bearing an apron in both paws. Tying it deftly around the snow leopard's waist, the Amur nodded firmly and stepped back, crossing both arms over his chest.

"Okay then. Now, I know this isn't going to go over very well with you, but it'll be better for us both in the long run if we get all the ground rules laid out from the get-go. So: as long as we're in my kitchen—and it's mine 'til Po and his dad get back—you will refer to me as 'Chef'. Not 'cook', just 'Chef'. Or if you want, 'Chef Dalang'. Either way, you're using it. You're Master in the Jade Palace, I'm Chef here."

Tai Lung started to laugh—the tiger must truly be thin-skinned, or else just very oversensitive about being called a cook. "Surely you're joking!"

Dalang clenched his jaw and narrowed his green eyes, which suddenly looked rather cold. "Note serious face."

The snow leopard was very proud of himself for fighting the urge to step back a pace—but he did swallow, his laughter dying in his throat. "All...right. Cooking is serious business indeed, I see..."

"It is. But you've also gotta respect my authority here. I know what I'm doing, and for now I'm your teacher. How are you going to learn anything from me if you don't acknowledge that?"

Tai Lung sighed. He had the feeling he was going to regret this...but the Amur was right. For the nonce, Dalang was the general and he was just one of his soldiers. And—that was the way it should be, when someone was your superior and instructor. He had to respect that, and him. "Fine...Chef. So, now what?"

"Now, I show you where everything is." He opened a door in the corner and gestured inside. "Pantry—"

"Yes, I remember it quite well. Or did you forget I hid here last year?"

"I don't exactly think you and Master Tigress were going through the inventory, though." Dalang smirked, but before Tai Lung could consider the innuendo in that statement for more than a moment, the tiger was rattling off a list of every ingredient kept stored in the drawers and on the shelves, and the snow leopard was frowning.

He had always been very good at rote memorization—it was part of how he'd mastered the thousand scrolls so quickly since once he'd learned their contents he hadn't had to keep referring back to them, instead merely practicing from memory again and again—but...none of the shelves were labeled, and only a few of the containers were. Either Ping was that scatterbrained...or he hadn't bothered because he and Po "knew where everything was". _This...just got a damned sight more difficult. _

But he wasn't giving up.

The rest of the tour went much more smoothly—he already knew where the ovens were as well as the sink and pump (though there was another outside in the back alley, which was good as he didn't relish repeated treks to the river and back every day), the prepping counter was self-explanatory, and while there were a great deal more pots, pans, and utensils than he'd had any idea existed, he was fairly sure he would learn to tell the difference in short order.

At least, he reflected with relief, there was plenty of room for both him and Dalang to maneuver about the kitchen: in the wake of Po's receiving the mantle of the Dragon Warrior and then proving his worthiness for it, anyone and everyone had wanted to visit the restaurant where the panda had grown up. Between that, Ping's extraordinary cuisine, and a few choice donations from Shifu and the Five, business had been booming for some time, allowing the goose to pay for remodeling and expansion. Ironically, or perhaps fittingly, it had all been carried out by Shen Zhuang.

Trying not to be conscious of the fact the bull had died here—as one who had offered the snow leopard a secondary vocation in life beyond kung fu, Zhuang would have been the first to encourage him in learning this new craft—Tai Lung listened carefully as Dalang gave his first instructions. "Let's see what you can do. Wash your paws, then make me something simple."

He couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes. "Thanks, _Dad_, I never would have known that."

"That's Chef. And you'd be surprised how many people wouldn't think to do that. Just humor me."

Heaving a high sigh, the spotted feline did as he was told under the pump, and only when his thick fur was dry did he return to the cutting board. He considered a moment, then decided on the simplest thing he could think of—fried rice with vegetables. Soon enough he had a pan of the small white grains sizzling over the heat, and with a cocky grin of triumph turned to the cutting board to begin chopping up broccoli, green beans, and peppers.

The reason for his cockiness wasn't his having conquered the rice, hardly a worthy opponent, but because of what he did next: snatching a knife from the drawer and wielding it with a flourish, he proceeded to chop the vegetables in a rapid-fire, vigorous, determined blur of motion. In less than a minute, the board was covered with diced vegetables, ready for frying.

He turned to look at Dalang and was gratified to see the tiger staring in mingled admiration and disbelief, paws spread before him. "D'you really think I couldn't tell one end of a knife from another? I _was_ trained in weapons, you know." He held up a paw to forestall protest, even as he idly noticed he'd nicked one finger, blood welling up slowly. "Including in what makes them different from kitchen knives, thank you. And did you forget speed is essential in kung fu?" _Maybe this won't be so difficult after all. _

Dalang chuckled and shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck, but the look he gave Tai Lung now wasn't just amazed anymore...it was apologetic, even regretful. "No, no I didn't...and that really is impressive, big guy. But...I'm afraid you're going to have to do it again."

"..._what_?"

The Amur came over to the cutting board and scooped up two pawfuls of chopped vegetables. "Look at this. These...they're like the size of chives..." He let the fine pieces sift down like dust. "But these are huge chunks."

"So?"

He looked at Tai Lung as if he were an idiot. "They're all different sizes. So they won't cook evenly. Speed is wonderful, Tai, especially in a fast-paced restaurant like this one, but accuracy is just as important. You're going to have to do it again, slowly and patiently, until you get it right. Then you can speed up." He paused, then smiled lopsidedly. "Just the way you learn kung fu. At least that's how my brothers did it."

_Damn it, he's right_. But even though Dalang was the one in charge, he didn't want to admit this. Gripping the handle of the knife till his knuckles turned white, he snarled, "So I wasted that food for nothing, is that what you're telling me?"

"Hey, hey." The tiger held up his paws soothingly. "No worries, happens to all of us when we start out. You think students at culinary school never make mistakes? Why do you think I wanted you to bring your own ingredients? It's not the end of the world. You just slow down, take your time, as long as it takes."

Tai Lung still glared at him. Waiting twenty years to escape Chorh-Gom—there'd been no choice there; the countless years of backbreaking, grueling work studying and mastering the scrolls, that had come from dedication to reach a goal he'd craved all his life. This? "Easy for you to say! Patience is _not_ one of my virtues."

"You mean you've got some of those?" Immediately the snow leopard brandished the gleaming knife threateningly. "Kidding, just kidding!"

Silently Tai Lung counted to himself, then forced his words out through gritted teeth. "Fine. I'll do it again." He reached for the baskets of fresh vegetables again—but a paw on his wrist stopped him. He was startled by its strength.

"Not yet," Dalang said, smoothly but firmly. "First you have to wash your paws again."

"What?" He stared, dumbfounded. "But I just—"

The Amur took his paw and turned it palm up, revealing the knife wound he'd inadvertently received, crimson now trickling down the side in thick streams, staining his fur. "You're really going to contaminate the food like that? You know how many diseases are carried in blood?"

"I'm as healthy as a horse," Tai Lung retorted.

"Just because you've built up immunities doesn't mean everyone in the Valley has—especially not little old ladies or cubs." Dalang's tone turned hard again, the voice of a determined teacher rather than a stubborn wanker who liked getting off on telling others what to do, though personally Tai Lung didn't see much difference. "Wash it off, get that wound treated and bandaged, and then you'll try again."

Of course, the snow leopard still tried to resist. "Much more of this, and I'll scour my blasted paws bloody!"

"Oh, quit exaggerating," Dalang growled, crossing his arms over his chest. "And anyway, I bet you suffered a hell of a lot worse than raw pawpads mastering the thousand scrolls."

"Yes," he snapped peevishly, "but I actually _wanted_ to master them. I wasn't manipulated into it."

Dalang's jaw jutted challengingly. "You want to be eating Tigress's cooking for the next twenty years?"

He opened his mouth…and then closed it, wincing. With slumped shoulders and a sullen tone he turned back toward the sink. "Where's the soap?"

Only when his paw was washed completely clean, an herbal ointment had been applied to the nick, and a linen bandage securely wound around his finger did Dalang allow him anywhere near the cooking again. By that point, however, the snow leopard was more interested in showing the Amur what he could do with the spices he'd selected. And he was sure the rice must be nearly done by now. Stirring it thoroughly with a wooden spoon, he selected three different spices and began to add them…at first a little, then as he thought about it, quite a bit more.

Once again Dalang grabbed his paw to stop him. "Whoa, slow down, big guy. What're you trying to do, burn the customers' tongues off? That's way too much!"

"Says you." He was obscurely proud of how coolly he managed to say that.

"Says the chef," the tiger corrected him, even as he commandeered the spoon to stir the rice around, examining it with a careful, critical eye. "Ginger _and_ szechuan pepper? I know you're hardcore, but come on..."

"Hasn't it ever crossed your mind that people just might happen to like different versions of the same dish?" That came out more pompously than he'd intended, but he let it stand, if for no other reason than that he rather enjoyed the compliment, backhanded though it had been.

"Yeah, in which case if someone ever comes by who's just dying to have undercooked and overseasoned rice, I'll know just who to have handle the order." Before Tai Lung could do more than glare at him, Dalang scooped up a spoonful of the dish and thrust it at him to taste. "See, your problem is you didn't taste it to see if it was flavored right. You _have_ to check the food as it's cooking."

"So that's why Po does that. And here I thought he was just stealing morsels ahead of time...well, as long as I don't end up flabby like—" He cut off, coughing and trying not to choke on the mouthful of rice. _All right...perhaps I __**did**__ go a bit over-the-top with the seasonings... _But he would never admit that to Dalang. Besides...he had rather hoped the extra spices would cover up any undercooking.

Feeling rather disheartened though, as he could think of no way to mitigate the flavor now without having to start over yet again, this time with the rice, he took the spoon back and reached to stir—hoping futilely that if he moved the rice around enough, the spices would somehow disperse.

Before he could blink, the Amur had lunged for the spoon and snatched it out of his hand with all the speed of an Eagle Claw master. Instantly and instinctively, Tai Lung took up a kung fu stance, eyes narrowed suspiciously and muzzle twisted into a snarl. "What in Shang Ti's—do you _mind_?"

Dalang looked openly horrified. "Do you know what you almost did?"

"...No?" Very confused, and beginning to doubt the other feline's sanity (as well as his own for agreeing to these lessons), he kept staring at the striped paw holding the spoon. If Dalang had inherited (and learned) much of his culinary skills from Ming Hua, it seemed he'd also gained at least a little warrior's training from his father and brothers.

"You almost _double-dipped_."

"And that would be...bad."

Dalang smacked his forehead. "_Yes!_ You'd be sharing everything you ever ate, all your sicknesses, everything, with anyone who ate it. I can't believe you don't know this!"

"Well excuse me, I had no idea snow leopard saliva was so venomous!" He was starting to get rather offended.

"Let me put it this way. Would you want anyone to spit in your food?"

"No."

"Well, there you go, that's essentially what you're doing."

_I hate it when he's right. I did mention that, yes? _"Hmphh. Very well, you have a point. It simply never occurred to me, as I've never cooked for anyone other than myself...oh, _damn_..." A horrible, nasty thought wormed its way insidiously into his mind.

"What?"

He truly didn't want to tell the tiger, but he knew if he didn't, it would come out as soon as the Amur got to relate his first day of lessons to the panda. "When Po was badly injured, I was the one who prepared his meals."

"Yeah, I heard about that...wait, you mean you—?" Dalang made a disgusted face, then sighed. "Well, he obviously got better, so no harm done, Tai. Lesson learned and all that." He paused again, then started to grin slowly. "So...you indirectly made out with the Dragon Warrior?"

"Quiet!" That little wrinkle had _not_ crossed his mind at all, he'd only been concerned with whether he'd passed anything on to the panda, but now that that the subject had come up he couldn't banish the unwanted images. "Just..._never_ mention that to me again, if you want to live."

"Deal. If..." He pointed to the utensil drawer, rather firmly.

Tai Lung's shoulders slumped again as resignation washed over him. "If I get another spoon, and start over."

"Yup."

The snow leopard tried in vain to determine if there was far too much satisfaction in that reply. But as he went to fetch another spoon, cursing under his breath at the waste of time it was to constantly wash or replace the cooking implements, he couldn't help but find a nagging familiarity about all this... "Gods," he muttered as it dawned on him. "You're as bad as Shifu was..."

* * *

The rest of that day went by in a blur for Tai Lung. Finally, after several more false starts and repeated attempts which left the snow leopard wanting to scream, break every spoon in the kitchen, and tear Dalang's throat out, the tiger pronounced his rice dish 'passable'. But by that point there was next to no time before the restaurant opened, and so the Amur pressed him into service to take care of all the menial tasks, thus leaving Dalang to do all the cooking.

Which meant all through the lunch and dinner rush, he slaved away washing all the dishes until he swore he had prunes for pawpads, when he wasn't fetching ingredients at the chef's harried, barked commands. And when he wasn't doing that, he was pressed into service as an extra waiter, both taking down and delivering orders. On the one paw, the villagers were all used to him by now so no one fled screaming when they saw the former scourge approaching their tables (though there were certainly a number of startled and even amused looks); on the other paw, he became very swiftly confused.

Not with jotting the orders down—thanks to his arduous education and Shifu's own famous lack of patience, he'd learned in his early adolescence the simplified hanzi needed to write shorthand. No, there were simply so many orders to keep track of, the tables were laid out haphazardly, and so many of the geese, sheep, and pigs looked alike to him that he mixed up far too many orders, to the point that he was so mortified and continually flushed red that even the most irate customers took pity on him.

Thankfully, one of the other part-time staff, a friendly and soft-spoken pig waitress named Zi, helped explain the layout of the restaurant for him as well as identified the diehard regular customers, and once he began comparing the noodle shop to a battlefield map it became much easier to find his "targets".

The second day was much like the first, although the extra time he'd taken the previous day whenever there was a lull in attendance had allowed him to practice proper knife use. It hadn't been easy to force himself to move at a slower pace, but once he'd mastered chopping the fruits and vegetables all the same size, he'd found himself well able to cut at a rapid speed again—if not the blur he'd wished to use. Dalang had then given him a few simpler recipes to study...and this was where, to his vindicated pleasure, he began to excel.

Prior to this, he had not known anything of the various dishes available simply because he'd refused to indulge in such a frivolous pursuit. But now that he was choosing to do so, Tai Lung had the same dedication and wherewithal he'd had when mastering the thousand scrolls—if he could traverse the kwoon's deadly obstacle course, and fight entire armies by himself, then he could certainly handle cooking five or six dishes at once and have them all served at the same time. He refused to let this task beat him.

And while it would take time, he knew, to master more complex dishes let alone invent his own, he at least was confident that with practice he could prep the easier dishes for Dalang—as with the scrolls, once he was shown something, he retained it like a sponge.

That was the theory, at least. In general it did hold true...but there were several dishes identical save for one ingredient that he found far too easy to mistake for each other, and in his care not to run afoul of the dreaded "double-dipping", he often forgot to taste what he was cooking altogether. Which meant if he didn't undercook or overcook, he periodically mistook one spice for another—and needless to say, accidentally using white pepper instead of salt, black pepper instead of anise, or something called curry instead of ginger, had both Dalang and the patrons screaming at him, in some cases literally until water could be hurriedly fetched.

Which led to the tiger declaring the snow leopard needed a thorough training of nose and palate. "If you're going to be any kind of chef at all," Dalang lectured him, "you have to be able to recognize which ingredients are in a dish simply by tasting or smelling it. Train your palate like you would your body, you know! Eventually that knowledge'll help you come up with new combinations that just might taste great together, but before you can do that, you've got to know the basics. And that'll keep you from burning more tongues or making anyone sick."

Remembering one poor old ewe that would be confined to her bed for the next several days, even with herbal remedies from Ning Guo, Tai Lung had hastily agreed. The problem was, of course, just how much blasted _time_ it all took. He couldn't overdo it on identifying spices by scent; between his sensitive feline nose and the overpowering odors of some of them, he often needed as much as half an hour to clear his sinuses again. As for tasting, to keep from having his palate completely deadened he had to cleanse it periodically—with water, but also with flat rice cakes.

Now, the spotted feline could readily discern how useful the things were in clearing his taste buds of all this saturation...but rice cakes had never been his favorite in the best of times, and the more he ate, the more sickeningly bland they became. And the more gods-cursed thirsty _he_ became.

Downing another glass of water after his third or fourth hour of taste-testing, he groaned and stared pleadingly at the Amur. "Can we stop training for today, at least? Much more of this, and I'm going to be putting on pounds no matter how hard I train in the kwoon." Morosely he rested his paw on his stomach, which already felt uncomfortably full, and the nasty jibe slipped out before he could stop himself. "Po's palate must be impeccable, now that I think of it..."

Somehow missing the implied insult to the panda's weight and eating habits this time, Dalang only grinned amiably. "That's why his cooking's so delicious, I guarantee it."

Tai Lung sighed. "It is indeed, and so is yours, Chef..." He found he couldn't drop the matter completely, however, seeing as the tiger not only buffed his paw on his white chest fur but rather ostentatiously drew attention to his own lack of poundage, patting his absolutely flat stomach. "That's it, I have to ask. Just where the bloody hell does all that food you taste _go_?" He pointed at Dalang's midsection.

Dalang grinned even wider and winked. "High metabolism, buddy."

The snow leopard scoffed; the last thing he wanted to admit was that someone else could match or surpass himself in that regard. "You wish."

Poking the older cat's own midsection, where the master of the Jade Palace still sported the set of sculpted abdominals he was rightfully proud of, the tiger chuckled. "It's gotta be true, look at you! And we're both big cats."

At that, Tai Lung couldn't help but grin in return. "See, now that I can accept as an explanation."

Dalang smirked. "So, bottom line being, big cats rule?"

"Damn straight." The spotted feline sighed again, glancing away. "In any event...the only way I can prove I've got this is if you let me try again, Dalang. Knowledge is wasted unless it is applied, that was one of the first lessons Shifu ever taught me." He gritted his teeth and then forced the words out. "Po learned kung fu at an incredible rate. If I can't learn to cook as quickly as he learned kung fu, he'll never let me live it down."

"Don't you mean you'd never let yourself live it down?"

"Shut up. Chef."

* * *

The third day started off better, for a number of reasons—not only had it taken next to no time to adapt to the schedule thanks to his usual training regimen, so that he was wide awake and brimming with energy, but he was skilled enough now to help Dalang prep all the ingredients for the dinner rush. And while he still hadn't mastered who received which dishes, or trained his mind well enough to recall every order perfectly, he did at least discover the foolproof path for maneuvering through the tables—and other than one moment when he almost clocked Dalang in the head as he wheeled about with his tray, he was as graceful and agile as a feline could be.

In fact his great strength allowed him to carry far more heavy trays and bowls than Po or even the tiger could, making his size an asset instead of a liability. (And, he had to admit, letting him show off his physique to some of the lady patrons. He was married, but that didn't mean he didn't still enjoy being ogled.) And thanks to a very clever addition he'd had Xiulan sew onto his apron, the snow leopard now possessed a series of pockets wherein he kept numerous spoons of various sizes—letting him always have one on hand with which to taste, but keeping them organized and separate so he'd never accidentally use the same one twice, always ready to stir and taste again as needed. Dalang, who had simply kept a passel of spoons in a case near both the counter and the oven, had admired and commended Tai Lung's creativity—and unless he missed his guess, was actually a bit begrudgingly jealous.

However, while he had mastered chopping vegetables and fruits, as well as various simple rice and tofu dishes, the more complex ones were still eluding him. The harder Dalang pushed him, the more he rankled at having to follow orders instead of give them, and the more the tiger grew frustrated until finally he threw in the towel, literally.

"All right, that's it. There's just too much you aren't getting, Tai. If it isn't the recipes themselves, it's the time factor. Some dishes take longer to cook than others; some _ingredients_ take longer. You have to time them to each other if you want the dish to turn out right. You have to time the dishes to each other, so you can serve them in a timely manner and nothing gets cold. And you just plain have to cook faster than you have been."

"What the bloody hell d'you want from me?" Tai Lung exploded at the tiger. "Cooking is _not_ simple, it's much harder than it looks—you've been to school for it, you damn well should know that. And I've only been at it for _three days_!"

Dalang's eyes flashed, reminding him uncomfortably of Tigress, even as he clearly forced himself to remain calm. "I know, I know. But it's going to get worse before it gets better, if you don't pick this up soon. The lunch and dinner rush only get more crowded as the week goes on. How're you gonna handle it then?"

He shook his head and growled under his breath. "Do you have any idea how many requests I get in a day for the Secret Ingredient Soup? Bare minimum, twenty, and usually it's more like a hundred. But how can I take care of that, if you can't look after the five or six other dishes on the menu that are really popular?"

The snow leopard eyed him speculatively, then the large stewpot that was simmering on the oven and giving off what he still thought were the most delectable aromas the gods ever created. "If it bothers you that much, why don't I take over the soup, and you do all the other—"

Dalang headed that one off at the pass, as he always did whenever Tai Lung brought it up. "_No_. You know I've gotta take care of that one myself."

"Why?" He narrowed his eyes suspiciously, then pounced, figuratively. "Hah! There _is_ a secret ingredient after all! I knew it!" He sidled toward the Amur's work station, peering closely.

A cleaver slammed down on the cutting board, inches away from his soft gray fur. As he recoiled, Dalang smiled at him, the predatory gleam in his eyes and the way he bared his fangs quite at odds with the first seemingly teasing words he spoke.

"Wouldn't you like to know? But I'm not at liberty to discuss that, big guy. Even if I was—every chef has his own special recipes. They may not have 'secret' ingredients, but the ingredients they do have are still unique to that chef, and he isn't going to want them bandied about or they're not his anymore, and nobody'll come to his restaurant if they can just get it somewhere else."

Tai Lung gazed at his reflection in the knife, then at the boiling pot, and finally at Dalang again. "So...there is, or there isn't one?"

The Amur smacked his forehead again with his paw; Tai Lung was rather afraid there'd soon be a permanent impression left there. "It doesn't matter. It's the shop's most popular item, the specialty, and if I let you try and learn it, especially if you screw it up, Po will have my hide. If he doesn't, Ping definitely will." He shuddered, which both startled the other feline and made him wary. What could the goose have said or done that could possibly make the large cat so terrified?

"Fine, I get it, take it easy." He held both paws up soothingly. "I'm a feline, can't blame me for being curious. You should know."

Dalang eyed him flatly, pointedly. "And you should know what happens to curious cats. Anyway, we're getting off the subject." He stabbed a finger at his apprentice. "You need to master these dishes. The only way that's gonna happen, and soon, is if you stay after closing time with me tonight for a crash course, and we train until you get it."

"But—" He'd been looking forward to relaxing for a change, and he really needed his sleep.

"No buts! I'm not gonna cut you any slack. This...takes...discipline!"

"But—" He growled threateningly.

"Don't tell me you don't know about discipline. And in this respect, cooking is just like kung fu." The Amur counted off on his fingers. "It requires precision, good timing, attention to detail, and focus. Because one small mistake, one moment of distraction, can ruin a whole dish."

Tai Lung opened his mouth—and then closed it. When he put it that way, it made a great deal of sense. Disheartening and anguish-inducing sense, but sense. Slumping his shoulders, he sighed a third time, rubbed at his temple where he could feel a headache coming on, and then said, "Very well. But may I make one observation?"

"Hey, it's your time. You wanna cut in on any napping you can do before tonight, be my guest."

That last bit sounded so insulting and smug that it only made him more determined to ask the question. "You're enjoying this, aren't you? You like getting to torment me, order me around. This is revenge for what happened that day Tigress, Po, Jia and I were here, isn't it?" He jutted his chin out pugnaciously, daring him to deny it.

Surprisingly, Dalang didn't. "Maybe at first it was. You went to all that trouble, got me flustered and infuriated in my own kitchen, made me waste a bunch of food—which, for future reference, that is _really_ a bad idea, since that's the quickest way to make me lose it!—made me look like an idiot, _and_ got it spilled all over me. While Ping tried to batter me senseless. You're just lucky I didn't get badly burned. And it was all for nothing, because they already knew you were there anyway."

Tai Lung felt like sinking into the floor. He'd always suspected as such, especially with some of the sidelong, very amused looks Jia had given him since that day, but Po had never confirmed it. _I made __**myself**__ look like an idiot too. For nothing! _

As if he were reading the snow leopard's mind, Dalang smirked at him. "Once I found out what was going on, of course, I thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. Especially the way the baddest, meanest, most fearsome scourge of a warrior this Valley has ever seen...made a complete clown out of himself."

The snow leopard bristled, snarling. "I-I did _no_ such thing!"

Green eyes twinkled with amusement now. "Dude, you stood there in a corner and pretended to be a statue. And you actually thought that was going to work." Before Tai Lung could launch himself at him, Dalang continued, "But that's just it. Once I found out was going on, once I knew why you were so gung ho about giving Po and his lady a little private time, and prove to your own ball and chain that Jia was good enough, I could care less. In fact I was happy to help. I forgave you a long time ago, big guy."

Slowly the snow leopard's anger deflated, leaving him with intense confusion, puzzlement...and a bit of worry. "So...this is how you..._always_ behave in a kitchen?" _If this is him on a normal day, I'm rather glad he's not vindictive. _

"I don't settle for half-assed work," Dalang said matter-of-factly. "If something is worth doing, it's worth doing well. And to me, making the best food I can, food that's healthy and tastes like it came right from the gods' feast-tables, food that makes my customers happy, is so worth doing."

Relaxing the knots in his striped shoulders, he turned back to the pot and stirred the soup, making sure it hadn't burned or boiled over. "And yeah, this is how I behave when I have a student who's as stubborn as I am. But also one I'm not about to give up on—because I believe in him."

There was no possible way he could respond to that without feeling incredibly guilty, or at least ashamed. So after several long moments of silence, he only crossed over to place a paw on Dalang's shoulder, wordlessly thanking him for the vote of confidence, and then nodded, turning away toward the stairs up to Po's room. "I'll see you tonight, Dalang."

"Sure thing, Tai. Nights after dinner are always pretty dead, so get as much sleep as you can. You're gonna need it." It was the way he said it that worried the snow leopard—not maliciously or cockily, but with resignation, as at an incontrovertible fact.

* * *

And he had a right to be worried, for when he did rise from bed three hours later, he found Dalang had been absolutely right. Worst of all, Shifu and the Five got to be the witnesses to it.

The Amur had decided that, both as the only way to truly test Tai Lung's knowledge and skill as well as his ability to work under pressure, and to keep from wasting food, the snow leopard would have to actually prepare meals for someone, flesh-and-blood people rather than imaginary ones. This would more accurately represent what he'd have to weather at the restaurant, and there'd be someone to actually eat his creations.

By chance or the gods' design, at the same time Dalang had decreed this, the Grand Master and the Five had chosen to visit the restaurant after closing so as to inquire into Tai Lung's progress (or more likely, spy and heckle, the snow leopard bitterly surmised). The tiger had commandeered them at once into serving as stand-in patrons, and all of them—save the reticent Crane and the red panda, who had been rather taken aback at Dalang's domineering attitude—had been eager to accept.

Tai Lung had in fact importuned upon his father to rescue him from his plight... "Shifu, you _have _to get me out of here, I'm going mad!" He'd grabbed the kung fu master by the shoulders and shaken him (gently, of course), hoping he'd looked as haggard as he'd felt.

"Why, whatever is the matter?"

"This isn't training, this is torture!" he'd hissed, hurriedly checking over his shoulder to make sure Dalang was occupied giving the other warriors the details of his imminent demise.

Shifu had looked at him skeptically, eyebrows raised, and spoken in the sort of soothing way one might to a terrified cub. "Don't you think you might be exaggerating a tad?"

The snow leopard had shuddered and whispered harshly. "Being in his kitchen reminds me of _your_ training. In fact it makes me _long_ to be in the kwoon, tearing muscles and breaking bones."

His father had stared at him, eyes wide, and nervously smoothed out his robes. "...Oh my. I...see..."

But by the time the panda had begun to see what he meant, it was too late: Mantis, Monkey, and especially Tigress had insisted, even Viper was in favor (because she believed in his abilities, of course), and as Shifu had lamely admitted, being Grand Master of the Jade Palace gave him no power whatsoever over the Amur and his kitchen. So, he was doomed, his fate sealed.

At least he didn't have to worry about Mei Ling and Jia being there to make his humiliation complete, since the two had gone off for some sisterly bonding time in the nearest town outside the Valley (which he had on good authority would involve a great deal of shopping). But in all other respects, this was not going to go well at all.

It started almost immediately with Monkey, snickering to himself as he took his seat around the large, round table that had been arranged in the center of the courtyard beneath the swaying light and shadow cast by the lanterns strung overhead. "Okay, so you don't just go sittin' on your butt up at the palace all the time, but now you're learnin' to do a womanly thing like cooking? This I gotta see..."

Luckily, before Tai Lung could explode into a whirlwind of violence that would have left the langur curled into a twisted golden corkscrew, Viper hissed at Monkey and reared up in her seat to get right in his face. "Something wrong with being female, Chan?"

"N-no...of course not...but, it's _Tai Lung_..."

"So? I happen to think it's wonderful he's broadening his horizons and doing more than just fighting and killing—or paperwork." The serpent narrowed her eyes, and Monkey gulped. "Besides, I'd love to see you tell someone as manly and drop-dead gorgeous as Dalang that he's doing something only meant for women."

Even as the primate was flicking his eyes toward the serving hatch, where the Amur was indeed watching him with slitted jade orbs of his own, Tigress added her own frosty reply. "Monkey, remember when you told me you loved me, and you wanted to propose marriage, but I said no? This attitude was a big reason why."

"Okay, okay!" Monkey held up his long-fingered hands to ward them away. "Jeez, nobody can take a joke 'round here no more..."

"A joke implies humor," the leader of the Five said testily. "Yours...had _none_."

"Oh, don't worry, buddy," Mantis interjected soothingly, even as he busied himself with unfolding and laying out his napkin. "Being married's overrated. I should know. And it sounds to me like you were damn lucky to escape, so that Spottybutt here could do the honors inste—shutting up now, shutting up now!" The insect was, of course, cringing under a menu as the two women at the table turned their gimlet gazes on him.

Sadly, Tai Lung didn't have long to enjoy this, for as soon as he'd taken the other masters' "orders" and had returned to the kitchen, Dalang was upon him—hovering, watching like a hawk, harshly and critically judging every move he made and every step of the cooking process.

"Bet you thought making dumplings was easy, didn't you?" The tiger circled him relentlessly. "But it's a dough—get the measurements wrong and it's ruined. So learn these!" He rattled the wooden measuring spoons on the cutting board. "Then you have to make the filling, then wrap them—no, it's fold, fold, _tuck_, fold, do you want it all falling out?—then boil them. But de-vein the shrimp first—and if I catch you using your claws to do it, it's paw-washing time again and then your tofu will get overdone."

Tai Lung jerked his paw away from the pile of shrimp as if it had been burned, claws retracting. "Yes, Chef."

A little later: "Tai Lung, this is supposed to be an appetizer, just something to awaken the palate and make them crave the entree all the more. These dumplings are way too big for that, so make them petite."

"Yes, Chef!"

And again: "Those are very well-cooked potstickers, Tai Lung."

"Thank you." He couldn't help puffing out his chest in pride.

Until he heard the next flat words. "Too bad they were supposed to be wontons. Fix it."

Cooking the crab meat wasn't too difficult. Neither was steaming the buns, nor stir-frying the vegetables and tofu (he'd had to learn that for Tigress very early on in their first year of marriage). And the grilled eggplant with ginger sauce and scallions was actually coming along rather well. But then came the fish.

Now, as he had stated in the past and proven when he kept his promise to go on mountain excursions with Crane, Tai Lung knew perfectly well how to catch fish, as well as how to filet and otherwise prepare them. The actual cooking, though, left something to be desired.

"This fish is not cooked properly." Dalang shook his head mournfully.

The snow leopard bristled defensively. "Well, I merely need a minute to..."

"You said a minute a minute ago," the tiger said dryly. "I don't want excuses, I want that fish cooked properly!"

About ten minutes later he had another batch prepared. "Fish, ready to go!"

Dalang examined it, turning it over with a fork and wincing. "Wrong, it's undercooked in the middle. _Fix it_!"

Tai Lung began to grumble rather dark things under his breath and tried a third time.

Unsurprisingly, the increasing waspishness of his temper soon led to the opposite problem. "Okay, now you've overcooked it. Concentrate, and don't waste the product!"

Fury and misery mingled as he fought the urge to smash Dalang's head into the wall, instead gripping the edge of the counter until his claws dug out huge furrows and the wood even began to crack and split. He closed his eyes and counted silently to himself. "The kwoon. I need the kwoon. I need those deadly obstacles on their highest setting. Those soothing obstacles..."

As if that wasn't bad enough, serving his father and the Five was almost worse—since if they weren't outright criticizing and complaining about the food or the service, they simply couldn't cease all the commentary on his skills or lack thereof.

Some of them, like Viper and Tigress, of course, tried to be fair and diplomatic about it. When he had to use the utmost care and decorum in presenting their meal, laying out the platters of shrimp and stir-fry while naming each vegetable he'd used and inviting them to enjoy their dinner, the two females were all smiles at his etiquette and his elegant bow—though of course Mantis and Monkey had found it all hilarious, and even Shifu had looked torn between approval and amusement.

Still, Viper hadn't been able to outright lie, and in fact from her expression she seemed to be regretting her eagerness to support Tai Lung in this new endeavor. "These dumplings are... well, dense," she admitted, rolling one over with her chopsticks.

"They're heavier than Po," Mantis complained. Crane swatted him with his hat.

And when the time came for them to slice into their fish, Tai Lung couldn't help watching them apprehensively. From the way they had to cut into the meat, and a few choice expressions as they chewed, he felt a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach. "Oh, no," he grumbled, rubbing his temples. "Please don't tell me it's overcooked." Oddly, it wasn't just the fact he'd messed up yet again that bothered him—it was that in doing so, he had let down both Dalang and himself, failed to meet both of their high standards.

"All right, I won't tell you," Tigress said, as politely as she could.

"But I will," Monkey spoke up. _Here he goes_... "How can I put this, Tai...don't know how you did it, but you more than just killed this fish. It's deader than dead."

"Must you be so harsh?" Tai Lung actually did a double-take, while Monkey wriggled his finger in his ear...for that last had come from _Shifu_.

After several stunned moments of silence, the langur finally found his voice again. "Hey, just bein' honest. And since when did you ever coddle any of us in training, let alone him?"

The red panda eyed Monkey askance, then drew himself up to his full diminutive height as he looked at Tai Lung. "Perhaps it has escaped your notice, Monkey, but after everything that has happened, even I have learned my lesson as well. Honesty and bluntness are all well and good, and my training has turned out matchless warriors...but it has also taught all of you, especially my son, to be hard rather than merely strong. That was a mistake; I am trying to rectify it." He paused, then the corner of his mouth twitched. "Besides, he already has a very strict teacher in that kitchen. No need to have him deal with two."

Everyone stared at him, though Tai Lung noticed both Crane and Viper seemed very relieved, even pleased; he himself couldn't believe what he was hearing, but then he supposed if he could change his spots, there might be hope for Shifu as well. Tigress, meanwhile, eyed their adopted father with a sardonic smirk. "Don't you mean you don't want him to have to deal with two of you, Master?"

Shifu winced ruefully, then rubbed at his mustache. "I suppose you could view it that way."

Under his breath, Mantis muttered, "Now _there's_ a scary thought." Tai Lung couldn't help but privately and fervently agree.

If the red panda heard the insect, he made no sign of it, though he did add, albeit reluctantly, "Frankly though, I do agree. This fish is just terrible."

Before Tai Lung could do more than shoot him a hurt look of betrayal, Crane spoke up. "Which is...rather strange, I think. I mean, you did so well on our fishing trips, Tai Lung, and you said you and Shifu used to enjoy doing that too. So how—?"

The snow leopard scoffed, managing to cut the panda off at the pass. "Perhaps he neglected to mention this, but Shifu was the one to do all the cooking, I just prepared the fish. He didn't want me 'playing with fire'." He chuckled at the irony. "And by the by, all he did was roast them on sticks over our campfires. With no seasoning."

His father frowned. "Well, I admit, I didn't think carrying seasonings was exactly necessary to go fishing, and..."

Tai Lung made his voice flat. "He often burnt them as well."

Shifu crossed his arms severely. "Fine, so fish were not my strong point. That certainly did not stop you from devouring them."

"Tai Lung." The voice was only mildly chiding, but he winced as if the rebuke had been snarled at him. He turned to look at Dalang, drumming his fingers on his striped arms before he counted off one finger, then a second. "One, you should never argue with a customer. Just accept the fact that you didn't cook the dish to their liking, and move on, you can always fix it. And two, I can smell those eggplants burning. Get in the kitchen."

He hunched his shoulders. "Yes, Chef."

Behind him, as he turned to leave the courtyard, he heard his father chuckle softly. "I know it's very wrong of me to say this, after everything that happened in the past... but this is still rather fun to watch."

"That's a terrible thing to say," Viper whispered harshly. "And I had no idea Dalang was going to ride Tai Lung this hard, or else I'd never have—"

Mantis snickered, low and ribald. "Yeah, who would have thought Tai Lung would be the bottom in that relationship?"

From the snarl followed by a loud smack on the table, Tigress had thankfully swatted the insect for that one, but the damage had been done: tail puffing, ears flattened, the snow leopard slunk into the kitchen to the sound of Monkey's hysterical laughter. _That's it. I don't care when, I don't care how: I...will have...my revenge. And the next time I see Oogway, I am so asking him why he had to spare that witless little stick again... _

* * *

The next several nights were unfortunately more of the same. Gradually Tai Lung did show increasing progress in mastering various types of dishes and cooking rules, but the hectic pressure of the days where he had to keep up with the actual orders and the serving at the restaurant ran him ragged...which only made it tougher to learn the grueling lessons after closing.

The snide commentary from Monkey and especially Mantis continued at each successive meal, and even the times when he dragged himself up the long stairway to sleep in his cozy little home with Tigress and the cubs couldn't shield him completely from the adverse effects of his training.

Because one night, when he was thirsty and had stumbled, still groggy and half-asleep, into the Jade Palace kitchen to fetch some water, the voice of the insect had suddenly barked out behind him, "I need an order of steamed veggies and crab dumplings, and I need them now!" And before he had even been aware of it, he'd found himself instantly obeying with a startled "Yes, Chef!"

It wasn't until he'd heard Mantis's distinctive laugh behind him that he'd realized he'd been had, and only the fact he didn't want to wake up the whole palace had kept him from hurling the pots and utensils forcefully at his tiny tormentor.

Finally, though, Dalang deemed him to have mastered enough of the cooking trade to leave off the nightly lessons. But just when Tai Lung heaved a sigh of relief, the Amur then decided that meant he was ready to serve as the line cook. And while not quite a disaster, it was certainly not a stroll through the Emperor's gardens. In fact it was downright stressful.

Getting the seasoning just right on his sauce, steaming the buns, stirring the boiling vegetables while keeping an eye on his fish, and eventually sending out three platters all timed to each other with great precision was pressure enough. But even when he was doing well, Dalang never let him grow complacent. As he delivered three bowls of soup and noodles, the tiger placed a firm paw on his shoulder. "Tai Lung, that's perfectly cooked."

He beamed. "Thank you!"

Dalang chuckled. "Thank me when we're finished, now perk up. Next order, three potstickers, three wontons, two soups, one bowl of rice and shrimp, hold the soy sauce." Tai Lung grumbled under his breath. _Never satisfied_.

Or, half an hour later: "Tai Lung, the lunch rush is starting. I need six soups, four orders of dumplings and eight tofu specials, and I need them five minutes ago!"

And when the snow leopard dared to suggest that they could perhaps slow the pace a bit, since rushed food was often not quality food, the tiger had launched into a diatribe about how swiftly delivering all the dishes at once to one table meant he could move on to the next order that much more quickly, thus ensuring the customers at the next table wouldn't have to wait long for their food.

"Honestly," Tai Lung scoffed, "could you be any more of a perfectionist?"

"Look who's talking. I still don't see those soups. Ladle, ladle!"

The worst part was, it wasn't even as if he could get after Dalang for giving orders while standing around doing nothing, because he wasn't—he was very much tied up in making the big, complex, expensive dishes which were still beyond the snow leopard. But somehow Tai Lung still thought he got far too much enjoyment out of ordering him around.

And as he improved in his skills, he also wondered if the tiger might not be becoming a tad more jealous. As a prime example, there was the time Dalang suddenly demanded an extra order of fried fish. At the time, not only was the Amur busily handling several orders of tofu, rice, buns, dumplings, and soup (including, of course, the Secret Ingredient Soup), but between the seafood, vegetables, more dumplings, and spicy sauce every one of the burners of Tai Lung's oven was already in use.

Gazing down in mingled panic and frustration at the many pots and pans before him, the snow leopard suddenly hit upon a breakthrough so brilliant he cursed himself for not seeing it before—though to be fair, he'd hardly been in the right mindset to attempt it before that day.

He glanced over his shoulder to make sure Dalang wasn't watching. Then, taking a deep breath and expelling his worries and stress as best he could, he drove his _chi_ down into the pit of his stomach, gathering it, concentrating upon it—and then, just like that, a ball of fire appeared above his outstretched palm.

Smirking to himself, he sent it wafting down toward the counter beside the oven with a brush of his will, and even as he continued stirring the proper utensils in the various dishes in rapid succession, he kept the fire burning merrily beneath the pan of fish in his left paw, cooking it readily without need for further space on the range and moving it about along with the pan whenever needed. _Now there's something you'll never be able to match, Chef_.

Minutes later, Tai Lung delivered all the orders in a timely, organized manner, sighing in relief at his creative thinking in overcoming that hurdle—and damned proud of himself too. This only lasted for a good five seconds, though, as Dalang called out the next order. "Tai Lung, I need three salads, an order of steamed buns and two shrimp stir-fries! And by the way, if one of your little fireballs ever falls into the cooking oil, you're going to be saying goodbye to your singed-off fur. So if I ever catch you doing that again, you'll be in dish-washing duty till your paws shrink!"

The clear note of begrudging admiration in the tiger's tone, and the envious expression on his striped face, were almost enough to offset that reprimand. Almost, since ultimately, he knew that Dalang had a very good point, and the last thing he wanted was to accidentally burn down the restaurant. Still...he couldn't help but smirk to himself again a little. _One way or another, I'm going to keep getting this. _

And in the end...after five more backbreaking, stressful, intense days of training...he finally did. The proof was when, not only could he handle all the early morning vegetable prep unsupervised; serve up whatever simple dishes Dalang rattled off for him and make sure they were properly cooked, delivered to the right tables, and equally piping hot; and receive compliments rather than complaints from the patrons, he was also capable of fashioning some of the more complex dishes. Including one the tiger had asked him to reproduce for him, from memory, aided by the palate he'd cultivated and his own penchant for asking Po to make it for him, as it was one of his favorite dishes—shrimp wonton soup.

In a parallel to how this arduous training had begun, it was again early morning, hours before the restaurant opened, when all the prep time was underway. With the waiters and waitresses handling that for now, there was time for him to make the dish...all under Dalang's watchful eye, of course. But as he had so often in his life, the snow leopard tuned that out, focusing exclusively and determinedly on his single task.

The shrimp were de-veined and the dough rolled out for the dumplings with deft ease now, he'd practiced again and again until he was certain he could do it in his sleep. The carrots, green beans, and spring onions were all properly chopped, diced, and simmering in the broth, while the dumplings themselves cooked first in their own pan before being dropped in to add their own flavor to the soup. All was going well, none of the wontons had split or burst...but something seemed missing.

Thinking hard, Tai Lung waited until Dalang turned away to ask Zi something before fetching five bottles from the spice rack. Then, smiling to himself, he began to add some of each to the broth...

When the soup was done, he stood by nervously, waiting for the verdict...watching the tiger remove a wonton to slice it open on a plate so he could sample the stuffing; examine the vegetables; taste the broth, pause, then taste it again. He swallowed hard, his palmpads getting rather clammy with sweat now...

"Well." Dalang turned to him, an absolutely neutral expression on his striped face. "The broth is quite good, I can definitely taste all the ingredients. The wontons are well done and they didn't burst. You blanched the green beans perfectly, they've still got their color and are nice and crisp. Onions too, soft enough to show they're cooked while crunchy enough to keep the flavor." He paused. "About this broth though..."

Tai Lung's heart sank, but he gamely tried to stick to his guns. "Well, it's rather cold today, so I thought a bit of spice..."

"A bit? I thought the idea here was to re-create a dish, not change the recipe." He didn't sound angry though, in fact he was smirking.

"And I thought you told me to be creative when my palate was better trained. So here I am, doing both. Consider it extra credit, Chef." Tai Lung jutted his chin out challengingly.

"Good point." The Amur licked his lips, as if to savor the broth. "And—you were right. It's delicious, Tai. But what made you decide to go with the five spices?"

Slowly he began to relax—he hadn't failed after all!—and as he did so, his tongue loosened. Considerably. "What can I say, some of those lessons Oogway gave me all those years ago finally sank in. It's all about balance. Sweet, sour, pungent, salty, and bitter. Star anise, fennel seed, cinnamon, clove, and szechuan pepper. A measured amount of each, and..."

Dalang suddenly cut him off with an upraised paw. "Wait a minute...you prepared your own five-spice powder? I never taught you that."

"Well, I did my research, Chef. And I practiced in the palace kitchen. It took a lot of rice cakes for my poor palate, I assure you. I never want to see a rice cake again." He felt vaguely offended, but also uneasy. Perhaps he _was_ in trouble?

"Was that to impress me and Po? Or just to show off?"

Nettled now, he crossed his arms. "Pick one."

"Knowing you, likely both." Still Dalang kept his face impassive.

"What do you expect? We big cats have a lot of pride." Tai Lung drummed his fingers on his arms. "Now, did I pass or not?" A beat. "Chef."

The Amur gazed at him, considering. "Well you see, big guy, the reason I asked is because..." He pointed to a bottle on the shelf. "There's already a five-spice mix, all made for you."

Tai Lung stared at this with a different sinking sensation than before—one that swiftly turned to annoyance and anger. "You mean...damnit, it already existed, and I went to all that work for nothing?"

"Not at all." Dalang was finally smiling now, broadly and warmly. "Like you said, it was extra work you did to show you could do it, that you'd learned your lessons. You took initiative to make the dish better, you made it more difficult for yourself in the process—and you still pulled it off. Overall? I believe you're a full fledged chef now."

While Tai Lung was still standing there, open-mouthed, fighting the conflicting feelings of despair and pride, confusion and overjoyed relief, the tiger slapped a paw in a comradely gesture on his shoulder, then turned to the waitstaff who were standing nearby, some beaming and some outright clapping. "So, dig in and celebrate. Because this means you're ready for the kitchen full time."

The snow leopard was hesitant at first, but when Dalang informed him he'd be handling all the soups and the potstickers, both of them would prepare the steamed buns, and the dumplings would be Tai Lung's department, he felt more at ease. And since it was one of the two nights of the week when Ping usually allowed a change-up in the menu with unusual dishes, even ones that weren't local, the tiger allowed his apprentice to choose whatever dishes he wanted to try.

Which was why, after looking at the list of dishes Dalang had learned at culinary school, the snow leopard suggested that they serve _chiu-chao_ dumplings from Guangdong instead of the usual (he did love shrimp and mushrooms, and the garlic and chili oil would give it an extra kick); Shanghai steamed buns, since the rich broth within would be a delicious surprise for the customers; lotus leaf rice with tofu; and for dessert, silky _dou fu fa _with sweet ginger and sweet cream buns—the latter's custard filling one Tai Lung was utterly confident he could handle after Po's teaching and Viper's family recipe.

Looking at his choices, Dalang whistled low, then grinned. "You don't think small, do you, big guy? Well you've gotten really good with the seafood, so neither those dumplings nor the steamed buns should be too hard. Some of those vegetables though, like the peanuts, mushrooms, and water chestnuts, you'd better let me handle, and if you have any trouble with the egg yolks, for Tsao-Chün's sake, call me!" The tiger paused, then smirked wryly at him. "You got a bit unbalanced there, though."

"What do you mean?" He frowned, examining the list again; seafood, vegetables, noodles, soup, bread, desserts, it was all there.

"Well, the thing is, even in cooking there's a Yin and a Yang. Different foods belong to each of the philosophies, and so do the way you prepare them." Dalang shrugged apologetically. "Steaming the buns, boiling the rice, that's Yin; deep-frying the shrimp and stir-frying the other vegetables, that's Yang. But the eggs, ginger, peanuts, garlic, water chestnuts, and chili oil are all Yang. The only Yin foods you've got here are the tofu, mushrooms, rice, and the seafood."

_Of course, what a surprise; once again I fall too far on the Yang side of things. _Crossing his arms, Tai Lung sighed. "What do you expect? I like strong, spicy foods. But are you telling me you balance the Yin and Yang in all the meals here constantly?"

Dalang chuckled. "Touche. I have to cook whatever the customers order, and if they don't want a balance of Yin and Yang in their dishes, that's not my problem. My duty is just to make it taste good." He held up a finger. "_But_, if I'm choosing the menu for them, as you are today, then I do need to keep it balanced."

Even as Tai Lung grumbled to himself, filing the information away but thinking a bit caustically that with as seldom as he'd likely need it in the future, and how much of a Yang person Tigress was, it was more like an ancient history lesson, the Amur spread his paws and smiled. "Don't worry, big guy. We'll just add your soup to the menu, and toss some bean sprouts, bamboo, and watercress in it, problem solved." Dalang tied his apron in place and began to turn back to his work station.

Glancing down, the snow leopard saw that like his own, it now had numerous pockets sewn onto it to separate and categorize utensils. He smiled to himself. _I may be off on some things, but it seems I can still teach a few lessons too. _"Thank you...Chef."

* * *

The rest of the day went by fairly smoothly after that, not half because for this service his father and the Five were nowhere to be seen—Shifu being busy at the palace watching Hu and Huo while the Five, Mei, and Jia were away on a mission. Viper had expressed disappointment she wouldn't be there to sample the cuisine now that Tai Lung had improved so dramatically, while Mantis, sadist that he was, had complained about not getting to watch him crack under the stress. The snow leopard was simply relieved—knowing they were out fighting enemies, easily able to survive anything thrown at them, and not constantly hovering about watching him and adding to his workload, was far more relaxing for him.

And he knew all of them, even Monkey, would be impressed when they saw him at full skill. Zeng certainly was, when he stopped by to bring the master of the Jade Palace a message scroll to sign for Chen and the Kung Fu Council. Tai Lung couldn't help but frown darkly in annoyance as he read it as quickly as he could—he wanted absolutely no distractions tonight, and clearly even after all this time the masters were still as uptight as ever. _And have staffs up their arses where I'm concerned._ He sighed.

In retrospect he was grateful that Oogway and Shifu had insisted his case was an internal affair, not under the jurisdiction of the Council—otherwise despite Master Thundering Rhino's leniency and belief in the innate goodness of people, Master Croc would have insisted on his execution instead of Chorh-Gom, or at least that the Council attempt to stop him themselves when he later escaped. And while he was still confident he could have defeated them, their skill and determination were enough to give him pause. But it was for this reason, the bad blood and decidedly cool distrust between them, that Shifu had not tried to summon them during Chao's siege of the Valley—that, and the conflict of interest with Vachir—though Tai Lung allowed they could have been damned useful against the Wu Sisters, particularly that newer student of theirs, Storming Ox. And as yet they hadn't quite forgiven him, it seemed…

In any event, while Tai Lung was scribbling his signature, Zeng had smelled the steaming pot of the snow leopard's soup and, despite knowing who had cooked it, expressed interest in a sample, declaring it smelled too good to pass up. And once the messenger goose had actually eaten it, he couldn't stop raving about the unique flavor, or how tender and well-cooked the wontons and vegetables were. He immediately declared he'd be bringing his family to the restaurant before Po and Ping's return, with a strong hope that the recipe would be kept around even after that—and had no issues promising, upon Tai Lung's request, to deliver some to Xiulan and the Weis in some of those heat-retaining cartons of Ping's.

As for the work itself, having finally gotten the hang of the restaurant's routine and pace, as well as mastering a large portion of the finer aspects of cooking, had made things much more smooth for the ex-convict. But that didn't make it any less work. In fact, he discovered that serving in the restaurant during a full dinner rush was about as strenuous a workout as a full session in the kwoon. Tending to all the various dishes, with their specific utensils, running in and out of the pantry to get more ingredients while also making sure not to burn the food, running across the kitchen to deliver the dirty pots and pans to the dishwasher only to grab clean ones and restart the process again, making sure everything cooked at the same time so as to deliver it to Dalang to check and then serve—it didn't leave room for a single second of rest.

But...that was how he liked it. It was no different than the way he had always approached his martial arts training. Thinking of things on the fly, always being attentive to his surroundings and reacting accordingly, never panicking, quickly fixing any mistake he might have made—it was exactly the same for both arts. If he had taken on invading armies for hours with no rest, then the kitchen was just another battlefield he would conquer. _No wonder Po was such a natural at kung fu—all right, he still needed food as an incentive, but the lesson, the discipline, was always there. It just needed to be drawn out and aimed in the right direction. Why did I never see it this way before? _

At last, dinner was over, the staff had been sent home, and the kitchen had been properly cleaned to Dalang's exacting specifications. He and the Amur sat down together afterward, snacking on leftovers, sipping tea, and generally having a more genial time with each other than they'd had at any point previously. "So...what d'you think?"

The tiger chewed thoughtfully on the scallops and rice inside a lotus leaf. "Well...you burned your oil once, overcooked some of the rice and a few vegetables, and undercooked some shrimp and dumplings. But all of them you fixed in a timely manner. I'd say you did great, Tai."

"Hah!" He couldn't help himself; grinning hugely, he slapped a paw down on the counter in triumph. "Monkey and Mantis, eat your hearts out!"

Dalang chuckled ruefully and shook his head. "After the way they were treating you, they deserve that. And more, really. You got any plans for revenge?" He grinned cagily.

Tai Lung smirked and nodded slowly. "Oh yes...as soon as they get back from their mission, I'll serve them up my new soup—how can they say no, when everyone else seems to adore it? But I'll add _just_ a few extra doses of szechuan pepper, perhaps. Enough so its kick is as hard as the ones Tigress gives when she's angry." He couldn't keep the smug note out of his voice.

The Amur choked on his tea, and as soon as his throat was clear he laughed uproariously. "Perfect, big guy. They'll never know what hit 'em...but man, can she really kick that hard?"

The spotted feline smiled to himself; he still enjoyed bragging about himself now and then—all right, fairly often—but he enjoyed bragging about his wife even more. An incredible fighter...and the best thing that had ever happened to him. "Did they ever tell you how I took down an entire building with one kick when I was fighting Po for the Dragon Scroll?"

"Yeah, I heard about that. Pretty damn impressive. She can do that too, then?"

"Actually," he drawled casually, "she can kick harder than me."

Dalang stared at him, a wonton dangling forgotten from his chopsticks. "You're joking."

"Look a little too closely at her backside and you'll find out."

The moment the words left his mouth, he knew he'd made a mistake. Indeed, Dalang was already smirking. "So you're inviting me to ogle your wife now? Is your brother De rubbing off on you?"

_How did he bloody know—oh. _For he had just recalled that during his family's visit to the Valley for the wedding, De had frequented Ping's restaurant rather regularly. But as Mantis was fond of saying, that just raised even more questions...such as just what his brother had done to let Dalang know what a raunchy feline he was. _No. No, I do not want to know, I am never going to ask, and so help me I will find a way to scrub the whole blasted concept, and all its imagery, out of my mind, if it's the last thing I do! _

Sidestepping the issue, he narrowed his eyes to slits above his tea cup. "I can slip more spices in your portion too, you know."

Dalang winked. "Bring it, snowman. I have plenty of endurance."

Tai Lung bristled. "I can swallow just as much as you can."

"That sounds like a challenge. Care to put that mouth to better use?"

"Bastard. You're on!"

Which led to two of the most fiery hours Tai Lung had ever experienced. Both of them were so determined to test their stamina, prove themselves the bigger man, and come out on top that neither would relent, exchanging ever more burning heat with each gulp of sauce so that at times they were practically roaring from the intensity. By the time they had ended both he and the Amur were literally collapsed on the counter, panting and sweating, and no matter how much milk they drank he had a feeling their tongues would never be the same. And perhaps a few other body parts too.

At least, though, it had been a draw. Equaling was just as good as winning.

When both of them had recovered (and spent still more time laughing wildly at the inane contest) and switched to a cool, minty tea to wash the last of the harsh flavors away, Tai Lung snickered. "You realize, of course, that if my wife or any of the lovely ladies of our acquaintance knew we were testing our masculinity like that, we'd never hear the end of it?"

"Well then, we won't tell them, will we?" Dalang lifted his cup to clink it against his apprentice's.

"Good boy." He took another sip of his tea, then made a face as it had gone cold. He started to get up to fetch more from the kettle still on the oven, then paused and smiled. "D'you mind if I heat the tea my way, Chef?"

Dalang chuckled. "Sure, why not? No oil here now. Plus, it's not every day you see someone make fire right out of their hands."

Tai Lung smirked as he did precisely that, summoning up a small fireball to warm his cup until it steamed, then banishing it. "If you ever run out of firewood, you know who to call."

"Hey, big guy, we never run out of firewood. As the chef, I'm supposed to make sure we're fully stocked for a full service."

He rolled his eyes and groaned. "My goodness, man, I know you love what you do, but we're done with dinner service, so lighten up a little."

Green eyes twinkled, suggesting that perhaps their owner hadn't been quite as serious as he'd been pretending to be, but then Dalang sighed. "Okay maybe I do need to, at that. But you can't deny that me being so hard on you is what helped you master cooking, and progress so fast, too." He paused and smiled. "And even if you did give me a few headaches during the whole thing, I've got to admit...now I'd trust you in my kitchen any day."

Despite everything, Tai Lung was truly touched by the sentiment, but he'd never admit such a thing aloud, even now. Besides, the tiger had teased him relentlessly, so it behooved him to return it in kind—and he'd left himself wide open on this one. "By the gods, man, could you be any more maudlin?"

Dalang flushed deeply, but instead of laughing or growling, he only looked deeply hurt. Realizing his mistake, the snow leopard swiftly tried to cover for it. "Er...well, I mean, fine. You put me through hell, a bloody lot of it, enough I kept expecting one of the _yaoguai _to show up—"

"Making me feel real good there, buddy. I get it, I busted your chops. And?"

"_But_, when all is said and done, you were right to do it. And I guess I can see now why Po enjoys cooking for us so much. After busting my arse in this kitchen all day, it's worth it to see the smiles of those eating my meals, just enjoying it, all the hard work that went into what I put on that plate for them."

The tiger gave him a small smile. "Now who sounds corny?"

"So? I'm in good company then, the panda's said that too." He took a sip of his tea, inhaled the steam, and then remarked, "And anyway, if you ever tell anyone I said that, I'll feed you your spleen. Properly roasted and seasoned, of course."

"Gotcha." Dalang leaned back in his chair, looking a bit wary, even pale, but then he shook his head and smiled again. "Looks like Jia was wrong about you after all."

Quizzically he raised an eyebrow, even as a dark suspicion entered his mind. "Jia? What's she got to do with this?"

The Amur raised his eyes to the ceiling as he clasped his paws behind his head. "She was the one who suggested you be my apprentice."

"_I knew it!_" He slammed his fist down on the table. Ever since that honeymoon dinner, when he'd overheard the ex-Wu Sister speak so glowingly of the war fan and seemingly determined to teach him that such a weapon wasn't effeminate at all, he'd been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Except it hadn't. But now, if it hadn't been Po, Ping, or Dalang himself to arrange his newest torture, it made damned good sense that it would have been the former assassin.

Dalang meanwhile looked apologetic, yet he was still chuckling softly. "Yeah, she seemed to think it'd be pretty funny, subjecting you to that. Said you needed to be taught another lesson in humility." Even as the snow leopard growled under his breath, chest heaving and shoulders hulking, the tiger held up his paws. "Don't worry, I stood up for you, big guy. Said it wasn't right for her to do that to you." He paused. "Since, you know, the idea was to feed Ping's customers, not poison them."

"Thanks awfully," he growled between gritted teeth.

"Don't mention it. But really...Po was in your corner too. Said you really needed to learn, for the sake of Tigress and your cubs, and because you were pretty terrible before, but he believed you could do it. That if you learned, you'd get an appreciation for how difficult it is, but also how satisfying. And then you'd master it easily, just like everything else you've learned."

Tai Lung's anger deflated. _That sounds like the panda, all right. _In spite of himself, and in spite of the needling but sadly true insults toward his once-horrible cooking, he felt an upwelling surge of affection for Po.

"Anyway," Dalang went on, "I ended up saying yes because even if you underperformed, I was pretty sure I could run the restaurant alone. I was confident though that I could whip you into shape." He smiled. "And I was right. I'm glad you've come so far, Tai Lung, and I'd have you by my side in the kitchen any day."

There was nothing he could say to that. Except, after a disgruntled grunt, "Well, thank you very much, Dal... Chef. For everything."

The tiger took another drink of his tea, then added, that twinkle back in his eye, "So, want to come work every once in a while, then?"

"Not on your life." As Dalang smirked at his instant answer, he went on. "Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all you've taught me, it'll make things so much easier at home when Tigress is away, and it means I don't have to depend on Po all the time. But there's only so much a man can take, and after everything I've been through I think I deserve to forego a little more agony. Especially when I have a choice. I can do it every once in a while, like my carpentry...and of course I'll do it for my family. But beyond that..."

He shrugged. "Besides, I do still have kung fu training to do, as well as all my other duties as master of the Jade Palace."

Dalang nodded slowly, and instead of looking offended seemed understanding, even respectful. "Good points, all. Well, you know you can come back any time you like. For now though, piece of advice? Tomorrow's your day off, and the Five should be getting back to the Valley."

"And Shifu took pity on me, he'll be helping with all the tasks around the palace so I can rest up." Tai Lung's tone was wry.

"So," the Amur continued, "you stay at the palace, and cook your wife her favorite dishes. And time it so she can see you midway through cooking after she comes in after kung fu training. Because you know even after that trip, she's going to go right for the training hall." He winked suggestively. "I've learned that few things are more appreciated by a woman than watching her man slave in the kitchen to cook her what she likes most."

He hated to admit it, but that was very good advice, especially where Tigress was concerned. "I'll definitely, strongly consider that. Again, thank you."

Draining the last of his drink, Dalang took his cup to the sink to be washed. Over his shoulder, he added, "You're welcome. And who knows, maybe now that you've learned as much as you have, you can teach her, too."

A long, uneasy silence settled over the kitchen as they both considered that prospect, both the leader of the Five's current skill level and what the experience of teaching her cooking would be like. Tai Lung in particular was remembering what Po and Shifu had told him, after his return from Qinghai, about Tigress's attempts to learn from the Dragon Warrior.

"Jia suggest that too, did she?"

"Yup. Said something about weathering a storm."

"She's absolutely right. Still...she'll have to learn sometime, there will be times when I'm the one away on missions, and she can't always be going to Po or you."

"Good luck with that."

"What's life without a little pain, eh? Life _is_ pain, anyone who tells you differently is selling something."

"Keep telling yourself that, big guy."

"Right."

The kitchen was very quiet for the rest of the night after that.

* * *

(A/N: The brief reference to Tai Lung's only cooking role model growing up being a woman with an attitude and language problem is of course Marie's Lin from "Blue Plate Special" and "From Scratch" again. And aside from this whole vignette being built around Dalang (Luna was only too happy to let me go wild with him, so don't worry), the background I gave my AU Jiao Clan might seem rather familiar after her Chapter 17 of "Soaring Dragon". That would be because we basically worked out together what the Jiao boys would have been if their lives had gone differently. I wanted to reference that here since in my world their lives _did_ go differently, thanks to Ming Hua living—talk about For Want of a Nail—but I had no idea Luna was going to include it too. Great minds and all that. If you're curious, General Shen of my timeline is somewhat inspired by Captain Shang's father in _Mulan_ [yes basing Shen off of another man with a son named Shang was deliberate on my part]. Though he won't appear in any of my vignettes, expect other cameos.

On a related note, some may wonder why I bothered to go into so much detail about Tai Lung learning to cook when Luna already had him learn in "Present". The answer is twofold: first, while she did show flashes of his training and learning, she never really delved into it in great detail, only showing bits of it in between everything else. And rightly so, as there were far more important plot elements to deal with. So you can consider my version of it to be the extended version of "Present" if you like, since the bit where Dalang 'taught' Tai how to use a spoon was my starting point for much of what I wrote here. Second reason? It was just too funny to pass up, especially as a bit of revenge for the poor Amur.

The references to Gongmen City and the masters of the Kung Fu Council were included not only to acknowledge the existence of KFP2 but because a) there is so much amazing, cool, awesome material in that movie I thought it was a shame to leave it out just because it and my AU are almost completely incompatible, and it turned out I could weave it in without having to completely render my story invalid, and b) KFP2 never acknowledged why it was, if these other masters existed, none of them were involved either when Tai Lung went on his rampage or later when he escaped. I haven't completely explained their absence, that will be covered during one of the vignettes with Crane, Mei, and Jia, but for now I think I offered a pretty good explanation for it, and also for why they weren't summoned during Vachir/Chao's siege of the Valley.

Lastly, the numerous double-entendres, naughty jokes [especially Mantis's dig about being the bottom], and that particular passage regarding Tai and Dalang's spice-eating contest...which that is all it was, how could you with your dirty minds possibly think I meant anything else?...that of course was inspired by Luna, both her wonderful fakeout from the Taigress Mix and her running gag of teasing the TaiPo shippers in "Soaring Dragon".

Next up will be the other part of this vignette—yes, I had to split it thanks to all the information I found on Chinese cooking and the necessity of showing Tai's progress from newbie to excellent chef, both the humorous and the serious side of it. So that half will have the banter with Shifu, Tai spending time with his cubs, and a few other events of note. R/R!)


	8. It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

In the early morning light spilling in through the bamboo shades of his bedroom window, Tai Lung reached the bottom of the page he was reading and paused to look up—contentedly, yet also furtively. He was, of course, still quite alone in his room, and enjoying it immensely. For while his score of years incarcerated in Chorh-Gom had left him disturbed by silence and with an almost habitual disquiet—he would not call it terror, whether reasonable or not—at being isolated and abandoned, there was still something to be said for having private time to yourself. Especially with how otherwise noisy, crowded, overwhelmed, and complicated his life had become.

Not that he didn't appreciate and love his wife and children, his adopted father, and his brother warrior Po, or that he didn't have fond feelings for Viper, Crane, Jia, and Mei Ling (when she was in the Valley)—even Mantis and Monkey could be endured most of the time and had their good points. But sometimes the joking and ribbing, the endless pranks, the constant stream of visitors to the Jade Palace, the rousing cries and pounding blows of kung fu training including from all the new students, and especially the wild and rambunctious nature of his cubs could become…a little too much to bear.

_Or to put it another way, it used to be just myself, Shifu and Oogway, with the occasional messenger or visitor. Now I'm exhausted just counting everyone, let alone keeping up with them all! _

So that was why, today, for a few hours at least, he had arranged for some peace and quiet. Shifu was in charge of the Jade Palace and the training classes for the nonce, while Po was assisting his father at the noodle restaurant. Tigress was overseeing the Five's activities in the kwoon, as well as watching Hu and Huo—who were surely in turn watching the dizzying array of punches, kicks, leaps, and somersaults performed by the warriors with the kind of awe, excitement, and inspired imitation that only children…especially those with the kind of kung fu heritage in their blood as they had…could embrace. With everyone out of the way, the snow leopard was neatly tucked into the warm sheets of his bed, a plate of honey-glazed almonds and dates and a still steaming pot of oolong within easy reach.

The perfect companions this cool spring day, while he curled up with…a romance novel.

He lidded his eyes briefly. Yes, the former scourge of the Valley, feared and hated throughout the empire, the hero who had fallen from grace to become a vicious monster, had, very much against his will, adopted the guiltiest and most unbelievable of pleasures.

It had all started, of course, back during Heian Chao's siege, before Vachir's message had been delivered, when Tai Lung had been religiously following Viper's advice on how to woo and impress Tigress. The serpent had pointed out, reasonably and much to his chagrin, that even though the leader of the Five was nothing like the women in her favorite stories, her novel collection did contain a wide range of ideas for romancing and charming the fairer sex—and just as importantly, provided many object lessons and examples on how women should be treated with decency, honor, and respect.

At least, that had been her excuse; personally, after coming to know Tigress, Mei Ling, and even Jia, the spotted feline had rather quickly seen that however much his heart ached to keep his beloved safe from harm, and how seemingly laudable such an attitude was on the surface, there was nothing truly admirable or worthy of imitation in the sort of fawning overprotectiveness and patronizing gallantry to be found in these books. Tigress was hardly a delicate heirloom in danger of breaking, nor did she need anyone coming to her defense and robbing her of the chance to protect herself.

Still…he'd had to admit that there was nothing wrong with letting the target of his affections know he _would_ be there to rescue her, _if_ she needed and asked for it, just as he would allow her or Po—grudgingly—to come to his aid if he were in dire straits, and with gratitude. And these stories did nevertheless provide a wealth of examples on how to convince a woman you were sincere in your pursuit of her, words and gestures and deeds that could show true devotion and passion, things which he'd sorely needed to learn since he hadn't had a romantic bone in his body.

Naturally, once events had outpaced him and there'd been much more pressing matters to consider—_yes, what a bloody marvelous understatement there, calling fighting zombies, being put on trial and nearly executed, and almost losing your life multiple times something like __**that**_—he'd set the novels aside. But after the defeat of Chao and his wedding, after life had settled into a semblance of normal routine at the palace, Tai Lung had found his paws creeping back to them. Partly because of Viper's insistence that although he had won Tigress, romancing her and making her love him all over again would be a lifelong pursuit he could never become complacent about.

Mostly though it was because he'd discovered, to his annoyance and even a touch of despair, that he was beginning to like them. Corny and sappy as most of them were, he couldn't deny that a number of them contained surprisingly exciting adventures, genuine love matches…and yes, even certain arousing scenes that managed to be successful. Which in turn made him wonder, idly, if anyone might ever write the tale of how he and Tigress, and later Po and Jia, had become couples—because if he did say so himself, those would make a fine pair of damned good romance novels.

_If written by an author with actual talent, of course_. He shuddered as he recalled that scroll he and the others had found at that book stall in Shaanxi which had depicted the combat between Tai Lung and the Furious Five, as well as his later battle with the Dragon Warrior. _Whoever paid that person to write that was truly robbed. _

He further wondered if perhaps he could ask the Emperor, the next time they met, if he knew of any skillful writers, perhaps in his court. Chen would surely wish their stories told far and wide, and told properly. He even had half a mind to pay someone to write them himself—completely honest and open, as the snow leopard's flaws and shames needed to be aired as examples of paths to avoid, but otherwise suitably couched and embellished here and there...

Taking a sip of tea, as much to brace himself for what was to come as to moisten a conspicuously dry throat, he turned the page at last and began to read again. The tale was a particularly melodramatic one, of course: a nobleman by the name of Fa Dewei, a snow leopard with great wealth and influence both political and military in Yunnan province, was highly respected and honored throughout the region. But behind his façade of suave, amiable generosity, the man was utterly depraved, lecherous, and cruel.

He had set his disgusting, wicked sights on one of his innocent maids, a soft-spoken and sweet-tempered snow leopardess named Li-Mei. Unbeknownst to him, however, she already had a lover, one who was far more chivalrous, honorable, and fiercely devoted than he could ever be, one who was willing to stand up to the noble for the sake of the maid's virtue as well as the people of the province—his own warrior son, Cong-Min.

And as the two lovers plotted their escape and victory, then spent as many fleeting and romantic moments together as they could, Tai Lung found himself reading their words aloud, even using different voices as he had when reading _The Romance of the Three Kingdoms_ to Tigress…

"_Come with me," Cong-Min whispered insistently, desperately. His eyes were like windows onto a tempestuous sea, churning gray storm clouds and endless deep blue waters that threatened to rise up, battering away his father's evil rule and despicable seduction the way a typhoon would upon the Yellow Sea. "Let us flee, leave this place, far beyond his reach! My men are loyal to me, not my father, they will never pursue us. We can begin again elsewhere—get married, start a family…"_

"_No!" Li-Mei turned away from him, fighting back the limpid tears that welled up like perfectly pristine pearls at the corners of her imploring eyes. "Whatever he is, whatever he has done…he has been good to my family, given them much honor by courting me, comforts and riches and security. All of that would be taken away, were I to spurn him and run away. He would leave them poor and destitute, he would take them and torture them—our honor would be ruined! _

"_And what of the people? If we do not stay, if you do not continue to work against your father, they will have no champion, no hero or support. Everyone in Yunnan will suffer, even die, for the sake of our love." A courage he had never known, a strength he had only suspected was there, suddenly burned in those eyes, thickened that dulcet voice. "It is not worth such a price."_

_The burly snow leopard felt his love for her flame all the hotter, as if he were the dragon stealing Heaven's Tear from her pure, selfless soul where it resided. He took her in his brawny arms and clasped her close, held her to his sculpted, softly-furred pectorals as if he could draw her within, join her with the warrior's heart that beat only and ever for her. "O my love…is it any wonder that I madly adore you? You are more heroic than a thousand kung fu warriors, more loyal than the Son of Heaven's bodyguards, and you inspire more wisdom and truth than the greatest of sages. Yes…yes, I will stay. _

"_But then, if we are to be together, and to cease the oppression of the people, we must fight. I must rally my men, plan a daring coup against him…perhaps even engineer a public confession, so that all, commoner and noble alike, will know him for what he truly is and rise up against him!" He cupped her delicate face in his callused paws, brushed his thumbpads against the dark fur that flowed like ink from the meeting of eyes and nose. "And you must be taken to safety…he will not have you…"_

"_But…but Lord Fa…" She swallowed against the fear that clutched at her throat, her womanly bosom heaving like the snow-capped Himalayas, prepared to divest itself of its wintry shawl to stand bare and defiant before the eyes of the world. Though he knew he should not, he longed to caress those curves, cradle them, bring them to peaked prominence as she never failed to do for him. "He does not know! What will he do, what will your father say, when he learns of this, the utmost betrayal, of household servant and closest kin…?"_

_He would reassure her, he would tell her that though the tyrant ranted and railed, it would all be to no avail. But first, his male pride would not be denied, their love must be sated, consummated. As he pressed his burgeoning passion against her, he brought her muzzle to his, their love conjoining, her honeyed lips meeting his dewy, opiate ones. And then—_

A voice suddenly interrupted him from the doorway. "What he would say is, what in the name of the Jade Emperor are you doing reading such a thing? I thought you were doing so only to get hints on romancing Tigress. That you couldn't stand them. Is there something you're not telling me, son?"

"_RRRAWWRRRGGHH!_" The book flew out of his paws as they jerked over his head, and he leaped—literally leaped—several feet above his bed. By the time he landed again and had swiftly yanked his covers up to conceal any incriminating evidence, his heart was still racing thunderously…and a vicious, snarling growl resonated in his chest while Shifu finished speaking as though nothing had happened. "Do…you…bloody…_mind_? Privacy? Knocking? Surely some of this is sounding familiar?"

It was, of course, Master Shifu—standing in the doorway, ears perked, one eyebrow raised, hands tucked in his sleeves, and looking far too pleased with himself for Tai Lung's liking. The minute he spotted him, the snow leopard couldn't help gritting his teeth and squeezing his eyes shut. He didn't know how the red panda managed it, even after all these years, but in a very unfair circumstance, he was not only able to detect the presence of others no matter how quiet and stealthy they were (those _damnable_ ears of his!), he in turn could invariably appear out of nowhere and catch anyone as if they'd fallen asleep upright, or had their own ears stuffed with wool.

Sometimes it had almost seemed as if he'd vanished from one place and rematerialized somewhere else. _Honestly, I try to ignore Shifu. _Mentally he envisioned raising his paw and putting it an inch from his face. _But he's always right __**there**__! _

Before he could berate his father further, the Grand Master strode forward and shook his head. From his woeful expression, he seemed almost disappointed. "Of all people, I would never have imagined you would start growing soft."

Instantly, Tai Lung was bristling and defensive, struggling to hold back his ire. "Perhaps, being such a harsh, slave-driving battle-axe, this concept was lost on you, but it's called 'taking a break'! You should try it sometime, it's actually quite healthy and rather invigorating."

Oddly, rather than reacting in kind, Shifu merely raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And just how can lazing about be healthy? I may have been too strict in some of my teachings, and you became too much of a perfectionist as a result, but that doesn't mean I want to see you throw aside all of my lessons." The corner of his mouth twitched briefly. "And I would think you'd wish to avoid gaining a little too much around the middle. Or is that how you planned to be more like the Dragon Warrior?"

The snow leopard's jaw dropped at the audacity of that comparison, and its implications. _I am __**not**__ getting fat! _"Well excuse me if this time around I wished to avoid all the broken bones, torn ligaments, and bruised muscles your training gave me! And I meant healthy for my sanity, old man. I have it far more difficult than you ever did!"

Shifu crossed his arms, snorting. "It's going to be like that, is it? I think you are confusing me with Master Oogway. Just because _he_ preferred to spend all his time in meditating on the mysteries of the universe and rarely taking any active role doesn't mean I do."

Gripping the bedsheets in both paws, Tai Lung leaned toward his father, jaw jutting out fiercely. "I have every single duty you ever had, running the palace, training all the students..."

"Any time there is a major threat to the empire, _I _have to be the one summoned to deal with it..."

"You? All you do is sit on your arse all day, playing mahjong with Ping!" He snorted. "Meanwhile, I've got the whole bloody beginner's class every time there's a festival to cook for, or Po wants to shack up with Jia, or the precious tots decide they want the badass Tai Lung who stopped Heian Chao as their teacher instead of the Dragon Warrior." All right, that last was actually rather heartening, even a mark of pride for him, but when added to all the rest...

"That is _not_ all I do!" the red panda retorted, now leaning forward to shove his whiskered face right into his son's. "In case you had forgotten, I have to deal with the Emperor and his nobles whenever they visit the Valley or demand my presence in the capital, _and_ the Kung Fu Council!"

Tai Lung sneered elegantly. "Which is how often? Anyway, Chen's demands and Ox's temper have nothing on Chuluun."

Vachir's son was a diligent student, respectful of his master, and obedient to the point of awed admiration thanks to the debt he felt he owed the snow leopard for saving his father from the darkness, but that didn't stop the rhino youth from insisting on harder training to make even Tai Lung's mouth go a bit dry. And while his own experiences with controlling inner rage were a godsend in teaching Chuluun how to maintain calm and honor, sometimes he'd had to appeal to Po to defuse a tense session or two.

_Someday, he's going to give Thundering Rhino a run for his money_. The thought was tinged with pride...and trepidation.

Shifu, meanwhile, had paused with his mouth open, then closed it with a snap. "You have a point. But I do also have to oversee the nearby towns and villages, not just the Valley proper." He narrowed his eyes. "And the palace, and its Master."

"That's a laugh!" And he did laugh too, sharp and barking. "Sounds to me like you're just making up duties for the Grand Master to do. And why is it, then, that nothing ever gets accomplished around here without me, Tigress, or Po stepping in?"

"What good is it being the Grand Master if I give orders nobody ever obeys?" his father equivocated. Again, where he expected the red panda to be infuriated and offended, he sounded...rather amused.

"Aren't you supposed to be retired, anyway?" Tai Lung asked suspiciously, sitting back to lean against the headboard. Not to mention, after his track record with Tai Lung, Tigress, and the rest of the Five, everyone had agreed the more Shifu stayed out of palace affairs, the better.

"A master's work is never done, my son," Shifu intoned. "Besides, I'm a grandfather now, it's my job to meddle." _At least you admit it. _"However, if you truly wish me to be less involved, so you have even _more_ to do..." He made as if to leave the room.

"_No!_" Too swiftly to be avoided, he snagged his father by the back of his robes and dragged him back. He hoped his voice didn't sound too panicked, but was afraid it did. "Certainly not, no need to go as low as that, Father." He cleared his throat, tried to adopt a more conciliatory expression, a more mollified tone.

"Ah, my point was, with all those duties, the many students I have to train, _and_ my family, every once in a while I do need some peaceful, relaxing time to myself. But I promise I'll be back to work in good time."

He gave a wry, lopsided smirk. "Anyway, d'you really think I could ever be lazy?"

Now Shifu chuckled openly. "Fair enough. And I was only teasing you, son. You know I am very proud of everything you do here...and if it is a bit startling to see you becoming a hopeless, sentimental romantic, it is also quite reassuring for my old heart." He paused and bit his lip. "It means I did not completely fail you, and rob you of the emotions a kung fu warrior needs to truly do good. The kindness, caring, and sympathy that render you a hero, a man, and not merely a weapon or a shield."

Tai Lung felt both his heart and expression soften as he saw the genuine regret and sorrow on the old panda's face, heard the real fondness and love in his voice. It was almost enough to make him embrace his father and forgive him for how he'd barged in and seemingly mocked him for his softer emotions. Almost.

While he struggled with what to say and do instead, Shifu went on. "I do understand. And as for your family, you know very well that I do babysit my darling grandchildren often enough, and I'd be happy to do it even more if it will give you this, er, 'me time' you seek, as Po would put it. I love them as much as I loved you at that age, Tai Lung."

He paused again, then shook his head ruefully. "However, believe me when I say, between their strength and how wild and energetic they are, it truly is like dealing with two of you at that age. My tail will likely never be the same. How you get them to behave I shall never know."

In spite of himself, the snow leopard smirked. "Consider that payback for all the years of discipline, spoiling, and neglect." Then he chuckled, low and suggestive, before quickly stifling it.

His father winced visibly. "I deserved that...and what, may I ask, is so funny?" He sounded wary.

"Nothing, nothing at all," he said innocently, then adopted a sardonic tone. "I'll tell you when you're older." If he was feeling generous, anyway; it was far too much wicked fun to watch the panda flail about with the cubs to let him in on his personal secret way of handling them. "I will say this: it's your own fault they run all over you, Shifu. You're forever buying them candy, toys, and other sweets, so they think they can do whatever they want without you scolding or punishing them."

Shifu rose to his full diminutive height. "I'd have you know I didn't plan to buy them any today, nor do I do so every time I visit them. And I thought you complained when I didn't buy you enough?"

"Always the extremes with you, isn't it?" The snow leopard paused, then grinned slowly, cheekily, as a lovely bit of revenge for Shifu's teasing interruption came to him. "Besides...you'd never have time for all this spending and doting and being run ragged, if you had a woman to keep you busy. In fact, other than the one time, I never even saw you date, growing up. Is there something you're not telling me, Father?"

The panda knew exactly which female he was referring to, of course, and he was positive that, as well as the implication of his perpetual bachelorhood, was why he responded with so much offended dignity. "I don't know what you're talking about. Raising you, teaching you, I had no time for such things. But I'll have you know I did have enjoyable times with quite a number of ladies over the years."

Oh, he was going to regret giving him _that_ particular opening. "I mean a full-time girlfriend, Shifu. Not one of the ladies of the red light district." He frowned.

Shifu gasped, an utterly scandalized look on his face, one eye already twitching. "Tai Lung, how _dare_ you suggest—"

"Oh, don't play innocent with me. I was a teenager, but I knew damn well what you were doing. Or did you forget that when I was old enough, you offered me the opportunity to go into town once a year to satisfy my needs?" Warming up to his subject, Tai Lung actually rubbed his paws together a bit gleefully.

"Did you think I wouldn't know you'd done the same thing? You may not have gone down to the red light district while I was growing up—that I know of..." He eyed his father dubiously. "...but how else could you have known where to go?"

"One does not have to sample the merchandise to know where it is sold," the panda replied sententiously.

"Yes. And I suppose that also explains all the things you told me to avoid, made me promise not to ask for, and what else you said _was_ allowable and would sate my urges best? Stammering, flushing, twitching—just like now, Father—but you did tell me." Indeed, he hadn't seen Shifu's eye twitch that badly in years. Not since... "What _would_ Lin say, if she knew you'd been to such a place? She'd never believe it. Or else she'd demand to know what all the ladies did, so she could then proceed to do it better."

Shifu flinched, shuffled his robes, and then fluttered his hands at Tai Lung. "_Please_, Tai Lung! I told you, never mention...that name any more. The past is over and done with. I thought you more than anyone agreed with that. Including regarding...her." Now his ears were twitching too.

The spotted feline had to agree, albeit a bit reluctantly. Considering everything, especially his own long-ago relationship with the canine cook, it probably was best not to dredge up such old, painful memories for both of them. But he wasn't ready to let Shifu off the hook entirely (and he knew Lin wouldn't have been either), so he returned to his original point. "Fine, but surely she wasn't the _only_ woman to catch your eye."

"I am far too busy in my position to..."

"I am the Master of the Jade Palace, and I'm married and have children. Don't give me the 'too busy' excuse." Fine, so he'd wedded Tigress and been given his new title at almost the same time, after several months of romance, but considering those had also been months when he'd been rather busy doing other highly stressful, kung fu-related activities, the point was still valid. "And I notice when it's you under discussion, suddenly one with all my duties isn't lazy any more."

Shifu ignored that to add another weak protest. "And all the fine women are already taken, or are just passing by the Valley with no intentions of staying."

"Shifu, at this point, even a one night stand would do you a world of good." He cast about for a final straw, the last bit of vengeance he could think of, and then smiled predatorially. "Besides, I know just who'd be perfect for you—Qiao Jian."

For several extremely tense moments the bedroom remained utterly silent and still. Then... "Are you out of your _mind_, Tai Lung? Me...and her..._together_?"

"I don't know," the snow leopard drawled casually. "Sounds like a match made in Ti'en to me."

His father stared at him, horrified. "You actually think I'd want to risk crossing even more lines, run afoul of even more taboos? As if having my son and daughter marry wasn't bad enough, now I'm to romance your mother?"

Tai Lung hooded his eyes in disgust and scorn. "Please. You know very well we aren't _really_ related, to each other or you. And if you and Jian did hit it off, that would only make you more _my_ father, not hers. Besides..." He grinned naughtily. "It's best to keep it all in the family, don't you think?"

The red panda let out a strangled cry and began nervously, frantically pacing about the room, paws clasped behind his back—tightly, so as to prevent their shaking, he presumed. As he spoke, it seemed to be more to himself than to the feline. "But that is just it...we have not, nor will we _ever_, 'hit it off', as you put it. She is...formidable. She has her own mind, her own conception of how things should be done, how your life should go, and she will hear nothing to the contrary, especially from me."

He laughed softly. "Oh yes, a woman who speaks her mind. That's such a terrible thing, is it?"

"You would not say that if you had experienced it firsthand."

"Did you forget who you're talking to, old man? I experience it every day. And it's actually rather refreshing. A damned sight better than a demure little housewife who always does what she's told and bows to your every whim!" He'd once thought that was what he wanted, that that was the way a wife should be, especially if she was the wife of the great Tai Lung—a belief he'd partly come to out of his own sense of superiority, partly due to Shifu's example.

But he'd had that beaten out of him fairly quickly (literally, in some instances) simply by being around Tigress, let alone learning the ways of romance from Viper or courting the striped feline. And now he wouldn't have it any other way. He didn't want a subservient woman, he wanted one who would stand up to him, tell him when he was wrong, be strong enough not only to equal him, to survive without him and be able to protect herself, but who more often than not actually surpassed him.

Granted, there were times he'd wanted to roar her down or beat his own head in—even now, such desires still cropped up on occasion—but in the end, her independence made him love her _more_. He was so very proud of her.

Shifu, of course, didn't see it that way at the moment. "And did _you_ forget I had more than enough of such a stubborn, arrogant, overconfident, deliberately perverse attitude from that...that cook?" From the way he said 'perverse' he clearly meant it in every sense of the word. "Why would I want to subject myself to more of that from Jian?"

"I don't know," Tai Lung said musingly. "Who does _that_ sound like around here? For the life of me I can't think of _any_one at _all_ similar to that—oh wait, now I remember. As I said, Father, a perfect match."

For that he received a frosty glare. "I rather thought that sounded more like _you_, son."

"The peach doesn't fall far from the tree," he replied coolly.

They stared at each other for several quiet moments. Then Shifu sighed and looked away. "Fine. But even so, I see no reason why I should do such a thing—certainly not without the lady's consent, and not on your suggestion alone."

In spite of himself, Tai Lung couldn't help but hold both paws out imploringly. "But if you don't...she'll keep seeing Ning Guo. You _can't_ leave me with him as a father-in-law. That's worse than Chorh-Gom!"

Shifu chuckled openly, and didn't stop smirking even when the snow leopard glared at him. "Your mother doesn't even live in the Valley, she only visits on occasion. You're worrying too much."

"But she returned so late! And that was just their first date!" Now he was getting desperate.

"If you're so worried," the red panda said with infinite patience—Tai Lung was certain only because the focus had moved off of his own love life, "why don't you go and ask him what his intentions are with Jian?"

"Oh, that'll go over well," the spotted feline snapped with bitter sarcasm. "And what if said intentions involve far too many personal and private details? You know he'd share far too many of them."

"Perhaps so. But as I just recalled, my original reason for coming here, before I discovered what was keeping you occupied, was to tell you that Tigress wishes you to go shopping in the village for her, and to take the twins with you." He smiled, seemingly at his own cleverness. "Which means you'll have the perfect chance to ask Ning Guo."

"Fine." Now Tai Lung was the one to speak flatly. "I'll tell him to put in a good word for you with Jian, since both of you are waist-height." Normally he'd never be able to speak of such raunchy and blatantly adult matters in reference to his old mother, but Shifu had this coming.

He wasn't disappointed—the red panda's face went beet red, then white, and finally settled into a sickly gray, though whether it was at the notion of himself or Ning Guo in that situation with Jian, or the fact the whole thing sounded like something Lin would have blurted out, was debatable.

Finally, just as he looked ready to either faint, throw up, or burst into a blistering tirade, Tai Lung looked at him, crossed his arms smugly, and smiled. He pitched his voice with just the right stilted touch. "Relax, Father. I was only teasing." _Mostly_.

Shifu blinked rapidly, several times in succession, then began to laugh weakly as he wiped at the suddenly clammy sweat on his brow. "Thank the gods! Very well played, Tai Lung, and I certainly deserved that. Touche."

Chuckling to himself in satisfaction, the snow leopard finally climbed out of bed and, after prudently concealing the romance novel in his dresser _and_ locking it for good measure, began making preparations for departure—putting on a shirt, fetching his cloak to ward away the spring damp, and searching for a satchel or two in which to place whatever groceries he was to buy. Though if he knew Tigress, he'd end up requiring far more than that before he was through.

He paused, however—not because he had any desire not to spend time with his darling children, or because he didn't wish to interrupt his private time since he knew he could resume as soon as he returned. It was because Shifu had blocked his way out of the room, standing there with his hands in his sleeves and his whiskered face peering up with an odd, wistful, almost fond smile on his face. Tai Lung had to fight the urge to pinch himself out of a dream; even after the old rodent had mellowed (or as much as he ever would), it was still hard to believe.

"I truly am sorry for the teasing, son. It does you credit, seeing what you have made of yourself and your life, what you have become. You are now wise as well as strong, peaceful as well as a phenomenal warrior, and loving as well as fierce in battle for those you protect. Seeing you at the Dragon Warrior's side is as awe-inspiring and wonderful as if you had been chosen yourself. I could not ask for a better son. And your family is so beautiful, you have been truly blessed. As you should be."

The words were so heartfelt, so sincere, both his expression and voice so warm and accepting that Tai Lung felt horribly guilty for what he'd put the old man through. He certainly didn't know what to say...so, he responded instead with his usual gruff, sardonic tone. "Beautifully put, Shifu."

The Grand Master coughed discreetly, seeming embarrassed himself at his unusual emotional outburst. "Er, yes. I just felt I needed to...get that off my chest."

"Of course."

"Since you'd stopped anyway, and all..."

"Yes, Father, thank you, I'm deeply touched. Now would you get out of the bloody door?"

Shifu looked around, seemed to realize where he was, and chuckled unevenly as he sidled out of the way. "Ah, yes. Quite right."

Just as the snow leopard had gone down the hallway, crossed the living room, and was almost out of the house, however, he heard the panda call out to him one last time. Bristling, he turned and looked back over his shoulder to see a smiling Shifu standing in the doorway of his room, looking...anticipatory, and oddly eager. "Oh, and Tai Lung..."

"Yes?"

"Don't forget to pick up the travel gear and supplies for our fishing trip tomorrow."

A long, meaningful look passed between them, and then the master of the Jade Palace smiled rather fondly himself before nodding firmly. "Absolutely. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

* * *

The sun was much higher in the sky when Tai Lung finally left the kwoon and began descending the countless steps toward the Valley floor, its heat having burned away much of the morning mist so as to expose the distant karst hills, the rich and verdant forests, the meandering streams and rivers, and the town far below. Yet somehow the snow leopard found himself unable to focus much on the breathtaking view...in fact he was feeling downright melancholy. And it was all because of old memories brought up by his banter with Shifu.

He sighed heavily. He knew why, of course—that far-too fortuitous and friendly encounter with Lin (as least on her part) on his way from Chorh-Gom back to the Valley of Peace. Oogway could spout his aphorism about accidents until the time came for his reincarnation, and Tai Lung would still swear that somehow or other, that crotchety old cook had engineered the whole thing, arranged it so she would 'coincidentally' cross paths with him after his escape...

In any event, that meeting had been put out of his mind in the flurry of events which followed with the Five, Shifu, and Po—far too easy for him to do, considering that prior to Lin showing up out of nowhere as she had, he'd managed to forget about her for the previous thirty-plus years, just as he'd sworn he would when she left the Valley and abandoned him.

But against his will, the memories had begun trickling back after that night when they'd cleaned out Oogway's room...for after Mantis and the others had left him to his privacy, Tai Lung had discovered the portrait of his cub self and the turtle had been painted by none other than Wei-Shan, the same famous artist whose work Lin had recognized (and practically worshiped) in the bathhouse.

Of course he'd done his level best to shut those painful recollections back down into the vaults of his mind, and the ready-made distractions of his quest for redemption, his pursuit of Tigress, and the appearance of Heian Chao had certainly aided him in that. Yet now, inexplicably, his thoughts had turned to her again...and while he'd managed to reference her only in the guise of tormenting Shifu, he found himself unable to dismiss her, instead brooding with increasing glumness on the whole matter. Why? Why was he thinking so much of the old hag now, of all times? He couldn't actually be missing her...

Out of the corner of his eye, as the mountain wind groaned and sighed in its branches, he caught a glimpse of the cherry tree beside the barracks, extending its gnarled limbs toward the tiled roof. The roof that had always been his haven, the one place he could hide from Shifu and the rigors of the training hall, get a chance to relax and be himself and dream.

Lin had found him there, joined him there, laid under the stars and told him of far-off places and the fascinating things she'd learned there...reprimanded him, but also told him she believed in him, that he could achieve his dreams. He could still see her, dangling ridiculously on a branch slowly breaking beneath her weight, forcing him to rescue her—twice. At the time, he'd been annoyed by the intrusion, or at least felt vaguely put upon, but now he could only chuckle and shake his head at the memory.

So many memories...as he glanced away, he instead found himself gazing across the mountainside toward the jutting ledge on which grew the Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom. He remembered vividly how often Lin had climbed it with surprising agility and speed, picking peaches for her pies and other desserts—earning Shifu's undying ire and resentment but only a bemused and approving smile from Oogway. Those desserts...while he'd always had something of a sweet tooth, it was getting to indulge himself with Lin's cooking that had irrevocably and fully set his habitual love of such a vice.

And that wasn't the only thing she'd taught and encouraged in him, the only manner in which she'd influenced him. His usage of the "cute kitten eyes" to get his way had been perfected under her tutelage. His cynical and sarcastic way of looking at the world, though it didn't come to full flower until his teenage years, had begun by rubbing off of her. While he'd come to his own conclusions on the matter thanks to his intense and unrelenting focus on mastering the thousand scrolls, as well as his experience with the Wu Sisters, he had to admit that Lin's advice about not being allowed to drink had stayed with him.

In fact if he'd remembered it later, it might have saved himself and everyone a lot of grief—for it could not be denied that his going down to the village to drown his sorrows the night of the rampage had indeed "gotten him in trouble." And the fact he'd often found Lin's insults to Shifu funny had likely affected his own caustic and harsh sense of humor in ways he wasn't even aware of.

By the same token, though, there were things he remembered now, things he had deliberately tried to expunge or which had simply been forgotten, which he wished had not. Lessons he should have learned, ones that would have spared everyone much pain.

That he didn't have to look tough to be tough. That kung fu was not about fighting, but helping. That Shifu acting like an overbearing mother had proven he did, in fact, love Tai Lung. That what he wanted wouldn't necessarily make him happy. That he shouldn't hide and sulk every time someone hurt him and could not keep from getting hurt, because "people who love you most do most of the hurting, 'cause when people care they just seem to mess up all the more." And most of all, that the Dragon Scroll might be a riddle, something he would not expect.

He'd dismissed her, rejected her, tried to drive his memories of her away until it was as if she had never entered his life at all. He had denied he cared, even though he did more than he could put into words, even now. He had been influenced greatly by her, for good and for ill. And he had to admit, in the end, she'd been more right than he ever could have imagined.

A smile quirked the corners of his mouth, beginning small and becoming quite broad and rakish, as he realized, with extreme ruefulness, that Lin's warning about women had been incredibly apropos. _Absolutely merciless, like many hungry locusts that will devour men alive? That's Tigress, all right. _And yet, after falling victim to this "insidious foe" as his cubhood self had once hoped not to, he wouldn't have it any other way.

If only he'd remembered the advice he'd gleaned from his scrolls, to tell women they were strong, confident, beautiful, and he respected them. That would have helped matters enormously with Tigress. _So Lin was also wrong, I was hardly a natural ladies' man. _He shook his head a bit mournfully, chuckling softly to himself.

Even accepting such things about himself, knowing he was hardly the great warrior as a cub as he was now, knowing he had utterly failed at hooking up Lin and Shifu and would never have won Tigress's heart without Viper and Mei Ling's help, somehow did not sting so badly. Not when he recalled what he had done, what he had learned, and how good it had felt to have people who cared, people who believed in him, when no one else did...not even himself.

Lin had left him, yes. But at least she had been there once, at least she had tried, and had given him more than anyone else had up to that point. And he found that despite everything, despite how annoying, smug, self-congratulatory, insulting, and condescending she could be, he also couldn't help remembering the good times, the happy memories.

And...he _did_ miss Lin. He'd thought kung fu would be the only thing that wouldn't let him down...but he had let himself down instead, let kung fu down. Yet when he'd encountered Lin on that snowy slope, she surely must have known what he'd done, twenty years before—and she had still cared about him, still believed in him.

He hoped, wherever she was, that she'd found peace. Or more likely, was driving someone insane with her endless, know-it-all chatter and brazen, brutally honest jokes at their expense.

Suddenly, before he could reflect any further on Lin and what she had done for his life, Tai Lung felt a small weight shift on his left shoulder, and then a soft-furred, oversized, striped paw waved up and down in front of his face, startling him. "Uh...Baba? You okay? You kinda...spaced out there."

From his other shoulder, a slightly prim and feminine voice spoke up. "Hu, don't you remember? Mama told us Baba wanted to take it easy today. If he's going to rest, then I bet he's not going to want to talk much, either."

Hu snorted and eyed his sister sardonically across Tai Lung's blocky head. "Yeah, but...nothing, the whole time we're walkin' down the mountain? We're already at the bridge! Nobody talks as much as Uncle Po, but...are you sure Baba ain't sick? He didn't even ask us about our day!"

"Maybe he's bored hearing you go on and on about how 'awesome' the Dragon Warrior is. Maybe he thinks you should be talking about Mama that way." Huo glared at him pointedly.

"I do too!" his son said defensively. "Mama's the best! And Uncle Monkey, Uncle Crane, Aunt Viper..." He counted on his fingers.

"Do _not_," the already svelte little snow leopardess insisted, elevating her nose.

"Do _so_!"

"Do _not_!"

The tiger boy growled under his breath, golden eyes flashing. "You take that back, or I'm gonna shove you in Baba's grocery basket!"

An eyebrow raised above a ruby eye. "You mean, you're going to _try_," Huo retorted archly.

Before matters got any worse, Tai Lung swiftly reached up and placed a paw on each of his children's shoulders, gently but firmly holding them apart. "All right now, that's enough! Huo, don't egg your brother on. Hu...you know very well she's just as strong as you, and much sneakier. So unless you _want_ to have your muzzle ground in the dirt..." _There'll be plenty of time for them to batter each other senseless later. Preferably when I am __**not**__ their perch_.

The boy sighed heavily, grumbled audibly, and sat back in a huff, arms crossed as he glared at his sister but didn't press his attack. "Aww Baba, you never let me have any fun..." His sullen tone, pugnacious expression, and cute, pleading look in his eyes was so very like Tai Lung at that age despite his striped face that his father had to start laughing in spite of himself.

His children...his precious son and daughter. How he treasured and adored them as the rewards they were. Five years old now, nearly six, both as bright and precocious as could be, just like their parents...though he had to note as always, and with wry amusement, how else they took after their parents.

Whether because she had inherited Tigress's thirst to prove herself and bold strength of purpose (despite, as yet, not showing more than a passing interest in kung fu), or because she simply had her mother's intelligence and fiery spirit, Huo showed a voracious interest in learning and academics which accounted for her slightly more erudite, and definitely more proper, vocabulary—or perhaps she was simply determined to be as mature as possible. Something which had been true of Tai Lung at that age as well...

As for Hu, while the boy could hardly be called lazy and in fact his mind was nearly as sharp as those of the rest of his family, he did adopt a certain easygoing, carefree attitude in his speech as well as his outlook on life—the sort of slight condescension and sardonic nature which the master of the Jade Palace had always nurtured and which was true of so many cats.

Luckily he did not, as yet, display any signs of true arrogance and contempt for those 'beneath' him, which Tai Lung sincerely hoped would never appear and he was determined to stamp out the minute he spied them taking root—but he did have the same fascination with kung fu as his father had at that age, and continually begged to be allowed to watch his parents, Po, and the rest of the Five in the kwoon, if not participate himself.

Huo...how appropriate her name had been, considering she had the spitfire nature and, when riled enough, fiery temper of _both_ her parents. While his boy, the one who would carry on his name and lineage, who had the incredible strength of both his parents plus an inner tenderness neither of them had allowed to flourish until now, so many years late, a compassion and sympathy and caring which oddly enough seemed more like Po than anyone else...

When the tiger cub had been born, Tai Lung had been sorely tempted to name him something grand, something in honor of the great kung fu tradition to which he was heir, something which hearkened to the title his father had aspired to and the one he had actually been given, the sheer breadth of knowledge he would inherit and the warrior spirit which would surely blossom into a prowess like the mighty snow leopard who had sired him. A name like Tai Lung's own, or at least something impressive like "fighter" or "mountain"...

But no. When he had looked into his son's eyes for the first time, and remembered how he had earned the right to have this gift by changing himself for the better, he had known that whatever kung fu might lie in his future, his son was a blessing. And if he did learn his father's craft, it would be to act as Tai Lung and Po did, as a protector and defender, not a conqueror or warmonger whose blood ran hot with a love of battle.

Once, he could never have considered such a relatively peaceful name, would have found it the height of cowardice and weakness. Now, he knew better. Now, he knew his son would be everything he had not been, right from the start.

That is, after he was old enough, of course. When it was safe.

As if Hu had read his thoughts, the tiger cub sat up from his depressed funk and lashed his tail in his father's face to get his attention. "We sure had fun this morning, though! Mama kicked Auntie Mei's _butt _on the snakes!" He stared at his sister meaningfully. "And Uncle Monkey was sooo cool on those rings! And Uncle Po took out those wooden warriors like he was as strong as you, Baba! And the way Aunt Viper did the Field of Fiery Death..." He savored every word, the title of that obstacle being the only he had learned so far. "I'm gonna do it just like that, just you wait and see!"

Tai Lung tried not to groan audibly; he loved his son's enthusiasm, but... "I'm sure you will, _qianjin_. But not yet. Not until you're older."

"Why?"

"You're not ready yet, and it's far too dangerous."

"Why?"

"Because some of those obstacles are made for much bigger warriors, son. They assume you know what you're doing, that you have the skills you need to survive. They could kill you, Hu...and you can't start learning how to face them yet." He crossed his fingers and prayed.

But of course, like his father, Hu was stubborn. "Why not? I thought you were already tearin' up the kwoon at our age, Baba!"

"Yes..." he admitted, reluctantly.

Huo had raised an amused eyebrow at him. "Didn't Yeh-Yeh Shifu even set up a training schedule and everything when you showed interest and skill? Not that _I_ care."

"True, that he did."

"Well, then why not?"

Tai Lung closed his eyes in obscure pain. _This must be that undiscovered form of torture I've heard tell about. Are they __**trying**__ to break my sanity, so I'll be more lenient with them? _Simply to be as equally maddening in return, since he knew they hated it as all children hated it, as he himself had hated it when Shifu pulled it on him, he finally replied, "Because."

He wasn't disappointed. "Aww _man_! _Please_, Baba? You know I can do it!" Hu knelt on his shoulder, shooting him those desperate kitten eyes that were nearly impossible to resist. "Sis spends all her time with dusty old scrolls, or with Mama, she doesn't even wanna train, so you don't gotta worry about her—"

"That's because I don't _need_ the kwoon," Huo interjected calmly. "_If_ I ever want to learn, Mama can instruct me."

As if he hadn't heard her, his son continued. "—but I can do it, I know I can! I can be brave and strong, don't ya believe me, Baba? I wanna be just like you!" He clung to his father's ear pleadingly.

For a moment Tai Lung wavered; he hated disappointing his children, and he couldn't deny the thought of either of them (but especially his son) training in kung fu made him inordinately proud. But Hu's tack had given him the response he needed. "I'm afraid not," he said gently, regretfully. "Not yet, anyway. Starting that young, well...it got your Baba into trouble. So let's give you a couple more years, see how I feel then, all right?"

He knew he was being overprotective—in fact that was why he was carrying them on his shoulders, using the very long descent down the many steps as an excuse—but he couldn't help it. He never wanted anything to happen to them...especially not for either of them to suffer the same fate he had. He knew Hu wanted this badly, but he had to be sure it was for the right reasons, for his own betterment and to help others and be a true hero, not to look 'cool' or because he thought it was expected of him and the only worthwhile life to lead.

The boy wilted visibly, slumping on his shoulder, and Tai Lung longed to comfort him. But at that moment his sister spoke up again, an arch tone in her little voice. "Speaking of being older, Baba, we _can_ walk by ourselves, you know. We're already down the stairs and across the bridge, after all."

"No," Tai Lung replied instantly, even though he knew that was another word geared to get the worst possible reaction from a child. "The village is very busy, very full, you could get trampled underfoot. I'm not putting you down till we reach the market."

Hu stiffened again. "But Baba, we're five years old!"

"And ten months," Huo added intently.

"And ten months," Hu echoed her. "So we _are_ old enough, see?"

Pausing on the other side of the moon bridge, on the cobblestones just before he would enter the village proper, the snow leopard pretended to consider, as if actually listening to cub logic. Then he started walking again and said matter-of-factly, "Maybe. But I'm your father, I'm _forty-three_ years old and eight months, so I outrank you. Got it?"

There was a few long moments of silence. Then, resentfully, in chorus: "Yes, Baba."

"Good. You know I only do it because I love you." Kissing each of them on top of the head (Huo accepted it with equanimity, while of course Hu squirmed, pretending to get away even as he purred happily), he added as an afterthought, "By the way, was your Uncle Po behaving himself?"

Hu made a disgusted face. "Nah, he and Aunt Jia were kissin' under the bleachers again."

"Master Mantis actually said they were making out, whatever that means," Huo said sagely, her face deadpan solemn; he had the feeling she knew exactly what it meant.

"Master Mantis needs a little punishment," Tai Lung muttered darkly, then sighed. "Never mind, I'm sure your mother will take care of it." _Which means Po and especially Jia are going to wish they had the whole empire between them and Tigress. While Mantis and Monkey will be devouring almond cookies and charging barrels of _mou_ for ringside seats_. "Let's get to the market then, shall we?"

Both his cubs cheered eagerly, but just as he thought he'd dodged that particular arrow, Hu spoke up again, his tone completely and utterly innocent. "Uncle Mantis really does say the kookiest things, though. When he caught Aunt Jia and Uncle Po, he said 'bom chicka wow wow'. What does that mean, Baba?"

Tai Lung squeezed his eyes shut and briefly buried his face in his paw. _I am going to kill him. Dismember him limb from limb, have Po fry him for dinner, and feed him to everyone. Assuming Tigress doesn't get to him first. _"I'll tell you when you're older, Hu. Much, _much_ older..."

On that note, the snow leopard swiftly carried his children into the teeming streets of the village before anything worse could be said or objections raised. And while he might be overprotective, he happened to think his worries about trampling were right on the money, since everywhere he looked there were hordes of sheep, pigs, geese, and rabbits thronging about—mothers shepherding their children, merchants hawking their wares, caravan guards eyeing the crowds suspiciously, temple servants fetching incense for their inner sanctums, outsider travelers from distant provinces, and more.

Luckily, not only were most of them dwarfed by Tai Lung so that he could maneuver his way easily (but carefully) between them, but as soon as most of the Valley's citizens recognized the master of the Jade Palace, they bowed deeply and moved aside for him—many grinning and waving goofily at Hu and Huo as they did so.

When at last he had reached the center of the town's busiest plaza, which was in turn in the middle of the busy marketplace, Tai Lung worked his way to one side of the square until he could slip to relative safety, underneath a storefront awning at the edge of the crowd that kept him and his children out of the line of fire. There he finally scooped his son and daughter off of his shoulders and set them down before him on the cobblestones.

He could tell at a glance, of course, how excited and raring to go both of them were, especially Hu who held as much energy and manic glee as he had at that age. But they both stood quite still, expectant and well-behaved, paws clasped behind their backs and faces upturned with questioning hopefulness.

At once he laughed and bent down on one knee before them, giving each of them a warm hug and ruffling fur and ears. Huo made a disapproving face as she tried to adopt a ladylike pose and smooth out her pelt, while Hu only giggled and purred. "All right now, you little imps, I know what you want and how badly. But you don't get something for nothing. You know what to do." He looked from one face to the other, then flicked his gaze out into the teeming market. "Ready to go?"

"Yes," Huo supplied at once, eyes shining.

"We were _born_ ready!" Hu said almost on top of her, in a very familiar tone and emphasis indeed.

"That's what I like to hear." He crossed his arms over his chest, putting on his best stern look. "First thing Baba needs, then, is potatoes and rice. I wonder who—"

"Me, me!" The little tiger practically leaped off the ground, waving his striped arms and bouncing up and down. "I can do it, I can do it!"

"Are you _sure_?" Tai Lung drawled skeptically. "The bags will be large, and _very_ heavy..."

Hu puffed out his fluffy chest and strutted in place. "'Course I can! I'm as strong as you are, Baba! Someday I'm gonna be stronger, too, just you wait and see!" He lifted first one arm, then the other, to flex and show off his young muscles.

Carefully concealing a grin behind his musing paw—_I wonder where he could have picked that up? Haven't a clue—_he looked to his daughter. "Then I suppose that means you'll fetch the soy sauce, ginger, and garlic for me, while I take care of the fish? That way Mama can make her spicy sauce salmon tonight."

He smiled openly at that; to his extreme pleasure and relief, Dalang's tutelage of nearly five years ago and his own patience that he had learned at last to cultivate had made Tigress's culinary lessons go far smoother than his own, and she had in fact thankfully turned into quite a cook. And she'd managed to do so without either of them killing each other, a minor miracle in itself. Something he'd rubbed in the smug Amur's face. Nicely.

Huo's eyes sparkled even brighter and she rose to her full height. "Of course, Baba. Carrying all those bottles and jars needs balance and intelligence." She turned and artfully stuck her tongue out at her posturing brother. "Which leaves _you_ out. You're so careless, you'd break them all."

Before the boy could do more than growl and gather himself for pouncing upon his sister, Tai Lung swiftly placed a paw on Hu's shoulder to restrain him. "Now stop that, Huo, you should really be above that sort of thing, you know. Everyone has his or her own talents, things they're suited to. Let your brother do his, you carry out yours, and remember we're all just as valuable here."

Eyeing her meaningfully until she looked contrite, he reached into his belt pouch and began counting out coins from his cash string. His little girl always did love to impress him, but she needed to be reminded every now and then—as did Hu, truth be told—about balance and equality. He had to draw on his entire store of memories of Oogway's moral sayings, and sometimes even appeal to Po, to find the wisdom to stay ahead of, and properly instruct, his clever twins.

After he had finished furnishing her with the needed funds, he did the same for Hu, who unsurprisingly was still glaring resentfully at the little snow leopardess. "There you go, that should be enough for now." His children were intelligent enough to do the proper sums, keep track of the prices, and make sure they came back with correct change, but even if they made a mistake, the merchants were all fair and honest and would double-check every transaction. _Especially when they recognize just who their adorable customers are. At least they will if they know what's good for them! _

Not that he'd ever harm any of them, but...a little pressure from the Jade Palace to keep everyone on the straight and narrow never hurt. Implication was everything.

Popping each of them on the rump, he smiled and shooed them off. "Now you know what to do, get going! The sooner you get back, the sooner we get everything on the list—and the sooner you can get your reward." That, of course, was the magic word, and in seconds both cubs were scampering off, paws tightly clutched around their small change-purses, each carrying a basket or pouch, easily weaving their way with practiced skill until they had joined two lines for stalls on the far side of the plaza—still within sight, of course. He sighed slowly.

And that was when the voice spoke behind him...the creaky, wheezy, rough voice he'd never thought he would hear again, that he'd last heard on a snowy slope between Xinjiang and Gansu. "Well, if that doesn't beat all! Never thought I'd see the day...but I'd recognize those cute kitten eyes anywhere, they've gotta be _your_ kids."

For the second time that day, Tai Lung leaped several feet off the ground and let out a startled yowl of shock and disbelief. Unsurprisingly, when he landed he found himself face-to-face (since he'd twisted about in mid-air) with a snorting, wildly cackling figure that was all too familiar. Despite being so much older now, she _still_ looked like an ambulatory dandelion, with fur so snarled and explosively puffy she put him in mind of a ball of wool that had been carded and teased by a mad seamstress.

Even if she'd been shaved bald though (an image that briefly had him snickering almost as much as she was), he'd have known her—that voice, that laugh, and even the all-too-knowing and cocky gleam in her eyes as she regarded the world and everything around her as the most colossal and ridiculous joke ever devised—perhaps, he realized upon reflection, because it was the only way for her to keep from screaming at the cruelty, injustice, and insane imbalance of life. He'd thought he'd never see her again, in fact he had fervently hoped he wouldn't. Yet here she was. _How did she know? Oogway, if this is another of your cosmic jokes_...

"Oh...oh _crap_...hah-hah..." Lin held a hand clasped to her chest as if her heart were about to stop, and she in fact looked in danger of falling over, so much so she had to lean against one of the awning posts to stay upright. "C'mon, ticker, don't stop beating..."

"Yes, perish the thought were that to happen," Tai Lung replied sardonically.

"Can it," the dog said absently, then immediately started wheezing and chuckling again. "Ya oughta know by now, nothin's gonna knock out this old warhorse. Hell, not even a warhorse. Did I ever tell ya 'bout the time I rode one to get away from the highway patrol that was after me? If ya know what I mean..."

_Gah! No...must...avoid...mental images... _"No, I must have missed that one, was that before or after you met the _yokou_?" Before she could do more than open her mouth, he swiftly cut her off. "Nevermind. Seriously, old woman, don't die laughing on me here."

"What'd I tell ya already? I've had a good life. Besides, that'd be a great way to go, don'tcha think?" Her expression turned wistful and reminiscing—and then sly. "It'd be better than springtime. Better than sex. Not that you'd know anything about that."

Tai Lung bristled in spite of himself—this long after the fact, it still nettled him he'd remained a virgin for so long. "Did you forget my two bundles of joy over there? I'll have you know I know a damn sight more about it than you think. And nothing is better than sex."

He couldn't believe he was having this conversation, of all things, with Lin, but after Mantis and Monkey he wasn't about to take such impugning of his masculinity sitting down any longer. Even if he knew for a fact there were things that were better...like spending time with his family, holding his cubs, cuddling with Tigress, fighting side by side with Po...

"That's right, I guess you would," Lin interrupted his thoughts with a nonplussed look. "Well, I'm glad ya finally found something to get your mind off kung fu for a change. That really wasn't healthy for ya, you know."

_Tell me about it._ "Well actually," he drawled, unable to resist yanking her chain a little, "there's more connection between the two than one might think. Kung fu _does_ improve constitution and stamina, after all." He buffed his knuckles on his chest fur.

"It does?" Lin's tone was so openly mystified and amazed it had to be feigned, but he wasn't quite sure, until she went on. "Well jeez, guess I shoulda made sure to jump old Melonhead's bones before I left the Valley, eh? 'Cause there's no way he'd be up for that now, and even if he was, I'd still have to show him _everything_..."

Tai Lung groaned and slapped his forehead, but he couldn't even blame Lin for this; he had given her the opening, after all. "Oh gods...this must be some sort of divine punishment..."

As if she hadn't even heard him, Lin kept nattering on. "...and at his age, he'd probably die right in the middle of it—and ya know, that'd be an even better way to go than dyin' laughing? But like I was sayin', I'm just fine, so don't you worry. It's just, ya shoulda seen the look on your face! Worth waiting seven years for..."

"I can only imagine." He had to allow, privately, that he likely had looked rather comical, reacting as he had, but he would never admit that aloud. At least she seemed to have gotten off the topic of sex.

Not that her next words were any better. "You're _still_ using that accent? Guess some things just stick and become habits. And I guess it did nab ya a girl after all..."

In point of fact, he had _not_ adopted the accent for any such purpose, it was something he had picked up during one of his visits to the capital with Oogway—in all honesty, a way to impress everyone with how high-class and sophisticated his education was encouraging him to be. Lin had always said he tried so hard to be grown-up, and considering how his training had made him mature far too quickly, she'd been right in at least that sense. Not that he would admit that either.

Choosing not to dignify her words with a response, he instead latched onto what she'd said previously. "So why _did_ it take you seven years to come back to the Valley, may I ask? And where have you been since we...parted ways?" He tried to sidestep the manner in which he'd last spoken to her.

Of course, she didn't let him get away with that for a moment. "You mean, when ya threatened—repeatedly, I might add—to kill me?" she said flatly. "After ya almost strangled me?"

"Um, yes. That. Sorry. I was, er, having a bad day." He shifted uncomfortably in place, his words sounding lame even to him. He should have known she wouldn't let him off the hook so easily; and considering all the other sins he'd committed that he'd had to atone for since Po used the Wuxi Finger Hold, it was only fitting and right.

Except Lin surprised him again. Brushing her fur out of her eyes, she turned the gesture into a flippant wave. "Eh, forget it. I understand, water under the bridge and all that."

He blinked. "Really?"

"Of course. We all have bad days. I've been known to have a few myself."

"You don't say," he gasped, affecting the same tone she had when he'd been bragging about what kung fu had done for his stamina.

"No, no, it's true," Lin reassured him, as if he'd been completely sincere. "So I understand where you're coming from. Besides...I know ya had your heart set on that scroll. You'd been through a lot, that stupid marmoset made ya think getting some shiny piece of parchment and a title was the only way to make your life worthwhile, ya thought nobody believed in ya, and then I showed up outta nowhere and reminded ya of someone _else_ who hurt ya. Doesn't justify what ya did, but it sure as hell explains it."

Tai Lung would have laughed at the dog's usual 'mixup' of Shifu's species, if he weren't so stunned how, as usual, Lin saw right to the heart of the matter and understood him better than anyone else—better than he had himself. How could someone so seemingly simple-minded be so wise? But then that also applied to the only other person who had shown such insight about him...Po. And even Oogway's mysticism and Zen sayings, when pared down to the essence, were utterly simple. Perhaps part of his problem was that, like Shifu, he had always tried to make things far too complicated.

While he was still reeling from that bit of self-knowledge, Lin barreled on. "Where was I? Shacking up with Wei-Shan, of course. If ya didn't know, he lives not too far from Chorh-Gom, and when I came back to China he was one of the people I most wanted to see again. So after ya showed me the gentle side of your tongue, I decided discretion was the better part of valor for once and pushed on to his place. I figured it was best to stay out of your way till ya got what ya wanted, or ya didn't."

"That...was probably for the best, yes," he said faintly.

Lin opened her mouth again, then closed it. "Okay, this is gonna take too long to tell ya, we've got a lot to catch up on, and my back ain't what it used to be. Think we can siddown somewhere?"

Tai Lung looked around and noticed that while a number of people were watching in amusement, while others seemed rather wary—of Lin, as well as himself!—most of the crowd continued on their typical everyday pursuits. Through the milling villagers, he spied a nearby terrace fronting a cafe, one with just enough space for maneuvering while still being small enough to ensure privacy. And it was even still within view of the stalls where his cubs would be shopping.

Pointing with a thumb, he led Lin in a still slightly befuddled state to one of the sets of wooden table and chairs. As the master of the Jade Palace, of course, he was generally given the run of the town now, allowed to visit and even loiter in and around any number of establishments, but he felt it was only the courteous thing to do to order something from the cafe proprietor. That, and he wanted something solid and secure to hold onto...

After he'd received a steaming cup of his favorite oolong, the dog asked, as she had on that mountaintop, whether she could light her pipe. This time he was much more magnanimous about it, and he had to admit that it didn't bother him any more—no more than any other pungent aroma did. Once they were both situated, and Lin had puffed out several large, billowing clouds of smoke, she drummed her fingers a bit on the table. "Where was I...oh yeah!

"Well, anyway, I went and stayed with Wei-Shan, and we both figured we'd wait to hear what news there was from the Valley before we tried to get involved and stumble into some serious shit. And once Shifu sent Wei-Shan a letter, saying he was trying to reform ya, turn ya back into a hero and find ya a place in the Valley again, I knew I made the right choice. The last person either of ya would wanna see at that point was me, and seein' as how I didn't hang around to help keep ya on the straight and narrow, it'd be downright stupid thinking either of you would let me help—and as you know, I never do anything stupid." She winked knowingly, but then her expression turned serious.

"Besides, what do I know about turning people's lives around or makin' heroes out of 'em? I'm not a kung fu warrior, and I have enough trouble dodgin' my own shady past. Plus, my business is gettin' people riled up, ready to rebel and change their lives for the better, not keeping 'em calm and contemplatin' their navel lint so they can fix their souls or whatever. Don't know if Shifu told ya about that..."

Tai Lung nodded but did not trust himself to speak; it had explained a great deal, about Lin's personality, her secretiveness, and why she'd had to flee China, but it hadn't been enough to make him forgive her. Of course now he could see how her desire to help oppressed people in need—even if it meant she had to sacrifice her own happiness in the bargain—was a selfless and noble act, the sort of thing he was supposed to have been doing on his path to attaining the Dragon Scroll; perhaps she knew more about heroism than she realized. But at the time, it had just seemed another nail in the coffin of their relationship, that she had believed helping all these nameless others was more important than keeping a low profile, allowing the authorities to forget about her...and staying with him.

"No, I'm all about givin' people the tools to help themselves, not saving 'em and doing it for 'em." Lin gave him a hard look, then turned her gaze meaningfully across the village, toward the Jade Palace high on its verdant peak. "And this was between you an' Numbnuts anyway. I tried to tell him, I warned him and warned him he needed to treat ya differently, like a real son, instead of makin' everything about kung fu and spoiling ya with praise every time ya answered everything with violence, the way he wanted ya to. But he wouldn't listen.

"So...he made his bed, he could lie in it. He's the one who screwed you up, so it was gonna be up to him to set you right. Even if I coulda helped, I wasn't gonna come between you two finally learning to have a decent relationship. Or _him_ from having his nose rubbed in the shit he dumped on everyone."

Once, Lin's judgmental and arrogant words would have upset him greatly, infuriated him even—when he was still a cub, still thought the sun rose and set on Shifu and he could do no wrong. Even if he was a terrifying and intimidating figure for all his diminutive size. Now, although he had forgiven his father, understood where he was coming from, and Shifu had made amends as well as leaps and bounds...well, more like tentative steps and slow crawls...in being a better parent, the snow leopard agreed with her completely. The red panda _had_ screwed up, ruined both their lives for years, thus justifying in his mind so many of his own heinous acts during the rampage and their battle twenty years later.

But in the end, he had managed to do the right thing after all, redressed the balance, set his son on the proper, honorable course. And he had done so with assistance from Viper, Crane, and especially Po—without interference from Lin. She had made the right choice; her presence would have only riled Shifu and made matters worse. Particularly considering the nature of the siege which had followed...

As if she'd read his mind, the old canine gave him an uneasy look, puffed her pipe a few more times, and went on. "It was a good thing I didn't, too. 'Cause even while you were getting your head put back on straight, Wei-Shan and I started hearin' about those awful killings. The emperor's soldiers couldn't do anything—typical!—and the Kung Fu Council was busy with some invasion or other, I never got the details. When the murders started gettin' real close to his place, Wei-Shan tried to comfort people in the nearby villages—seeing as how that would've been way out of my element—" In spite of himself Tai Lung snorted.

"Which is why he was right on hand when the dead started walkin' in Qinghe." Lin shook her head in disbelief. "And here I thought all that voodoo crap was just mystical mumbo-jumbo. Well I sure was proven wrong that day. It was a good thing for the villagers Wei-Shan was there. Not sure what he did, some kinda _chi_ thing with his staff—woulda been funny, seeing all those zombies getting blasted off, if it weren't so damn morbid—and then he got the villagers to high-tail it outta there. Wasn't enough room or food for them to stay with us, but he at least got 'em supplied so they could make it to other villages. He got 'em to take their dead with them, too, so they wouldn't get attacked again...and to keep their loved ones from being abused like that by Chao."

At his startled look and choking sound, Lin glanced at him. "Yeah, Wei-Shan knew who he was. Guess he felt that asshole's _chi_ when he visited the Valley sometime, and Oogway told him all about it and what he hoped would happen to the bastard, if you could ever be the warrior he wanted you to be. Glad I didn't know; if I had, I never would have gone to the palace to begin with."

She paused, then smiled at him warmly, an expression he hadn't seen in years, one that made her look much younger and happier despite her ragged, puffy fur. "But you did it, kid. You took care of that mangy bird, saved the empire—and from what Shifu said in his letter, ya looked damned awesome while doing it. I told you I knew you'd do what you set out to do, you'd be a hero and a great warrior and everything—and you didn't even need that scroll to do it. So, I guess it really all did work out the way it was supposed to. That Oogway, he was nuttier than a fruitcake, but he sure knew what he was doing."

"Yes...yes he did, at that..." Throat suddenly dry, Tai Lung took another long drink of his tea. To know that Lin had been there, all along, in the background...that on the one paw, she too had been in grave danger and he hadn't even known it, but on the other paw her refusal to return to the Valley might well have saved her life—for if she had not been possessed or slaughtered by Chao, her loud mouth and determination to stand up against oppression would at least have gotten her murdered by Xiu or Chun... It boggled his mind.

He wasn't surprised that Lin had still believed in him though, nor that she would praise him now for his great deeds—aside from everyone else doing so after Chao's defeat, Lin had always believed in him, encouraged him to achieve his dreams.

Which only made him feel extremely guilty instead. "I...truly am sorry, Lin. For the things I said, and the way I acted, that day we met again. You didn't deserve it."

"Sure I did!" the dog announced breezily, almost gaily. "Anyway, it's okay, I'm used to men apologizin' to me. Must be 'cause of my scintillating personality. And how men always screw up."

There was no way to answer that without angering her, so he settled on awkwardness instead. "Um...yes."

"Besides, I didn't really help matters much, tryin' to mother ya and give ya words of wisdom when ya just needed to be alone. And I kinda feel bad too." When he gave her a quizzical look, she looked embarrassed and waved her pipe-stem at him. "Well see, there I was, telling ya I believed in you, that I knew you'd get everything ya hoped for—but in one of my arguments with Shifu, I once said I hoped your scroll was blank. Which...really didn't show much respect for you or your dreams. So, I'm sorry too."

The look of heartfelt contrition on her wizened face was so rare he didn't want to disturb it, and it almost made up for all those years she'd abandoned him. But the irony in what she'd just told him was so strong that he couldn't help but blurt out the truth. "Er...thank you, Lin. But don't feel...too bad. Because...you were right."

"Of course I was right, I'm always right—wait, I was?"

At any other time he would laughed outright at the poleaxed look on her face. "Yes. Well, sort of. It was actually a reflection, meant to make me look at myself—literally—and see the strength and abilities I already had within." He smirked self-deprecatingly. "Which means you were still right—it _was_ a riddle, and one I didn't get until it was too late."

For several moments she stared at him without making a sound. Then she burst out laughing. Even though he'd expected it, it still hurt a little. It helped though that after all this time, with hindsight, the whole thing had started to seem a bit funny, which was why after a few moments he actually joined her, although he only chuckled quietly rather than wheezing raucously as she did.

When her laughter had at last died down, Lin shook her head. "Huh, who'd of thunk it? And there I was just making stuff up to try and get you to think. Maybe I should be a soothsayer, huh?"

He pursed his lips coolly. "Don't wrench your arm out of its socket patting yourself on the back there."

"I haven't done that once in the last thirty years," she remarked just as snidely, "so I think I'm safe."

"My goodness, woman, you really have not changed a bit."

"Neither have you," Lin retorted. "Well, your humor's gotten better but I'm sure that's all due to my illustrious influence. You sure didn't get it from the lemur. But no," she added before he could do more than growl menacingly, "from what Wei-Shan and I heard, you lost to the Dragon Warrior, not just 'cause ya didn't understand the scroll, but because ya got overconfident. You thought 'cause ya knew all those thousand scrolls—don't get me wrong, that's still pretty damned impressive!—that nobody could ever beat ya, definitely not a big, fat panda. Ya forgot what I told ya, no matter how good you are you're never the best."

Tai Lung groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut in despair. "I know, _I know_, you blasted, pompous bitch! I've already been through all this, and learned my lesson long ago, thank you very much!"

"Remember those crocodile bandits we fought?" she said meaningfully. "You thought you were ready to face them, too, but ya weren't." Then she paused, as what he'd said finally sank in. To his shock, she didn't seem fazed by his language, or even angry. Instead she only looked deeply ashamed. "Um wait—what? You have?"

Forcibly restraining himself, and pushing his anger down into his _chi_ until he felt calm and controlled once more, the snow leopard nevertheless gritted his teeth and gripped the edge of the table until the wood cracked. That felt better. "Yes. Yes, I have. I appreciate the attempt, but it's not necessary. Everyone here at the palace has made it very clear to me just where and how I went wrong, starting with Po himself. And ever since then, I've done my level best to think outside that box. That's why I can fight at the Dragon Warrior's side. I know I'm still the best—I just have an equal now. Many equals. And we all have our roles to play and niches to fill. So, if you don't mind, I'd rather shelve the lecture and talk about something more pleasant, hmm?"

For several moments Lin's mouth worked, and he didn't know if she were amazed at the progress he'd made or simply stunned someone, let alone him, had spoken to her like that. Then she said, in a small voice, "Oh. Okay. Well, that...that's good. Glad we had this talk."

She sounded so much like Po in that moment that he almost laughed, and relief filled him as he felt his anger dissipating. He truly did not want to fight with Lin. Not for real, anyway. Which was why, after nodding slowly, he lifted his teacup to drink, paused, and said matter-of-factly, "Good. And anyway, in case you didn't know, I eat bandits for breakfast these days."

Lin snorted. "Is that how you got so big?"

"Well, it certainly wasn't from eating Shifu's cooking," he muttered as he drank.

"_What?_" The dog leaned forward on the table, eyes bulging unattractively as her fur, incredibly, puffed out even more. "That ass dared to mess up _my_ kitchen? After all the hard work I went to, making it so disorganized no one could find anything, but _I'd_ always know where everything was? And he tried to cook, too?"

For a moment it seemed she was going to launch into a blistering tirade—but then, unexpectedly, she started laughing uproariously. Before he could wax eloquent on Shifu's failure as a chef, however, and thus ensure her good humor eclipsed her righteous ire, the sound of scraping claws on the cobblestones reached his ears, and he turned to see Hu and Huo coming in their direction.

Well, he could see Huo; his son was practically buried under the bags of potatoes and rice he was carrying, though to his credit the strength he'd inherited from his parents was letting him hoist the vegetables with ease. He needed his sister, however, to keep him from tripping and guide him in the right direction.

"Goodness! You _did_ manage it...what a strapping son I've got!" He got up from his chair and leaned down to scoop the bag of potatoes out of Hu's arms, grinning; he was partly playing to the boy's vanity, but he was also genuinely proud of the lad.

"You sure do, Baba!" The tiger grinned back at him, setting down the sack of rice so he could puff out his chest and brace his fists on his hips.

"Strength isn't everything," Huo sniffed, even if Tai Lung thought he noticed a gleam of admiration in her ruby eyes. "And I brought everything you asked for you too, Baba."

He smiled as he took the basket from her, examining the bottles and jars she'd purchased. "You most certainly did, _qianjin_."

Behind him there was a cough, and he froze. "Well? Aren't ya gonna introduce me to your kids, Master Tai?"

Slowly he turned to see Lin still sitting there, puffing idly on her pipe, surrounded by smoke for all the world as if she were Oogway doing his tai chi in the morning mist. Her expression was friendly, even sweet—which worried him all the more.

"Who's that?" Hu, perhaps sensing his father's disquiet or maybe simply bothered by the smoke, curled his lip skeptically and scrunched up his nose.

There was nothing else for it. "This is Mistress Lin." He knew she would hate that title being applied to her, which was precisely why he used it. "She's an old friend of the family." He placed particular emphasis on 'old'.

The only indication that she was peeved was the slight frizzing and fluffing of her tail; otherwise the dog only smiled at his cubs and waved her free hand. "Hiya, kids! Yup, me and your daddy go _way_ back."

"And this is my son Hu, and my daughter Huo," Tai Lung continued with forced pleasantness. "Say hello to the nice lady."

His cubs exchanged a confused, uncertain look. Then his son spoke up. "Uh...is she supposed to look like a featherduster, Baba?"

As the snow leopard stifled a guffaw, Lin merely chuckled. "That's my day job, kid," she confided dryly, with a conspiratorial look.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, _fū ren_," Huo intoned, carefully and formally, as she did a proper bow. "Did you know Yeh-Yeh Shifu, too?"

"'Yeh-Yeh Shifu'. That's cute, have to remember that one...oh yes, you better believe I did. Though not half so well as I'd like to 'know' him..."

Before Lin could explain precisely what she meant by that suggestive turn of phrase, Tai Lung intervened. "Yes, well, anyway, I do believe there were some more items to get from that list..."

Hu interrupted him, apparently having gotten over his initial distrust and instead hopping up and down excitedly. "So, like, you knew our Baba and stuff? What was he like, was he as cool then as he is now? Tellmetellmetellme!"

Tai Lung closed his eyes and held back a groan, silently praying Lin would have mercy on him yet knowing she would not. Yet to his utter astonishment, the dog only said, "He sure was, coolest cat I ever met. Brave, and strong, and dedicated as anything. And you know what?" He opened his eyes and saw her leaning down to wink at the boy. "He looked just like you, kid."

"Really?" Hu's eyes were wide. "You mean...I'm gonna get as big as Baba?"

"You just might. From what I recall, he grew real fast." She glanced sidelong at him. "Had a growth chart in the kitchen for him and everything...wonder if it's still there."

"It is," the master of the Jade Palace replied, his voice thick and a bit rough with emotion. After he'd reconciled with Shifu, while he was preparing meals for the convalescing Dragon Warrior, he'd made it a point to check. "In fact we kept using it, even after you...left."

"Really?" Lin echoed his son. "That musta been a sight to see, once you started really hitting your growth spurt."

"Actually it was." Tai Lung chuckled, softly at first and then louder. "Picture it: me, at age twelve or thirteen, already twice as tall as Shifu, only to grow several more inches every week. Him, having to stand on a chair to reach my head, or even climb up me and perch on my shoulder while he marked the jamb. Once I was three or four times his size, and he was actually dangling off of me, he decided to call it quits." He paused meaningfully. "Oddly enough, I wanted him to keep it up."

Hu collapsed in a fit of giggles. Huo, meanwhile, raised an eyebrow. "That's funny, I didn't think Yeh-Yeh even went in the kitchen any more. Mama says he was more than happy to stop cooking once Uncle Po moved into the palace—he was never very good at it."

"No surprise there," Lin murmured. "But I can sure tell you what he _is_ good at—"

"Well luckily for you two," Tai Lung swiftly cut her off, "you won't ever have to sample one of his meals yourself. In fact you'll be having one of Mama's best recipes tonight. That is, if you pick up the right ingredients for Baba." He looked at his son. "A big sack of onions, a bushel of mushrooms, and as much bamboo as you can carry." He eyed his bright-eyed snow leopard girl. "Lemon pepper, mustard greens, and oyster sauce." He handed each of them another pouch of coins. "Now off with you!"

When both cubs had vanished into the marketplace again, Lin sat back in her chair in a huff. "What was _that_ all about? If I didn't know better, I'd think ya didn't want me around your kids."

"Lin, you're smart, talented, funny, and reliable, and I love you," Tai Lung said with complete honesty. "But no, I don't want you around them any more than necessary. Not until I can be sure."

"Sure of what?" she snapped. "That I won't hurt 'em? C'mon, you gotta know me better than that, I _love _kids!" He gave her a sardonic look. "Okay, fine, maybe I didn't used ta, but I made an exception for you, and now for your kids. See, I have too changed!"

He nodded in acknowledgement. "Of course I didn't think that. It's just—"

"You're afraid I'm gonna spill the beans about ya, all your dirty secrets?" The canine snorted. "I thought about it, but I ain't gonna ruin this good thing you've got going here. I only told 'em good things about ya!"

"Yes, and I deeply appreciate that, believe me. But—"

"But what?" she demanded.

"_But_, I am concerned about your language around them."

Lin blinked. "What're ya talking about? My language is as damned good as anyone else's."

He shot her a glare. "I rest my case. I was subjected to your exceedingly foul mouth growing up, to my detriment I think. Not to mention a number of extremely inappropriate adult matters. _My_ children will be spared."

Now it was her turn to give him a dirty look. "I seem to remember some rather nasty words falling from your rosebud lips a little while ago."

"Yes, but I know better than to use them around children," he shot back.

"And what's this about too much adult stuff? All my stories to you were age-appropriate and everything!" For a wonder she actually sounded offended.

"One word, Lin: grundle."

"_Oh_." Her ears flattened. "Okay, fine, I'll be more careful 'round 'em. But I mean really, there's gotta be other people who curse and make raunchy jokes near your cubs, even when they try not to. Shifu's no sweet angel, in case ya forgot. And I've heard tales about your Master Mantis."

Tai Lung sighed; she had a point, but this was one battle he was _not _going to lose. "Shifu may curse more than he used to—and that's all thanks to you, by the by—but not_ that _much. And as for Mantis, we don't even let the twins stay with him very often. I am _not_ having them corrupted."

"With you and the company you keep? Yeah, good luck with that." She snorted.

"Hope springs eternal."

"Bullshit does, you mean." Puffing on her pipe, Lin abruptly changed the subject—something he knew for a fact she did whenever she had lost an argument and knew it. "So, any particular reason you're sending your kids off to do all the legwork for ya? Other than so you can spend more time talking to yours truly, I mean."

Tai Lung took another sip of tea, noticed it had begun to grow cold, and unobtrusively warmed it again with his _chi_. "That's easy: I want my children to feel useful, that they can help their Baba with his chores instead of merely being dragged along for babysitting. Sending them to fetch items for me shows them I trust them, which means they'll be less likely to disobey if I tell them they can't have something." He paused. "It also keeps them out of trouble."

"Clever." He beamed, as that was rather high praise coming from Lin. "But what was all that about your wife doing the cooking tonight? You telling me you've turned Master Tigress, of all people, into an obedient housekeeper? Tai Lung, I'm disappointed in you."

The snow leopard's smile vanished, and he growled; now he was the offended one. "First off, _gods_ no. She would have slit my throat, skinned me, worn my pelt as a trophy, and stuffed my belly with hot coals before she'd do such a thing—and that's just for starters."

Lin raised both eyebrows, clearly impressed. "Well, that's better. Otherwise I would've had to kill ya."

"And maybe at one time I might have wanted such a thing. Not any more. She is my mate, my equal, and in many ways my superior. I love her just the way she is and would never change that." Nodding firmly, he chuckled. "Besides, while she may be cooking tonight, the reason I'm watching the cubs and doing the shopping is so she can keep training in the kwoon. And anyway, we divide the duties."

"You do?" The dog blinked again. "You mean...?"

"That's right. She cooks, but so do I."

Lin started laughing again. "This just keeps getting richer all the time! One of the last things I told Shifu was that one of you needed to learn how to cook. You saying you both did?"

He grinned smugly, leaning back in his chair. "But I'm much better at it than he is. Thanks to Po, and my instructor Dalang."

Now her laughter turned into a cough as she choked on her tobacco smoke. Hurriedly he leaned forward to pound—gently—on her back, helping her clear out her lungs. When she could finally breathe properly again, she stared up at him with watering eyes. "D-dalang? _Jiao_ Dalang?"

"Why, yes." Tai Lung frowned, a worry growing in the back of his mind; if Lin and Dalang were old friends, he had a strong feeling he would regret her return to the Valley for many reasons...and that he'd need to get her out of it again as soon as possible. "You know him?"

"Sort of. I ate at his restaurant once, when I was passing through Hebei." She shook her head. "What a small world...well in that case, I can believe ya got to be a real good cook. His food was, well, extraordinary, and just from that one meeting, I could tell he had a love for cooking that was almost holy. But I don't envy you learning in his kitchen." She tutted under her breath as she fished out her tobacco pouch for more fuel for her pipe. "I saw how he was running things with his staff there—that boy really needs to lighten up."

The spotted feline stared at her—not because he disagreed with her, in fact he thought her points were right on the money, but because of the sheer hypocrisy of that last statement. Leaning forward on one elbow, he pointed his finger accusingly at her. "That's hilarious, coming from you. I seem to recall _you_ being rather harsh in your own kitchen. I suppose it takes one to know one?"

"That was only with Shifu, an entirely different matter," Lin said loftily. "Besides, consistency is a mark of a small mind."

"Is that bullshit I'm smelling?" _Score another for my side!_

She ignored that, of course. "Funny you should mention Dalang though, it's actually his father I knew better."

"General Shen?" Tai Lung furrowed his brow, momentarily forgetting the victory he'd been savoring.

"Oh, is he a general now? Always knew he'd claw his way up the ranks soon enough. He was a captain when I knew him."

"You knew a captain of the emperor's guard?" He narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"Well, not like we moved in the same circles or something. He was in charge of the enforcers who were huntin' me down for speaking out against the emperor and the government. Relentless as hell and twice as stubborn. Had a stick up his ass like you wouldn't believe, way bigger than Shifu's. And between you and me, that's saying something, the gerbil had such a tight—"

"_Ugh!_" Tai Lung clapped his paws over his ears. "Please, in the name of decency—"

But she went right on anyway. "Decency, what's that? Anyway, I got him to loosen right up, though. You know me and my charming ways. And then I was the one loosening up, if you know what I mean." She waggled her eyebrows.

The snow leopard's jaw dropped; he'd never felt so scandalized, not since that night sorting through Oogway's room. Even Mantis at his worst and De's assignations couldn't top this. "Are you seriously telling me...?"

"Yup, yup." Lin grinned and stretched her arms over her head, making her joints pop gruesomely. "I banged him, he banged me...and lemme tell ya, I thought Bengals were something, but you ain't truly lived 'til you've done it with an Amur. Hoo-boy! _Epic!_" She winked bawdily. "And that's how I got out of China and got him off my trail. He was glad to look the other way, after I was through riding him."

Tai Lung stared at her in abject horror, jaw still hanging, paws spread limply on the table before him, his whole form sagging. _Is this what a broken brain feels like? _He didn't know which disturbed him more—the idea of Lin in a sexual situation at all, the sheer impossibility of the size difference, or the fact she'd used such a way to cheat the system and evade capture and execution. All he knew was, he was speechless.

After several long moments during which the dog gazed at him with a bland, beatific expression, Lin finally burst out laughing yet again, slapped her leg, and pointed at him. "Hah! Had ya goin' there, didn't I? Oh God, that was priceless! I wish you could've seen your face fall off the front of your head like that...you are _so_ gullible!"

With a low moan he fell forward on his arms, burying his face in his paws. _Why did I ever let this woman beat me with a spoon? _

Luckily for him, at that moment Hu and Huo reappeared, laden down with their new burden of produce and spices. Desperately thanking the gods and Oogway alike, he spent a number of minutes meticulously going through their purchases, stowing them in the proper baskets and pouches, and praising the strength and smarts of his cubs in equal measure. Only when he had fished out more yuan and sent them off to pick up asparagus, oranges, basil, and tofu did he dare to turn back to Lin.

Gathering his scattered wits, he did the only thing he could think of to expunge those images from his mind and get her mind out of the gutter—ask a serious question. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you. Something very important."

"And that would be?" She was still grinning openly.

He leaned forward, intent. "When we met on that mountain, was that all chance? Did you just happen to be heading to Wei-Shan's the same time I was returning to the Valley, or did you plan the whole thing?"

Lin sighed, inhaled deeply from her pipe, coughed, and then looked him straight in the eye. "Yeah, I did. But you know why? I had no way of knowing you were gonna escape, of course. I was traveling that way...because I was coming to visit ya. After I found out from Chen—the artist, not the emperor—where you were being held, and that nobody had been to see ya, or ever even bothered to, I knew I had to come.

"Because no matter what you'd done and why, it wasn't right you be all shut up in the dark like that. It was stupid, and cruel, and horrible that Shifu and Oogway never came to see ya. That was no way for them to treat ya, especially if they wanted ya to change your tune and be a good guy again. I knew ya wouldn't be happy to see me, after how I left and all...but I figured even one familiar face, one ya knew used to care, would be better than nothing."

It was the last thing he'd expected from her—a long speech, and one so heartfelt and genuine. And it did make up, even if only a little, for the pain of those long years of abandonment, even for some of the loneliness and torture of his confinement. Swallowing hard against a large lump in his throat, he rumbled softly. "Thank you. I...I've come to terms with why they didn't visit me, I understand it now. To an extent I brought it on myself—rampaging like that, then never showing any sign of repentance. I forgave them. But...I appreciate what you tried to do all the same."

"That's good to hear, Tai Lung." She blew a smoke-ring, then added, "Now stop tearing up. You're a grown man."

Hurriedly he wiped away the tears that had formed, then crossed his arms huffily. "If you'd rather I be a heartless monster..."

"Naw, of course not, I was only teasing ya." Lin smiled. "Actually, I'm glad ya didn't mean up too much."

"I meaned up enough," he murmured. He didn't know if she'd heard him.

"Now, if only that blunderbuss had let ya test his rules and boundaries more often," the dog added caustically, "maybe ya wouldn't have rampaged."

"Maybe if you'd been here I wouldn't have anyway." Tai Lung couldn't keep the accusing note out of his voice.

Lin rolled her eyes. "Get bent. Don't blame your own mistakes on me, you're the one who flipped. I _told_ ya you can't always get what you want." She shrugged. "Besides, between my attitude toward authority and my chaotic personality, I woulda been a bad role model for ya anyway."

She had a very good point. "Fine. But I still wish you'd been here, regardless."

The dog smiled at him, and he saw that beneath her thick fur, she was actually blushing. "That's sweet, but you gotta be independent. Don't blame me, but also don't expect me to do everything for ya. Learn and do it yourself." It was amazing how reasonable and wise she could sound, when she wasn't being deliberately insensitive, antagonizing, or perverted.

"Tell me something I don't know." He felt like he was seven years old again.

"No thanks, I don't got all day to gab with ya."

Tai Lung stared at her, a smoldering fury starting to grow inside him as he realized what exactly she was implying with that statement. _Next thing I know, she'll be complimenting the twins' intelligence and saying they must get it from their mother! _But he forced his anger down and cast his mind back to what they'd been discussing before she'd led him on about Dalang's father—namely, that he still didn't know how or if she'd escaped the warrant against her.

"Why is that? Is there somewhere you have to be? One brief stop here before you go gallivanting off again?" He allowed a bit of concern to bleed into his voice. "Or are you still wanted by the law?"

Lin shook her head. "Nah, Wei-Shan helped me get that straightened out. The emperor agreed to leave me in peace, since I'm just an old woman who won't be doing any more rabble-rousing, and I agreed not to speak out against the government any more. And why would I?" She leaned back in her chair.

"Most of the stuff I had issues with was done by his father, and he's phased a lotta that out. He was after me 'cause I was stirring up trouble when he was trying to make things peaceful and prosperous for everyone—in fact he agreed with me on most of what I was saying, and he's been carrying out true justice and being fair to the lower classes all that time I was gone from China. I don't like the Imperial system, but if you're gonna have one, the least you can do is have a good emperor. And Chen's an okay guy."

She paused, then grinned slyly at him. "Not to mention, he's a real stud. Bigger than Shen, and I bet that has his panties in a real twist."

A pause; then Tai Lung groaned again...but he also had to laugh. "You're incorrigible."

"Thank you. Now, don't worry," Lin reassured him, reaching across to pat his paw. "I bet you're bigger than both of them put together."

"Well, I don't like to brag..." he lied...then held his paws up the requisite distance apart.

Lin gasped. "See, I _told_ Shifu you knew what to do with your—"

"You did _not_!" He felt his cheeks go crimson.

"I most certainly did. He was too much of a prude to listen, of course, but I told him how precocious you were. Why I bet when you finally got to use it, you were a real—"

At that moment Hu reappeared again. "What're you talking about now?" the tiger cub asked curiously as he set down the basket of oranges and bundle of asparagus. "Still goin' on about how big Baba is?" If he'd been drinking, Tai Lung would have choked on his tea.

"Something like that," Lin replied, trying very hard not to laugh. "Actually, more like how much he's changed and all that."

"Speaking of change, you should have just enough left to pick up some broccoli and peas. After you and your sister get back, we can go to the next place on our list." He was amazed at how normal his voice sounded.

Once his son had bounded off again, and Tai Lung had arranged all the various goods in different baskets and sacks so that he could more readily carry them for the return trip, he glanced at Lin pointedly. "I thought you said I hadn't changed."

"Oh, you've definitely changed." When he gave her a confused look, she added, "I meant your eyes. They're a lot more gold than they used to be." He flattened his ears, but he supposed he should be grateful she wasn't going on about his moustache or his age again. But then she spoke again and surprised him. "And I see something different in 'em. There was all that rage and revenge in 'em before, when you wanted that scroll so bad, but now...I dunno. You look happy, Tai Lung. Happier even than when you were a cub, I mean. I like it."

Slowly he drained the last of his tea, set the cup down on the saucer, and smiled at her softly. "I am. I finally have everything I want, everything I need. It wasn't what I thought...but it is right, and good. I never realized how precious an ordinary life can be."

Lin considered that, drawing deeply from her pipe, while Tai Lung reflected that perhaps he'd been wrong to be so worried about her—for no matter how deviant and inappropriate her comments, she'd always cut herself off whenever Hu or Huo appeared, keeping their young minds from being overwhelmed too soon. Then she spoke again. "You really love your kids, don'tcha?"

"Of course I do, they mean everything to me." He smiled slowly. "What can I say, you showed me how important it is to nurture seeds. It took me over twenty years, but I've finally learned to do it."

"Who woulda guessed, huh? But I'm proud of ya, ya big galoot. Ya make a real fine dad."

"Thank you, but I also meant that literally. After I defeated Chao, one of the things I did while healing was replanting our old garden. It's flourishing quite well." _Nothing wrong with growing things_, he thought defensively, at the part of himself that still wanted to write the whole thing off as something a true man would never do. _As Shifu said...I've done enough destroying. Time to plant and create. _

Lin was smiling warmly at him again. "Now that's the Tai Lung I knew."

"Well, they do say gardening is soothing and therapeutic. And Shifu basically ordered me to take up a hobby to help me relax that didn't involve having to constantly pay for repairs to the kwoon."

She smirked, a bit maliciously. "He actually said that? The slave-driver master of kung fu? I guess things have changed more around here than I ever thought possible." As the last of her tobacco burned out, she tapped the leavings from the pipe and slipped it back into her sleeve. "So, what now?"

He paused, having run out of things to talk about—and smiled broadly at her. "Roll in the mud and beat each other with sticks?"

Once again, Lin burst out laughing, and this time it was one of the best sounds he'd ever heard.

* * *

(A/N: Not too many references on this one either. Tai Lung's thought about Shifu being "right there in his face" is a reference to KFP2 and how he seemingly could teleport to escape Po's hug. Tai Lung's thought for alternate names for his son, "fighter" and "mountain", are shout-outs to the names Luna gave Tai's son in her Taigress Mix and the Present 'verse: Zhan Shi and Tai Shan, respectively. No, I am not mocking them, I think they're both wonderful and fitting names. Just showing why my Tai Lung, who sees things a little differently than Luna's versions, would choose a different name for his son.

Also so you know, the bit with the romance novel Tai Lung was reading was _not_ me writing such gushy, over-the-top Purple Prose because I thought that was beautiful, splendid writing for your edification, but as a form of Stylistic Suck. Despite how verbose and sesquipedalian my writing can be, I wanted to show I do know the difference between that and truly atrocious tripe. I hope I succeeded. And after all, I did fit in a bit more Self Parody, since Tai Lung also reflects that the scroll telling the events of the first movie and the romance novel were written by 'terrible writers'...but of course both were actually written by...me. :P

As for the fact this vignette ended up becoming much longer than I intended it to be...that's because I not only wanted to reference lots of great moments from Blue Plate Special, explore Lin's relationship witn Tai and have them reconcile, and explain some discrepancies, but I found out just how much _fun_ it was to write Lin. Now I know why Marie's chapters ended up so long, and her story too! In the process, of course, I also got to make lots of shoutouts to Blue Plate Special [have fun catching them all], weave Lin into the background of A Different Lesson, and even make links between her and Luna's stories via Dalang and Shen. I hope they both enjoy how...unique my versions of their characters are becoming. ;) Naturally of course I have Luna and Marie's permissions for this.

So...because of letting my love of Lin get carried away, this vignette got split too, so there's one more to this story arc. But that's okay, since it lets me create another triptych of stories like the first two arcs, complete with theme naming. R/R!)


	9. Father Knows Best?

Soon enough, however, both Hu and Huo returned from their last excursions, at which point they began to inquire about their promised reward. So, after fetching the proper cuts of fish from his usual vendor (particularly salmon), as well as certain choice seafood, Tai Lung announced they would make one more stop—Ning Guo's apothecary, for the herbs Tigress, Monkey, and himself needed.

Despite how much pleasure he had ultimately gotten from his time with Lin, he had hoped she would go off on her own after this; she was definitely a person who was better experienced in small doses, and he was very much afraid the longer she hung around, the more likely she would accidentally slip up and say something she shouldn't around the twins. But for some vague and mysterious reason she would not identify, the former Jade Palace cook insisted on accompanying them through the winding streets, saying she had business at Ning's as well.

Even more worried at the prospect of both the goat and Lin being around his children at the same time, Tai Lung once again decided to kill two birds with one stone, telling Hu and Huo they had done such a good job with the shopping that until he was finished, they could rest and play in a village park right across from Ning's shop, where a small stream meandered through the grasses and numerous benches were strewn about for parents to sit and watch over their young ones. There were a number of them there now, and as long as such adult supervision was there, he knew the twins and the other village children could play together safely.

But things took a very unexpected turn after that.

Ning Guo's shop, of course, was unchanged and unchangeable. It was also seemingly empty, as it had been the night he'd first visited it—and he knew for a fact that, wherever the goat might be concealing himself, he was the only person in the apothecary's since, when he'd picked up the cubs at the training hall, he'd made it a point to be quite certain Mantis was staying on the mountain today.

And Tigress had taken pity on him by relating her shopping list to him in a murmur so that the insect had not heard of Tai Lung being directed to fetch herbs—as she herself had said, because the only one allowed to tease and mock him was his wife. Despite this being the case, however, he soon discovered that having Lin with him was not only just as bad, it was worse.

"Master Ning? Where are you, you old fossil? You've got a customer!" He slapped a paw on the wooden counter.

Immediately the goat popped up out of nowhere from behind a pile of dusty crates, a warm but naughty grin on his bearded face as the voice told him just who his customer was. "Well well, if it isn't the master of the Jade Palace, descending from on high to mingle with us peasants!" Then he noticed the dog beside Tai Lung. "Lin? You know this scoundrel?"

Before the spotted cat could even hazard a guess as to how and why the two old people knew each other (other than a vague notion that everyone their age were honorary members of some "old people's society"), he received his answer—far more than he had ever bargained for. For Ning Guo hurried around the counter to greet the canine...only to sweep her in his arms and plant a lusty kiss right on her muzzle. And just as startling, not only did Lin let him, her good hand was soon gripping and squeezing the goat's backside!

Tai Lung spread his paws in abject supplication, jaw hanging once again in stunned horror. "Wh-what? You...and her...you..." _That's disgusting! _

While he was still staring, Lin's knee lifted and jabbed hard toward Ning Guo's groin. With surprising speed for a man his age, he twisted and jerked nimbly away—clearly he was familiar with the dog's usual reaction to being kissed by a man, as if the snow leopard needed any more confirmation of how well they knew each other.

"Sorry, force of habit," Lin said mildly, not sounding it at all. "Thought you were Shifu."

Ning made a faint gagging noise. "Oh gods, I'm much handsomer than he is."

"Well, your head's smaller anyway," she observed critically. "Especially your ears."

"So glad you noticed." His dry tone couldn't conceal a barely restrained laugh.

Lin smiled lewdly. "And you've got a bigger—"

"Have you _no shame_?" Tai Lung burst out.

The dog turned and looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Oh I'm sorry, were you still here? I forgot." Glancing back at Ning, she chuckled, answering his earlier question. "Yup, I'm afraid I do know him. He never was the goody-two-shoes he pretended to be, way more worldly than Shifu—but that ain't saying much."

"D'you mind?" the cat in question snapped.

"What? We always say the worst about those we love. Keeps 'em honest." Brushing her worn tunic and pants smooth, she nudged the caprine in the side. "Anyway, I think Whiskers here has need of your services. Which, if I know anything about what you sell, has something to do with the bedroom."

As said whiskers were twitching and bristling violently on Tai Lung's face, Ning Guo turned and looked at him too, smiled, then moved back behind the counter to fetch his mortar and pestle. "Right in one, m'dear. _This_ one has been to see me regularly for the past seven years—I could practically live off him alone! The way he and his better half go at it, you'd think they were related to Mrs. Liu."

Lin leaned on the counter and smiled evilly. "I ain't surprised. I've already told him once today I was sure he had some prime real estate below the belt, and this just proves it. I'm guessing, unless he's real religious about taking those herbs, he's gonna have a lot more than two sprouts in his garden."

At any other time he would have been extremely smug and cocky at this praise, albeit a mite scandalized by the blatant raunchiness of all the double-entendres. But the fact it was Lin saying these things robbed them of much of their ego-stroking...and he still could not expunge from his mind what he had seen and heard just prior.

"You randy old bastard! Enough with the hyperbole, you bloody well know we don't do it that much...anymore. Not since the twins were born. Anyway, it's just a precaution, we have enough on our plate as it is and I for one want to make sure everything gets done and no one is left out or neglected. So could you kindly dispense with the snide commentary and just get my order together? I know Tigress already sent Zeng ahead to let you know I was coming." He slapped the list of herbs down on the counter. "We _also_ need medical herbs, for our house's first aid kit and the palace's."

Lin crossed her arms reprovingly. "A little heavy on the tabasco, aren't ya? What did I tell ya about it being more polite to be nice to someone's face, even if ya hate 'em?"

"He's not giving me much to work with," the snow leopard said with biting sarcasm. "And what about you? I thought you were celibate."

She blinked. "What are you, an elephant to remember that?"

He chuckled mirthlessly. "I know one, he taught me the tricks of the trade."

"A girl can change her mind, can't she?" she said airily.

Tai Lung frowned thunderously. "And what about Shifu? Did you change your mind about him, too?"

Part of him, of course, simply wanted to watch and chow down on Po's shrimp dumplings for the fireworks that would go off as soon as his father encountered Lin again, but the rest of him actually was a bit hurt she seemed to have moved on. Granted, it had been over thirty years, and at the time he'd been just as hurt she had become so enamored of the red panda she seemingly forgot all about the child she'd admitted to loving as if he were her own. But all joking aside, it would be wonderful to see Shifu happy again, or at least livelier than he'd been in years...

To his surprise, the dog looked at him soberly for a few moments, sighed, and looked away. When she spoke it was just barely audible over the sounds of Ning silently crushing the herbs. "Yeah. Yeah, I did. I mean...lookit how long it's been. He's changed, I've changed. Even if he's forgiven me and doesn't throw me down the steps as soon as he lays eyes on me, we probably don't even fit any more. We've both moved on. Best I can hope for is that he still wants to be my friend." She paused, then managed a smirk. "Besides, he could never handle me anyway. I'm too much woman for him. Now, Ning here, on the other hand..."

The goat snorted. "Ning knows to keep that other hand off you till you're good and ready. And then he can do more with it than that panda can even dream of."

"Are you two _trying_ to make me gouge my eyes out?" Tai Lung demanded of empty air. Then he sighed. If nothing could be done about it, he had to accept it; and to be quite honest, it was actually a relief knowing he wouldn't have to have the old woman as a stepmother. It meant he'd have twice the headache to deal with whenever he came down to the apothecary's, at least until such time as Lin tired of the game and moved on to...greener pastures (whether with another man or just by leaving the Valley again), but perhaps he could convince Mantis to make deliveries, or someone else to do the shopping. And at least this freed up Shifu for—

Trying to force his voice to sound casual, he continued, "All right, and what about you, Master Ning? Are you also over your...past indiscretions?"

Crushing the last of the herbs, the goat eyed him sharply as he tipped the powder into an envelope. "If you are referring to your mother Jian, sonny, she is a fine woman, one of the best I have had the pleasure of meeting. But dinner and a quiet walk along the riverbank is the full extent of our relationship—there was not time for more, before she had to return to Qinghai. Perhaps, had she stayed, we might have taken things to the next step, but in all fairness, we got along best as friends.

"That woman has quite the head on her shoulders, she is strong, she knows how to get what she wants, and she was very sympathetic about the pangs of advancing age—whether aching joints and failing eyesight or seeing all your family and friends grow old and pass on. But she is not the woman for me." _Well, what do you know. Maybe I was wrong about him after all._

Ning smiled and went on. "I much prefer women like Lin here—a humor, mouth, and stubborn will like mine. Isn't that right, precious?"

Lin gagged. "Pardon me while I throw up a little in my mouth."

"The perfect flavor to go with your breath, dear."

"Bite me!"

"With relish. And I guess you meant what you said about liking it rough—and in public."

"You haven't really lived till you've roughed it. And what can I say, I think everyone has a right to see the merchandise before they buy it. If they can't afford my price...well, then they'd better get a good look while they can." She sashayed her hips provocatively—which thankfully Tai Lung only got a brief glimpse of before wrenching his gaze away, retching quietly.

Ning chuckled. "What are you talking about? _I_ can barely afford your price."

"And don't you forget it!" She grinned and leered at him. "But until ya run out, ya get life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and all that jazz."

Finally Tai Lung found his voice again. "You've made your point. Quite vividly. You're an absolutely perfect match."

"Aww, ya say the sweetest things, kid," Lin said, at the exact same moment Ning blurted out, "Perish the thought, you take that back!"

After looking at each other suspiciously for several moments, the goat went on, "Well, I suppose we do fit in one other way—we're the same size." Just as the snow leopard was about to let out a small sigh, relieved that he had been worried for nothing, that bearded face split in a sly grin. "Though I do pine for Jian on occasion. After all, I can personally attest to size not mattering...and it was absolutely marvelous being waist-height."

"_AUGH! _That's it!" _I __**knew **__I never should have brought the subject up! _Grabbing the envelope of 'medicine soup', then scooping up the rest of his order which Ning had brought out from under the counter having prepared it in advance, Tai Lung wheeled about on Lin. "Now that I've been scarred for life and won't be able to keep anything down for the rest of the day—"

"I thought I told ya to stop being a sourpuss," she cut in.

"But I _really_ didn't need to hear that!"

"And a whiner," Lin added. "Anyway, I just wanted to say one last thing."

He braced himself, because if he knew Lin, her 'heartfelt parting' would singe his ears and turn his stomach even more; they always seemed to for Shifu, and while at the time Oogway had opined the panda was aggravating his ulcers over nothing, Tai Lung was beginning to understand just why the two 'lovebirds' had come so close to killing each other. "Yes?"

The former cook smiled benignly up at his wary face. "Congratulations on making master of the Jade Palace. Like I said, I'm proud of ya. Always said you could do whatever ya set your mind to, and even if it wasn't that scroll ya wanted, ya get to lead the finest warriors in the country, and fight alongside the guy who _did_ get the scroll. Not too shabby." She paused, then reached up to jab a finger into his stomach. "Don't get too complacent though, or you're gonna get flabby like ol' Pudge up there."

He stared at her, aghast, wondering how much she had heard about Po and his rich meals, or if she'd been talking to Mantis about the supposed laziness of his cushy new job. Then he buried his face in his palm again and turned away. _I...am not...__**FAT**__!_

Without another word, Tai Lung departed the shop. But as he fled for the park to fetch his cubs so that they could make their last stop of the day, he realized he had at least one consolation from all this, aside from knowing his mother was free of Ning Guo's salacious clutches: he had some wonderful ammunition regarding just whom Shifu's old flame was now seeing. _That ought to...get his goat_.

* * *

With all the time that had been spent catching up with Lin, and then visiting the apothecary's, it was already late afternoon by the time Tai Lung and the cubs were standing in the cobbled street beneath the awning of the final store they had to visit. Luckily he'd been so engrossed in mending fences, exchanging poisonous but wonderfully witty barbs, and keeping his children from overhearing anything perverted (or potentially embarrassing for himself), that his repeated missions for Hu and Huo had resulted in the vast majority of the shopping list being purchased already. Having already bought the fish and seafood, he'd only had to find a few last items—which left him ready at last to give his extremely well-behaved cubs the reward they deserved.

They were still trying to be so good about it, but he knew how badly they wanted this. Well, Hu was rather obvious about it, bouncing on the balls of his feet, lashing his striped tail excitedly, and looking positively giddy, while his sister remained calm, prim, and sedate—but he could see in her twinkling ruby eyes that she was just as excited as her brother.

Affecting reluctance, he placed a paw to his chin and regarded each of them in turn. "Hmmm...I wonder what you two little hellions could want..."

The snow leopardess looked as innocent and harmless as could be. "Want? We don't want anything, helping our honored father is its own reward." The gravity and solemnity of her words and tone would have given Oogway a run for his money—and was also just as secretively facetious.

"Right. Tell me another one. You might be able to pull that with Po, but it won't _ever_ work with me." Tai Lung regarded his son sardonically, whose nearly frantic motions put the lie to Huo's words. Then he smiled warmly. "You want sweets, don't you?"

Immediately Hu stopped bouncing and adopted a serious, intent look. "No, Baba. Sweets are bad for our teeth, and we'd never ask for special treatment." His words had the definite singsong of rote memorization.

"Well, that's very polite and proper of you, but are you sure...?" He dragged out the last word.

A spotted ear flicked, and then his daughter narrowed her eyes. "But you won't let Yeh-Yeh Shifu buy them for us."

"That's entirely different; _he_ spoils you." He curled his lip, then turned it into a proud smile. "_This_ would be a reward for a job well done. You're old enough now, you can have such things as long as you don't overdo it. And you were so good today, helping me with the groceries and all, more than usual even. Hard work is its own reward—you don't ask for things to be handed to you, you _earn_ them." He looked from one cub to the other, made sure the value of the lesson had sunk in, and then grinned. "You get doubles today. Just don't mention this to your mother."

Huo's coy response of "Tell Mama what?" was nearly drowned out by her brother's cheers, and Tai Lung couldn't help but laugh openly and affectionately as both of them leaped into his arms, hugging him tightly and showering him with kisses (though his daughter's still managed to be dainty somehow) before scrambling for the door of the candy store. He shook his head slowly, chuckling to himself—they were so easy to get to behave, if you knew what you were doing, but it also felt so good to bring them such joy and excitement—before following them inside.

A bell rang over the store's lintel, announcing his entry, and he had to fight back a surge of his own eager anticipation as those heavenly aromas assailed him. Licking suddenly moist lips, he peered about the cool, dim interior of the shop. Everywhere he looked, whether behind counters, under glass, in bins, or displayed in bags on shelves, there were sweets—syrup-coated cookies, fruits and hardened jellies, spun sugar, pastries, glazed nuts, agar, ices, honeyed _táng_... The list went on and on, and the more he looked and smelled, the more his mouth watered. He fought back a moan.

"Oh, hello, Master Tai Lung. I thought I heard someone enjoying themselves a bit too much out here, if you know what I mean, so I knew it had to be you." This sudden, wry greeting came, of course, from the store clerk who had appeared out of nowhere from the dim shadows behind the counter. As always, the horse, a deep red roan with a chestnut, almost auburn, mane that had begun to show traces of gray to give his chin-hair a salt-and-pepper look, was dressed comfortably in the local _hanfu_ with an apron tied atop it. Also as always, his dark eyes were alight with a barely veiled amusement. "Hey there, kiddos."

Hu looked ready to leap up like an advanced Dragon practitioner so he could bound over the counter and scramble up the equine's softly rounded gut. He certainly hopped across the floor with an endearing rush of energy...something else, Tai Lung recalled with a faint blush, he'd inherited from his father. "Mister Le, Mister Le! Are you gonna do it, are ya gonna make the _yinsitang _today, huh, huh?"

"Whoa, slow down, squirt!" The horse held out both hands to calm him down.

Unsurprisingly Hu immediately froze in place, posting his fists on his hips and looking mortally offended. "I'm not a squirt! I'm big, bigger every day, and I'm gonna be as big as Baba someday!"

Meanwhile, his sister was by contrast standing as sedate and well-behaved as ever, spotted tail curled around her body with artful poise as she bowed to the clerk. "Don't listen to him, he spends far too much time with Uncle Po. And no matter how big he gets, he'll always be my kitten brother." She smirked as Hu fumed and spluttered. "But yes, _jù jiàng_, will you be making it for us?"

Le chuckled and threw his hands up in mock-defeat. "_Yes_, I've got the sugar right here, just been waiting for you two balls of fluff to come in and watch me make it."

As a chorus of excited, wild cheering erupted and drowned out any further words, Tai Lung had to grin and slowly shake his head. Only his proper, formal daughter would think to call a candy-store clerk a 'master craftsman' as a way to one-up her brother...although considering some of the mouth-watering delicacies he had created in the past, perhaps that appellation was correct for Master Le after all.

The snow leopard watched as the horse fetched the block of hardened sugar and syrup from the cold storage closet where it had been chilling in ice. As Le placed it in a bowl of flour he brought from the kitchen, set it on another, lower counter, and began rolling, kneading, stretching, and twisting the sticky torus into layer upon layer of sweet strands to the delight of the two avidly watching cubs, Tai Lung reflected on just how the gods (or Oogway) had been enjoying themselves the day he and the horse had met.

When he'd been purchasing sweets and other gifts to woo Tigress, Tai Lung had made it a point not to visit the store where Shifu had taken him as a cub—too many memories, too at odds with what he had done and who he had become, and judging by the fact the clerk he _had _visited had been so frightened of him, he'd likely made the right choice. The horse who had waited on him all those years ago would have been just as terrified, and he hadn't needed another reminder of how badly he had burned his bridges with so many villagers. Plus, the whole episode was too embarrassing to revisit, as he'd made quite clear when Shifu had told the story on Wu Dan.

But after Chao's defeat, his being made Master of the Jade Palace, and his marriage to Tigress, there had seemed little reason to avoid the place any longer—everyone had come to accept him, even trust him, and he had to admit he was curious if the proprietor was the same, if he would even be remembered at all. And after indulging in custard with Po, and sitting in Viper's room bitterly relating how Tigress had rejected much of the candy he'd given her so that they had to sullenly eat it themselves to keep it from going to waste, his sweet tooth had been well and truly resurrected.

What he'd discovered when returning to the store of his cubhood was both unsurprising and unexpected at the same time. On the one paw, the horse who'd run it over thirty years ago was of course now far too aged to do so, having retired at some point while he was in prison; his son, Le, ran the place now. However, despite the fact he'd been born after Tai Lung was too old to be caught dead visiting such a childish establishment, he actually knew precisely who the snow leopard was. Not the Dragon Warrior hopeful, nor the scourge of the Valley—at least, not only these things—but as the now-grown energetic ball of fluff _he'd_ been when begging for sweets all those years ago.

Le had forgiven him of the rampage for the same reason the rest of the Valley had...but his knowledge of who Tai Lung had once been came from the stories of his father. Which meant that even though the old horse was no longer there to wait on him, instead playing mahjong all day or praying to his ancestor tablets, every time the snow leopard visited the candy store he was still teased and regaled with the mortifying exploits of his adorable cubhood self. He only put up with it because of how genuinely fond Hu and Huo were of the fellow (and vice versa), the fact he promised not to embarrass him in front of anyone from the Jade Palace...and of course, one other very secret reason, something private and special that stayed only between them...

"There you go," the horse finally said at last with a satisfied grunt, interrupting Tai Lung's rather furtive thoughts. He finished stretching and folding over the last of the elastic candy, wrapping it in soft layers of waxed tissue and handing it to the gleefully impatient cubs. "A double order of dragon's beard for each of you."

While Huo took hers with a delicate, fastidious air, Hu peeled open the tissue and began devouring his with fierce gusto. Muffled by his sugary mouthful, the tiger said, "Doesn't look much like Baba. He doesn't have a beard!"

Tai Lung laughed; though both his children knew he was not the Dragon Warrior and why, respected Po, and didn't see their father as any lesser for it, Hu liked to make gently ribbing jokes on the subject. Most of this came from mirroring him, of course, though some had been picked up from Mantis or Monkey. "Neither does your uncle Po, so don't get any big ideas. Now, pick out two more sweets, each of you, and then you can go wait outside and dig in while Baba pays the nice clerk. All right?"

Unsurprisingly, they each picked out a bamboo skewer of _tanghulu—shān zhā _(hawthorn) for Huo, oranges for Hu. The tiger also filled a basket with _gao_ while the snow leopardess picked out an assortment of ices and jellies, including the mint-like grass jelly _liangfen_—even when selecting sweets, his daughter was as health-conscious as her mother. When it had all been gathered and the horse thanked—properly and sweetly by Huo, with hasty excitement from Hu—the cubs hurried outside into the warm spring air to began their well-earned feast.

As Tai Lung began counting out stacks of coins on the counter, Le cleared his throat meaningfully. When the snow leopard looked up guardedly, the horse was smirking at him knowingly. "Well?"

Furtively he looked over his shoulder; on the other side of the sliding doors, he could see Hu and Huo through the glass, blissfully unaware as they suckled their sugary treats beneath the awning, gazing out at the bustling sunny streets. No one was watching...now was his chance...

Sliding the money across the counter, he whispered under cover of the clinking metal. "Do you have it? Everything I asked for?"

"I might," Le winked. "If you've got the money."

Hurriedly the snow leopard pulled out his extra cash string from where he'd had it concealed inside his shirt, on a thong around his neck. This he tossed onto the counter and shoved at the equine as well. "Of course! But I'll need you to extend the next order for an extra week, though. I've found it a damned sight difficult to slip any extra money out of the palace coffers thanks to Shifu. That bloody money-pincher..."

The candyseller chuckled and nodded in sympathy. "Well I guarantee you, it's worth every yuan. Finest in the land, and even from beyond our borders." And without further ado, he promptly yet deftly produced a heavy, carefully wrapped package of a dark brown, almost black hue—the perfect color and size to fit and blend into the bottom of his basket, and without any of the frills, ribbons, or telltale identifying marks which would have given its contents away.

Tai Lung snatched it away and hurriedly opened it—not because he didn't trust Le to have procured all the goods, but because he wouldn't have the chance to check it out-of-doors where anyone could spy what he had bought and catch him in the act. And, he had to admit, because he couldn't resist the divine flavors and aromas a moment longer. Gazing into the box, he purred throatily...pushed his muzzle forward to inhale deeply...even caressed the package possessively.

"Should I give you two a moment?" Le asked wryly.

"Shut up." Gently he lifted one of the delicacies contained within and popped it into his mouth—only to have it explode with flavor, the tart juices of the kumquat blending with its sweet rind and even sweeter coating of milky brown. _Gods...nothing can taste this good! Bless you Oogway, for bringing chocolate to the empire, you old nutter... _

Not that the turtle had literally introduced the dessert to China (at least, not so far as he knew). But it was due to him, or more specifically the recipe they'd found when cleaning out Oogway's room, that Tai Lung even knew what chocolate was at all, let alone desired it so greatly. Because of course, one of the first things Po had made for him after their night sharing custard together had been that very recipe.

Its milky sweetness had hooked him instantly, which was why he'd made sure that some of the candy he later bought for Tigress had been chocolate or chocolate-coated...because he'd fully expected her to reject him, which would have given him the opportunity to sample more of the delicious treat. Yes, he knew he was being a greedy bugger—he couldn't help it, it was just that irresistibly good!

And now that he could come visit Le's store whenever he liked...as long as he could scavenge the money, and slip in unobserved, no one the wiser, his packages hidden...

By the time he had finished that piece of candy, Tai Lung was already fishing out another and another—chocolate filled with mint cream, chocolate filled with apricot jam, lychee nuts, roasted almonds, berries...each easily identifiable thanks to his love of sweets and the palate Dalang had trained in him. He was already reaching deeper into the box when the horse's hand on his paw stopped him.

"Whoa, whoa, don't eat 'em all before you even get out of the store! You've got to savor these...here, let me show you something else. They're rare in these parts, had to pull a few strings to get them, but they're an exclusive for you because you're my best customer."

What Le produced was what looked like an assortment of small tropical fruits...but when the snow leopard dubiously tried one, to his surprise it was not a fruit at all. Instead it was some sort of bean paste covered with hardened jelly, blended with sugar and some odd, milky flavor he couldn't quite identify—exotic but delicious too. "This is marvelous, what is it?"

"They call it Look Choob. That white stuff inside it is coconut. It comes from—"

"Siam." The spotted feline remembered now, he'd seen something like this before, long ago in the capital, when Oogway took him there as a youth. A display of foreign foods imported by the emperor. "My, you _have _gone afar."

The horse grinned cagily. "And that's not all. I've also got a brand new confection, just came out on the market." He handed Tai Lung an unremarkable piece of chocolate, shaped into a rectangular bar with hardened syrup swirled across it. When the snow leopard bit into it, however, he couldn't hold back the ecstatic moans—for the chocolate was not only stuffed with peanuts, it was also filled by a sweet, gooey liquid of decadently rich flavor that stretched and drooled in long strings.

Seeing the look on his face, Le chuckled in satisfaction. "And _that_, my friend, is caramel."

"Bloody unbelievable," Tai Lung mumbled. "It melts in my mouth..." A large part of the snow leopard couldn't help reflecting, as he eyed the horse carefully placing in his basket a smaller box holding nothing but more pieces of the heavenly caramel nut bars, that the proprietor was enjoying himself far too much...and that he in turn was a far-too-willing participant in his own corruption. Another part of him, amusingly, cursed inwardly at not having known of this place when he'd spoken with Zhuang at the Ghost Festival what seemed a lifetime ago—because if he had, the candy store and its divine products would have made a perfect comeback when the bull made that crack about brothels...

"It also melts in your hand," the candyseller noted critically, interrupting his blissful thoughts, and swiftly he stuffed the rest of the softening chocolate in his mouth and wiped his paw clean with a spare piece of waxed tissue.

"I don't know why these weren't for sale sooner, and everywhere," he observed, licking his lips, "but whoever thought of them could well become rich."

Le snickered. "Don't I wish! Anyway, you've given me more than enough to cover your order, Master Tai Lung. I've even thrown in some chocolate-covered strawberries from Japan, a little _daifuku_, and these really delicious cookies from Russia called _khvorost_—you'll love them." Scooping up the last of the coins and stowing them in the counter drawer, the equine smiled lopsidedly. "Now, if you're done drooling, I believe your cubs are getting antsy."

The master of the Jade Palace hurriedly looked over his shoulder to see Hu leaping rapidly up and down in place so he could see in the door's glass pane. He forced himself to give what he hoped was a disarming, fatherly smile as he quickly shoved the last package into the basket. "Damn. Impatient little scamps, bet they've already eaten all their sweets...all right, as I said, same time, two weeks from now." Hopefully, if he was lucky, no one had seen him go in or out of the candy store, or if they did hadn't realized he'd spent any more time than was necessary for his cubs to get their fill...

Shaking his maned head, the horse clasped his hands over his paunch and smiled. "Fine. Still don't get all the secrecy though. Are you really still that worried about your reputation, if word of your sweet tooth gets out?"

"Certainly not," he retorted, a little too quickly, a little too defensively. "I just don't want my precious, talkative tots tattling on me to Shifu. If he doesn't rake me over the coals for doing the very thing I won't let him do for his grandchildren, sure as anything he'll hit the ceiling when he sees how much I've been paying you. Which reminds me..."

"I know, I know. I've never seen you, don't even know you except on festival days." Le laughed good-naturedly. "Your dark secret is safe with me."

"It'd better be, with as much as I'm paying you," Tai Lung muttered. "And you won't tell Shifu, when he comes to shop...?"

"Tell him what?" The horse gave him a blank, inquisitive look. "Was there something he was supposed to know?"

"There's a good man." Sighing in relief, the spotted cat hurried out of the store with one last, amiable wave, rejoined Hu and Huo, and set a rapid-fire pace toward the edge of the village, the moon bridge, and the stairs.

* * *

"_Gān diē!_"

This was actually shrieked in chorus, as both Hu and Huo leaped forward, rushing across the room to jump into Po's black-furred arms. Huo _tried_ to be dignified about it, of course, but in the end she was just as excited, and just as eager to burrow into the panda's white-furred belly, as her brother was. The Dragon Warrior, of course, couldn't keep from leaking a few happy tears as he looked down at the cubs with love brimming over in his shining green eyes, but Tai Lung had to admit his own were rather moist, too.

"Hey, there! How're my favorite niece and nephew?" Po ruffled Hu's ears and planted a kiss on Huo's cheek.

"We're your _only_ niece and nephew, Uncle Po!" the tiger boy retorted.

"Not for long, if Mei-Mei has her wish. You know she's been getting insistent that Crane take her out to Bao Gu," Jia observed brightly, popping Hu under the chin. Then, glancing at Tai Lung, she lowered her voice to a soft murmur. "And not if their father and mother lay off the herbs again..."

Swiftly Tigress stepped into the conversation. "Take it easy with your _gān diē_," she advised gently, but with a touch of sternness. "He may be the Dragon Warrior, but he _is_ still recovering..."

"Aww, _c'mon_, Tigress!" Po whined. "You _still_ goin' on about that? I'm fine, Mantis said it'd grow back in a couple of weeks, so ya don't gotta worry about me. Everything's peachy, hunky-dory..." Yet even as he was babbling and giving his hasty assurances, the snow leopard couldn't help but notice how his paws kept straying up to the green cloth wrapped around the top of his head and tied at the back, as if to verify that it was still there and in place. As always, Tai Lung had to struggle very hard not to burst out laughing.

He really shouldn't, he knew it was no laughing matter—that it had in fact come about due to a rather serious battle. Just a few days ago, the panda had had to face a platoon of the emperor's soldiers who had decided there was more money in thievery and conquest than in serving the throne and had gone rogue. When Chen had given him the mission, Po had instantly gone into serious warrior mode, the combination of betraying the empire, harming the innocent, and taking up the same lifestyle as his parents making him utterly determined to bring the ex-soldiers down.

He'd tracked the bandits to the village they were raiding with Monkey's aid, taken a shortcut provided by Jia and snuck up on them also with her instruction, and then ambushed and trounced the rogues with all the precision, force, and speed of Crane, Tigress, and Mantis respectively. Even though the bandits had had weapons, he'd avoided, deflected, and even outright disarmed them with consummate ease—backflipping over polearms, ducking axe swings, blocking the flat sides of sword blades with upraised knees and forearms, making knives and tonfas fall from numb hands thanks to his judicious use of the Leopard Claw. There had even been archers with flaming arrows which he had evaded, once by doing the splits so that it whizzed by overhead.

It had all gone off without a hitch, until after making use of numerous storefront signs, flower pots, a broom, and an awning or two to bash, trip, and literally wrap up his opponents, all of the ex-soldiers had been left groaning on the cobblestones or else knocked out cold. (One of them, to hear Po tell it, had been mightily offended at the dust, dirt, and cobwebs the broom had left on his face. The panda's response? A well-placed Tiger Fist to his muzzle, followed by the witty reply, "An' now you've got a broken nose on your face.") But as he had stood there, smiling in grim vindication at a job well done...he'd begun to smell smoke. And wondered why his head was so hot...

Naturally, of course, coming back to the Valley of Peace with a big bald patch on his head thanks to that arrow he'd only _thought_ he'd evaded had led to plenty of ribbing and teasing. Especially from Tai Lung, who despite constant apologies had not been able to stop giggling and snickering each time he looked at his brother warrior. That, as well as to keep it safe and protected while his fur regrew, was why Po had invented his new fashion accessory. It worked, at least so far as preventing too many jokes at his expense and gales of laughter, although it did rather make him look like a pirate...

The snow leopard broke out of his reverie as he heard Tigress interrupt the panda's monologue—literally, by placing her paw over his mouth. "Panda! Enough. I was only teasing. I know I'm still a bit new to it, but..."

"That's putting it mildly," Jia murmured again. "I still can't believe it took you that long to lighten up, when _I_ saw how funny the world was _years_ ago. I know you're hardcore, but..." Tigress glared at her and she went quiet.

"Anyway, I only meant that my children can be...a little rambunctious," the leader of the Furious Five said after a few awkward moments, shooting the cubs a meaningful look. "And your head is still pretty tender, Po, so I don't want them aggravating it." She paused. "Besides, I'm sorry, but there's no way I can take you seriously in that."

Tai Lung snorted derisively, as he'd been under the impression that for a long time no one had ever taken Po seriously (and, sadly, rightfully so), least of all her. But before he could say anything, Jia spoke up again. "Oh, don't listen to her, baby bear. I think it makes you look dashing. Badass." She leaned close to fondle his ears, which stuck up through holes cut in the cloth for the purpose, and lowered her voice. "Sexy."

"Oh really?" The Dragon Warrior's voice dropped a notch or two, both in pitch and loudness. He leaned toward the ex-Wu Sister, one eyebrow raised suggestively, and smiled at her...a rather romantic and suave example of the breed, one that also had a certain sly insinuation to it which the snow leopard found distressingly familiar. "Well then, I know what we're gonna be doin' tonight..." He planted a firm kiss on Jia's muzzle.

"_Ewww_, gross!" Hu cried out from his arms where he was caught between them. "Uncle Po, did ya _have_ to? Now I'm gonna have to take a bath—and that _still_ might not wash all the cooties off!" Hurriedly he tried to wriggle free.

"Yes, we wouldn't want you to find anything good about girls," Huo snapped. She did, however, look distinctly uncomfortable too.

"I didn't mean it like that, sis!" the tiger whimpered. "Girls are just fine—just not like _that_..."

"_Not_ in front of the kids," Tigress hissed between her teeth as she tried to smile sweetly, even as she stepped in to disengage Hu and Huo from their _gān diē—_who finally did look embarrassed as he handed the cubs over, then smiled sheepishly at his own wife.

As usual, Tai Lung had to agree with Tigress. He was glad that Po had matured and didn't get flustered anymore, that he was perfectly fine with public displays of affection and even open flirting, but did he have to do it in front of them? _And how do they keep so bloody energetic? Fine, I know that missions keep them both apart fairly often, but they act as if it's still their honeymoon! _

He was about to actually dare to question whether he and Tigress had ever been this bad, when he caught himself just in time—and groaned behind his paw. _Damn. Looks like I can still manage to be a bad influence after all...in more ways than one..._

As he wondered just how to tell Po there were ways in which he should not be imitating the master of the thousand scrolls, and how he could possibly undo the inadvertent lessons in seduction without regressing the panda back to his hopeless immaturity, Tigress spoke loudly again to quickly re-direct the cubs' attention. "Anyway, since you're so eager to wash up, why don't you both go and get ready for dinner?"

Despite how desperate he'd been to dispense with the 'cooties', like all children Hu proved contrary as ever—crossing his arms stubbornly over his chest and jutting his chin out resentfully. "Don't wanna."

"But I'm making your favorite—spicy garlic salmon, with fried mushrooms and tofu...in oyster sauce..." Tigress drew out the words carefully, in a faint singsong.

Hu paused for a long moment, his expression a bit agonized. "No."

Jia spoke up again. "If you do, I'll tell you some of my stories..." Her voice was even more teasing and singsong, and she was grinning openly.

"Oh yes!" Huo leaped down out of her mother's arms and rushed over to embrace the snow leopardess's leg; if not for her trousers, they would have blended together as one mass of spotted fur. "Tell us the one about how you won three wishes from that golden fish! Or how you tricked the emperor into thinking he was wearing invisible clothes!" She grabbed Jia's pants leg and started tugging her toward the door.

Now Hu was definitely wavering. "But...but I wanna watch you cook, Mama..."

Po smirked, crossed over to his wife, took her in his arms, and bent her back against the table. "Sure you can stay, but Aunt Jia and I are just gonna be kissin' _all_ night and tellin' each other how much we _love_ each other..." He made as if to kiss her again.

For a moment, the only sound was crickets chirping outside. Then: "I'm outta here. _C'mon_, sis!" And the tiger had disappeared down the hallway in a flash, so quickly that for a split second Tai Lung thought he'd actually left his stripes behind.

Peals of merry laughter filled the kitchen of Tai Lung and Tigress's little house, and then Jia grinned as she picked up Huo. "Don't worry, I'll make sure they're good and clean before they come back for dinner. Then I think Viper and I need to go to the spa, pick up a few things..."

Winking at Po, she turned and strolled down the hall in the same direction Hu had gone. As she went, the snow leopard cub's voice floated back to them: "And my brother and I can tell you _all_ about Mrs. Lin! You wouldn't believe..."

Tigress smiled fondly as she watched them go, gently shaking her head. "Someone seems very attached to our little ones. Unless I miss my guess, Po, her half-sister isn't the only one who wants to adopt..." She laughed softly as the panda lowered his eyes and shuffled his feet, then turned back to the countertop beside the oven where Tai Lung had left the groceries, so she could begin preparing dinner.

"She's right you know," the snow leopard said as he joined his wife, getting out the cutting board for chopping up the mushrooms. "And I sincerely hope you do, panda. You were made to be a father." He never missed a chance to tease Po if it came up, but he couldn't keep the sincerity out of his voice; the Dragon Warrior was wonderful with Hu and Huo, not to mention the youngest kung fu trainees at the Jade Palace, and it was only fair and right he get to have his own. The fact this would also bring further happiness to Jia was only the icing on the cake.

Po blushed, stammered a bit, and rubbed the back of his neck—but a shy smile, swiftly becoming one of heartwarming excitement, soon appeared on his face. "Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right, Tigress. I've been waitin', ya know—wanted t' be sure it was a good time. Had to be sure Dalang was ready t' take over for me at the shop, so Dad wouldn't be left in the lurch...learn all the scrolls...make sure there was peace in the empire, so I wouldn't have t' go harin' off an' put myself in danger all the time while I had little ones at home. But...I think things are safe enough now, every one and every thing's settled in th' way it's supposed t' be. So it's time."

"Good." Tigress chuckled as she began cleaning and preparing the fish. "Because I don't think Jia was going to wait much longer before bringing you home a surprise or two. And she's certainly got the instincts for motherhood. I don't know _how_ she or anyone can get our little darlings to behave." She shook her head, frowned as if suddenly remembering something, then turned to look at her husband. "What was that Huo was saying, though? I don't know any Mrs. Lin. Someone new in the village?"

The master of the Jade Palace froze briefly in the gathering twilight of the kitchen, his eyes fixed on the willow fronds outside the window but not truly seeing them. He already knew Tigress was the last person he should tell about Lin; granted, if she went down to the village she'd meet her soon enough, assuming the old dog stayed in the Valley, but he didn't want to precipitate that meeting any sooner than necessary.

And even if she had set her sights on Ning Guo now, he would rather not be at ground zero when the striped feline learned just how close Lin and Shifu had once been...and what sort of raunchy, loud-mouthed, disrespectful person the canine was. Well, unless Shifu was his beloved's target instead; _that_ would actually be entertaining. But if she found out he had known Lin too, and how well...

Thinking fast, and also resolving to use whatever inducements, promises, and rewards necessary to convince his children not to reveal anything of Lin or what she and him had discussed, he latched onto what Tigress had previously said to keep her from pursuing her line of thought. "What are you talking about, love? Getting Hu and Huo to behave is like running the gauntlet in the kwoon. Difficult, requiring careful balancing and skill, but hardly impossible if you know what you're doing."

Very casually his wife raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? Now this I have to hear..." Even as she continued gutting and scaling the fish, she watched him from the corner of her eye, waiting for him to continue, clearly expecting him to give himself enough rope to hang himself by testifying to his true ignorance. Even Po, who had looked about to leave and go seek out Jia and the cubs, had paused to stare at him with incredulous skepticism.

_They don't believe me, eh? Well, we'll just see about that. Seems I'm not the only one needing lessons in humility. _Chuckling under his breath, he nodded and adopted a lofty tone as he started washing the broccoli he'd be making as a side dish. "Well now, let me see, it's quite simple, really. It didn't take me long to discover that the worst part about having children is the constant begging, the rivers of tears, and the endless tantrums when they don't get their way."

"Yes, I noticed that." The corner of Tigress's mouth twitched.

"Forbidding them doesn't do any good—they simply disobey to get that thrill of breaking the rules, and to get what they want. Grounding doesn't work—they resent you for it, and go right back to the same old tricks once it's lifted and they think you're not watching closely anymore. Spanking works, sometimes, but I really don't feel good about doing that to someone I love, someone I'm supposed to be taking care of." Despite his pride in the solution he'd devised, he couldn't keep the earnestness out of his voice; after the bad example Shifu had set, it was very important to him to be the best father he could be.

His wife nodded slowly, but still looked confused, and even a bit nettled. "So then what _does_ work?" She paused and chuckled. "Other than traumatizing them with the mysteries of adults."

Tai Lung chuckled too. "Actually, it's the same thing you and Jia were doing just now. By rewarding them."

At last Po spoke up from the doorway—sounding very uncomfortable and reluctant, probably because he deemed this a private conversation. "But...ain't that just spoilin' 'em? The same as Master Shifu did to you? With the Dragon Scroll, I mean." There was also a very worried tone in his voice, but the snow leopard didn't think it was all due to this mention of his past; after all, if Tigress was right, and Jia would soon make her wishes to adopt known, the Dragon Warrior would need to know about parenting. Not that Tai Lung expected him to need any coaching, not when he seemed a natural at this too.

"No," the master of the Jade Palace said firmly. "Spoiling them is when they receive something they haven't earned. They get what they want, whenever they want, because you can't bear to say no to them. This is a reward they get after they've proven themselves worthy of it. And it's something you give them to show you respect them—not as equals, but as people. Just because they're cubs doesn't mean they don't deserve consideration...or that their feelings can't be hurt."

In his mind's eye he could see another snow leopard cub—given whatever he wanted, from _The Art of War _to deadlier and more challenging obstacles in the training hall; made to run laps for being only a minute late for the morning gong or accidentally saying 'Baba' rather than 'Master'; utterly ignored when a certain red panda and dog were far too wrapped up in their love affair/endless feud to notice him; mocked in the village for being the only snow leopard, a cat no one wanted, an adopted son who would never be loved as much as a real one, no matter what Shifu said...

Tigress paused in the middle of pulling out the last of the salmon bones, her eyes narrowed thoughtfully; he wondered if she were thinking of their father's even worse treatment of her. "That's...a very good point. But how exactly do you do that?"

Finishing chopping the broccoli and placing it in a bowl, he moved on to the rice and peas. "You make them feel important. Specifically, when I went to the market today? I kept them too busy fetching the groceries for me to even think about running around the market, throwing a fit, or making demands. More than that, I showed them I trusted them by giving them an important job. I do it every time I take them anywhere—whether I'm getting herbs, picking up new clothes, or fetching construction supplies. I say the same thing every time: that I need their help, that they're so big and strong I know they can do it, and that if they do their job well, there'll be a treat in it for them.

"Huo always wants to be so grown-up, and Hu wants to be just like Baba." He smiled fondly. "They'd do anything to feel worthwhile. And they'd _also_ do anything to get their favorite treats. But this time they'd be getting it for good behavior. They'll learn to connect behaving with a reward...and before you know it, they'll be well-behaved on general principle. I've been doing it this way for months, and it certainly seems to be working. They never misbehave for _me_ when we go to the village." He couldn't keep the cocky tone out of his voice.

For several minutes the kitchen was silent, save for the sounds of himself and Tigress preparing the food, and Po shifting about so that his weight made the floor creak. Then the panda cleared his throat. "That's...that's real good advice, Tai."

"I rather thought so myself," the snow leopard boasted.

"Wish ya told _me_ about it." Surprisingly, Po sounded resentful, even offended—although he did admit after some of the stories he'd heard about the bear's babysitting experiences, he had a right to be.

"Oh, where's your sense of adventure?" he cried expansively. "I know you complained at first, but didn't you end up enjoying the beginner's classes? That's no worse than the twins. Besides, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

"Easy for you to say, when you don't teach those classes very much. What's your excuse again, your teaching style's 'too advanced'?" The panda snorted derisively.

"And you're the Dragon Warrior, it's _your_ duty to be weathering adversity and combating violence." _I'd like to know what else you'd call Hu when he gets riled up. And Huo's even worse! _

Po snorted even louder, though it sounded more like a laugh this time. "Ah-ha, _now_ I see how it works. Fame and glory? You're first in line for the scroll. Duty and hard work? Oh, I was _always_ meant t' be the Dragon Warrior, not you." Tai Lung laughed out loud, and his friend joined him—thankfully showing there were no hard feelings.

After a few moments, though, Po asked curiously, "So...why do you tell 'em about the reward every time, Tai?"

"Because I want that lesson to stay forever engraved in their minds. And because I'm a father, it's what we do." Now the snow leopard was remembering how Shifu would repeat the same lessons and maxims dozens of times, even if he already remembered them, something which had annoyed him no end but which he now realized was why he'd been so excellent at memorizing the thousand scrolls. From the look on Po's face, he'd bet the palace coffers that Ping had been the same way. "You'll know what I mean when you and Jia do finally decide to adopt."

Again, silence; then, as Tai Lung was mixing spices for the mustard soup, Po said accusingly, "I can't believe ya bribe your kids to behave."

"Bribe is such an ugly word, panda."

"But you offer 'em candy for behavin' well and helpin' ya with the groceries. That...well, it sounds like bribery t' me."

"It's called encouragement to behave, and a lesson in courtesy. Something for something," the snow leopard chided him. "And d'you remember what it was like as a child? I certainly do, this is the way they think. They get to see Baba is happy with them and proud of them when they behave well, so they learn to be that way without being asked."

When he glanced at Po he saw that despite the panda's arms crossed over his chest, he seemed to have accepted the logic of it. In fact he was beginning to crack a smile. "Well then I just gotta know one thing: ya ever gonna let Master Shifu know?"

"And lose my last bit of revenge against him? Hardly." Tai Lung grated the spices over the soup bowl, wiped his paws off on a dishcloth, and leaned back against the counter, his own arms crossed. "Twenty years, panda, twenty years."

"You're _still_ not over Chorh-Gom? Not like I expect ya to be or anythin'..."

"No, panda, I meant the eighteen years before that. Close enough." As Po shot him a hard look, he finally heaved a high sigh. "Fine, _yes_, I will tell him how to get the children to behave. Someday. Unless he figures it out for himself." Of course he wasn't in any particular hurry to do so, nor had he promised it would be any time soon. He looked warily at his brother warrior. "_You're_ not planning on telling him...are you?"

The Dragon Warrior chuckled a bit darkly. "Nah, I still owe him for that first day of training, an' all th' fat jokes." Suddenly his face went a bit gray as he stared past Tai Lung, and the snow leopard realized, belatedly, that not only had Tigress stayed utterly quiet ever since he'd revealed his patented parenting method, but that even the sound of her dinner preparations had stopped. Slowly he turned around.

Golden ruby eyes hard and blazing with enough fire to make even the bravest man quail, the striped feline stood with her back stiff and arched, her claws digging into the edge of the counter and the hilt of her knife. Just as slowly, she turned to stare back at him. "That was a very clever plan of yours, Tai Lung, I'm sure we can all be grateful for the wisdom you're showing as a father. But could you perhaps tell me...exactly..._when_ were you planning on informing _me_ of your little breakthrough?"

Cursing inwardly, the snow leopard cast about wildly and rapidly for an explanation—he couldn't very well tell her that, like Shifu and Po, part of it had been a rather calculated and long-delayed payback for that trip to the daycare, where he'd first met Yi and received bad karma from a red panda cub. "Er...it never crossed my mind?"

The look she leveled at him would have frozen the Gobi. "Right. It never crossed your mind." Suddenly he was very much regretting not talking about Lin after all; even her reaction to that would have to have been better than this.

He tried again. "I...I thought you already knew, love? I mean, you have been around children a damned sight more than I have. Not to mention _I'm_ the one who's slow on the uptake when it comes to matters of the heart."

For several heart-stopping moments he thought she'd bought it. Then, carefully and calmly, she spoke without turning her head. "Po, why don't you go check on Jia and the twins. I need to have a long..._long_ talk...with Tai Lung. Don't I, O Honored Husband?" These last, stilted words were purred from between gritted teeth, and while he was very grateful she'd left her knife jammed into the cutting board, the fact her eyes flashed with the same cold light as its blade as she stepped toward him made him...rather anxious.

While Po didn't move nearly as fast as Hu had, Tai Lung wasn't surprised that his parting words already came from the hallway—rather far along it, too. "Nice knowin' ya, buddy!"

As the Dragon Warrior prudently deserted him, the snow leopard swallowed hard. _Maybe if I feed her some of those chocolates, she'll take it out on me in the bedroom instead? _He'd much rather she clawed his back again thanks to aphrodisiacs than...somewhere else...

* * *

(A/N: In case you're wondering, the Running Gag of people accusing Tai Lung of getting fat isn't just me continuing to torment him; it's a reference, of course, to Luna's "Present". The part with Tai Lung finding chocolate to be Orgasmically Delicious is not a direct reference, but was inspired somewhat by the movie _Chocolat_. For that matter, the whole bit where Tai purchasing candy was played out like getting smuggled drugs was at least partly inspired by a Swat Kats fanfic I read where Chance appeared to be buying illegal catnip [and instead it turned out to be the last Harry Potter book]. Tai's memory of receiving _The Art of War_ and requesting deadlier challenges in the training hall is, of course, a reference to Luna's "Memoirs".

As a point of interest, yes I did research into candy. Not only are all the ingredients and types I mentioned real and available at that time in China [1800's] and in some cases had been imported for quite a while, but the process I described for making dragon's beard [essentially, Chinese cotton candy] is one of the many reasons people buy it—they love watching it made as much as eating it. Also, the bit when Huo called Mr. Le "master craftsman" while Hu had only called him "mister" means, FYI, that Hu would have been using the form of address _xiān sheng _instead.

So, that's it for this arc. And...this also means that other than when they appear in the shuffles, this is the last time you'll be seeing Tai Lung, Tigress, Po, or [in the previous vignette] Shifu. In fact from here on out, other than the next arc, all the remaining vignettes involve my OCs, plus one cameo from Vachir. I'll miss writing the movie characters, as I'm sure you'll miss seeing them, but their tales are done, at least in my world. Next up, though, will be the travels of Crane, Mei, and Jia. I'll be taking a break before writing them, both to do some other projects and to gird myself for the kung fu that is to come. Hopefully it won't be too long this time, but I can't really make any promises.

One last thing: check out my updated profile for links to the cover and some of the illustrations I've gotten done so far for ADL. :D Make sure to replace all the [dot]s with .'s in the links. R/R!)


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